After waking up Zutiria and putting their armor back on, the girls proceed into the newly discovered chamber. This secret room is much like the first one, being a dimly lit stone chamber with red roses growing on both sides of a path leading south. Another empty pedestal and another statue diorama stand ominously, waiting for closer inspection.

“Great, more bullshit backstory...” Sam groans at the idea, trying to pretend she’s uninterested.

“I-I dunno, Sam... I kinda wanna know what’s up with him...” Meri walks forward down the cold, stony path and approaches the pedestal.

‘These statues are somehow even less subtle than the ones in the first treasure room.’

Zutiria has a point. Looking at the new diorama, the message is unambiguous, and there’s no room for any sort of symbolism to be interpreted. It is what it is.

Just as before, a statue of Sir Chasteworthe is positioned on the left, while the same Guild receptionist is on the right. The knight stands proudly atop a mountain of monster corpses, beaten and bloody. His shining armor is in ruins, his sword chipped, yet despite Chasteworthe’s near ruinous condition, he smiles and extends a bag towards the receptionist. Given the context, I assume it’s a bag full of kill trophies.

The woman no longer seems to be ignoring him, but her face seems disingenuous. The face of someone with an ulterior motive... of course, the rest of the diorama reveals this motive plain as day. Behind the counter that the receptionist stands at is an insurmountable pile of large sacks, each one unsubtly emblazoned with a large ‘G’- the sigil of gold. Clearly, the fruits of the knight’s labor, but if that’s the case, it doesn’t seem like he’s getting any of it.

Interesting, but we need more context. “Meri, what does the pedestal say this time?”

Already there, Meri bends over to inspect the inscription. “Uh... lemme see here... ‘Once you prove you will give all that you have to give, they will always ask for more’. Aww... poor guy...” The girl begins frowning, looking at the statue of the future pimp with sympathetic puppy dog eyes.

Snow is the first one to voice her opinion. “This one isn’t just asking for you to give something, nyaa. It’s a tad more cryptic, but...”

“I think the answer would still have to be something relatively simple. That seems to be the theme of the puzzles in this dungeon so far. None of them have been particularly challenging...”

“So do you think it’s something obvious, then? What could it be...?” Peri tilts her head and starts thinking.

‘I have an idea. What would be another way of saying ‘giving everything I have to give’, hm?’

Sam extends her pointer finger and smiles, confident of her answer. “Hey, what about blood, sweat, and tears?”

Behind me, Cherry nods her head while yawning and stretching out like a cat. “Makes sense, nyaa. Myaster?”

“Sounds like a reasonable shot. Go ahead and try, unless someone has any other ideas?”

Nobody does, so as a group, we all moved to see if this is the correct solution. Meri volunteers since it was her who discovered this room, and there are no objections. Not any vocal ones, anyway. Sam is clearly jealous but holds it back as she grows pouty.

Meri removes her gauntlet, and with the help of her buckler’s sword, she pricks a tiny drop of blood from her fingertip. It falls on the pedestal. Next, for sweat, the Shield Maiden unties her yellow hair bow and wrings it out over the top of the offering dish. Considering how sweaty her hair can get, it’s accumulated a fair deal by now, even though she had a break from wearing her armor.

After refastening her bow to her head, Meri asks, “Nothing so far... um... how do we get the tears, Master?”

“That’s simple. Sam?”

“I got this, Boss!” The Princess puffs her chest out, ready to do what she does best- be an obnoxious brat. She approaches Meri’s side and looks her straight in the face. “Meri, that armor makes you look like a whale.”

“...W-W-WHAT?!”

Sam reaches out and scoops up one of Meri’s newly-formed distressed tears, flicking it onto the dish. “Just kiddin’, babe. You know I love ya.” Her Highness smiles, leaning in to give the troubled defender a small kiss on her cheek.

“I... ah... um... t-that’s... oh... s-stand firm, stand firm...” Meri dies a little inside, her face becoming a blushing mess.

Everyone watches the pedestal for what happens next, eager to see if Zutiria and Sam’s idea was the correct one. We don’t have to wait long. Just like in the first room, the fixture begins lowering itself into the stone below, and once it’s been entirely swallowed, another treasure chest is presented to the group.

Sam remembers the drill this time and pokes it with her sword, confirming that this isn’t a Mimic. There’s no arguing with who gets the chest, considering Meri both discovered the room and gave her literal blood, sweat, and tears to make the chest appear. Not even Her Highness can muster up the brattiness to argue with that.

The Shield Maiden smiles anxiously, stepping forward to claim her reward from the exciting box at her feet. “I really hope it’s something useful, please, oh... please...” Closing her eyes, Meri dives in and grasps what lies at the bottom. What she pulls out is baffling at first glance.

“These are... outsoles...?” She stares disappointedly at the rubber shoe parts she holds, like a child who was given a sad gift on their birthday.

“Don’t look so sad. Zutiria hasn’t used her detect magic spell yet.” It’s possible these sad-looking rubber soles are much more useful than they appear.

Sure enough, Zutiria wordlessly casts a spell and leans in to take a better look at Meri’s prize. After a moment, the Mage smiles and then takes the outsoles from Meri. Zutiria sits down on the floor in front of Meri and says, ‘Lift your feet up. You’ll like this.’

A small sense of hope starts to return to the Shield Maiden’s eyes, and she does as she’s told. Zutiria affixes the outsole to the bottom of Meri’s left boot. At first, it’s too big. But then a small glowing light emits from the rubber, and it constricts itself down to fit snugly around the armor. They repeat the process, and both have now merged fully with Meri’s armor.

“Now what?” Sam asks impatiently, eager to get to the fun part.

‘Dig your feet into the ground like you’re trying not to get pushed back, Meri. The same way you always do.’

“Um, oh. Ok!” She smiles, widening her stance and following the Mage’s orders. Meri gasps right as her foot makes contact with the stone floor, but nothing appears out of place to everyone else. “Wow...!” She says, her face lighting up with spectacle.

“What are they doing, Meri?” I have an idea, of course, but I can’t verify without hearing it.

The Shield Maiden removes her feet from the ground, lifting them up to show everyone the effect. These outsoles were completely flat just moments ago, yet now they’ve transformed into cleats with long, protruding spikes covering almost every inch of their surface. “Even though the ground is stone, I’m able to dig in! Now I’ll never be knocked around!”

There are no holes beneath where Meri’s boot just was. I think the cleats are just for show and don’t actually have any bearing on the item’s effect. While I’m inspecting them, the cleats retract back into her boots. “I’m gonna go try it out on the gold floor!” She runs back with excitement, her armor clanging as she goes.

‘It should work. My spell said they’re called Constant Cleats, and their effect is very obvious.’

From over in the warehouse room, Meri confirms happily that they do, in fact, work on the gold flooring. This new addition to Meri’s arsenal is a wonderful treasure, especially with how they cover up one of her most significant weaknesses.

Having no reason to linger in the empty statue chamber, they rejoin Meri, and we decide it’s time to sort things out with Sam. We all had a much-needed break, we stole an absurd amount of lingerie and sex toys, but now we need to get serious again. Together, the party marches to the exit of the chamber before stopping.

‘Now, just to remind you both, Sir, Sammy, this is not without complications. Mentalimancy is not a specialty of mine, as I’ve only ever used it on myself. I know my own mind, and during my worst... episodes, I’ve used this spell to bring me back to neutral. This school of magic requires much actual practice to pull off, and most of my experience is theoretical. While I’m not against doing it for you just this once, Sammy, I do want to spell all of this out beforehand in the event that it goes awry. In other words, don’t blame me if this fucks up.’

“Yeah, yeah, I got it. Scramble my brain already, Doc.” Sam’s patience runs low, and she begins tapping her foot onto the golden floor.

‘Don’t make light of this, Sammy. You might be rendered incoherent for days until Opal can fix my mistake.’

“W-We can’t do this dungeon without Sam, though... so...” Meri shuffles in place, nervousness rising.

“Meri is right. Scramble her brain, Zutiria.” I sigh, cradling my forehead in my palm for support. Snow’s paw supportively pats my thigh. “Gods, this better work...” Muttering to myself, I clench my spare hand into a fist while I watch as Zutiria raises her elegant staff.

‘Understood, Sir.’ She points the weapon at Sam’s head and whispers, “Stem Loballance.” A light flashes out over and over again as many tiny, electric hands dart out from the staff and invades the Princess’s skull. Her head begins glowing with lightning as Zutiria closes her eyes and focuses on re-arranging Sam’s brain chemistry to put an upper limit on Her Highness’s capacity to feel anger for the time being.

It’s not a pretty sight, and Meri and Peri have to look away as it happens. It only lasts for a few moments, thankfully... I was reaching my limit, too.

Sam stands in place as the spell ends, the lightning fizzling out until the last spark fades away entirely. At first, she doesn’t look like anything happened to her at all. The Princess’s expression is the same as when the spell started. In other words, totally normal.

“Sam...? Are you alright?”

As if her response was delayed until now, her typically fierce and bratty eyes turn placid and mellow. Her cocky smile becomes replaced by a wide, dull grin, and her cheeks start blushing mildly. “Daddyyyy!” She continues smiling without a care in the world. “I feel so gooooood right now...! Wooooooow! Is this what normal people feel liiiiike...? Its like... holy shiiiiit, I just... um... I don’t remember where I was going with this, but I looooove you, Daddyyyyy...!!”

“...Sam?” Meri blinks at her friend, frightened for what has become of her. “Oh, no... S-Sam?!”

My brain convulses as if a migraine is on its way. Slumping against the desk, I groan, “Gods fucking damn it, Zutiria, you broke Sam.”

‘You said, and I quote, ‘Scramble her brain, Zutiria’. I did only as I was asked.’

“You said the spell would bring her back to neutral.”

‘No, I said I used it to bring myself back to neutral. For Sammy, it appears to have gone past neutral.’

“Sam sounds like Cherry on catnip, nyaa...” Peri tilts her head.

“I-It was one time, gods, are you ever gonna let me hear the end of that?!” Cherry blushes fiercely, crossing her arms while Peri has a giggle at her expense.

“You don’t need to be embarrassed, Cherry. Sometimes a girl just has to have herself a smoke,” Snowball sighs wearily as she says something I was never expecting to hear from her in a million years.

“Wait, what the fuck? Are you saying you light up? YOU?” Cherry blinks at the respectable maid who taught her everything she knows about being a prim and proper lady.

“Sure. You try being head maid without having a vice or two to keep your head on your shoulders, nyaa.” Snow smiles at the pink-haired kitten, and for once, it seems like they’re having an intimate moment that doesn’t involve Snow’s trademark riding crop.

“Hey! pretty kitty! I can hear you, but can you hear me? Heeeeey!” Sam waves vapidly around the warehouse at no one in particular. “Pretty kitty?”

“...Hi, dear. How are you feeling?” Snow reluctantly answers.

“Daddy wants to fuck you!” Sam smiles bright and cheery as if revealing this fact was doing me a gigantic favor.

I continue to slump over the desk and groan.

“I am well aware, nyaa.” 

“Sam, enough, can you fight?” I change the topic as fast as possible.

“Heck yeah, Daddyyyyy! I’m gooooood at that!” Sam draws her sword from its sling to prove her point and begins doing several practice slices and fancy foot maneuvers. Much to everyone’s surprise, not a whole lot of Sam’s skill has been lost during the brain-scrambling.

“...Alright, whatever. Next room.”

“Kay! Love you, Daddy!”

“...”

“SAY IT.” Sam stamps her foot at me, not angrily- since she can’t feel anger right now, but grumpily.

“...I love you, too, Princess. Now get in the next fucking room before I have an aneurism.”

“Will do!” She says and marches off with the party in tow.