In the blink of an eye, a month passes between them. Within those long days, Mori kept his promise dutifully. Enough for Ayn to slowly let down his guard around the man. And while, yes, some part of Ayn can’t help but keep a hint of doubt close to his heart, the man has lasted longer than any of his ‘friends’ ever did.

Their conversations have slowly evolved from cordial greetings to actual conversations about their mundane lives. Ayn often talks about his job while Mori likes talking about his university experience and his daily activities. Of course, Ayn isn’t suddenly over the issues he’s facing, it doesn’t just magically go away just by having a nice conversation with someone. There are still days in between when Ayn can’t bring himself to get up from under his blankets, but it’s pleasant to have someone to talk to even about light matters like the weather. He hadn’t realized that he missed the small talk.

Still, there is still one topic that they’ve avoided talking about or even mentioning. About Ayn’s father.

But Ayn doesn’t intend to go deeper into that topic. At least for now. Just thinking about it makes him feel anxious and out of breath. If he thinks about it further...he can feel himself on the brink of a panic attack.

No. Not today.

He won’t be ready anytime soon.

That being said, there is something he’s ready to do.

“You want to go to the grocery store.”

“That’s what I said,” Ayn says sarcastically. Though he can’t really blame Mori for being surprised. He spent so much time indoors until he grew sickly pale from the lack of sunlight. He spends most of his nights being shut in his room with the only light coming from the low glow of the old computer he uses for work. Unhealthy is practically his middle name. 

“It’s just around the corner,” Ayn shrugs. “I can do it.”

Mori hesitates and Ayn rolls his eyes. He isn’t that hopeless. He can definitely walk to a store nearby, he’s lived for this long alone after all. Well, not like the man had any say on what Ayn can do. “We’re leaving in ten minutes.”

“Are you okay?”

“What do you think?” His words come across scathingly as he pulls down the hood of his jacket. Ugh, this is terrible. He hadn’t expected his body to freeze entirely once he stepped into the lobby of his apartment complex. There weren’t even many people around but he still froze up. Mori had offered to do the grocery shopping for him but Ayn refused profusely. No, he can do this! He pushed himself as best he could and finally after almost twenty minutes of taking three steps forward, two steps back, he managed to take a step outside his apartment complex.

His bravery lasted for five short minutes before he resorted to hiding behind Morion’s taller figure, his hands gripping the back of the man’s shirt. Ayn peeks out the road carefully with each step, eyes cautious on any passerby he sees.

“Just walk,” Ayn mutters, his voice muffled under the fabric of his jacket collar that’s been pulled up to his lips.

By some miracle, the two manage to arrive at the doors of the aforementioned supermarket. Mori stops by the door, trying to ignore the suspicious look people are giving them as they walk in and out of the store. The taller man glances down at Ayn carefully looking at the store from behind him, clutching the back of his shirt, preventing them both from taking a single step inside.

“Are we…going inside or…?”

Not that he’d mind standing out here for another few hours with people staring at them awkwardly. Ayn hears the slight sarcasm in his tone and begins pushing him inside with a slight pout on his lips. The cool air conditioning blows against their faces as they walk through the door, making Ayn shiver uncomfortably for a brief second. The feeling is unfamiliar but is at the same time. The air conditioning in his apartment is constantly set to a low hum, not too cold and not too hot. Here, however, it feels like he just stepped foot on the north pole.

Mori notices his reaction and gives him an understanding look. “It’s not too late to go home.”

“No,” Ayn insists, gritting his teeth. “I’m going to do this.”

And with that, the young man slowly lets go of Mori’s shirt. His figure is still curling into himself, arms wrapped around his torso and his shoulders hunched up to his shoulders, but he’s walking inside all by himself. Mori can’t help but smile, feeling proud of his growth.

They walk around the store for about twenty minutes. Ayn goes around the store slowly, his steps growing more and more confident until there’s no longer any tension in him. At least, not as much. Half of Mori regrets agreeing to take Ayn here as he looks at the young man’s very unhealthy groceries consisting of bitter instant coffee packs, candy, and chocolate. Is he planning to stay up for ungodly hours again?

“I’m done.” Ayn dumps one last pack of candy and dusts his hands. “This should last me two weeks.”

Mori can only sigh at that point. What would be the point in arguing?

As they push their cart to the cashier, Ayn stops midway, shivering where he stands. “Can you pay? I’m going to step outside.”

Mori freezes, his hands involuntarily clenching the handle of their shopping cart. He asks stiffly, “Why?”

Ayn shrugs. “I’m cold. And I’m tired, my battery is completely out.”

“All because of grocery shopping?”

Ayn glares up at him and huffs. “Shut up. I’m going.”

It’s as though all the tension that Ayn was feeling has now been transferred over to Mori. Alone with strangers looking at him, he can feel his palms sweating up a storm and a lump forming at the base of his throat. Hah, he’d been so focused on Ayn that he completely forgot his own flaws. Shopping for groceries online was easy and made sure that he didn’t have to make too much contact with another human, but now he’s about to.

As he parks the cart in front of the counter, the woman standing behind it gives him a welcoming smile. He can do this. He can almost feel the warm gaze the woman is giving him. He can do this. If Ayn could take a step forward past his flaws, then so can he.

Yet, things are always easier said than done.

“Will that be all?” As the woman asks, he tries to force his gaze up but it feels almost impossible. It’s like something is holding his face back, preventing him from looking up. He can see his hand trembling as he tries to force himself more and more.

“Are you okay?” The woman asks kindly, noticing his apparent distress.

He finds himself taking a few shaky breaths before shaking his head. “No.” And so, without looking up, he pays as quickly as he can and ducks out of the store. Only when he’s alone, Ayn’s presence hovering just outside of his personal space did he calm down.

“Let’s go.” He says before walking back towards the apartment.

Behind him, Ayn studies his back with a contemplative expression.