My first glance at the divine being known as Lux Ultima is bewitching, and I find it hard to take my eyes off of her undisputable majesty.

Upon her head is a glowing, golden halo with tiara-like protrusions at the top. She has long, flowing blonde hair that trickles off into wavy, impossible-looking thick curls like the flowing locks of a beautiful maiden you might find in a masterful painting. Her hair splits off into two distinct major strands, which looks to be a magical effect. I don’t think that the look could be replicated naturally, no matter how much hair product was used.

She wears a rather skimpy golden bikini that reminds me of Sam’s armor, if not just a little classier thanks to the fact that both the top and bottom parts give way to a white, gold-trimmed skirt that covers her up much more than my beloved Princess.

The Goddess adorns herself with beautiful golden bracelets and anklets, each one set with numerous shimmering blue crystals so brilliant that I’d wager selling even just one would allow you to buy an entire castle all to yourself. My greed rears its ugly head, which I’m sure she can sense, but she allows me to get away with it. I can’t help it. I would kill for her jewelry. Oh, the things I could do for the Guild with that kind of Gold...

Her body is tall, curvy, and busty. Physically, she doesn’t look too dissimilar from Sam, if I’m honest. They have very similar proportions and even facial proportions. The legends do say that the Goddesses created House Lundreame to always protect and lead the people of Karnalle, so perhaps I shouldn’t be too surprised that Lux Ultima might have used herself as a reference.

The only significant difference between Lux and her creations is that the Goddess doesn’t possess the famed green eyes of the Royal Family. Instead, her own eyes are a shining, pure blue without any pupils.

Every single part of the Goddess is shining in that same warm light that transported me here. Looking at her makes me feel at ease in her presence, but I catch a faint flicker of something... off. She reacts to the slight shimmering of her aura but disregards it without noticing that I caught it happen.

Our eyes meet, and I feel free of the imposing sensation that overtook me upon seeing her. Suddenly, I can loosen my posture and stand up once again.

At long last, the platform touches the floor. It dissipates into an uncountable number of shimmering particles that circle and dance about the sky with refined elegance.

We now stand face to face, and a single bead of sweat forms on my brow as we bask in the unnerving silence. Lux Ultima raises her chin as if to look down on me, and she raises her hand. “Why do you not bow before me, Mortal? Does your arrogance truly reach such levels that you can’t even show proper reverence to the creator of your everything?” Her voice is much deeper and silkier than it ever sounded when she was speaking in my head.

Her aura flickers again, and once more, her expression briefly changes to one of total panic. She mistakenly believes I couldn’t have noticed this. This leads me to presume that the Goddess is polite enough not to read my mind during our meeting, although that may be a significant assumption on the integrity of her character on my part...

Regardless, If she didn’t want me to notice such things, then she shouldn’t have given me amazing, magical eyes that can detect almost anything.

Sensing that she isn’t being honest with me, I test what I can get away with by making a power move. “If you’re not going to take this seriously, then I’ll walk straight over to the railings and dump this entire bottle into the clouds.”

“WHAT?! HOW DARE YOU, YOU FUCKING-” The sky goes blacker than oblivion as Lux Ultima raises her voice at me. Once tranquil and pleasant, the clouds now distort into a growing maelstrom of wrath and uncertain terror. Lightning rains down like a terrifying arrow onto the heavenly city, and I hear many a horrific scream off in the distance. It tears down buildings and creates terrible fires stretching out into the horizon, ruining the beautiful vista laid so serenely in the surroundings mere moments ago.

I watch, dumbfounded, as I realize that this Goddess just wholly destroyed most of her own heavenly Realm in the blink of an eye. If I wasn’t drunk on my own courage right about now, indeed, I would be facing a mighty existential dread upon realizing that she could likely do the same thing to Karnalle at any given moment with no warning whatsoever.

Summoning more of that bizarre courage, I walk over to the edge of the gazebo just as I promised, and I extend my arm over the railing. I barely even have to pretend to start pouring it before Lux Ultima races to my side with all the grace and elegance of a drug addict looking for her next fix. Being a native Dewhurstian, it’s a common sight to me... “WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT STOP DON’T NOOO-” She screams in vain.

“Stop pretending from now on and play along. If you do, you’ll get the entire bottle. That’s what you want, yes?” If she’s going to try working with me here, I want to be on the same playing field. 

She looks at me warily and tries to scoff at me disingenuously. “Look, look. I’m sure you’re upset and all that, but I’m not pretending about anything! Look at me, I’m the fucking Goddess of the Last Light, for fuck’s sake!”

I pour the tiniest droplet of ambrosia out into the clouds, and she shrieks like a petulant little child. A bright aura explodes from the tall, busty goddess in a single instant, and she turns into a much smaller and younger-looking version of the same girl. Now, the Goddess is about as tall as Zutiria, if not a little bit taller- although that may just be her gratuitous, crown-like halo.

“You bastard, I can’t drink any of that shit if you don’t directly offer it to me!! Agh! Good fucking job, you worthless pencil-pusher, that’s the cloud’s ambrosia now!!”

“That’s the idea,” I sigh, thinking to myself just how much pain this little interview is going to cause my poor brain. “You should have listened to my warning. For what it’s worth, I’m sure the cloud is very appreciative.”

“Oh, you’re just asking for me to smite you, aren’t you?” The Goddess of Light crosses her arms, her face contorting into a decidedly unholy-looking scowl.

“Go ahead, might as well save the Demon Lord some trouble, right?” I bow before her and mockingly spread my arms wide. “Or rather, you can’t afford to let me die... can you?”

“Erk-” Lux Ultima cringes, stepping back and freezing in place while a comically large bead of sweat appears on her brow.

It’s here that I decide to test my third and final weapon. I reckon that I have a lot more power over her than she wants to admit, on account of the whole magical destiny thing. She can threaten me and get grumpy over my actions, but as far as punishing me? That would be entirely counterintuitive for her agenda. Knowing this simple fact allows me to be far cockier than I might otherwise risk.

Her silence speaks volumes, and I allow myself a slight smirk knowing that I was right on the money with my educated guess.

“T-that’s irrelevant!” She stomps her foot on the ground, deigning to break the silence by further shoving her foot in her mouth. “Do you WANT me to visit my divine armory and look for something to make your life harder?”

“By all means. Personally, I’d much rather we just have a polite sit-down where I carve as much information out of you as possible. When we’re done, you can go about your godly way and do whatever holy things you do as per the usual. Does that sound alright to you... Lux? Can I call you that?”

“...You don’t gotta be so formal. You can call me Luxy, Mortal.” She sighs, putting her hands on her hips. “Since I assume you aren’t going to be paying me the proper respects anyway.”

“Very true. I was never very religious in the first place- you have to understand.” I give her a polite smirk.

Luxy has herself a laugh at that. “You know, in a way... you amuse me. You really aren’t intimidated by being face to face with a God, are you?”

“Not when that God is you, no. Why would I fear my mysterious benefactor? Thus far, you’ve worked primarily to get me laid, and you made my dick bigger. While I do have a lot of questions we’ll no doubt discuss during this audience, surely the great Lux Ultima in her infinite wisdom can do no wrong, and she wants what is best for all her children.” I do my best to subdue my sarcasm, but plenty of it drips all over the place.

This amuses the shining Goddess. Luxy snorts in a way similar to Sam, again drawing even more parallels in my mind between the two. “And here I thought you said you weren’t very religious.”

“You know that I read a lot. I’ve skimmed the holy texts a few times in my life.”

“Between furiously masturbating to erotica,” She adds, not untruthfully.

“...So are you just going to passive-aggressively use my secrets, bad habits, and hobbies to humiliate me whenever I get too smart with you?”

“Pretty much,” The cheeky Goddess smiles. “You got a hell of a lot for me to choose from.”

“Yes, about that. Am I to just take it that you sit around watching my life unfold and that you just constantly read my thoughts? Before anything else, I’d like to know your level of... ‘involvement’ in my life.”

“You think I don’t have better things to do than watch over an alcoholic chronic masturbator all day every day?” The Goddess scoffs, putting her hand on her hips and raising her nose, trying to look down on me despite our clear height difference.

“Ex-chronic masturbator. I’ve transitioned into a full-blown sex addict, thank you very much. Although I have you to thank for that, I suppose.” The ethics of how my partners are selected from on high will come up very soon, but I’m still in the process of the initial back and forth— an essential stage of any business encounter.

“Right, you’re welcome. We both know you needed the help.” Luxy laughs, showing off that she can be a little cute, I suppose... “For your information, I only check in on you every now and then. I’ll give you that one for free, but any other questions past that, and you’re going to have to provide me with some of that succulent ambrosia.”

“I suppose that can be arranged,” I step forward away from the railing, determined to kick things off. “Let’s get this strange meeting started then, shall we?”

“Don’t tell me what to do, mortal!” Luxy stomps her foot at me before initiating an awkward silence. “...But yes, let’s get started.” She sighs, acquiescing to my demands.