In a small field on a short hill, nestled in the cold and rocky edges of Glacieth, two women pop into existence. The first is a woman dressed for combat, decked out in a military beret, jacket, and combat boots. Strapped to her back is a low-quality musket; various daggers and a single potion adorn her utility belt. She’s not all that tall, standing at about 165 centimeters but her rough and tough demeanor cuts an imposing figure.

In contrast, the much taller woman, standing at 185 cm, is much more laid back. Despite the cold weather, she wears only a pair of overalls over a long-sleeved white shirt and farming boots. A straw hat covers her golden-brown braid, which swings back and forth as she surveys the generously named farmland, chewing a cigweed.

Behind them stands a rickety farmhouse on its last legs. The siding is about ready to fall off in the next strong wind and the roof sags in the middle. The open shed attached to it, housing nothing more than a horse, a cow, two sheep, and many chickens, isn’t faring any better. Certainly, the farm had seen better days.

A snappy, female voice speaks over the muted sounds of rustling wind and the brays of the cow in the shed.

“Attention, soldiers! This is your Major speaking! Today, we’ll be playing a quick round of R&C - computer version, no VR for you! Our guest this evening is one FarmerPebble. She’s not exactly renowned or even relevant, but she knows a lot about in-game farming so we brought her in. Ms. Pebble, you have the stage.”

The taller woman, presumably FarmerPebble, looks at the Major curiously, the character chewing the cigweed lazily. “You talk like that often?”

“It’s my on-camera personality...Can you just do the farming thing? This place is depressing…”

Soft and fast typing is heard and then Pebble shrugs. “It’s Glacieth; not much grows out here. Anyway, I’ll start with Plowing. This should take only a minute or so. My skill’s up to real high, almost level 35-”

“That’s great. Let’s get on with it?”

“Sure, sure.”

The [Farmer] starts forward, unbothered by the Major’s abrasiveness. Her character leads the horse from the shed onto the field, attaching a well-kept plow to its harness.

The Major shuffles at the sight of the horse, her character surveying it with interest. The creature is old and haggard; its body looks far too weak to pull the heavy contraption attached to it. “That thing looks awful.”

Pebble shrugs. “Ol’ Betsy’ll pull through. Just gotta give ‘er a lil’ Boost.”

The sound of a finger tapping a keyboard is heard. Pebble’s character thrusts her arm out towards Ol’ Betsy, flinging a semi-transparent cloud of roiling green energy towards the horse. It touches the beast’s flank and sinks into her body without much resistance. A greenish glow rises out of her, revitalizing the old horse.

Pebble whistles as she grabs the handles of the plow. “That’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout. Gimme a minute and we’ll have this here field tilled and ready for plantin’!”

When the horse starts to move, the Major makes an unimpressed, “Mmm.”

Her character crosses her arms and she begins to speak. “So, FarmerPebble, I’m assuming you’ve heard about the Muffin Man?”

“Huh?”

“The guy who’s been going around PvP’ing everyone he comes across?”

Pebble hums as she turned a corner, stopping briefly to Boost Ol’ Betsy again. “Doesn’t sound familiar…”

“You sure? Maybe you’ve heard of his description? A cream white Wood Elf with curly blonde hair with a dress - well, more of a nightgown but still-”

“Oh!” Pebble finishes the last lane and went to work unfastening the plow from Ol’ Betsy’s harness. “Yeah, yeah, I know him. Sold him three bushels of wheat a few weeks ago. Paid me three whole pieces just tah use my mill over there.” She points to a tall, cylindrical building ten meters behind the farmhouse. “Way more than he needed to just tah use my crappy old mill but I needed the money so I said, why not?”

Major makes a choking sound which Pebble ignores, so focused on farming she was.

She grabs a rake and began dragging it through the clumps of hardened soil overturned by the plow. “This right here is what the game calls Soil Smoothing. Gets all the grass clumps out of the soil, see? Not that a lotta grass grows ‘round here but ya gotta get the job done right else it messes everythin’ up.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Major’s character runs in front of Pebble, stopping the [Farmer] from finishing raking. “You’re saying that YOU’RE the one that gave the Muffin Man his muffins?”

The [Farmer] circumvents her, dragging the rake behind her character. Major turns to follow her, heavy breathing coming through her mic. “I jus’ let ‘im use my mill. Don’t know what he did with the flour after that.”

“You just admitted to aiding and abetting a murderer!”

Pebble abruptly stops dragging the rake and looks at Major. “Miss Major, I don’t know what you do all day, but this is a video game. Ain’t nothin’ serious about somebody goin’ around in a game and killing people. Ain’t no different than a regular Raider.”

“I-well, you’re right, but still! You know how many people lost levels and progress because of him?”

Pebble plays the shaking head action and went back to raking. “When I first started, I got mugged at least three times cuz of Raiders plundering the nearby settlement. Was a real shame but I didn’t get pissy about it. Jus’ invested in some fences.”

Major surveys the fences that surround the small farm. Wooden posts block off the entire half-acre of land; a poor defense against even the weakest of Players looking to burn a farm. “That thing looks like Ol’ Betsy could kick it over.”

Pebble shrugs and drops the rake. “I’m workin’ on it.”

Now, the patch of farmland looks like disturbed rock dug into neat, orderly lines. As the [Farmer] opens her inventory and pulls out a packet of seeds, she explains her actions. “I plowed the land and got out all the nasty bits. Now, I’m just gonna plant some potato seeds. There’s no plantin’ skill by the way; you just click the dirt and plant whatever seeds you got.”

The Major plays the thinking emoji. “Farming is rather simplified in-game, isn’t it?”

“I guess. Not like I do it in real life so I can’t compare it.” Pebble shrugs as she plunges seeds into the cold, hard dirt, and then covers the tiny holes back up.

“Yeah, but still. The fighting mechanics are so complicated and you need to have good hand-eye coordination and all that. Farming is just...you press a button and in go the seeds.”

“I think that most of the people who choose to be [Farmers] aren’t really for somethin’ more, Miss Major.”

“That...sounds kind of boring.”

“Yeah, well, different strokes for different folks. Anyway, now that I’ve used up all my seeds, I’m gonna use my skill Water Plants. That speeds up the growin’ process real nice.” She starts walking toward a well built at the base of the hill. Suddenly, she stops, turns around, and starts running.

“What’s going on?” the Major asks.

“Storm!” Pebble shouts, charging past the shorter woman. She sprints towards the farmhouse, her character pumping her arms desperately. “Blizzard’s comin’ in hot!”

“Wha-” The Major presses a key and crackling blue energy surrounds her eyes. As she peers into the distance, she sees the storm FarmerPebble was talking about: a roiling mass of snow and hail charges toward the farm. The forest surrounding the estate is quickly swallowed up by the blizzard.

Major spins her character on her heel and darts toward the farmhouse. “I’m afraid this interview is going to be cut short! It was wonderful speaking with you, FarmerPebble. Major out!”

Schwab

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