“Three days! It’s been three days, Lee, and I still don’t have power at home! Oh, and the best part is now we have a bunch of secret service wannabes lurking about. Bunch of do-nothing mouth breathers talking into earpieces and trying to look all cool and sexy in their suits. You know what’s sexy? Being able to turn on the lights! That’d really get my engine running. Not some beefed-up muscle heads with their cold, unfeeling, sensual stares.” It was apparent that at some point Kat’s rant got away from her. I also felt like I was learning something about her tastes that I really didn’t need to know.

 

It was a Tuesday afternoon and our restaurant had exactly zero customers. There wasn’t a shred of side work to be done and Alan had long since given up on getting me and my equally unmotivated colleague to deep-clean anything. So, as it was, Kat and I sat in one of the many empty booths of the main dining room. We shot the breeze and waited for the evening shifters to come in and take our place. I considered ordering some food, but then I remembered that even with our employee discount a meal costs money. No customers meant no tips, meant no cash, meant instant ramen was going to become a long-term dietary staple… again.

 

It made me no less bitter to know that it wasn’t an abstract concept of fate or destiny that had me facing down another week of salty noodles, but rather a very real, very tangible person who still hadn’t contacted me since the night in the club. I’ll be in touch, my ass, he was probably off somewhere sipping a mai tai and writing this whole impassioned rant about himself for kicks. That settled it, dude was gonna come down with a lifetime case of the hiccups as glorious retribution.

 

“Oh Leon…” Barry’s trademark shit-eating grin popped around the corner. “You just got sat at the bar.” Oh, fabulous, maybe I’d be able to afford a happy meal on the way home after all. Excusing myself from Kat’s company, I straightened my tie and strode into the bar ready to earn my modest dinner.

 

Sitting alone on the bartop was none other than the man who guided me to this profession devoid of hope. “Hey, Leona, nice to see you again.” Was it nice? Last time we were face to face we had come within a hair's breadth of throwing hands. “Sorry I haven’t come by sooner, I had to get some stuff prepared before we met. This is going to be the last time we’ll have the chance to see one another, and I wanted things to go smoothly.”

 

“Oh, so you’re finally going to put me out of my misery and kill me off next chapter? Bold choice, I doubt the audience would be cool with a main character's death after all this build-up.” Leon chuckled at my joke, which had doubled as a half-hearted plea for my life. I tried not to truly focus on the power dynamics in play between Leon and myself because, quite honestly, they were terrifying. We were both in a standstill of mutually assured destruction, where our entire fate was held in the other’s hand. 

 

Leon hopped over the bar and grabbed a pilsner. “Want one?” He wasn’t serious, was he?

 

“Look, man, I don’t know how familiar you are with your own damn dream job, but drinking while working is kind of a swift one-way ticket out of here.” If you got caught, of course.

 

With a shrug, Leon poured himself a glass of some generic label stuff from the tap. “Suit yourself, thought you might want to toast to your last day on Earth.” Holy shit, he was going to kill me off! The shock and terror must have been written on my face because my douche-pelganger started cracking up. "Alright, my fault, I should have phrased that a bit better… does last night on this Earth make it sound better?" Mother fucker did that on purpose.

 

Ignoring table manners altogether, I plopped both elbows onto the countertop. Resting my head on my now intertwined fingers, I put on my best wistful expression and naively hopeful voice. "Oh my, are you gonna whisk me away to your world so I can finally live all of my dreams? My hero!" I batted my eyelashes like it was going out of style… even though it went out of style decades ago. "Honestly, I doubt it'd be that easy for you to get back home, let alone bring a friend." Bold of me to assume I was even a friend at this point, I know.

 

Chugging the beer I hoped he knew he was paying for, Leon’s eyebrows raised. “So you’re telling me you haven’t figured it out? You really suck at paying attention to others. You should really work on that... in the near future if possible.” It was hard to take him seriously when his lip was still covered in foam. “I mean, you’re the one who came up with the unpleasant interdimensional commute, shouldn’t you recognize the signs that the train’s pulled into the station?”

 

The box. The dumb, nonsensical plot device I’d used to kick off Leon’s story. Why bring that up now… unless? “Kat’s apartment?”

 

Leon snapped his fingers and grinned before sliding me a drink I hadn’t seen him pour. “Give the girl a prize. I may or may not have written that terrifying hunk of junk into your story to have it crop back up. So the only question is, are you gonna take the plunge and hop over to my old stomping grounds?” That was a very good question, one I’d need to sleep on and seriously consider before jumping headfirst into the unknown. “I should also mention that this is a limited-time engagement. The box goes away tonight at midnight. Don’t get stuck with a pumpkin instead of a carriage, kay?”

 

The room spun around me, it was… a lot to take in. “What about ID’s… and jobs… and my responsibilities here? I mean, it’s not like we can both just literally trade places.”

 

“Actually, that is the plan. Hand me my bag!” With an excitement only commonly found in kindergarten show and tell, Leon repeatedly jabbed his fingers at a bag sitting on a barstool next to his. I picked up his bag and held it out only to have it snatched from my hands in an instant. “Alright, so we both fucked up each other's lives. Neither of our faults, of course, we thought we were just writing fiction. But now that we know what it is we’re doing… I think we can start making things a little bit better.” Leon pulled out a plain manilla envelope with three words drawn on it with a felt-tipped marker: Deus Ex Machina.

 

“No…” I spoke in a hushed tone, flabbergasted by the proposal. “But we hate that shit. It’s so contrived, so convenient and it lacks all of the nuances of a realistic situation.”

 

Slamming his palms into the bartop, Leon stared right at me. “Fuck. Realism. This is literally our own reality at stake. Yes, fiction is at its best when the stakes are high and the consequences dire. When it comes to stories that are simply meant to be consumed, enjoyed, and subsequently forgotten this is literally the worst thing to do… but don’t you want life to imitate art in a simple and clean way-- just once?” Leon cracked open the envelope and pulled out two ‘outlines’ from inside; one he would write for me, one I would write for him. “Now I did just kind of assume what a good ending for you would entail based on what you seemed pissed off about the other night. If you want anything changed, now’s the time to speak up.”

 

***

 

Arriving back home a few hours after my shift ended, a small mass of stapled papers in my hand felt heavier than anything I’d ever carried. After hours of suggestions, negotiations, and meticulous planning, Leon and I had created the perfect endings for one another. If all went to plan, the final chapters of our respective tales would help each of us acclimate to our new lives while settling any and all logistical issues we considered. Now there was just one other matter to settle… one that could make or break this entire deal.

 

Ever since the night at the club, Ralee had been staying at my place. She still didn’t know how to get home or what to make of her semi-successful search for her love. Guess I could at least solve one of her problems now. Roughly shouldering my apartment's perpetually jammed door open, I was greeted by a familiar and comforting aroma. “Hey there, I made Rad-men… kind of. We were missing about half of the ingredients, but I did what I could. Grab a bowl while it’s hot!”

 

My time with Ralee ever since I told her that I was Leona had been… confusing. We hung out as often as we could, whenever my work schedule allowed. We watched old sitcom reruns, played whatever board games I still had all the pieces to, and talked about everything from our deepest fears, to what strange topping would taste the best on a pizza. On the surface, it seemed like we got along really well, but there were just a few puzzling issues. Ralee often sat right beside me to watch tv for a few minutes before twitching, standing up, and moving to a seat far away. She also hadn’t called me by my name since she learned it, somehow finding every way under the sun to address me without the “L” word. Most distressingly, she seemed to have a hard time even looking me in the eyes.

 

“Hey, Ralee, thanks for cooking.” I smiled at her but she was staring at some random fridge magnet, obviously reading the five printed words on it repeatedly to truly commit them to memory. The two of us sat in silence on opposite ends of the living room. When both of our bowls were left drained on the coffee table, she kicked up her feet and turned on the tube. It was eight o’clock, time was slowly getting away from me as I fought the urge to avoid the difficult yet necessary conversation ahead. Shoving away my many fears and insecurities, I moved over to Ralee’s side of the living room and plopped down on the couch. “Hey, do you mind shutting that off for a bit… we need to talk.”

 

Muting the random infomercial for some new exercise craze, Ralee continued watching the pictures as she waited for me to continue. Knowing that this may very well be my last chance to air everything out, I grabbed the remote from her hand and turned off the picture as well. “Hey, what’s wrong?” Acting on reflex, Ralee looked right at me for a split second before diverting her focus over my left shoulder. I know, the wall was so damn interesting during times like these, but it didn’t mean my face wasn’t a bit vexed by the gesture.

 

“Please… please look at me. Please just look at me, and hear me, and see me.” Reluctantly, Ralee shifted her gaze until our eyes met once again. “I know that I’m not your Leona. I’m not the woman you knew back in your world, and I’m not the woman you crossed into a whole new world to find. I’m a dime-store ripoff, a knock-off of a knock-off. I had written Leona as the ideal version of me… someone worth admiring, worth striving to be like, someone I know I can’t measure up to and probably never will. I’m sorry-- I’m sorry I’m all that’s left of the woman you knew.”

 

At first, I thought Ralee was hanging on my last statement completely still. However, as I kept looking at her, I noticed the faint shaking of her shoulders as she bit back a retort she was dying to make. “Just wait here, okay?” Leaving behind that simple request, Ralee jumped up from the couch and jogged to the countertop where her backpack sat. She tore through a mess of disorganized papers and unbound loose-leaf textbooks before pulling out one single page and returning to me just as quickly as she left. “Here, they don’t quite make Hallmark cards for people like us so… just read this, please.”

 

***

 

Lost and Found - Chapter 1

 

An interdimensional journey sounded like a complete blast. Until you actually went on one only to discover a tame and boring version of your own reality waiting on the other end. Such was life sometimes, you never quite got what you expected… but there was a beauty in that unpredictability.

 

Arriving in this other world, I expected to find the missing love of my life, go on a badass adventure beset on all sides by danger and mystery, and maybe meet an alien of some kind (it was an alternate dimension, I figured stranger things might happen). Well, as it turns out, aliens didn’t exist in this world either. Bummer, I know. The most adventurous thing I’d accomplished was stealing a world-class clunker a couple of times. As for my love, well, that’s where life really threw in a curveball. You see, I never did get to find Leona… I got to meet her for the first time instead. 

 

At first, I didn’t know who the hell she was, This strange lady introduced herself with a truly out-of-place name and tried to convince me that she was her own relative… like, who does that!? Couldn’t fault her too much, though, turns out she still hadn’t found herself either. So, what do two blind idiots do when they’re searching for something that’s right in front of them? They go off on the mother of all wild goose chases! We followed the thinnest leads imaginable, chasing her shadow all the while.

 

I’m embarrassed to admit that I was so focused on the search, that I missed all the clues she kept dropping me. The kindness she showed, the awkward way she tried to make conversation, and how easy it was to get a rise out of her. Fragments of the woman I knew poured from this new acquaintance like vibrant shards of glass. It’s not that I didn’t notice them as they came, but I was too busy with the forest to really care about the trees. So we persisted with our ultimately futile search for something that was well and truly intangible. Then, when all the pieces fell into place and my partner was able to introduce herself properly, all of those jagged and incomplete pieces coalesced into a stunning mosaic mural. A sight that was different, but just as beautiful as the one I’d been searching for.

 

This was the part where the two reunited women should have kissed as the soundtrack swelled and everything faded to black with the promise of a happy ending. Only, life was rarely that disgustingly easy. Now I was stuck with someone I’d known for a week and years simultaneously. How familiar did that kind of relationship make us? Were we acquaintances, friends, or something more… would she even want that? All I knew was

 

***

 

The page suddenly ended mid-sentence leaving a very important thought unfinished. Once I had reached the conclusion I immediately started from the beginning again, unable to believe my eyes. “It’s still a work in progress… I’m not that good a writer and it’s honestly taking forever to get what I want to say to make sense but yeah… that’s what I’ve got.”

 

As I reached the cliffhanger conclusion again, I felt a familiar stinging in my eyes. I hadn’t even gotten to start hormones yet and this shit was already happening. I was going to be a weepy mess when I actually got to start transitioning. Realizing that I couldn’t hang onto the paper forever, despite how enticing that sounded, I handed it back to its author. “Thank you, Ralee. It’s wonderful.”

 

A palpable tension overwhelmed us as we stared at one another from across the couch. “Oh, fuck it already!” Ralee launched herself across the neutral cushion and straight into my arms. She pulled my face closer and kissed me. It had been rough, unreasonably short, and honestly, not well-aimed, but it filled me with a warmth I hadn’t felt… ever. As the woman on top of me pulled back, glaring and flushed she asked a series of questions with the sternness and volume of a drill instructor. “Any concerns?” I shook my head. “Any complaints?” Once again, my head swiveled like a weathervane in a twister. “Any questions?”

 

“Way too many.”

 

“Good.” With that, she pulled me into another, much gentler kiss. One I knew I’d remember for the rest of my life. This time, as our faces separated, she was smiling from ear to ear. “Still a bad kisser, guess some things never change, Leona.”

 

Now it was my turn to look away in embarrassment. “Shut up.”

 

Ralee laughed in that mischievous lilting way that drove me crazy as she shifted off of me. “Guess that’s all you wanted to talk about?”

 

Yup, that about settled all of my concerns. Now we just had to worry about… Son of a bitch! My eyes darted to the nearest clock. Nine-thirty. Shit shit shit shit shit shit. Here I was getting distracted by genuine happiness when there was still work to be done. “Actually, we gotta go. Pack up whatever you need and go to the car. I’ll explain on the way.”

 

***

 

Arriving at the parking lot of Kat’s place, we saw the highrise building rumbling as if its very foundation was being shaken. It was apparent that all of the residents had been evacuated as a slew of people were gathered around watching in awe as a building moved in a way no habitable structure should. It didn’t take long for me to pick Kat out of the crowd and run up to her. “Hey, Kat, what’s going on?”

 

“Lee? What are you doing here?”

“I was in the neighborhood and saw the commotion. Something else happening with your place?” I asked innocently, as if I didn’t know full well that an interdimensional transporter was going nuts in the basement.

 

“All those damn suit-wearing pricks made us up and leave. Something about a fault line. It’s such bullshit! Where the hell am I gonna stay? Is one of them gonna offer me a bed for the night?” Oh right, she was totally lusting after the people investigating the box.

 

Traffic had been just as nightmarish as usual and it was already eleven by the time Ralee and I arrived. When Ralee had come over from her world, she had made a mad dash past every guard, but now there was one suit stationed right in front of the door. We’d literally have to get through him to even have a shot at making it in.

 

Ralee came up behind me and grabbed my hand. “What are we gonna do? We only have so much time?”

 

Only one thought popped into my head. It was deceitful, diabolical, and honestly had a snowball's chance in hell of working. Well, no guts no glory, right? “Hey, Kat, can you read lips?”

 

Kat looked at me, confused by the random question. “Umm, no not really. Why, can you?”

 

“Totally, I had a deaf cousin growing up who taught me. I just think the conversation the guy in front of the door is having with whoever’s on the other end of his earpiece is hilarious. Apparently, he wants something called a… dommy mommy?” My coworker seemed to perk up at the term I was glad she was familiar with. “Yeah, he’s saying that he’s totally going cougar hunting after his shift tonight and he really wants to find someone forceful yet yielding. Huh, seems contradictory to me.”

 

I could see Kat sweating in the cold night air as her entire face flushed red. “Well, that is just extremely inappropriate… Somebody should really teach that young man some manners.”

 

“And that somebody is you?” I said, hiding the hopefulness in my voice.

 

Clearing her throat, Kat straightened her posture and put on the most serious expression I’d ever seen her wear. “If not me, then who else? At least this way I can make sure he’s properly… disciplined.”

 

Alright everyone, do not try this at home. I had an inkling something like this might come up after Leon made a big deal of saying that I don’t listen to people. This was an entirely stupid solution to an impossible problem that would never have worked without the Deus Ex protocol in play. Fortunately, I had the power of being in touch with the author of my life… and I was going to milk the shit out of it.

 

“Alrighty, go get him, tiger.” I could have sworn I heard Kat growl as she started sauntering over to the door. Within a couple of minutes, a very confused, very excited guard was being led by the tie away from his post. Good for her, she deserved her night of frivolous passion.

 

Ralee looked on in utter shock and disbelief. “Did that shit really just happen?”

 

Grasping her hand tighter, I started leading her toward the door. “Hun, if I’m right about what’s going on, you’re gonna see a whole lot weirder before we get to the machine.”

 

True to my word and my expectations for Leon and his particular brand of satirical writing, Ralee and I had a hell of a leisurely stroll to the box. Two guards at the elevator both got food poisoning at the same time. The guard downstairs was sound asleep and muttering something about wanting to join a polycule with a coworker and a player to be named later… good for Kat, Leon was really hooking a sister up. Finally, the two guards right outside of the device’s room simply declared that we weren’t the droids they were looking for before walking off to bullseye womp rats. “This… is fucking terrifying,” Ralee said, gripping me tighter still and walking so close to me it took all my concentration not to trip over her.

 

“Yeah, but at least Leon isn’t a spiteful god… I hope.”

 

Standing outside of the raging maelstrom I had described in my writing before but never truly witnessed, I was stunned. The tendrils of energy whipped around as a gust with no source flung debris and paper every which way. The noise alone made me wish I had packed a spare pair of pants as every fiber of my being was screaming to run away as fast as I could. “You ready, Leona?” Ralee asked, smiling up at me to show me it would all be alright.

 

“Yeah.” The two of us walked into the room and straight for the box. This was it, we would pull the lever and say goodbye to this world forever. Leon and I would do what we could for one another before ending our series’ on an open yet hopeful note, setting each other free from outside influence, and then-- well, then I didn’t have all the answers after that. Guess we just hoped for the best. Looking down at the woman smiling up at me, I wasn’t afraid of my final ending. Good or bad, grand or bland, it didn’t matter. All I needed for my life to be worthwhile was right here. Eager to start our new journey together, Ralee and I both put a hand on the lever, never letting go of each other as we did. Together we pulled down and submitted ourselves to the incredible story before us.