Story 1: Every Morning The Most Popular Girl At School Shits Next to Me On The Train
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This is the start of an anthology of parodies that have 'shit' as title. It is not always about actual poop, but it can be. Yes, the cover is lazy, that's because Ai-chan is so very busy and just writing this to get back into the groove. ver.1.00.04

 

"Ah!" I accidentally let out a small cry as the middle-aged man was about to rest his ass on the seat next to me.

 

He looked at me after hearing my voice and asked, "Is anyone sitting here, young lady?"

 

I couldn't trust that I would be able speak properly. So I shook my head while pressing my lips tight. But just as his ass rested on the seat, the sound of something squishy being pressed between two hard surfaces almost made me wretch.

 

"What?" the middle-aged uncle asked.

 

I knew my voice would betray me, so I just subconsciously covered my mouth with my right hand. Which I belatedly realize was covered in something black, liquidy and mushy. Panicking from the nastiness, I shook my hand up and down vigorously, trying to get the nasty black goo off of my hand.

 

The uncle looked at me and said to himself, "Weird kid."

 

Like I want to hear that from you, uncle who sat on a pile of poop!

 

I... I think I'm probably sick. Yes, I must be sick. This can't be real. The train can't possibly be covered in poop. Isn't this what they call schizophrenia? Should I tell mom to send me for psychiatric help?

 

Yes, I've been seeing poop. Everyday. Yes, I know everyone poops, but this is wayyyyyy out of the ordinary. People don't poop in the train!

 

Let's start from the very beginning. This all started about a week ago. It was a day after the eclipse that they said happened every 4,000 years.

 

I was going to school like normal. Reading my favourite novel while waiting for the train to stop at the station near my school, I noticed someone sitting to my right. Turning my head to the side to give the person a glance, I ended up doing a double take, as it was not just anyone.

 

It was Shuraya Samad. Who's that? Oh, she's only THE MOST POPULAR GIRL IN SCHOOL!

 

Story goes that she receives a confession almost every day. Which makes sense since she has this transcendent beauty that makes her look closer to an angelic being than a human. If you'd look at a picture dictionary, her face would probably be right next to the word 'beautiful'.

 

That being said, I've never come across her in the train before. It's not like I would claim that I know everyone, but I've ridden this same train for 2 years. I think I'm qualified to say that I'd have at least seen her before if she ever took the train.

 

While I was mesmerized by that perfectly shaped nose, she turned her face, looking at me with those beautiful playful eyes. Without saying anything, she tilts her head downward a little, naturally making her look even cuter as her loose long hair hangs down. She makes a little smile as if trying to say, 'caught you!'

 

Realizing what I was doing, I pulled my gaze away from her perfect nose and returned to my book. Yet I couldn't help myself from taking quick glances at her legs.

 

Wait, is that a pair of blue panties around her legs? I thought.

 

"Priiit..."

 

It was a common sound. So common that I heard it everyday. Specifically, I heard it every time I sat on the toilet bowl. My face paled as I slowly turned my head to my right and saw something that blew my mind away.

 

Sitting on my right was the hottie Shuraya Samad. She had her eyes closed and her lips formed a wide smile as if she was feeling completely satisfied. Her face glowed in the blissful feeling of taking a dump in PUBLIC!

 

"Oh yes... umm yes. That's wonderful," she said with her eyes still closed and her mouth still making a smile.

 

"Akademi Rembulan, Akademi Rembulan," the train's speaker announced the train's arrival at our stop.

 

"Perfect!" Shuraya said as she stood up, then reached down before pulling her panties back up around her hips.

 

I... had no idea what I was thinking at that time. It felt like I blanked out at that moment. It was like so many things were going on in my mind at that time that I just froze in place.

 

"Aren't you getting off? Or are you skipping class?" Shuraya asked with her melodious voice.

 

I'm ashamed to say I could not offer a reply. My mouth opened trying to say something, but I had so many things to say that nothing came out. What would you even say in this case?

 

That wasn't the only time it happened. It happened everyday. She would sit down next to me in the morning, pulled down her panties and shat.

 

And today, after school. She came to me, sat next to me again, and let go of her bowel right there again. That's right, while looking at me in the eyes, she shat next to me.

 

She must've seen the horror in my eyes, because she smiled as she said, "You can see it, can't you? My inundation."

 

"W-what?" I know I sounded stupid, but what would you say in that situation?

 

"One moment," she said as she pooped some more, before she got up and grabbed me by the hand.

 

"Come on, let's go somewhere," she said with her right hand pulling me up while her left hand wiped her ass.

 

I've always wondered, how could people not see this? She was clearly wiping her ass with a tissue paper. How could nobody see the toilet paper she threw on the floor? Have I really gone crazy?

 

She pulled me out of the train at the next stop, the name of the station didn't even register in my mind. So many things happened in my mind that I lost the ability to give a shit. Which thought should I prioritize in this case? The more I thought about, the heavier my head became.

 

"Can you remember it?" she suddenly asked when we arrived at a barely maintained side street, "How the minions of the 'one true god' called us 'disgusting abomination' and tried to erase our existence?"

 

I frankly had no idea what she was talking about. So I just kept quiet. Like, what am I supposed to say? I can barely wrap my head around the fact that she pooped in the train!

 

"They would cut us into pieces, and throw us into the far corners of the world. Yet the next day we would return, whole and none for wear."

 

Actually, I am pretty sure that I would not return if I was cut into pieces.

 

"They would burn us, scorch us with the radiance of a thousand suns. Yet the next day we would return, unharmed, as if it was nothing."

 

No, no. That's not how death works.

 

"Until the day they would cut us up, and feed us to their children, the first human man and the first human woman. And the next day we ceased to return to our original form. They rejoiced, for the 'disgusting' black mass was no more. But they didn't realize that because of that, we resided in the children of man. We are the result, you and me."

 

"So you're saying that we are created from shit?" I finally found my voice.

 

She tut-tutted. "No, nothing so crude. We are inundations. Our duties are to fertilize the world. For without us, the world will die."

 

"Fertilize the world by shitting in the train? What do you fertilize anyway?"

 

She made a wry smile, letting go of my hand, she used her right hand to wipe the pieces of poop on her left hand with another piece if toilet paper, then threw that into the bushes. "I prefer calling it 'inundating the world with the help of trains'. As for what we fertilize, everything! Soil, water, air, life, without us, everyone dies," she said as she raise both hands facing upward.

 

"Why trains?" I asked as I tried to avoid from getting close to those shitty hand.

 

"Because if you inundate a random patch of the forest, pretty much nobody would come near it, and therefore the fertilization will not go far. But if it's a train..."

 

"Millions of people use the train everyday."

 

"That's right! I knew you would understand, sister," she said with a wide smile as she approached me.

 

"Don't call me sister! My mother didn't marry your father, you public pooper!"

 

I tried to back away but my escape was blocked by the trunk of a large tree behind me. Noticing my predicament, Shuraya quickly crossed the distance and pinned me against the tree trunk with her tits. As she pressed her firm, well-formed titties against mine, her left hand reached up under my chin, keeping my chin with a strength I didn't know she had. I tried to shimmy away, but her right hand pressed against the tree trunk blocked my escape.

 

"Please don't touch my face with the hand you wiped you butt with!" I plead with eyes closed in disgust.

 

"Ah, but sister. This hand is holy hand. It's-"

 

"It's pooooop!" I screamed as one of her fingers rubbed against my lips.

 

"It's inundation, sister. We are the children of the inundation," she said with a seductive voice that felt like it became closer and closer to my ears, until in the end, she spoke directly into my right ear with that seductive, melodious voice, "It is out duty to inundate the world."

 

"Mmmm... mmmm" I tried to voice my disgust and refusal through closed lips as I tried to protect my mouth from the fingers that just before was wiping her ass.

 

"Come, sister. Join me and together we will shit everywhere!"

 

Without thinking it through, I blurted out. "You're not even trying-"

 

"Got you!" she said as she shoved her whole left hand into my mouth.

 

"Stooooooppppppp!!!! I screamed through the hand.

 

Stay tuned for the next story, Noble Wife Wants No Shit. Or maybe Ai-chan will release the story, I Shit Hard Every Day To Make My Husband Bankrupt instead. Which one do you guys want to read first?

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