DetectiveRed

These chapters aren't as polished as I'd like. Sorry about that. With any luck, the story will be finished soon and the last chapters will come out over the next week. Thank you for being patient with me. Additionally, I'm opening up a Ko-fi and Paypal tip jar if you want to support my work financially. Of course, if you'd like to support my work for free, favouriting commenting and providing feedback helps a lot. I'll also have links to my other projects that are unrelated to writing on there.

"That is a beautiful name honey," Mum said.

"Thanks, a friend helped me pick it out." I was blushing again. Thinking about what Joanne said made cheeks warm. Why can't this body hide my emotions? It took an hour for me to calm down after crying and another half for her to get my name out, "It's just until there is another option. I might still end up turning back." I needed another option before I could make a choice. For now, though, this felt right. It made me happy. I needed to trust that people wanted me to be happy. 

"That's okay, Angelica. As long as you're safe."

"Can I have another hug?"

"Of course."

Hugs were nice. Not feeling like poison was nice. My old body made me feel like I was hurting others with my presence. I never realised I was so touch starved. Mum's arms wrapped around me. It was warm. Just being able to touch other people felt nice. 

My communicator beeped after what felt like a five-minute hug.

"Sorry, my friends are calling. They drunk the soda too. I need to know they're okay."

"It's okay, honey."

----------

"Joanne! Oh, thank goodness you are okay."

"Dad? Aren't you supposed to be at work"

"Had to take the day off. Most of the office was in rough shape. There were a few new ladies and gentlemen who wanted to keep working, as well as those of us who don't like soda, but the boss shut down the whole place anyway. Why are you home so late? I thought all kids were sent home, but I didn't get a call about you being affected." Of course, Astrus would forget to notify our parents in the chaos. Maybe he had assumed our parents would get the memo. Maybe he didn't want to out us as the rangers. Maybe he'd assumed my Dad wouldn't be home. 

"I was taking care of some friends, that's all."

"Until ten at night? Please tell me you didn't walk home."

"No, her dad dropped me off. She didn't turn back with the rest of us." I lied. 

"What do you mean 'with the rest of us'?"

"Well, I--"

"Are you okay? Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"My friend's dad picked us up from the basketball court." Calling Astrus a friend's dad would have to work for now. "The drink made us pass out, and I didn't want to bother you at work."

"I was worried. I didn't know where you were."

"Why does that matter now? I could be out till ten every night and you wouldn't notice. Is it different because you were home?" I snapped. 

"I couldn't get a hold of you, I’m your father of course I’d be worried."

"It didn’t seem to bother you when Brain Drain or Crabby Patty attacked?” I muttered. He didn’t get to be a parent when it was convenient and disappear in his work when it wasn’t. It wasn’t fair for him to act like a dad when an alien was doing his job for him. 

“Do you think because I’m at work I don’t worry? I keep having to check my phone to make sure your school is safe.”

“We could at least catch up afterwards.”

“You are always asleep by the time I get home, and in the morning you don’t seem to want to talk about it.” Well yeah, because I am tired, saving the world is exhausting. It was easier to just ignore it. How was I meant to respond to him suddenly caring?

"I'm going to bed."

"Work is letting us have tomorrow off, we'll talk then."

"Yeah, whatever dad."

I climbed the stairs up to my room. The hurried lecture from Astrus played in my head. "Guilt isn't productive." Guilt stopped me from messing up again. Guilt drove me to fix my mistakes. How was that not productive? Maybe it was my mistakes that were the problem, and this was his way of telling me about them. Maybe that's why he told us to take a break. Maybe he was replacing me. That line of thinking wasn’t going anywhere good. Change the subject.

Angelica. That was maybe the wrong topic to try thinking about. I tried to remember our last conversation, and… Oh. Maybe being removed as a leader would be a blessing. It wasn’t like I could show my face in front of her ever again. Not after once again flirting with her while not thinking straight. I didn’t just say she was cute or an angel this time. I straight up told her she was my type. How do you recover from that? That was one more thing I needed to apologise to her for.

Maybe I just needed to sleep.

--------

“Joanne, I’m going to the mall, do you want to come?” Dad called from downstairs. Sunlight streamed through my window. 

“Wha?” I responded. It was too early to be awake. 

“I need to get some food, I just wanted to know if you wanted to come with me? I’ll buy us ice cream.”

“I’m too tired, Dad.” I also needed to ask Astrus about Angie, but I couldn’t tell him that.

“Aww come on, like those daddy-daughter outings we had when you were a kid.” It had been a long time since he’d had enough time for anything like that and even this time it was only because he had a day off due to an emergency.

“Can you bring some home? I’m still recovering from being turned into a guy yesterday.”

“Oh gosh, yeah, I’m so sorry. Anything you need? Chocolate? Lollies?”

“Just some ice cream.”

“Okay, well. If you're not coming, I’ll get going. You like chocolate right?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.” 

This had to be the worst part of barely knowing your dad. The awkwardness of trying to talk to someone you haven't been close with for some time and the expectations that you should talk to them despite having nothing to talk about.

I waited for Dad’s car to leave the driveway. He probably wouldn't see me teleport but it paid to be careful.

“Astrus, teleport me to base.”

“I’m not going to change my mind, Joanne, no training.”

“That’s not what this is about.”

The command centre appeared around me. What did I want to say? Did I want to ask if I was being replaced, or what he meant yesterday?

“How’s Angie? Can I see her?”

“I can send a message through to her.” 

“Please do, I need to apologise to her.”

“What did I say about guilt, Joanne?”

“That it’s not productive, but--”

“But what? She isn’t holding it against you. You have apologised already.”

“But I was flirting with her during an identity crisis.”

“What?” Oh, yeah. We were talking about the other thing. The deadnaming thing.

“Oh."

“This isn’t going to make you feel more guilty?”

“No, I just need to apologise. It wasn’t appropriate.”

“I’ll see what I can do. Sit down, Joanne."

-------

"Tell her I'm sorry, Astrus, but I'm with my Mum," I whispered into my communicator while pretending to take a call.

"Angie you can't get out of this, you need new clothes." The mall had been kept open despite yesterday. I assumed it was for people like me to get some clothes

"I'm not trying to, Mum," I yelled back.

I couldn’t avoid getting new clothes anyway. Everything I owned was oversized on my old body, now I was swimming in fabric. I took a deep breath. This wasn't like when I was a guy, no one was going to look at me weird if I looked at dresses or women's jeans or cute skirts. Not that I'd ever done that. 

The mall was surprisingly busy for another reason. Can collection. Gender Vendor and Dysphorus had been busy, there were palettes of the stuff being moved. Part of me wanted to try stealing a can and trying to turn back again, instead, I just stared at the piles of Clownfish Orange. How many other people were in my situation? How many other lives had been changed? 

"They have resources over there for victims. We should check it out, Angie, you know in case you do end up staying like this." Mum said. I did want to see if there was anyone like me there. Maybe someone knew of a way to change back.

"Okay."

I hid behind Mum as we walked over. I may have asked to come out and get new clothes, but that didn't mean I wanted to talk to people.

"Hi, my daughter has recently gone through some changes. You're young, what do the kids wear these days?"

"Uh, excuse me but is your child okay with being called that," said a familiar voice, "They don't seem enthusiastic about being here." I couldn't see her from behind Mum, but that voice was familiar.

"Oh she's just shy, has been since she was little. Angelica asked for some new clothes." Okay, everyone on the team already knew about the name there was no need to hide. I moved out from behind mum and pulled back my jumpers' hood. Behind the desk was Stella, who somehow after everything that had happened yesterday, looked gorgeous. The ashiness her skin had yesterday was gone and her brown skin shined. She had to have been using some form of makeup to make it reflect gold, right? Maybe she could teach me how to do my makeup? That's if I stayed a girl.

"Wait? Angie?"

"Hi, Stella."

"Wow, you look great." Was blushing necessary whenever I received a compliment? This never seemed to happen when I was a guy. 

"Oh, you two know each other?" Mum asked.

"Your daughter’s a friend of mine. She helped me out a lot yesterday." What was she talking about? All I did yesterday was freak out over being a girl.

"Would you like to come shopping with us then, I'm sure she would like someone her age to help her pick out clothes."

"Of course. We got most of the cans in the mall prepped for moving, I'm not sure they need me anymore."

"I can see if I can cover for you if you'd like to take her shopping instead. I think she'd prefer a peer over her Mum." Did I get a choice in this? Then again shopping with a friend did make me stand out less than a teenager dragging her mum around. 

"Sure, they might be able to help you with anything else you need"

"You have been very helpful Stella, thank you. Angie, I have transferred some money into your account. Get whatever you need honey. Have fun, girls." 

"We will," Stella responded. Mum walked over to the person running the place and started chatting. Even if I wanted her to come with me it would be hard getting her to budge. 

How was this meant to go? Was she going to drag me around? How did I even talk to her like this? Was she taller than me now? When did that happen? Why was I so tiny? How is hanging out meant to work? 

"Thank you for letting me do your hair yesterday.” Finally, someone broke the ice. 

"I should be the one thanking you!"

"It must have been confusing for you though."

"I liked it!" I felt the need to tell her how nice having my hair played with felt. Or how her treating me like any other girl made me feel normal, but maybe this wasn’t the best way "Uh, sorry for blurting that out. Are you okay after yesterday?"

"I'm so much better compared to yesterday. What about you?"

"I'm fine," I mumbled.

"You know that's not going to fly. How do you like being Angelica? Are you adjusting okay?"

"It's confusing.” I’d started following her, as she led the way. “I’m meant to be a guy, but this feels better.” The last nights had been a mess of confusion.

"You responded without too much pushing. I'm proud.”

"Hey."

"Sorry. What do you mean? Do you want to go back to being a guy?"

"No, why would anyone want to be a guy? You know how it feels. I just don't like being forced to become a girl."

"I mean you could try owning it. Be the girl you want to be rather than letting how you became a girl define you." 

"What do you mean?"

"What kind of girl do you want to be?"

"I don't know, I guess I thought about wearing dresses and skirts and stuff before but they wouldn't have looked good on me."

"Are you kidding me? Even in your old body, you would have rocked a dress." Wha-- I tried to imagine it, which was difficult considering I couldn't remember what I looked like yesterday. 

"But I was a guy."

"Were you? Or did you just think you were?" Another person was saying this stuff. Was it possible I'd been trans the whole time? "Your shy cutie personality in a dress would have been adorable even in your old body." Why did it feel good to hear about that hypothetical? Why did thinking about my old body as a girl’s make me feel so much more confident?

"So if I changed back, you think I could still be a cute girl?"

"Well yeah. Your personality is adorable and a summer dress would have shown off your legs wonderfully." I blushed. God damn this body. 

"I think I prefer this body." 

"Oh and it suits you. Don’t get me wrong. I just thought you should know that your old body would also make a cute girl."

"You think so?" Ugh, I was trying to not let this affect my decision, but if my old body could be a girl then...

"Of course."

"And y’all would still treat me as a girl?"

"Obviously. You don't exactly seem comfortable with the guys?"

"Was it that obvious?"

"Why do you think you were always on my team?" She winked. Of course, she picked up on it. She picked up on everything. 

"I don't get them, Stella? Like what made them different?

"You aren’t a boy.”

“Stop making sense.”

“Sorry. How about we start with a dress?”

“That sounds fun,” I squeaked, as she dragged me into the first clothes store of the day.