Acceptance of the Self

Book 1: Attunement of the Hearts

Chapter 24.e - Switching Tracks

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Ellie

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[ - Wednesday, September 11, 2019 - 1:05am - David’s House - ]

 

“Perigwen, you let loose a perfect shot with your bow that tears clean through the skeletal vampire lich’s neck bones. Its head pops clean off and falls to the ground beside Clemin,” Trevor says solemnly.

 

“Fuck yeah!” Brandon, Perigwen’s player, exclaims.

 

“Can I roll to shatter the skull with my handaxe?” Derek, Clemin’s player, asks. The Lich King’s skull is his sole remaining link to our world, destroying it should destroy the lich once and for all.

 

Trevor nods. “Sure, roll to hit.”

 

Derek rolls a twenty-sided die and lets out a shout of joy. “Yes! Nineteen.”

 

Trevor whistles. “Roll damage.”

 

Derek rolls two eight-sided dice. “Fifteen plus two, uh, seventeen!”

 

Trevor grins. “You shatter that skull like it’s made of glass, and thus end the threat of the lich king’s plans for world domination.” 

 

“Woohoo!” Dawn says, “Way to go Der.”

 

“Yeah and awesome shot Brandon!” I add cheerfully.

 

Derek blushes slightly. “Thanks.”

 

Brandon puffs himself up. “Anything for my friends.”

 

David rolls his eyes. “How much experience do we get?” he asks Trevor.

 

 “Oh about, four thousand a piece I’d say,” our resident Dungeon Master replies.

 

“Sweet!” Carl says enthusiastically.

 

“Good teamwork everyone,” Dawn says with a smile.

 

“Right back at you, Sarahlyn,” Derek says with an answering grin.

 

Now it’s Dawn’s turn to blush at the suave way Derek pronounces her character’s name. I grin happily, still pleased that our mutual coming out has gone so well. 

 

“Right, so, time for session wrap up,” Trevor announces. “You all get a boatload of experience and treasure for this great defeat of evil, which we can haggle out tonight if you’d like.”

 

He pauses, his gaze sweeping over the six of us present. 

 

“Although, I have something to suggest first. Something that some of you will probably be overjoyed to hear.” He waits a beat, then continues, “Next session I propose starting a new campaign with fresh characters, in a new, much more inclusive world than the one we’ve been playing in.”

 

There are murmurs of surprise and interest from most of us. Brandon’s hand shoots up from his spot in the middle on the right side of the table. 

 

“What are we, in class?” Trevor asks with a lopsided smile. 

 

“No, but I didn’t want to just burst out talking if everyone else was also gonna do that at the same time?” Brandon says defensively. 

 

“Very well,” Trevor says patiently, “Brandon, what’s up?”

 

“What flavor of ‘new world’ are we talking? Like is it still gonna be a fantasy D&D type world?” the tall boy asks.

 

Trevor nods. “Good question. Honestly, I’m open to suggestions. I’m fine with sticking with a D&D fantasy setting, but I’m also open to changing things up a bit. We could go to space, do a more realistic setting, go for a tale of superheroes in a futuristic city, anything. We could also switch up mechanics with stuff like Pathfinder or Masks, but I’d prefer to stick with D&D personally, since I know the rules already and I’ll probably be DMing.”

 

There are nods around the table. 

 

“Why do we have to start with new characters?” David asks, his brow furrowed.

 

“Well,” Trevor says, hesitating. “I guess you don’t have to, but I figured you all would appreciate a change of pace as much as I do. We’ve been playing this same module for three years after all.”

 

“Yeah, and I don’t want to give up my progress,” David says with a worried expression.

 

Trevor puts a hand to his chin and rubs it. “Fair point, maybe we can work out starting at a higher level if you want, or we can just add some or all of your current characters to the new story?”

 

“Yeah it could be like a new arc to this story, maybe our characters are transported to another realm, but not all of us make it? If people want to switch it up I mean,” I say, speaking up from my spot across from Brandon.

 

Trevor looks intently at me. 

 

“That could work. Thank you, Ellie,” he says with a smile and a tiny nod my way. “Maybe some of you undergo racial and class transformations in between realms too, that way you can keep your level and the treasures you’ve acquired.”

 

I nod enthusiastically. “Perfect!”

 

“I like this plan,” Carl says from beside Brandon and kitty-corner to Trevor. 

 

I glance over at him and see he’s been doodling on the back of his character sheet again with rather impressive skill, adding yet another sketch of his Drow Druid. 

 

“Same,” Brandon chimes in, fiddling with his half-orc fighter character figurine.

 

“Ditto,” Dawn says, leaning back in her chair.

 

“So we are all agreed,” Derek says solemnly.

 

“Sweet,” Trevor says, “Then on to my next announcement: I’m gay, and maybe asexual? It’s up in the air right now, but I’m here, I’m queer, and I’m filled with existential fear.”

 

There’s a chorus of congratulations from everyone present, with Dawn, Derek, Carl and I cheering and Brandon and David giving more reserved ‘Congrats’s to Trevor. Trevor holds up his hands and gestures with them like a king settling a crowd

 

“Dawn and Ellie kinda stole my coming-out thunder, but that’s okay, I can only imagine how hard it is to be trans and in the closet,” Trevor says. “Now one more thing, I hope everyone here already knows this, but please don’t go spreading my or anyone else’s coming-outs around unless we explicitly give you permission to do so.”

 

“That’s a really good point,” Dawn says seriously, “I’m not out yet to anyone else but my family and a few friends.”

 

“I’m only out to Dawn’s family and you all as well,” I say.

 

Trevor nods our way, and Carl says, “Absolutely, our lips are sealed.”

 

I pull out my phone to check the time, 1:15am, damn. We aren’t even done with the session yet. I’m about to slide it back in my pocket when I catch sight of the top notification. I grin, tap it, and open up my messaging app.

 

Wednesday September 11, 2019

[Derek S. - 1:05am] Shit. Shit shit shit. I think I might be a girl?

 

I have to fight to keep the massive smile in my heart from showing on my face. I glance over at Derek beside me to find her - them? - staring at my screen and biting her/their bottom lip a bit. I begin typing out a response as Trevor, Carl, Brandon and David start arguing about what treasures should be available to us in the lich king’s chambers. Derek watches me type the messages out and send them, and they respond almost immediately with answers.

 

[Ellie G. - 1:17am] That’s amazing!!! she/her?? do u want to talk w me and Dawn after this?

[Derek S. - 1:17am] yes YES please! she/her and talking!

[Ellie G. - 1:18am] Do you have a name picked out? 

 

She shakes her head slightly.

 

[Derek S. - 1:18am] derek is fine for now

[Ellie G. - 1:19am] Can I tell Dawn about your revelation?

[Derek S. - 1:19am] absolutely!

 

I glance over at Dawn on my other side, and find her watching the conversation about the game. I nudge her shoulder with my own, and hand her my phone under the table. She takes it and reviews my texts with Derek, her eyes widening as soon as she gets to the juicy bits. She meets my gaze and grins, nodding. She types something out on the phone and then hands it back to me. 

 

    [Ellie G. - 1:20am] Dawn’s game with this plan :)

 

Derek and I exchange smiles, and I slip my phone back into my pocket. 

 

Then I feel a sudden tingling in my thoughts. A brush of welcome familiarity: Madelaine’s back!

 

I’m vaguely aware of her walking triumphantly out of the mists at the edge of our mind on the root bridge.  

 

Welcome back, I think to her. 

 

In the physical world, my arms are crossed and I’m leaning back in my seat, surveying the rest of the group as they haggle over treasure. 

 

Thank you, I have very important news for you, Maddie thinks back.

 

In the mental world I materialize before the viewing screen, awaiting Maddie’s arrival.

 

Oh? I ask.

 

Yep, they answer just as they zoom in through the front door at high speed, each running step carrying them much farther than normal physics would allow.

 

They stop just in front of me. “Reporting back from duty, captain Ellie ma’am,” they say with a salute. 

 

I roll my eyes, but play along. “Report First Mate Madelaine, what’s the situation?”

 

“Anne’s system - I think they call themselves Anialah collectively? - anyway Anialah, Leahna, Spar and I had a very insightful meeting. Spar gave us some instructions, Leah asked us to look into myths and histories related to bonded pairs like us, and they let us know Anialah and Leah are planning to make a long trip to a forgotten temple that’s said to help guide people like us.”

 

I get flashes of memories from her, snatches of the conversation. Spar’s advice, Leah’s questions, and their plan to go find this temple for guidance. I blink rapidly as I take it all in. It’s like the cliff notes version of the memories, summarized and without too much detail besides the main messages. 

 

“Holy shit, that’s intense,” I say, sitting down heavily on the sofa beside me. 

 

Maddie sits down next to me, and they nod emphatically. “Yeah, I say we bring this to Dawn’s attention tonight as soon as it’s convenient to,” they say.

 

“Yeah the gathering allies part is important, and we’ve got the video evidence of magic to do it a bit easier now. What do we do about ‘defending ourselves’ though?”

 

“I dunno,” Maddie admits, “maybe we try to learn a martial art? Or maybe study information security so we can look for info on potential threats more safely, something like that?”

 

I rub my chin in thought. “Both of those sound worth a shot. We’ve been wanting something physical to do for ages, and we need something computer science related to specialize in at college anyway. ”

 

Maddie nods. “My thoughts exactly. And we’ll keep brainstorming more options as we go.”

 

The both of us feel Dawn nudge our physical body at the same time. We turn in unison to look at the viewing screen, and see that everyone’s looking at us.

 

Shit, I’ll drive? I offer, shooting to my feet.

 

Sure thing, Maddie replies.

 

I step forward into the screen, and merge with the physical sensations of our body fully. I blink my eyes a couple times and look around, feeling heat rising to my cheeks. 

 

“Uh sorry, blanked for a second there. What’s up?” I say nervously.

 

“No trouble at all, we’ve all been there,” Trevor says gently. 

 

Hmmm, Maddie thinks skeptically.

 

Hush you, I reply wryly, you know what he means.

 

“We were just going over the loot from this session,” Dawn says, “you get your pick from the remainder of the magical items, we’re taking turns so it’s equal and equitable and all that jazz.”

 

“Gotcha,” I say as I lean forward to look at the hastily-scrawled notes Trevor’s written on his notepad of all the treasures available in this horde. I study the items and their effects with interest. 

 

Maddie is rather impatiently tapping their foot in front of the viewing screen.

 

Sorry, they think after a couple seconds, just anxious about it all.

 

Of course, I think back, mentally highlighting the three items I’m most interested in.

 

“Alright,” I announce, “I’ll take the Staff of Power. Having those spells and that self-destruct explosion sounds useful.”

 

There are murmurs of agreement from the rest of the group. Derek chooses her artifact next, and ends up going with a Wind Fan that will literally blow enemies away. Then David chooses a powerful talisman for his Paladin character, and Dawn selects a Wand of Web. Carl and Brandon had chosen theirs before me. We go around in order once more, choosing from the small pile of magic treasures Trevor has seen fit to grant us until there’s nothing left.

 

We handle doling out experience and calculating any level-ups in the party after that. Trevor announces that he’ll need some more time to come up with the exact details of the next arc of our campaign, and everyone a-oks that. 

 

Soon enough the lot of us are packing up to leave. I stick by Dawn and Derek as we all repack our backpacks and bags with notebooks, character sheets, dice, and other various tabletop paraphernalia. I sling my own backpack onto my back and wave goodbye to Carl and Brandon as they walk up to the exit of the game room.

 

“Bye Dawn, bye Ellie!” Carl says brightly, then he turns his attention to Derek and does a quarter bow. “Goodbye, Miss Clemin,” he says solemnly, addressing her by her character name and inadvertently gendering her correctly. 

 

The black haired maybe-girl’s cheeks turn bright pink. “Goodbye, Master Arannis,” Derek says quietly in response.

 

Carl quirks an eyebrow, but doesn’t press. Brandon bids each of us a goodbye as well, and then they’re gone. 

 

Dawn and Derek are ready to go soon afterwards. The three of us say farewell to Trevor and David, and walk in single file along the well-known route out of David’s parents’ house with Derek in the lead.

 

As soon as we make it outside I breathe out a quiet sigh I hadn’t realized I’d been holding back. 

 

“Yeah, glad to be out here too,” Derek agrees quietly.

 

“The Cornel’s home may be quite lavish,” Dawn says softly, “but it’s rather hostile to girls like us.”

 

I murmur an agreement while Derek blushes so hard I’m afraid she’s gonna pass out.

 

“God, how can you just.... say that?” Derek asks, “Say that I’m a girl, I mean.”

 

Dawn laughs lightly. “Easily,” she says, “you’re the girliest girl who ever girled and I’m so happy we get to be friends with you.”

 

Derek makes the cutest little ‘eep’ sound and goes back to blushing and looking anywhere but at Dawn. I walk happily in between the two of them, content in a way I’ve rarely experienced before.

 

Aww, is all that girly validation finally having an effect on you too? Maddie asks with a smile.

 

Maybe it is, I say with a mental shrug, whatever it is, I like it.

 

Me too, Maddie says.

 

Soon enough we reach the spot where Derek parked, and we all huddle up on the sidewalk and make plans to meet up at a local 24 hour taco place that’s on the way back to our respective houses. It’s a frequent meeting spot for this group, but we’re hoping no one else we know will be there at this time of night.

 

Derek walks to her car and Dawn and I continue on towards ours. As soon as Derek’s out of earshot, I say to Dawn, “Maddie visited with Anne’s world during the game.”

 

“Oh yeah?” she responds with a raised eyebrow. “How did that go?”

 

I let Maddie slip into control of the front, while I poof! into existence inside the viewing tree.

 

“Maddie here, it went,” they say amicably, “basically we got told that we’re nowhere near paranoid enough and we need to start taking steps to defend ourselves against potential hunters.”

 

“What?” she asks incredulously, as we round the next corner.

 

“Yeah, this was a clandestine meeting between me, Anialah - which is Anne and her system, their sister Leahna, and their childhood friend Spar. Their world is apparently run by people who want to wipe out those with connections like ours.”

 

“Why on Earth would they want to do that?” Dawn says.

 

“Unclear, but probably we threaten their hold on power somehow,” Maddie answers. 

 

“Mmm, gotcha,” Dawn says, “well that’s a load of horseshit. You didn’t ask for this!”

 

Maddie shrugs. “Maybe not, but it’s not like we can back out. Plus I’d rather focus on making both worlds hospitable for people like us, if there are, indeed, more people like us.”

 

We make it to Dawn’s car as Maddie speaks, and we wait by the passenger side while Dawn goes around to open the car from the driver’s side. We both get into her silver honda civic the moment the doors unlock, throwing our bags in the back seat. 

 

“I’m so fucking excited about Derek, like I can’t stop smiling,” Dawn admits into the quiet of the car interior. True to her word there’s a wide grin on her face.

 

“Me too,” I say, matching her smile with one of my own, “She sure was adorable just now.”

 

Dawn nods seriously. “Well, put whatever you want on the aux cord and play me some driving tunes, it’s time to go join our chica at El Juan’s,” she says.

 

She carefully pulls out of her spot on the street and I plug my phone into her car’s speaker system. I pull up my music app, and, feeling a bit rebellious, select KMFDM’s Disturb the Peace.

 

We make our way out of David’s suburban sprawl with antifascist lyrics blaring.

End of 

Chapter 24.e - Switching Tracks