Chapter III: Corsetry and Congress

 

My heart was racing, my head was clouded, and I felt like Miss Rook had just carved out my stomach entirely. It was impossible, completely impossible and yet all of my senses confirmed it. I was right there, with the arms of a woman slung under my armpits, with the smooth polished floor dragging against my bare ankles. I could smell the odor of wood and paint, hear the quiet conversation of passing servants, and when I looked down I could see a woman’s body. Rather, I could see my body. Suddenly, my fugue state was broken by the sound of Anna’s voice, which I realized was almost the same pitch as mine now.

“Marcus, can you stand? I can’t exactly open the door while carrying you, no matter how light you may be.” It was the slightly irked yet utterly forgiving tone of a mother talking to her troublesome child.

“Oh, right,” I said, snapping back into awareness. “I think I can.” I got my feet under me, and sure enough I was able to stand tall, falling short of Anna’s height by at least a few inches. How short was I now? Anna, meanwhile, turned to unlock the door. Once that was done, she stood aside, welcoming me to step through the doorway with a flourish.

What I saw inside was impressive. The whole room, easily the size of my apartment back on Earth (which I realized with a pang of regret that I would likely never see again), was full of clothes. Dresses, pants, coats, shirts, blouses, hats, several articles I didn’t even recognize, all lines the walls. It looked like an entire clothing store except stocked by overly enthusiastic goths. And apparently all of this was Lady Halflance’s.

“If you think this is impressive, you haven’t even seen the Lady’s actual closet. This is just the old things, the cast-offs that she doesn’t use for whatever reason,” said Anna. Apparently my facial expression was rather obvious. “Now then. Any ideas what you might want to wear?” I looked down. I was still wearing the same dress, thin white fabric that clung a bit more than I was comfortable with.

“Pants?” I said. Fortunately, this strange world did in fact have pants. Thank goodness for that. “Aren’t you going to get me something else to wear?” I asked, taking the folded garments from Anna. Not only did this place have pants, it had underwear too. No, I will not describe them.

“Of course, but I want to make sure these fit first,” she said, crossing her arms.

“I’m not wearing anything under this dress, you know.” I wasn’t quite comfortable with having Anna get a good look at my body before I did.

“Dear, you act as if I’ve never seen a woman naked before. It's fine. Besides, I would need to see your top anyway when we get to the corset.” She had a point. And, well, better that one person see me naked than everyone see me walking around in that thing. Then again, everything already had. I started stripping.

“What was that about a corset?” I asked, with the dress awkwardly wrapped around my head in a poor attempt at removal.

“You’ve never worn a corset? Goodness, what in the world were you wearing before?” While she was saying that, I finally managed to sling the dress off of me and onto the floor, and began dressing.

“Well before now I was a man, so corsets weren’t really a thing,” I said absentmindedly, forgetting that she still had no idea what a ‘man’ was.

“Are you telling me that they don’t have corsets on Earth? How do the women keep their…?” she trailed off, gesturing vaguely at her chest. Then, her mouth fell open. “Don’t tell me they never invented breasts on Earth! That sounds utterly dreadful.”

The image of an aged scientist, working into the late of night, bent over a table full of chemicals to invent the first pair of breasts suddenly came into my mind. I chuckled a bit. “No, those exist on Earth. In fact, we have corsets too, though they haven’t really been used for about a hundred years now. Have you ever heard of a bra, a brassiere?”

Anna shook her head. “Sounds Miranian.”

“Well that’s what we use, for the most part. I’ll explain what it is later, maybe.”

“Either way, you’re going to have to keep the ladies in check somehow. It’s just not proper to go outside without something,” said Anna.

“Do I have to wear a corset, though? It sounds uncomfortable,” I said. I sounded like a petulant teenager, with my voice as high as it was.

“No, you don’t. Let me grab something.” With that, Anna went off to rifle through the labyrinth of clothes, returning with a handful of folded cloth. She pulled out one particular strip of cloth, wrapping it around my chest in a surprisingly comfortable way, tying it off in the back. Promising to teach me how to do it for myself later, she showed me a few different shirts, offering to let me pick.

I had never really cared about fashion before. Appearances just didn’t matter to me. Why did it matter what I looked like anyway, if I had a good personality, right? Besides, I wasn’t exactly the most attractive, and there wasn’t much that clothes could do about that. Now, though, I started taking an interest. I guess it must have been because I was in a strange place with people I had never met, and I wanted to make an impression, but I spent a good thirty seconds deciding on a shirt to wear. The one I ended up going with was a blue button-up ensemble, something like the top part of a tuxedo without the vest, and with extra accoutrements. Weirdly, I rather liked it; the waist was cut in, showing off that figure I guess I had now.

Just then, another person entered the dressing room. She was dressed similar to me, with a black waistcoat and baggy pants. Her face was bright, with a large grin showing off her shining teeth, a sharp contrast to her light brown freckled skin. Her hair was thick and curly, a dense mass tied back into something resembling a ponytail. She was wearing large glasses, that magnified her hazel eyes into something resembling an insect.

“Ahh, Sir Margaret! You came in just at the right time. I got our little guest nice and tidied up, don’t you think?” said Anna. So this was Sir Margaret, apparently the one who had rescued me in the first place. I tried to think back to that event, but my memory was blurry, and I definitely wasn’t able to see much at the time.

“Hello, hello, hello there, I am Colonel Sir Margaret Halflance, pleased to make your acquaintance, you may call me Sir Margaret of course,” she said, bowing. “My oh my you do make a fetching figure if I must say, Miss…?” I felt like I had just been hit by a cavalry charge, which honestly made me wish for the other Halflance.

“Marcus, Marcus Farrier…” I said, slowly waving my hand.

“Marcus, interesting, not a name I’ve ever heard before. Am I correct in assuming, based on that and your manner of speaking, that you are not from Bluerose, Miss Farrier?”

“No, I’m not. Are you, uh, related to the other Halflance?” I said.

Sir Margaret grinned, chuckling slightly. “So I see you’ve met my wife! Don’t let Sarah scare you, she’s sweet once you get to know her, I assure you. Now then, tell me Anna, has our guest been alright, any sicknesses, any troubles, I assume none of the other staff have been a bother?”

Anna and I looked at each other, doubtful. I nodded at her, and she proceeded to explain everything that had happened since my waking up. When Anna finished, Margaret looked less like she had just been told a story and more like she had been presented with a tough math problem.

“So you say you aren’t from Selene at all, but another world named ‘Earth’? Rather interesting, there’s never been a recorded case of travel from another world that I know of, though perhaps Miss Charcharias might know more about that. Miss Farrier, please tell me a bit more about ‘Earth’.” That was a bit of an impossible task. I mean, how do you tell someone who doesn’t even know what a man is about all of Earth?

“Well, something I’ve noticed is that this place, everything I’ve seen here… It’s a lot like what Earth was about 100, 150 years ago. All the clothes were like this, and all of the stuff with Counts and ‘Sirs’ and all this, it’s very old-fashioned on Earth.”

“And you’re certain that you have not, perhaps, traveled through time somehow?” asked Margaret, leaning forwards. “Not that such a thing is any less impossible than traveling from another planet, but it’s always best to cover one’s bases, don’t you think?”

I shook my head. “Except that there was never a country on Earth called Bluerose, and nobody’s ever called it ‘Selene’. Plus, Earth definitely had men 150 years ago, I’m sure of that.” Margaret shrugged.

“Well, so much for that theory. Now then, tell me about these ‘men’ things. You say you were one, before arriving here?”

“Yes. So men are… on Earth there are mostly two kinds of people, although some people are neither, or both, or they switch between. But most people are either women, like the people here, or they’re men.”

Margaret leaned back against the wall of the dressing room, putting her chin in her hand. “Fascinating. But do carry on. What exactly is the difference between a woman and a man?” I blushed slightly. This was going to be awkward.

“Well, they have different things…” I took a deep breath. There was no point in stalling, so I might as well say it. “They have different things between their legs, like more external I guess you could say, usually, and they don’t have breasts, usually, and men are bigger and taller and have deeper voices, usually, and they have less curvature around the hips and the waist, and they even grow long hair on their face, usually.” Blech. That felt weird to say.

“Well some of those things are perfectly natural variation, like the first one,” said Margaret. Before I could figure out what she meant by that, she continued.  “But all at once? That sounds unpleasant. Now tell me, how do you say you got here from Earth?” I rolled my eyes and told the whole story.

After telling the whole story, another awkward silence fell upon the three of us. Margaret deeply furrowed her brow, mumbling to herself in deep thought. Just about when I considered maybe asking her what she was thinking, she spoke up.

“I don’t believe that you are lying, because you have no reason to, and your embarrassment at describing the anatomy of a creature which does not, as far as I am aware, exist is too strong to be genuine. Now this, this supposition leaves me with two possibilities, does it not? Either you have legitimately been transported bodily from one planet to another via a mechanism wholly unknown to us, or you are suffering from some sort of brain fever, psychotic break, or other mental affliction which has caused you total amnesia and false memories while only minimally affecting your senses and cognition.”

“Uhhhh yeah, I guess?” I said, looking back and forth between Margaret and Anna.

“Well, I’m certainly not going to try to solve that enigma right now, with you having no shoes and not even a place to live.” Sir Margaret jumped to her feet and pointed at Anna. “Finish getting her ready and we can discuss with Sarah in her study.”

The rest of the preparations didn’t take very long, and before I knew it I was being lead off to another room. I tried to keep track of where this room was in relation to everything else, but it was just… impossible. Lady Halflance’s mansion was enormous, sprawling, like an entire apartment complex owned by one person. I had no idea how she could even use all of those rooms. Eventually, Anna escorted me to the study. She stayed outside; evidently this business was between myself and the Halflances.

When I arrived in the study, Sir Margaret was apparently just wrapping up relaying what I had said to her wife. Unfortunately for me, it was Lady Halflance who saw me first.

“Come in, come in. We were just discussing you, Marcus of Earth.” She swept her hand towards a cushioned chair, placed in front and to the side of her varnished wood desk. I took the offer, sitting down.

“So… what do I do now? I don’t have a home, or friends, or a job. And given how different everything is here from Earth, I don’t think any of those things are going to come easily,” I said.

“That’s actually exactly what we were talking about, to tell you the truth,” said Sir Margaret, standing with one leg up on the arm of her chair, leaning forward onto the knee. “Sarah and I aren’t completely sure what we should do about you, considering your difficulty, and the body thing that I still don’t quite understand. It must be rather confusing having everything be so new to you and all.”

“Yeah, no shit.” I dropped my head into my hands. I was still overwhelmed by the whole thing, to tell the truth. I was probably would have had difficulty adjusting if only my body had changed, but this was tough.

“Which is why I shall be taking you on as my ward,” said Lady Halflance.

“Wait what?” I said.

“I will provide you with lodgings, food, clothing, and other such things. I will be, effectively, your guardian.”

“What?!” I jumped out of my seat. “You’re… you’re adopting me?”

“Not quite, no. I believe you are an adult, are you not?” said Lady Halflance.

“I’m 24, so I think so.”

“There you go then. You will be under my protection, care, and tutelage. You shall stay with me, while I show you what things are like in this world. You will learn, you will train, and you will generally do what I say, though I will expect no work in return. In a sense, it will be similar to an apprenticeship.”

That was unexpected. Very unexpected. And here I was thinking that I was going to end up a homeless street rat, or at best a servant working for whoever would hire me. This whole “ward” thing sounded like a pretty nice deal.

“Are you sure you’ll be able to handle it? I don’t want to be a burden…” I was interrupted by a withering gaze from Lady Halflance.

“Marcus, you’re a woman who has appeared out of nowhere with no memories of the world whatsoever, it doesn’t matter what happens, you’re going to be a burden on someone somewhere. I am the wealthiest woman in all of Amrinval, with literally hundreds of women under my employ. I can handle it.”

“Are you sure? This is a whole new world, I have no idea if I’ll ever be able to adjust…”

“I once debated a taxation bill in Parliament, while I was seven months pregnant with my third child. I can take a challenge,” said Halflance, in a total deadpan.

“That doesn’t sound too…” I started to say, having utterly failed to realize who I was talking to.

“Four women died in the course of that debate, one of whom was killed after I fired four bullets into her chest for trying to shank me,” she continued. I stopped talking, though I really wanted to ask what kind of political system they had here that resulted in multiple fatalities. Halflance let me stew for a while, as if making sure that I didn’t feel like asking any more very, very stupid questions. Once she was sure of that, she clapped her hands together and stood up.

“Now then! The party is in two hours, and you’re coming. Perhaps seeing my generosity with regards to your case will help to repair my reputation.”