>Graphic Update Error. Insufficient Hardware.

That is the only explanation I got when I woke from my forced slumber. Luckily, it wasn’t accompanied with some mother of all headaches, just a simple insult at my lack of hardware. Perhaps I can unlock better “hardware” later on?

Night time seems to have fallen while I was a sleep and by the sounds I can hear in the distance this world seems to follow the same logic of, it’s night so run and hide. Even if those deep and damn right deadly sounds get any closer I will remain calm. For I am a man of Minecraft and I can craft a solution to all problems.

One temple tap later and I had my inventory screen floating in front of me. A flick of a wrist and I had a crafting table placed down with a wooden pickaxe promptly made. No loud noise source is going to kill me. Hell do I even re-spawn in this? I really hope I re-spawn in this, but I have a slight feeling I won’t.

The red dot is moving slowly towards me on the mini map, although it seems to be taking a round about method so I have a little time. Using the same method that I used on the tree, I started to punch down on the dirt with a little more awkwardness considering I was having to squat punch somewhat.

Within a minute I had breached stone and I whipped out the pickaxe. Planting my feet I swung the pickaxe with all my might. Expecting some sort of feedback from the shock I had stumbled when I received none, well stumbled in the sense that I headbutted a perfectly straight clump of dirt.

“Smooth. Real Smooth.”

With renewed vigour I started slamming away at the stone like a madman digging for gold. Perfectly cut blocks were slowly formed into an all familiar mine. Is it just me or is that red dot getting a lot closer. Straining my ears to here outside of the deep hole, I can hear sounds of breaking trees and animals squeeing in fear. Walls shouldn’t shake like that right? Shit.

Whilst screaming, oh shit, over and over I ran back up the 32 block deep mine whilst hitting my head on the ceiling blocks. What happened to staying calm and collected? This is why you should mine three blocks heigh instead of two, if this thing isn’t going to give me brain damage then this staircase will.

As I breech the surface, I catch a sight of the monster. Monster is the only way I can describe that fuck up of an orc. Charging at my hole was a massive 8ft troll with skin the shade of blood and muscles that would make anyone feel inadequate. I wonder if that is the supposed “sufficient hardware”. Focus.

Flicking my wrist once again, I select the cobble stone on my hot bar and set about covering the entrance to my mine. Checking my mini-map I see that the Blood Orc is directly on top of me now. Slouching down against the wall I straddle my head between my knees and take deep breaths. What the fuck was that? I nearly died. Oh god, this isn’t a game is it?

Despair and anguish were chucked aside when I felt the familiar rumbling return to the walls and a loud banging sound emanated from the closed entrance. Slowly, the perfectly sculpted cobblestone blocks were losing their rigid cube edges. Moon rays were starting to leak through the gaps and whilst it would normally be beautiful, the accompanying roar of death ruined it.

Using another 4x Oak Planks I replaced my forgotten crafting table. Come on, there has to be something here that can save me. Breath was leaving me at a rapid pace now and it wasn’t returning in equal amounts. Why couldn’t it have been a normal mob? Even an Ender Dragon would be better than this.

Not finding any one shot kill holy item I resort to whatever I can make that will help even remotely. 24x Oak Logs later and I have a full set of wooden armour. This isn’t going to be strong enough. I will be demolished. Do I run somehow?

While I contemplated cowardice, read as correct choice, the Blood Orc managed to break through the cobblestone. Moving with instinct unknown to me I rapidly replace the cobble stone buying myself more time. The enraged roar seems to disagree as the cobblestone seems to be breaking even faster now.

Assuming that items will follow real world logic when interacting with entities from this world then a stone sword won’t cut it. Could I even pierce those muscles? We need to exploit the real world to kill this guy. A drop spawner. Kill him with the fall. Oh fuck, that might work.

Adding additional layers of cobble onto the entrance, I build a Stone Pickaxe and get to work on making the now named, Blood Orcs, grave. A 4x7 pit is quickly dug out, faster than I ever could in game. Body or mental status can affect my abilities then? I suppose it would make sense.

The Cobblestone didn’t have much longer left, so I built my way out of the hole while destroying the exit as I go. Assuming the Blood Orc has even a little intelligence it won’t just wonder into the obvious hole, I’ll need bait. I don’t like this. There is every chance this will go wrong and I’ll die.

Positioning myself in front of the hole, I cross my arms over my chest like it will offer enough protection. Tears stream down my face as I wait for my first near death experience. I want to go home. I don’t want to be here. Why did this happen to me?

Memories of back home started to surface. Mum and Dad sitting at the dinner table and telling me off for being late. My best friend stealing half of my sandwich at work whilst wearing a shit eating grin. Ah, I want to go home.

The Blood Orc is in the mine now. It’s muscles are begin crushed as they try and fit through the mine. Seeming to notice it’s issue it backs out the mine and then the rumbling gets worse. It feels like an earthquake has hit. Cobblestone sheers of the walls as the juggernaut smashes his way through the mine.

A malicious sneer is on the Blood Orcs face when it is less that a meter away from me. One big meaty fist is pulled back and I tense all the muscles in my body as I prepare for my death. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die.

A loud thump is heard in the air as I fly above the hole in the floor. Pulverised wood chipping fly all around me as my armour shatters. The Orcs satisfied grunts quickly come to an end when he finds himself falling down the hole. A glint of a smile appears on my own through the pain as I realise the plan had worked.

Then my head hits the overhanging block and my body flips mid air as I fall into a pain filled unconsciousness.