I stand in the cold breath of the mountain, my eyes stay focused and my instincts keep me sharp, my prey start making slowly moves, there she stand, a snow deer, pure withe fur with small patches of a blueish frozen tone.
I keep focusing in her movement meanwhile I prepare an arrow with my bow, I steady myself and prepare for it “C´mon you can do this, just make the shoot, don´t pay attention at how beautiful it looks, is just a prey, is YOUR prey, so, focus yourself and let it go”
I hold my breath and get ready to shoot the arrow when the creature turn to look in my direction, our eyes meet, we both stay frozen in the place looking each other in the eyes, these sad eyes reminds me of my owns, the same dead and empty eyes that glare back at my each times I look back at my reflection in the mirror.
The creature start running away, an arrow fly in the same direction, but is futile, the deer is long gone in the deep forest of the mountain “I fail... again *sigh* I gees it was to be expected, I´m not made for this, I wish father stop keep pushing myself to do this, I hate disappoint him but... *sigh* I´m just not fit to do this, I... I just can´t go around killing animals like, the hunter he expect me to be... *sigh* I just can´t” I turn around and start walking toward the shelter, to meet my dreadful fate.
In the way back I start to think abut my own weirdness, lot of people probably think that I´m crazy for speaking to myself like this, but when the only company that you get is your father, the one with you don´t even know how to maintain a conversation longer then two or maybe three lines, and that´s wen one of the two finally decides that, we have to said something... well, maybe with the exception that come with a lecture from him, yep, nothing like disappoint someone to make him talk... So you get the picture, if at least I don´t talk with myself I think I will lose the ability to talk entirely, not that I enjoy the sound of my own voice too much but... Whatever.
*...*
Well, here I´m, two steps away of the door postponing the inevitable... *sigh* “OK, here we go” I push the door open and start scanning the interior. I´m greeted be the small living room with a fire place at the right and a few wooden pieces of furniture, including a chair and a table in the center, beyond that, on the end of the room the small space that occupied the kitchen, and to my left two doors that opens to the bedrooms with a small bathroom in between.
Yep, I know, small, cramped, and not cosy at all. Home sweet Home. I keep scanning the room for my tormentor, but I don´t see him here... weird “Dad !!! are you here ???” ...No response. OK, he probably go out or something.
I put the bow and the quiver at the side and notice that my father bow is missing *sigh* “Gees he already expected my failure. At least he will get his meat and maybe don´t lecture me too much about my failure, not that I hold too much hope on that”
I step inside and close the door, taking off my winter coat to hang on the wall and moving myself into my room and then to the small bathroom. I move in front of the mirror and there he is, brown shoulder length messy hair, brown dead and empty eyes, an a growing beard, and the most average and boring expression that a living being could ever put. Yep as bad as the last time, in other words, disgusting.
I finish my trip to the bathroom and step outside of my room in time to see a giant person covered in a tick winter coat entering the small house. If you can call this a house anyway. There he is, two snow rabbits in hand and his mighty bow in the other, a true and successful hunter. He notice my presence and try to work up a smile “Hey son, do you manage to hunt the deer this time ???” He start to look around trying and failing in find the ´expected´ deer. He finally stop looking, the weak smile leaving his face, he sigh... I sigh... today is going to be a loooooong night.
The errors are definitely not terminal! This chapter is much more better than it is worse.
Most of the time, ` is not used, ' is favoured (I'm not honestly sure why we have both of them). The back-tick has a lot more width, which draws more attention to itself than you really want, but it still looks like a little mark in the same place, so it is totally readable.
I am not sure what to say regarding the grammar mistakes. They are occasional mistakes in a few different directions, so I can't see a writing pattern to draw to your attention. Maybe as this goes along I'll have a better chance.
I am excited to see how this continues!
You have a precious little depression bean for a hero right now, and I hope the tags are predicting a wonderful alleviation. 
Well, first of, thanks for taking your time and read this, friend, and thanks for the feedback, I really could use some advices to make this works, and I will be very grateful if you could spare some time when I post a chapter to check how bad it went.
I will try to fix as many mistakes I can between chapters and improve the quality of the writing. Hopefully, that will be enough to make something decent.
This might be totally out of left field, but a couple pointers on style. Try to avoid being overly wordy, phrases like “blueish frozen tone” come off as too much of a mouthful. While it might not provide the impression of being some winter creature, something like “there she stood, a snow deer, pure white with icy blue patches” certainly flows better. A quick note on punctuation, avoid using multiple punctuation marks in a row, “!!!” Makes your work seem amateurish instead of conveying greater urgency. The one exception to this would be “?!” Purely because it actually provides additional information as to how a sentence should be interpreted. Forgive my wall of words, mobile formatting isn’t kind.
Ok, this is helpful, I already said that feedback would be appreciated and honestly I expected it to be worst so, thanks for take you time and read my poor firs attempt, I'm going to try and fix all these detail and make a better effort in chapter two. Hope is not too much ask for you opinion when that happens ?
I like the style you are going for with this. The voice behind the character is well-tuned and gives us a good sense as to how they're feeling. There are occasional grammar and spelling mistakes that are noticeable, but that is something correctible over time (and I'll be honest, I still rely on spellcheck for what I make).
If I had one stylistic criticism to make that hasn't been addressed yet, it would be to add variance to character action and expression. Sighing is a great and concise way to show a character's frustration or sadness, but stringing so many of them together makes each repetition less impactful.
I would suggest replacing some instances of similar actions with other devices that could convey the same meaning. Rather than always sighing, have an expression fall into a pout/sulk or have them grab the back of their neck and exhale while gritting their teeth. It keeps the audience aware of the character's state of mind while engaging us with new information and imagery to picture.
That being said, it's a solid beginning and I look forward to seeing more of it as you release it
Thanks for the suggestions and thanks for taking your time and reading this, I'm working on improving my skills a little, since I realize my lack of some information to describe important details about the story.... so unfortunately I haven't been able of post new chapters.... but I'm working on it, I had the idea for most part of the story, the main problem is that I lack the proper words for explain it... Anyway, a million thanks for your advise, I love your stories and it means a lot coming from you, thanks~♡