As expected, something is very wrong here.

It's not that I'm about to masturbate just because a girl almost half my age teased me a little bit, no. I mean, that's wrong in a different sense, but it's not what I'm talking about. It's not even the strange changes taking place with my eyes after having gazed at Sam.

What's wrong is undoubtedly my dick.

After Sam left, I practically tore off my trousers while sitting at the cracked reception desk the girl just put through so much duress. I don't even care that the front door was replaced with a gaping hole, giving anyone walking in an unforgettable view of me jacking off. I'm far too turned on to make it back to my office.

Holding my length in my hand makes the change even more noticeable.

I wouldn't say that before today I was ever a small man. I was always on the 'above' side of average, yet as I look down at my erect manhood, my eyes point out the glaringly obvious. What was once a healthy six or so inches has now lengthened to almost twice that size, give or take. As if that wasn't enough, my girth has exploded several times over and the entire thing is covered in angry veins.

Did Sam somehow do this to me?

...Well, that's a stupid question. Obviously, she was the cause of this erection, but the erection itself is far from ordinary. My magical second puberty theory suddenly has a third leg to stand on, though part of me wonders if Sam cast some sort of spell on me.

She doesn't give me the impression of a Mage, and I definitely would've noticed if she uttered a spell. Everyone knows non-verbal magic is far less potent than actually saying the spell aloud, so the girl would have to be powerful if she really was behind this, and I just don't think that's the case.

It's not even that I'm ungrateful with my sudden endowment. I'm thrilled, if anything. But magical dick expansions don't just happen, and that concerning fact overshadows any joy I might be feeling from the present situation.

Then, right as my fear begins to take hold of me, I hear a familiar voice whispering to me from within my heart. 'Don't be afraid...' It says, and I recognize it as the voice I heard all those years ago, which reinforced my decision to become a Guild Master.

I stop what I'm doing and look around, and after seeing no source of the voice, I do what I do best. Pretend it never happened. Today has been one thing after another, and I refuse to add schizophrenic hallucinations to the 'shit I have to deal with today' pile.

For now, it's back to processing the harder problem at hand.

Once the initial shock wears off, I notice that the increased phallus size isn't the only change in what I have going on down there. My balls felt the need to get in on the action, too. They've just about tripled in size, and Gods are they swollen. Their increased heft is so pronounced that I'm shocked I didn't notice them sooner than I did.

If that isn’t enough, I can feel a burning, pulsing need throbbing from within them. Far from a normal throbbing, this sensation feels as if my orbs were pumping and churning desires straight into my mind, warping my thoughts and focusing them on a singular, focused need.

They scream at me like a pair of hissing, angry cats over and over that I want Sam.

This is wrong, this is so very, very wrong, but as my thoughts begin to stir even more, I start stroking myself while envisioning the girl I just met. Flowing from one fantasy to the next, my inhibition releases itself to the wind, and I can't stop imagining how it would feel to ram this enlarged rod of mine straight into Sam over and over.

I don't want to be thinking of her like this, but the more I try to think of something else, the more I'm compelled to go straight on back to the thought of that young, tight little Princess. It would feel so good if I just... pushed it as far back as it would go and let it all out... every drop of semen I have to give... inside of her.

On the verge of orgasm, that same mysterious voice pipes up again. It congratulates me for my chauvinistic fantasies, which I don't know how to feel about. 'Good, good. You've got the right idea... that's where it needs to go, after all... the rest is up to you...' It whispers, ruining the mood.

The voice makes me briefly stop to consider what's going on with me, but then I remember Sam saying I would probably feel a lot better if I were to 'bust a nut' or two. Nothing else matters right now but straightening these emotions out, so I double down on following her advice.

With both hands, I jack myself off until I manage to bring myself into the most fulfilling climax I can remember having. I suppose having such a fresh memory in my mind to draw inspiration from makes all the difference in the world, as my fantasies of Princess-claiming send me reeling from the over-the-top pleasure.

The only problem with this, besides the sinking feeling of immorality in the pit of my stomach, is that it doesn't end. On and on my semen erupts as if a floodgate were released. Instead of a few healthy ropes of seed like I'm accustomed to, the end result looks like someone accidentally dumped a gallon of cake batter under the desk.

On the one hand, nice. On the other hand, this is not humanly possible and I find it deeply concerning. How much of my body fluid did such a copious, excessive load like this even cost me?

And then there's that voice again.

It can't be denied any longer, I have to acknowledge that I definitely heard someone talking to me while masturbating. The fact that it was celebrating the fact that I was getting myself in such devious circumstances is befuddling, but at this point, I'm considerably less shocked than I should be.

That's just sort of where I'm at right now, for better or worse. All things considered, I'm feeling a lot better. I guess I really needed this after all.

Now that my mind has settled into a state almost resembling calmness, I glance over my shoulder to check the clock hanging behind me on the wall. Close to forty minutes or so have passed since I sent Sam on her way to go kill five Slimes, meaning I better get to work on cleaning up this shameful deluge of my own making. Even a rookie most likely wouldn't take longer than an hour or two to finish up with a target like that.

I can't even imagine Sam's reaction if she were to see this mess. Going off of our brief interaction, I'm certain that brat would tease me like no tomorrow and that I would never hear the end of it. I'm not about to let that happen without a fight, so I hop up and pull on my pants to get to work.

Grabbing a towel and some cleaning wax from the nearest storage closet, I somehow manage to mop up everything until it's nice and spotless. It takes me a while partly because I'm out of practice when it comes to cleaning like this, but it doesn't help that I can't even stress just how much semen there is.

I'm still a little floored by the amount on top of everything else, but I try my best to stop thinking of whatever's going on down south since my only option to have it inspected would be to see Miss Hart. Unless my penis suddenly starts hurting all over or it develops hideous magical growths, there's no chance I'll be gracing her clinic over something embarrassing like this.

Now that the mess is all cleaned up, I still have to deal with the smell. The cleaning wax didn't quite cut it, which I should've expected that would be the case. No problem, I'll just run and grab a bottle of scented wax, and-

"Ugh..." Sam groans loudly as she enters the Guild through the ruins of the front door at the same time that I return from the closet. Damn. I didn't get remotely enough time to set up her room for the night, let alone all the other stuff I wanted to do.

"Be right with you in a moment," Too busy to give the returning adventurer more than a cursory glance, I call out to her while getting on my knees and furiously scrubbing away at the overpowering odor of molten man-juice.

"Whatever," She grumbles.

Her annoyed tone draws my attention, and I look up from my position to glimpse upon the runaway Princess. Turns out, she's not looking too good. Sam is covered in sweat, red-faced with exhaustion, and gobs of blue slime are covering different parts of her skin, clothes, and even her hair. Did things not go well for her? She's pouting like crazy and looks frustrated.

"Are you doing alright?" I ask, suddenly invested in how her first quest went. I do a half-assed job at cleaning the smell up just so I can approach her just a little sooner.

She turns to face me as I walk down the aisle to meet her. As I adjust the bowstrings of my collar, we meet eyes and I'm suddenly reminded of all the vile things I imagined doing to this girl, and all the equally vile things I imagined her doing to me. I feel my cheeks burning, but Sam doesn't pay it any mind as she's too busy pouting.

"Eh," She shrugs, and I notice that despite being covered head to toe in goo, not a hint of slime is present on her sword. "Funny story, Boss..." She scratches the back of her head, turning away from me and avoiding my gaze.

"Seems like it didn't go so well, then." I feel the need to comfort the upset adventurer, but I watch myself almost reaching out to clasp her on the shoulder. I stop myself and curse the attempt. It's not a good idea to invite such familiarity between us, not with the bizarre sexual tension brewing under the surface.

Sam immediately huffs up and stomps her foot on the ground. She turns, her emerald eyes flaring up with defiant fire as she clenches her fist for dramatic emphasis. "Those ooey-gooey, wibbly-wobbly fuckers were annoying, alright?! It's not my fault they just kept dodging, and dodging, and dodging! Rrrgh!"

The girl is taking her failure pretty badly. Although her anger intimidates me, I feel sorry for her mainly because I was in such a hurry to see her off that I neglected to give her all the advice that I could have.

Killing the little buggers can seem a futile endeavor if you don't know what you're doing. If I were in my right mind, I would have remembered that some melee warriors struggle against Slimes when they're just starting out. Especially if they use big, bulky weapons like Sam. There were a lot of tips I could have passed on, and I mentally curse myself for rushing her out the door.

"Tell me exactly what happened out there, if you would," I adjust my glasses, eager to take in the new information. "I can help you."

"I found one real fast, and I got close and whipped out my sword, y'know? Then I charged it, but it jumped outta the way. I didn't give up right away, or nothing," She puffs out her cheeks in a bout of annoyance, making sure to emphasize that she's no quitter. "But after a half hour of chasing the jackass around, I thought I'd come back and... I dunno, see if you have any ideas on how I could do this."

Knowing how to kill monsters is a large part of my job, so I know plenty of ways to kill Slimes. Typically you'd want to use magic whenever available as that'll take care of them in one go, depending on the type of slime. Ranged weapons are a no go, but melee ones like that great blade of hers can do the job, if you're good enough.

I thought that Sam had at least some idea of what she was doing, considering that the Guild Master of Perlshaw licensed her as a Great Blader. Not to mention I've experienced her strength first hand, and it may have led me to overestimate her abilities by a vast amount. Raw power is next to useless in the hands of someone who doesn't know how to wield it.

Just because she can carry that weapon, I shouldn't have assumed she could use it. Needing clarification, I ask the girl, "Are you having trouble wielding your weapon, by any chance?"

This innocent question has a dire effect I wasn't expecting, sending Sam into a tizzy to prove herself.

The flustered adventurer draws her tremendous sword over her shoulder, sliding it out of the leather sling on her back. Her expression is stressed, like she feels that convincing me she knows how to use her sword is a desperate gamble.

She did say she had nowhere else to go, but still... Sam doesn't need to be this desperate. It just makes me feel bad for the poor girl.

"Heck no!" She scoffs very unconvincingly, the sweat on her brow pooling downward. "Me? An amateur? Fat chance of that! Just you watch, I know my way around this thing like the back of my hand!" Raising her arms, Sam seems intent on demonstrating her strength with a swing of her sword.

I can't let that happen. This girl has caused enough property damage for one day. I raise my hand in protest. "Sam, don't. Please, I understand you're worried that I might judge you for being a rookie, but I assure you that's not the-"

Sam disregards my plea, performing a practice swing right here in the middle of the Guild. The ceilings are high enough to avoid her wrath, but the girl's lack of experience makes her attempt at controlling the weight of her weapon spiral out of control. Her sloppy form and poor grip end up forcing the blade's momentum to carry it down into a collision path with the floorboards below.

Once more, wooden shrapnel flies into the air, and dust clouds explode from the impact. "Oh, shit-" Sam blinks, assessing the damage as she wrenches her sword out of my floor and returns it to the holster on her back. "Uh. Welp, I told ya I know what I'm doing... didn't I? Ahahaha..."

I close my eyes and inhale through my nose, begging this girl not to try my patience any further. All attempts to calm myself fail. This day has just been one thing after another, and as much as I'm not proud to admit, this is the thing that makes me snap.

While I don't consider myself an aggressive person, out of pure impulse I grab one of the slim straps connecting her breastplate to her pauldrons, pulling her closer to me to the point where the majority of her breast almost slides right out of her poor excuse for armor.

"Sam." I say, opening my eyes and staring into hers.

"U-Uh... Boss?"

"I'm going to give you one warning, so listen up. Stop. Fucking. Up. My. Guild. Do I make myself clear?"

The blonde Princess stands there as I hold her in place. Despite Sam's fierceness and her tomboyish attitude, I somehow manage to intimidate the brat enough to take me seriously. She bites her lip meekly as an oddly happy blush fills her cheek, and she nervously smiles while nodding her pretty little head up and down, making her cute twin-tails of hers bob as she does.

This isn't enough to quell my irritation, so I continue on. "You ruined my door, you ruined my desk, and now this?" I extend my hand towards the damaged floor, emphasizing the cloud of dust that's yet to settle. "Clearly, you don't know what you're doing with that sword. Look where acting all tough got you, you brat!"

"B-Brat?!" That nervous smile of hers grows wider.

"Yes, you're a brat whose only talent seems to be flirting and inflicting property damage. No wonder you couldn't defeat a couple of Slimes, not when you're such a damned brat." I continue staring straight at her, and I feel a switch flip within me telling me to keep pressuring Sam to relieve some of the stress this wicked day has wrought me. Especially since she doesn't seem against it.

"Do you deny that you're nothing but a brat, acting like she's hot shit?"

"Y-Yes! I mean... uh... no!" Sam sweats harder and her cheeks become an even deeper shade of red as I draw nearer, my threatening glare piercing straight through her.

"Say it, then."

"I'm... I'm a brat...!" Her face melts under the weight of her toothy, widening smile. Because I'm so invested in working off my stress, I don't initially pick up on the implications here in her body language.

"Again. Like you mean it."

"I'm a big, stupid brat, Daddy!" Sam cries in a breathy haze, her emerald eyes glazed over to the point where they look coated in a thick fog of arousal. She opens her full, round lip slowly and pants, "I'm sooo, sooooo, sorry Daddy... please don't get rid of me, I promise I won't break anything else! I'll be a good little girl for you, I promise I will!"

Blushing, I let go of Sam's leather strap in a flash. I notice at last what's going on here and put distance between us as I take a few steps backward. Gods, I'm a fucking idiot. She's getting off on this.

"Damn it, Sam," I groan, cradling my forehead. "I can't believe you right now..."

"Hey, man. I know my type, alright? And it ain't like it's my fault ya just up and did all that!" She blushes, wiping a small trail of drool that was starting to pool in the corner of her mouth. Now that she's free of my influence, her expression turns frazzled and also slightly disappointed.

Looking into my eyes, she flutters her eyelashes wantingly. "But, I mean if ya got anymore of that in ya, then don't hold back on my account..." Under her breath she adds, "Fuck, that was everything I've ever wanted..." as she sighs a long, dreamy sigh of contentment.

I was already beginning to suspect as much, but it's good to know for certain that this girl is hopeless.

After calming myself down, I ask, "Tell me how the quest went again, but don't hold anything back. The more you tell me, the better I can help."

Sam is able to pull herself from the depths of masochism long enough to shrug, telling me, "Not much else to say, I think. The problem was kinda similar to what just happened a second ago with the floor. It's hard to control my sword, and it always comes crashing down too slow to actually hit the damn Slimes..."

Not great to hear, but fixable. I try not to lower Sam's mood any further by showing signs of distress, but this information leaves me less than pleased. Thankfully, Slimes should be the perfect target for teaching the girl to control her weapon. It would take me a bit of time, but I believe my knowledge should be more than enough to put her on the correct course.

Sam senses my apprehension and wants to fill the awkward stillness with humor.

Just when I thought I was out of the woods and safe from her teasing for the moment, the brat takes a step forward and delivers a playful punch to my pec. "Ah, well. At least one of us was able to finish our quest, right?"

Breaking out of my introverted thoughts, Sam's closeness and her accusations suddenly causes me to almost lock up yet again. "Excuse me?"

"C'mon, Boss. I can smell it." She grins. "Smells like there was an awful lot of it, too."

Damn it, I should have figured I didn't do a good enough job cleaning up...

Feeling particularly brave, this little brat extends her pointer finger and traces a heart shape on my chest while she's there. Her eyes flicker with mischievous delight as she enjoys watching my face redden.

"It was a normal amount." I protest while doing my best to remain calm. Sam doesn't buy it, her smirk only becoming all the wider. Just as I brace myself for whatever sort of teasing she's about to pull next, though, the girl's expression softens.

Sam looks at me with such kindness that it inspires me to lower my guard. She asks, "Did it make ya feel any better, at least? You were super on edge when I left, and I know some of that is cause I keep messing with ya, but... I was really damn worried."

When she stares at me that way, my sense of shame acts up again and I momentarily hang my head. Whether she knows it or not, the thought of this curvy young warrior helped settle me down significantly. "Yeah," wrenching my head up to give her a weak smile, I nod at her. "I feel a lot better, actually."

"Good," She crosses her arms and nods back, approvingly. Then, her devilish streak acts up again as she winks after vexing me with, "Hope I was able to help ya out down there, Daddy."

"No comment," I groan.

"Oh, Gods. You actually did!" She giggles. "You totally just jacked it to some chick you just met!"

"Even if I did," My irritation rises once again and I point at her with a huff. "You were practically-"

"Go on, Boss," The brat looks me in the eyes with a sassy flair. "Tell me I was 'asking for it'. That'll make ya look like way less of a creep, for sure."

I hold my tongue, trying to think of something else to say. Eventually, I come up with, "You're the one flirting with a man you barely know, knowing full well he's almost twice your age."

Sam pauses as if this is only now occurring to her. "I mean, yeah, I guess so. But it's not like I'm loose or anything like that. You and me... we just kinda vibe, y'know? It's hard to hold back around you." The girl tilts her head and laughs, a shy blush coloring her cheeks.

We just vibe, huh? I wonder if that has anything to do with the feelings I felt for her when seeing Sam without my glasses because it sounds a lot like what I experienced. Not like I can tell her about any of that, though. Goddesses know I already look and feel skeevy enough for one day...

Eager to move on, I adjust my shades once more and pull us back to the topic of adventuring. "I'm flattered to hear that, but that's enough about me for the moment. We need to clear a few things up about you, instead."

"Me? Uh... sure," She panics, probably because she doesn't want me digging for any details about where she comes from. "What do you wanna know?"

"How in all the Realms did you get certified as an adventurer despite your inexperience? I know that standards tend to be low for fresh meat, but typically you have to at least showcase you have the bare minimum of skill to the Guild Master overseeing your registration."

"Whoa, hold up, Boss!" Sam's panic only worsens, but for a completely different reason. "You aren't saying you're gonna try and revoke my thing, are you?!"

"No, I'm asking for my own curiosity. I wouldn't turn you away."

Skepticism colors her emerald eyes, dulling them as she frowns. "Promise?"

"I promise."

This relieves the girl, and she smiles softly before her expression becomes evasive. "It wasn't a big deal or anything, I just... asked him nicely!"

My mind drops to the gutter as she says that, especially when remembering Sam said the Guild Master of Perlshaw was a creep. This girl, she didn't...?

As if reading my mind, Sam blushes and her fury ignites. "Not like that!" She stomps her foot on the creaky floorboards below. "I mean... he tried going down that road, but I was not having it. Nuh-uh. I bribed him the old-fashioned way and NOT the slutty way! I gave the bastard a sack of gold I stole from home, and when he forked over the license and approved my transfer to Dewhurst, I kicked him in the nuts so hard he passed out and got the fuck out of there."

I feel myself crack again, but this time it's not out of anger. I laugh at the mental image of this rough and tumble tomboy getting hit on, only for her to use that immense strength of hers when he least expects it. Guess I shouldn't have judged her from her choice of attire.

Knowing she's not a massive flirt with every man she meets fills me up with a strange sense of contentment, even though I know it really shouldn't. Yet it does. I'm happy that for whatever reason Sam likes me enough to flirt with me.

"So," Sam takes my laughter as a good sign, smiling while scratching the back of her head. "You're not gonna do anything about my license?"

"I can't ignore what you just told me, no. But I'm not going to revoke it, report you, or anything like that."

I watch as a good deal of apprehension shows up on the girl's face. "Then what are you gonna do about it?"

Sam is rough and unpolished, both in her skill with the sword and in regards to her overall personality. Neither of those are what I'd consider a deal-breaker. Now that my emotions have settled down, I realize that I'm indeed staring right at the very second chance I was praying for... perhaps literally, given her suspiciously-timed appearance and the unexplainable developments that have happened since.

I'm not about to spend an overly long amount of time debating whether Sam really was sent here by the Goddess herself, all that matters is that she's here. The only thing left to do is to toughen her up enough until she can start pulling in a stable stream of income for the Guild, and we'll go from there.

And there's no time like the present to get the ball rolling. "Come along with me, "I tell Sam as I grab her by the wrist. "And you'll find out exactly what I'm going to do about it."

The almost-certainly-a-Princess wasn't prepared for this and blushes as I pull her down the aisle toward the door. She doesn't protest and follows along once the shock wears off. "Whoa, there, I didn't say ya could manhandle me, Boss!"

"Don't even try to pretend you don't like it," I roll my eyes.

"Um... s-shut up!" She gets all pouty in a cute, exaggerated way before looking back at me with confusion. "Where the heck are we even going?"

I look over my shoulder and tell the young adventurer very bluntly, "We're going to teach you a lesson."