I'm sitting across from Elise in a private room, just upstairs from the extravagant hall where the tea party was being hosted. I feel the need to know Elise’s story to help her, but I find myself grasping for words to start a conversation.

Elise meekly followed me when I dragged her up here, but would she be willing to tell everything to a person she barely knew? 

“How have you been?” I ask, slightly leaning forwards.

“Good.”

Liar.

[Written from Elise’s POV]

“Good.” I answer without thinking. 

People who inquire “How are you?” never care about the response. It’s a formality. One would be burdened if the person actually spilled all their affairs to the question.

I wait for the topic to shift, but it doesn’t. Tina doesn’t throw another question, or even attempt to say anything. 

“... As you know, I got married a year ago into Beaumont house…”

Words spilled before I knew what I was doing. 

Maybe it was an attempt to fill the silence that hung heavily in the air. Maybe it was the sincere gaze of the young tailor whose age wasn’t so different from mine. Maybe it was the warmth I sensed from her that I haven’t felt in a long time.

How hilarious. For this feeling to come from someone I haven’t even spoken to in over a year.

I did put up a fight for some time after the arranged marriage was initially proposed. However, when my grandfather’s health deteriorated, the marriage was rushed to the point where neither me nor Osric could argue about who cancels the agreement from which end. 

[A/N: Osric is her husband's name.]

I gave in. Loveless political marriages are not new in this society. I believed things would work out eventually. We could continue doing our own things while respecting each other. 

I believed wrong. 

My one and only marriage ceremony lasted less than 15 minutes and ended without even exchanging kisses. That night, he entered the wedding chambers...

I exhale a nervous breath as I recall the events that night.

[Trigger Warning: Rape]

I wasn’t unwilling since I knew consummation was inevitable. But I was scared because I didn’t know what was coming. It was my first experience.

Osric took my gestures as rejection. I'll never forget the words he spat in my face that day. 

“You have no say in this.”

He pushed me down and aggressively parted my legs. He disregarded my apprehensions, emotionlessly thrusting until he dumped his load. 

When he was done, he exited the chambers with a dissatisfied click of his tongue. He didn’t return that night.

People said sex felt amazing, that it sends you to heavens. All I felt was a filthy sticky sensation between my legs as I sobbed on an empty bed. 

Disgusting. 

The sensation of his rough hands on my body didn't disappear no matter how many times I rubbed them clean in my bath. I felt disgusted with myself. I took pride in being a strong woman, yet I felt utterly useless when I was pinned under someone who was stronger than you.

Vain.

I collected myself after that night… and devoted myself entirely into swordsmanship. I wanted to push away all negative thoughts and invest my frustrations into something productive.

But my in-laws didn’t like me holding a sword. 

They didn't overtly reject me, but my mother-in-law began cramming housewife lessons into my schedule. I'd be too weary at the end of each day, but I'd go so far as to practice at night with no one watching. Because it was the only thing that remained constant in my life.

Then, three months into my marriage, everything came crashing down around me.

My father’s business failed and he went into debt. I intended to raise the matter to Osris, but he was away. 

Instead, my mother-in-law called me to have a ‘conversation’ while chastising me for seeking Osris. Then she continued to blame me for not being enough. 'Why else would he meet other women? Why would he only have intercourse with you once a month?'

Whenever I sought out Osris, the servants would condescendingly inform me that he was busy or occupied.

Even the servants held no respect for me in this house.

Then I learned that my father fell sick from overworking to settle debts. My mother wrote to me about how she is working hard to cover for both people, that they are both doing well and not to worry. And even asked if I was fine.

... If I was fine

How could I be fine?

How could they put me first and still worry for me while they’re in that mess?

How could I be living in this huge mansion eating all this gourmet food when my parents were suffering?

I felt so helpless.

I didn’t find joy in swinging a sword anymore. I felt no point in continuing to live my life. Everything felt dry and pointless. 

In the past year, I kept being confronted by several rumours about Osris’s infidelities. There was a long list of women who came up to me and provoked me during social parties. 

I didn’t have the energy to care.

“At this point, I don’t know why I even continue to live…”

There are no sobs or tears. I think my tear ducts have dried up along with my heart in the past year.

“Because you’re worth living.” A voice interrupts, and the door opens to reveal a woman. “The problem isn't you. Your husband is just really shit.”

It was Duke Yttrea's only daughter... Rosette Yttrea.

yam.laure

Damn, I didn't plan for this arc to go beyond two parts. But I actually enjoyed writing Elise's background story, so I overshot.

On a more serious note:

1. Please always remember to seek help if you're dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts. You matter. 
2. Sexual assault and rape is a serious matter which can occur even in marriage - any act without ACTIVE consent is sexual assault.

Now that we've covered that, we'll return to brighter parts of our story in the next chapter.