AHHHHHHHHHH!
Yup. That's me screaming internally as I plummeted into the depths and darkness of the trench.
I know, I jumped in here on my own accord, but its not like I had much of a choice. It was either this or getting eaten by that stupid goldfish. I’d take depth diving over getting served as the weekly Escargot special.
Anyways, even while my quirky mind wandered on my recent decisions, I was still taking in my situation.
This ‘trench’ was completely different from the ones on Earth I had read about in my absolute boredom between missions. I guess all that useless information is becoming not so useless? Still wish I’d had a proper education though.
Disregarding my embarrassing academic career, if you can even call it that, this trench is weird.
Normally, the ocean is divided into five zones.
The surface level, from 0 to 200 meters, is called the sunlight zone. That’s where most of the fish a normal person could identify come from.
Next is the twilight zone, starting at 200 meters and ending at 1000, which is defined by light. At the top of the zone, there’s plenty of light, but towards the bottom only about one percent of sunlight pierces through. There's still lots of life that dwells here in this zone.
After that is the midnight zone, the start of absolute darkness. From this point, 1000 to 4000 meters below the surface. is pitch black. Apparently, plants can’t live at this depth and beyond, cause duh no photosynthesis. This is where your angelfish and other bioluminescence fish live.
Then there’s the abyssal zone. This zone spans from 4000 meters to the ocean floor. This is where the sperm whales and giant squids constantly fight to the death.
Last but not least is the hadal zone. This is the zone where trenches usually are. The absolute bottom of the ocean.
For the risk of sounding like a broken record, this trench is weird. For starters, it started in the sunlight zone. And it seems like it goes-GUH.
Yep, just hit the ocean floor. Meaning I’m in either abyssal or hadal zone, if this ocean is anything like the one on Earth. Based on what I’ve seen I think that’s an okay assumption to make...at least until proven otherwise.
Anyways, like I was saying, this ‘trench’ is basically a pit straight to Hell. Reminds me of that place from Greek mythology….what was it called? Oh yeah, Tartarus.
Enough of my rambling, I can’t see a thing. I’d trade one of my eyestalks for night vision right now. Kind of defeats the purpose but the sentiment is there.
Hmmm…..What to do, what to do.
AH HA! I’LL USE THE UNIQUE SKILL THOT!
Whoops, I meant Thoth.
Pfft.
Huh? I could’ve sworn I heard someone trying to hold back their laughter.
Well whatever….Now if the description I read was right…. Thoth bestows skills based on the knowledge of the user.
So how does night vision work exactly? Sure, I used it plenty of times during covert operations, but I never knew how it worked exactly.
Hmmm. Think. Think. AHA!
The vision shows green, right? So it must be like the rays that made the angry big green guy. What's the name? Umm….oh that's it, Gamma rays.
Okay Thoth. Are you listening?
Night vision comes from taking the ambient gamma rays and converting them into visual information. Final answer.
….
No?
Are you mad at me for calling you a thot?
Sorry…..I won’t do it again I swear.
BING!
| Unique Skill Thoth has granted the skill Night Vision [Incomplete] |
Oi, so you really were salty for getting called a thot...wait incomplete?
What's that supposed to mean?
I think a modified version of a corny poster found in schools everywhere fits my train of thought: When in doubt, use Appraisal.
BING!
|
Incomplete A skill that is only partially usable. Generally due to a curse or injury. |
Hmmm. Figures. So putting two and two together…. doesn’t that mean Thoth gave me an incomplete skill because i got the answer wrong, but I was on the right track?
Anyways, let’s leave that for some other time, this incomplete Night Vision ain't too shabby. I can’t see crystal clear, or that far away, but it sure beats total blindness.
Now, let’s confirm what zone I’m in. Hmmm…the abyssal and hadal zones are pretty similar. But something tells me I’m in the hadal. There’s absolutely nothing around here…except for small invertebrates. No big creatures like giant squids from what I can tell.
Now that I think about, shouldn’t I be getting crushed by the pressure right now? Not that I’m complaining. Wait….I’m a small invertebrate too. Haaah, total forgot.
Well moping around isn’t going to get me anything. Let's try to figure a way back up.
*°*
Ugh, I’ve been trudging around for hours maybe even days. I dunno, it’s hard to keep track with no light. After a while I found a wall, The wall was too sloped for me to crawl up. And I can’t exactly swim, especially under this pressure. Pathetic, I know, I know. Let’s keep moving.
I swear when I get out of here, I’m going to make Stupid McStupidFace the biggest sushi roll in the universe. Yes, I just came up with a name for that dumb goldfish.
~Brrr.
What was that shiver I just felt? Better check my status.
| Name: | |
| Race: | Grey Slug |
| Gender: | N/A |
| Condition: | Magically drained |
| Level: | 1 |
| EXP: 0/1000 |
| HP: 10/10 | MP: 0/5 | STA; 7/10 |
| STR: 1 | INT: 5 | DEX: 15 |
| Danger Rank: | G- |
| Titles: | Migrant, Loved by a Goddess, ???, ??? |
| Racial Skills: | Slime Secretion LV 1 |
| Acquired Skills: | Appraisal LV 1, Night Vision [Incomplete] |
| Unique Skills: | Thoth |
Only three down on stamina for all that movement? Not too shabby.
Oi,OI! WHADDYA MEAN MAGICALLY DRAINED??! WHERE DID MY MAGIC GO?!
Tch. Now I just feel used and abused. But what’s that? My protagonist's senses are tingling…..I SMELL PLOT ARMOR!
Sure enough, I stumbled upon something. Having headed in the exact opposite direction of the wall, I figured I’d eventually run into the other side. Lo and behold, I did. But not just a normal wall like the other side.
This one had a cave. A CAVE! The opening is massive, at least from my perspective. It's also a perfectly rounded arch from what I can tell. That leads me to believe this could be man -no- more like sentient being made. There’s also some sort of sign with cryptic lettering hanging on the top of the arch? Unfortunately for me, I can’t read it. Migrant only gives Language Comprehension to humanoids. No need to fear, Appraisal is here!
Aim at the sign and fire!
BING!
|
Tiama Labyrinth One of the recorded dungeons in the Maha Ocean. Of the known dungeons, it’s the most notorious. Thousands and thousands have attempted to complete it, but most don’t even make it to the entrance. Those with the fortitude to withstand the pressure were then snuffed out by the fearsome monsters that lurk in the caverns. Out of all those challengers who have tried it, only two have successfully overcome the labyrinth. Because of the abysmal success rate, most of the labyrinth is uncharted. It is known that dungeon itself is divided into five zones, with a hundred levels, but beyond that the specifics are unknown. |
I know I’ve said it before, but Appraisal is kind of broken. The quality of information is just fantastic.
I learned a lot with that one system message. I now know the name of the ocean I’m in, that being the Maha. I also confirmed that this is a dungeon. I got the general layout...which I can combine with my prior knowledge to come up with a rough idea of what I'm going into. And I got my odds at completing this….
Two out of thousands, huh? Not great odds but, eh, what can ya do. Anyways I made it to the entrance...I’m doing better than most challengers. Those two that made it through, they’ve got to be awesome...I’d like to meet them if they’re still around.
Anyways, enough if that. All I’ve done so far in this new world is gather information. That’s crucial but it’s also boring. I want some excitement. That being said...ONWARD INTO THE FRAY!
Yes, yes~ I’m aware that I’m in need of an immediate mental health evaluation after that one. But I’m going diving in an actual dungeon, so it’s fine, right?
The inside of the cave isn’t like the entrance….it looks kind of cavey? It doesn’t look like it has been altered. There’s what looks like natural rock formations, and crevices within the ground, walls, and ceilings. There’s even some glowing crystals that take some of the strain off of my budget night vision.
*°*
Wow. I’m starting to think the system lied to me with that appraisal description.I’ve been here for hours with no monster sightings at all. Maybe all those challengers were just chumps?
GRRRRR.
What the?
As in response to my thoughts, I turn around to be greeted with a giant looming maw surging towards me. Totally jinxed myself didn't I?
Aw, fiddlesticks.
Comments (21)
served as the weekly Escargot special. -> “escargot” or “Special”
The surface level, from 0 to 200 meters -> remove space before “The”
meters below the surface. is pitch black. -> surface, it is
where your angelfish and other bioluminescence fish live. -> bioluminescent
Then there’s the abyssal zone. -> remove extra space before “Then”
defeats the purpose but the sentiment is there. -> purpose,
be like the rays that made the angry big green guy. -> maybe “big, angry, green guy”?
wait incomplete? -> wait,
Haaah, total forgot. -> I totally
Oi,OI! -> Oi, OI
But not just a normal wall like the other side. -> However, it wasn’t just
this could be man -no- more like sentient being made. -> maybe “man-made. Or rather, sentient being-made.” ?
That’s crucial but it’s also boring. -> crucial,
appraisal description.I’ve been here -> . I’ve
“Thank you Appraisal for being so amazing. Not at all like that thot...I mean Thoth.”
Alternate chapter title- “Free-falling” (or “Free falling into hell”?)
“Those two that made it through, they’ve got to be awesome...I’d like to meet them if they’re still around.” Methinks you already have met one of them. I suspect Maua is one of the people that cleared it-there’s got to be a reason you popped up literally right next to it
-
Thanks for the corrections!
And quite the interesting theory, I won’t say anything but I totally like how you’re thinking.
· 1 Like · 1 · 0
You find yourself on the bottom of the ocean. You are a slug of some kind. You see a gold fish it looks at you, maybe it’s hungry. You take a step back and fall into a ravine of some sort. You just might have passed through a door into “The Hadal Zone”
The goddess' thot finally made use of their thoth skill, good work! Too bad they have incomplete knowledge of many things :3
Fortunately, they won’t stay that way. They’ll become a.....THOT FOR KNOWLEDGE!
@Lulla It will be interesting to see if it is just amplification of available visible light, visibility in infrared or more exotic means.
Reading up to here is as far as I'll go I think...
The concept is good.
Execution, not so much...
I'd hate to presume... but this reads like it was written by someone who thinks Konosuba is a good anime. The same brand of unfunny, unlikeable, scatterbrained, "screaming is comedy" style of writing.
It may be a poor comparison but it's what immediately came to mind trying to process reading this irritating sequence of thoughts and actions.
Hmm. I appreciate the honest critique. As well as you giving the story a shot up till this point.
Honestly I've never watched Konosuba in depth before so I wouldn't know. And I'm honestly not even attempting to go for a comedic story, hence the lack of a comedy tag. I know that would end terribly. I was attempting to go for a thought process of someone who's clearly not completely sane.
However, thanks to you bringing it, I see how it can be perceived as an 'unfunny, unlikable, scatterbrained, "screaming is comedy " style of writing.
I will definitely consider that moving forward and also whenever I have time to come back and rework earlier chapters.
Thank you.
@Lulla Welcome, and thanks for being gracious, I'm not exactly the most delicate about things so I wouldn't blame you if it was more upsetting than informative...
Maybe I'll give it a second chancesometime once you've had the time to do those reworks, since my girlfriend loves slugs and she'd adore some good slug representation..
@RaelDeer Well I learned that if someone is going to take the time out of their day to tell you something, albeit not with malicious intent, it'd be dumb not to at least hear what their saying regardless on how harsh they might present it. And also another perspective is always always always a good thing. Especially for something you're new at, in my case writing. I can absolutely see the forcedness in these chapters... honestly its kinda cringy.
I'm ecstatic to know you might give it another read, maybe I'll reach out to you whenever I get the chance to rewrite these.
Your girlfriend is a fan of slugs? Treasure her, she's a keeper. Don't see too many women of culture nowadays.
"How's the pacing so far?"
Usually I would say good. But the kind of self-reflective chapters like this one really slowed me down. I don't dislike "moments of self-reflection." There are ways to make it more or less interesting to read or to make it easier or more fluid to read.
Like the "funny attitude" of the protagonist. But just her comedic attitude doesn't make it interesting or read-like. From maciated ups and downs in the narrative or erratic attitudes of her dialogue. I know you want to convey her "positivimos" or energetic attitude ... But for a chapter of self-reflection tiresome, each "little discovery" becomes an "over jump".
In the first place, it does not seem logical to me that for the terrible life she had, she would have such an energetic attitude in the first place. If she were a "mask" to avoid collapse, it is okay, but for an internal dialogue some sign of negative feeling or broken personality there should be something.
In the first chapter, she had already called herself "someone who was already broke" when she was "recruited." But by development that point is not demonstrated, it seems the personality of an adolescent or little girl who wants to play all day is an adventure. No emotional zicatris is shown for her lousy youth, adolence, and wanton killing of her as a "living weapon."
For those types of characters she would have a personality similar to that of "crimson karma" a Korean comic. Well, the character itself is the definition of "living weapon" ... But I am not saying that the protagonist of this novel is the same as the one in that comic, but that those emotional or personality zicatrises that she should or should have are highlighted.
I'm not saying make her more serious or stuffy, but the energetic, happy, and positive personality doesn't fit her story. At least not completely, as I said if that "joy" is a mask (since it also mentions that her "jokes / problem girl attitude" had started from her very childhood with the theme of her father) .
The emotional sequelae should be shown, either by some loose attitude than another in her internal thoughts. At least a cruel self-comparison, from having come out of the hell of her life to being nothing more than a slug, the lowest and most insignificant step in the ecosystem. Self-depressing or depressive attitude, since the last person "alive" of her that she called family also despised her, etc, etc, some slips in her train of thought.
Thank for the feedback.
Okay so self reflective chapters slowing down pacing, noted. I can totally see that, as going back over this chapter, I see that it didn’t do much other than explain more on the skill Thoth and the dungeon. I’ll try to make it more seemless within the story. I’m totally new to writing, so this is very helpful.
Hmm. My idea was the overtly energetic attitude was sort of an overcompensation for the life that they lived, and the hardships they’re facing now. Instead of a mask, more like a lie that they convinced themselves of, unless thats what you mean. But maybe I need to do some more thinking on that. Mental slips sound like a really cool idea.
@Lulla if this chapter was to touch on the subject of the skill "Thoth". You could have added a "spell and bug" to test what abilities it can "have" and what abilities it cannot or are "shards" or intermediate abilities. Apart from slightly touching the subject with the night vision.
Being an ex-military man, he would try to expand the resources that he can use, the type of situation of "everything is a weapon, the only thing is to know how to use it".
With the mask, if something similar, the subject of psychology would be a "defense mechanism" so to speak. Although on that subject, she should already be a bunch of psychiatric problems, I know a little about it, so I can say this: with her history, the strange thing is that she has not become a sociopath.
Well, if she was born a psychopath it would make sense the "stability" of her metal hers, but hers "her empathy" of her as well as her emotional crisis when because of the sharpness of the "companion / family "of her on the plane she denies that.
-A psychopath is born and, they are incapable of having empathy, they are cold and calculating, in addition to fitting into society, they are capable of "emulating" emotions, but without actually feeling them.
-a sociopath is "made", they can have many "triggers" but generally they are triggers related to society to their children or youth. Either by bulin, family dysfunction, the issue is some kind of "essential and emotional extremes".
Their characteristic is the same as the psychopath, lack of empathy among other things, but they are more impulsive and emotional, erratic even.
The issue of a sociopath may be living a normal life, the problem with those who feel "pleasure" in killing and, there may even be someone who does it as if it were nothing, just because someone "bothered" them, but as you know that is "wrong" in his own way, he will find a way to cover his back.
Which is the opposite of a socopath, which simply "explodes".
@hanck95 Dang, thats good. Maybe if I go back and rewrite this in the future, I’ll do something similar to that.
I took a psychology class a while back, maybe I should brush up on that. Hmm, I got some thinking to do. Thanks for the feedback.
@Lulla I don't know much about psychology, but my sister studied criminology, from conversations with her I find out something or other. Especially mental disorders, among other things.
Well, I am glad that these data are useful, although my sister may make a longer list of possible personality disorders.