The tome was magnificent! Each letter was lovingly placed onto the page, each diagram was carefully drawn and centred in the provided space, each important shape was immortalised in gold leaf, reflective and clear in the candlelight. Despite the tome’s vast number of entries, it was easy to find the spell you wanted, thanks to the magical index which would take to you straight to it, flipping pages fast enough that the room filled with the lovely smell of just-extinguished candles. Wait, no, that was because it had extinguished my candles.

I dive for the matchbox, and hurriedly re-light them.

This is far too important a moment for me to do it in the dark. Also, I can’t read in the dark. The darkness is unhelpful! Shoo, darkness!

The match strikes into flame, and as I relight the candles, the warm yellow glow returns to the room I had been carefully setting up for at least three hours at this point. The spell had requested some cheeses to be placed at two of the corners, opposite the pile of three pillows and five blankets and the stack of “at least seven” heartwarming tales. The last corner, between the cheeses, would be occupied by me, with the tome and a pair of candles to read by.

But the cheeses were specifically supposed to be from two different animals, and both of them imported from their region of origin. And while I do like my cheeses, I don’t usually go to great efforts to import my cheeses. So I’d done a little bit of research and then went out and found a little store which was a veritable cheese emporium with enough types to satisfy even the most wide-ranging cheese lover, and which I would surely be visiting again sometime because cheese is one of life’s greatest mysteries. Like, really, people are great sometimes, but sometimes you just want cheese. There are so many varieties, and each of them brings something new to the table, and... I’m getting off track again.

So I went out and got some cheeses (I got a lot of different cheeses actually, but I made sure to note two which fit the description), and I returned, lit the candles once again, and opened the tome to the right spell (because I had left it closed, obviously, why would I leave an ancient tome of magic lying open in my kitchen), and then, as I said, lit the candles again.

“So!” I settle back onto my knees, and begin reading the spell’s directions again from the top. “Let the reader of this tome, who is wishing to procure for themselves a spirit to dwell with them and comfort them against the cold of the world, that Succubus of which so much is written, prepare first according to the diagram...” I trail off, and skim through the diagram’s section, which was very long and precise, but also filled with reminders that the spell itself doesn’t need it to be very precise, just close enough to those exact dimensions, materials, and all of that. Seriously, whoever figured out that the lines were best to begin thicker, and then get about thirteen percent thinner towards the middle... they were a saint of QA-testing. It does make for a long, and very dry, section of text though. It had, thankfully, been easy enough to draw, at least after I had created the suggested aids of a three foot tall compass and about a third of a seven foot diameter circle.

“Once this diagram has been completed, allow it to dry before use. Then, place upon the corners of the inner star the items which follow, in the order given from your right hand.” This section at least was very blunt about it. The cheeses don’t need to be cut into 1.26 inch cubes with a small hole drilled through them, which would be totally in line with the diagram. Just, cheese.

As I go through each item, I look up and note that each item is placed upon its proper corner.

And at last, I am ready to do my first bit of real magic! The friend who had given me this tome had cautioned me against being too rash with it, and to not put too much hope in it working the first time I tried. But I was being methodical, and following it closely. I wasn’t being rash. And I knew I needed this experience. Life just kept on throwing discussions of sex at me, and I clearly just hadn’t met the right person yet, and so I needed to short-cut the whole thing and summon a demon of sexuality! A succubus! No worries about not knowing who catches my interest, a succubus would be attractive anyways! And even if my thing never really felt good, surely a succubus would know what to do! Besides, that friend was one to talk, because their cat ears and tail were very cute, and there wasn’t anything they could say to make me think it had been a mistake. Their body fit them! It was kinda heart-breaking just how well their body fit them. Androgynous in exactly their way, and the touch of catperson to round it out as so very much their self. I could only wish I could know myself as well as they did. Life just sucks like that though. Some people just don’t get to be happy.

“Now that the diagram is done, and the items are placed, the spoken part must be undertaken. Fortify your nerves with the fact that soon you shall have what you seek, a friend for the night and a companion for the day, until the need fades! And let these words be spoken. As an aside, your pronunciation doesn’t matter, just say it however it feels right, because that will be right for you. It seems crazy, sure, but that’s what we’ve found.”

I sit for a moment, and stare at the last few lines. “How old is this tome, anyways? That comment feels very modern. I guess it doesn’t matter that much. Here we go, magic time!” I clear my throat, and

“Teas! Qudelle! Spyre tleesin tah meew woah reds, anne delp meyin mayeh niid! Gib wormth! Smeiyelse! Sic fiat!”

A flash of light filled the room, blinding me for a moment, and I hear the tome slam shut (though in a way that seemed very careful not to damage any of the pages, but the fact that I could tell that just from the sound only deepened the awe I felt of the tome). I blink away the lingering light from my eyes, and look to the centre of my diagram.

There, blinking away in the near-darkness, is a very cute girl.

But not sexually cute? I can tell the difference, even if I’ve never found anyone sexy before in my life. I guess that itself is enough to say that, actually.

She isn’t sexy. She’s just cute.

Her skin is red, but a light pinkish red. Two horns poke out of her hair, little black things which couldn’t impale anything but which look adorable amidst her large pile of dark green hair. Her eyes, as they focus on me, seem adorably cute, big green circles on a face nearly too small to justify their size, a small nose and a thin-lipped mouth stretched into a content smile rounding out her (admittedly pretty round) face.

I might’ve expected a succubus to be dressed, if at all, in something very revealing, but her body was drowning in an enormous sweater, knitted in a rainbow of colours into a pattern that didn’t really make sense as an image, but which instantly said ‘warm’ to me.

She was kneeling in the same pose as me, and neither of us spoke for a moment.

“You summoned me!” She cried suddenly, her voice bringing to my mind the mental picture of a very cute girl sipping hot chocolate as she gets lovingly teased.

What sort of succubus magic is this? How am I getting such vivid pictures in my head from such inexplicable sources? I guess it is just, well, succubus magic. Still.

And then she’s jumping to her feet and she’s tiny holy shit is she adorably tiny and she runs to me and dives into a hug, a little horn poking into my neck a little bit harder than is totally comfortable as she pauses and places the tome carefully on the ground to our side, and pushes one of the candles further away with a tail which snaked out from under her sweater, a little nobble at its end. And then she snuggles into the hug, and I wrap my arms around her, confused. No story about a succubus ever talked about hugging as their first tool. Still, she is warm and her sweater is very fuzzy and even though her horn is still a funny little bit of pressure against my neck, her hug feels amazing. It has been so long since I got a nice hug like this.

The hug lasts a long time.

“So...” I say, whispering it to the wonderfully little being in my embrace. “What happens now?”

“Well, that is really up to you!” she leans back and looks up at me, her eyes filled with dancing candlelight. “What did you want to summon me for?”

“I don’t know how this stuff is supposed to work, that’s why I summoned you!”

Panic and shock fills her face, her horns glowing slightly with the heat of her emotions. “You don’t... know... how cuddling works?”

“What? No! I know hugs and stuff. I think I do, anyways. It’s the next bit I don’t get!”

“The next bit. What comes after cuddling? Falling asleep in a blanket fort? Reading nice books and giggling to each other?” She looked around at the small piles of things. “You seem to have the right ideas here. What don’t you get?”

“The, uh,” I hesitate, unsure what this succubus is talking about, “The sex part?”

“Huh. The sex part.” She scrunches up her nose in distaste. “Yeah, I don’t get that bit either.”

I pause for a moment, confused by her response. “But you’re a succubus! Its what lets you survive, isn’t it? Aren’t you?”

“I’m... a succubus?” she asks in a shocked whisper to her, wide-eyed, reaching up to touch her horn-nub and then bursting into giggles, and collapsing forward into a bundle of very cute girl against me, light seeming to dance at the end of her horns. “I’m not a Succubus, dummy!” she says, looking up at me from against my sternum. “I’m a Snuggubus! I live on snuggles and cuddles! Hugging is my life’s purpose, and jokes whispered into someone’s ear is my personal favourite thing in the universe.”

My brain isn’t quite keeping up with this revelation, and I mostly just stare blankly down at her. I think. I’m not the most aware at the moment.

“Did you really think you were summoning a succubus?” She asks, her expression growing serious.

“I really thought so,” I nod, looking over at the tome.

“I guess I should figure this out,” she grumbles, and stretches herself over to the tome out on her stomach from her nest on my lap, legs sticking up in the air. Now that her legs are finally out from underneath her somewhat absurd but very adorable dress of a sweater, long knitted socks are in plain view.

I drag myself out alongside her as well, figuring that the close contact probably counts as a bit of a cuddle and that I should at least give her that much for my mistake. Definitely not because she looks really cute and I kinda want to look that cute too. Bleh, this whole thing really was a mistake and my friend was right I had decided to cast magic too hastily.

The snuggubus runs her finger down the spine of the tome, and it flips open to the exact page of the spell I had cast to summon her. “Oh, that would explain your confusion, dearest summoner!” She giggles, and bops my shoulder with her own. “It says ‘a spirit to dwell with them and comfort them against the cold of the world, that Succubus of which so much is written,’ but really what it meant to say was ‘the cold of the world, a kin to that Succubus, etcetera’! Such a silly scribal error, can never keep their place straight on the line breaks,” she sighed.

The line break was nowhere near the missing words. I decide to not bring up that particular detail. “So, you aren’t a succubus, you’re, what, same genus or something?”

“Sure, if you want to put it that way,” she says, closing the tome and flopping over onto her side to look at me. “The truth is, Succubus is my sister. It gets a little bit weird, since there is only one of each of us, but we get, kinda, cloned? When summoned, I mean. I’m me, I’m here, and when I get desummoned I’ll remember this if you ever resummon me. I’m just also currently summoned 32 other places. Dunno what those snuggubi are doing. I just know that I’m hanging out next to a cute girl right now!”

“I guess that’s not surprising, between thirty-three different summons, it figures that one of them would be a cute girl, huh? Well, just tell her she’s cute for me, k?” I smile at her, as I start to stand up.

“Aww, you do know how to cuddle properly. I’m glad. I mean, I trusted you, but proof is always good,” she says, flopping backwards again into a full stretch, and then sitting up and looking around again. “So, do we set up our fort now?” she asks, looking up at me.

“Our fort?” I ask. This whole business has been one long string of surprising developments. “You’re going to stick around even though I summoned you by mistake?”

“Hey, you’d only manage to summon me if you actually needed the comfort of some cuddling, so why wouldn’t I stick around? And what did you think the pillows and blankets were for? I’ve figured out a pretty reliable way of having nice cuddle times with whoever summons me.” She points around the star’s points. “Blanket fort, some unusual cheeses to try which is always fun, and some books if that’s your thing, or just me and you, all you really need in the warmth of a blanket fort for some happy snuggling!”

I put my hands on my hips, then break into laughter. “You really have thought your plan through! Sounds delightful enough to me. You grab the pillows, I’ll grab the blankets. My living room is perfect for a fort, I think.” I reach down and bundle up all the blankets from the pile, and lug them around the corner to the living room. There, as usual, are my two couches facing each other with a few feet of open space between them, and a toe-engulfing rug softening the hardwood flooring. And, past both of them, the whole-wall window looked out into the winter night, city lights near and far shimmering with the heat rising off the countless roads.

As the snuggubus follows after me, I hear her gasp in surprise at the sight.

I dump the blankets on one of the couches, and turn to see her dump the pillows on the other. “So, was I right?” I ask her. Now that we’re both standing, I can see that she is somewhat tiny, but not actually impossibly tiny. She’s probably shorter than five feet tall, but only just. And plenty of that height is in her torso, which makes her look adorably cute.

“You were very right! And, I know just what would make it truly perfect. Did you make the aids for the diagram? Because that circle bit would make a perfect window to your window. Nothing like a warm hole to look out into the night from!”

“As it happens, I did,” I nod. “I’ll go get it, you start erecting the fort!” Her excitement was honestly contagious, and I literally ran through the hallway to where I had stashed the two tools. Figuring I may as well bring it, I also grabbed the compass – if nothing else, a beam of wood could help the fort’s stability.

As I enter my living room again, I’m startled to find the fort unbegun. Instead, she’s gone and grabbed the other things from the summoning ceremony, as well as all of the other cheeses from my fridge as well. “I knoow,” she whined, withdrawing a bit into herself, her horns’ light a dim throbbing at the base, nearly hidden by her hair. “You said to start the fort, but that’s what magic is for and we’re going to want this stuff. So come on over here and let’s get this started, yeah?”

“Aw, snuggubus!” I rush to her, dropping the aids on the blanket pile and putting my hands on her shoulders. “You don’t have to be so ashamed of yourself! You did the right thing!” I draw her into a close hug. “Of course you have magic, so obviously you didn’t need to start setting it up right away.”

“Hmm,” she sighs into my shoulder. “Still...”

“Nope. You did the right thing. Now let’s get this started.” I draw back, look into her eyes, and nod once. The sort of nod you do right before you start a project.

“Wait,” she shakes her head, “No, first, we do have something else to do. While I am Snuggubus, that really isn’t my name. It’s my work name. My position. If you want to use the term, my species. My name is actually Astraea.”

“...the Greek goddess of innocence?” I ask.

“I mean, not really, she doesn’t exist, but it seems fitting and feels great! What’s your name?” she asks, brightly looking up at me.

“Oh, uh...” I falter, “Just, uh...”

“Nononono don’t psych yourself up for that, that’s not the name I want. That’s like your work name. I just said we shouldn’t have to use those names! Who’re you? What name warms your heart when you’re called by it?”

“I don’t... have one?”

“Oh gosh, well. That is a problem. No wonder you managed to convince me you didn’t know what cuddling was. Should I try to find it for you?”

I stare at her. This whole concept of names that feel good, that warm you, and all... it sounds strange. “I guess if you want to try, go ahead?”

“Well, then, here we go. You...” she squinted at me, slowly tilting her head to one side. “You kinda look like a Stephanie to me?”

“What?!” I look down at myself, then jerk my head back up to look at her again. Still, my body did look it’s usual, boring old male self. “How’d you get there?”

“I mean, huh. Sure, your body kinda looks male, but you’re definitely a girl in there. Aren’t you? And I think you look like a Steph.”

I feel a blush creep onto my cheeks. And my heart is definitely racing right now. But she’s wrong, I really am a guy, as boring as that is. “Astraea, you’re... just, you’re wrong. Maybe let’s stick with the cuddling, okay?”

“Oh,” Astraea sighs. “I’m sorry, sometimes I guess I see stuff weirdly. You look beautiful. Or handsome. I think. I’m not a great judge of that really. You definitely look huggable. You can trust me on that one.” She definitely tries to wink, but ends up just blinking.

“It’s fine, Astraea. Let’s just get this fort set up, alright?” I squeeze her shoulders, and move to stand next to her by the window. Was she actually wrong, though? Her description of me seems so unfounded, but if she can actually see me like that? I shake my head to clear the thoughts swirling around.

She puts her hands out, and drawing a huge breath, she exclaims “Poof!” And that really is all she does. The pillows immediately flop down and scatter around the space between the couches, the arch wedges itself between the couches, the compass (in collapsed form) lies across the other end of the space, and the blankets pile across this framework, making a cozy patchwork tent out of the simple structure. She grins, and tugs my arm, “Come on, let’s get in there and start getting all warm and stuff!”

I follow her down onto my knees and crawl into the space. The arch gives me plenty of clearance, but Astraea really didn’t need it with her smaller size. And the interior of it already feels wonderfully warm, and definitely cozy.

Astraea sits against the pillows leaning against one couch, slouched somewhat, next to the pile of cheeses. “Come on,” she taps the floor next to her, and I crawl to sit there. “Nothing like some cheese to help clear the air,” she smiles at me. “And ooh, you did get some cheeses. Some feta, some mozza – that’s a good pair to summon with, I’ll always be happy to see those two.”

“Aren’t they both good!” I grin at her as I settle into the pillow behind me.

“Eh, mozzarella is kinda boring when it comes to actual exotic cheeses, but I can’t argue with it.”

We go through the whole pile of cheeses, but end up only breaking apart and sharing the feta, relishing the salty tang and wonderful cheesy flavour hiding behind it.

As I finish my portion, I lean my head against hers, and look out across the city. This little hole isn’t going to be here forever, I know, but the moment is nice.

“Aww,” Astraea giggles, “You’re feeling the cuddle zone now! I can feel it with my snuggubus powers!” And with that, she stuffs the last bit of cheese in her mouth and drives her arm behind me, wrapping me in a hug.

“I guess I am,” I nod. I put a little bit more weight against her, to here a giggled protestation. “I didn’t expect this to be how my night went, Astraea.”

“Yeah, well. Sex is boring in my opinion. I’ve tried it plenty of times. All sorts of people want to bring sex into their cuddling sessions. It just isn’t for me, though.”

“And you’re fine with that? I mean, aren’t we just missing something? Surely your sister knows something we don’t, right?”

Astraea hums for a moment. “She does, yeah. I don’t care what is the best way of doing, uh, any random sexual action I guess. She could tell me, if I wanted. I don’t want. It’s that simple.”

“That’s okay?” I ask, bewildered by the idea.

“That is totally okay!” I feel her nod into my shoulderblade. She scoots up a bit to look over my shoulder. “You’re you, and nobody else can tell you who you should be,” she whispers into my ear.

“It’s okay...?” I whisper back.

“There’s a name for it, too!” she swings herself around to lie across my lap. “I’m asexual. Are you asexual? I think you might be, but you’re the only one who can say so, remember.” She grins up at me contentedly.

“I dunno, maybe. This is very new.”

“That is okay too!” Astraea nods, and somehow deftly pulls me down onto her own lap, so we’re nestled against the couch, leaning on each other’s legs with space between us. “Maybe I’ll have helped you find yourself today. But! I’ll definitely have helped you find some good cuddles!”

I smile at her. “You definitely have done that.” A moment of silence dwells, and I let my mind rest, gently pushing against her leg with my head, relishing the comfort of the moment, and pondering what she’s just told me. “If...” I start, then shake my head. “Nah, nevermind.”

“Oh, I’ll mind!” Astraea giggles.

I jump as I feel something poke into my back, spinning to find her tail wiggling happily, and I hear her laugh. “Oh, okay,” I nod slowly, “I see how it is, you’ve asked for a ticklefight!” I turn to face her, hands at the ready, to see her eyes wide, her arms and legs drawn up against herself, nervously laughing already. I pounce, and wrap her completely into another hug.

She squeals with surprise, but I feel her relax again as the threat of tickling passes. “Mm. Thanks. You’ve got a good hug, friend.”

“Seriously though,” I say, looking her in the eyes as I draw my right hand across her back, and I feel her tense against the movement. “No poking me by surprise. Kinda sucks.”

“Alright, no poking you by surprise.” She nods solemnly. “I wish I could get you to where you could enjoy it, but that’s out of my power.”

“Are you saying people normally do enjoy it?”

“Some don’t. But normally, yeah, it is a great part of cuddling sometimes. It’s like teasing. Some people are kinda wrecked for that, because life sucks. You know?”

“Hm.” I blink, slowly like I’m making friends with a cat. Even though she isn’t a cat. Maybe I interact with cats too much. But my thoughts ding like a toaster after doing their best on a hard problem, and I have to talk about it now. “I’m not sure you were wrong.”

“Huh?” Astraea shakes her head. “What do you mean?”

“Maybe I am a Steph?” I whisper, almost hoping she doesn’t hear me because I’m terrified. She’s made me feel so comfortable but I’m still terrified, and it feels wrong. If she doesn’t hear me, at least the cuddles can continue.

“Oh, Steph!” She bursts into a grin, and all of my fear evaporates.

I grin back, my heart shuddering at her using that name for me. “I think... I think I am a Stephanie.”

“I thought you might be. I’ve got a good brain for that. Not as good as Era’s brain for sex stuff, but she’s kinda trash at hugging, so I think I still win.”

“But, only I can say who I am, at the same time, right?” I ask.

“Of course! If you aren’t Steph, just tell me. Are you not Steph?”

“I... I still don’t know, I guess.”

“Well, then, friend. I think we need more cheese,” she pulls herself up, her tail helping. I find myself lying curled onto my back, my head in her lap. “But you do make a pretty cute Steph, in my opinion,” she leaned down and rested her forehead on my own, curtaining both of us with her green-black hair.

I... I hate to admit this, but this is the moment I fall asleep. I guess I was tired? Certainly, it was getting lovely and warm in the tent. I just... fell asleep. Right when we were going to have some more cheese! Terrible. But, my sleep is wonderful, warm and comfortable despite the odd location and the fact that I am still in day clothes.

I wake up as the sky is just beginning to brighten with the dawn, to find that Astraea is nowhere to be found. The entire apartment is empty. But I note that all of the feta cheese is gone, except for a scattering of crumbs on the appropriate corner of the summoning circle, making a small heart and the words “see you again Steph”.

I grin, and break a piece of the mozzarella off, returning to the fort to watch the sun rise across the city. I think, just probably, I shall summon Astraea again.

SecretTransWritingLair

Hi! I am Foundling Fae, and I'm just an ace trans gal from Canada.

I wrote this story for my friend Félicie! But I hope you enjoyed it too.

You can find my writings right here on Scribblehub. It's mostly weird little transgender shorts, kinda like this one, but usually less cute. I'm gonna have to fix that.