Thats evening, within the walls of Brenton.
Staring at the horizon from her office balcony within the top floor of the adventurer’s guild.
The guild had been relatively empty today; only the clerks and the guild master herself had been in. The clerks were handling the registration of new quests and other general guild operations into the evening to free themselves a few days for rest. The guild master herself had already completed her workload and should have been within her residence by now. However… as she currently stood on the balcony looking over the horizon, she brought a small clay mug close to herself.
Looking down at the clay mug that housed her coffee. The brown and white mixture of the cream that she’d just poured in having just diluted, and its nutty aroma seeped into her senses. She’d been getting on in years, even for an elf. She started to find it challenging to keep herself focused without some potion, spell or drink. Age pitied no one, and she estimated she had maybe another two hundred years of life in her. Despite her age of six-hundred-thirty, she looked rather young. The Elf usually was assumed by others to be in her mid to late twenties. She was average for looks when it came to elves. Blond, gentle features, and a light figure. Her only difference really was her slightly athletic build, thanks to years of adventurer work.
After a few moments of staring at the warm mixture, she took a sip. The long span of chaos going on in her mind from today's thoughts being calmed and her body waking up slightly. Not too long after, a knock was heard from the doorway behind her.
Lorn’s Perspective
…I had just gotten a sip, and it seems the guild’s stay in Maid, Maria, came to me with news from the clerks.
“Mistress Lorn, the Revenants, have returned.”- Maria
The Human woman that stood before me had been in our employ for some years now. She’d made it known that she was reliable through her action rather quickly. I found myself placing her as the caretaker for our commissioned stay in Adventurer party, the 'Revenants.' I had found myself tense compared to usual as this assignment had been rather mediocre. Their absence had made me think something had gone awry, but with Maria’s calm demeanor, it seems my worries were pointless-
“If I may mistress, it is also of utmost importance that instead of them coming to you for their debrief, you are to come to them within the stay in quarters.”- Maria
What?
“Are they not unharmed?”
I found myself releasing some concern through my own tone; thankfully, Maria shook her head to tell me my fears were misplaced. What was it that could have happened if they’re unharmed?
“I shall make for the quarter's post haste.” With a sigh, I walked back through the doorway to the balcony after her as she made her way back to the team. Taking a rather greedy gulp of the coffee I had just brewed, I cleared my mind and made to continue following her.
…….
As we came through the entrance to the stay-in quarters, I could see one of the revenants' party members standing in one of the side halls. Stanis, the party's frontline and tank. He was a rather large man and a rather stout one at that. Despite being at least a decade older than the other members of his party, he found no difficulty in keeping up. Even his appearance betrayed his age with a full head of hair and a well-trimmed mustache and beard. He almost looked like a court knight at first glance.
As we approached, he waved for us to continue past into the hall.
“Lorn, everything’s fine with us, but we needed you to check on something. I’m sorry If our timing may have worried you.”- Stanis
I waved my hand at his remark.
“It is nothing. This old woman’s worries are just her softening from age. What seems to be so off as to have me coming to one of the rooms?” I found myself blaming my anxiety on my age……there are plenty of elves that have lived longer…..okay?
As we turned at the doorway of one of the rooms, the sight that greeted me was out of the norm, to say the least. Hatsumi, the party leader and war mage. A feline beast woman in her mid-twenties with the appearance of a female youth. Her ears and tail were breaking from the norm for most feline beast kin, having small pointed tufts on her ear tips and a rather flowing tail of fur.
Chessa, the party scout and archer. A female elf many years my junior. She was the same age as Hatsumi yet already found herself more mature than many elves three times her age. Her appearance was rather neutral for an elf, rather attractive but subdued by her nature and a head full of brown hair compared to the other elves’ of this town.
And lastly, Callum, the swordsman and second in the vanguard to Stanis. This one, I found myself revolted by some. The rest of their party was neutral to him, and I couldn’t fault them. But he seemed to drop any care of image around me, and I could no longer count the women I had seen him with. An excellent swordsman and completely competent in the needs of his teammates, but gods was he insufferable if you weren’t a closer acquaintance. He was just barely older than Hatsumi and Chessa by a few moons and was a rather energetic youth. Similar in complexion to Stanis as they were brothers after all.
And…..hmmm? Whose this? Wait, have they brought back a child? Caught within my thoughts of them, I had found myself missing this child surprisingly. Chessa and Hatsumi both seemed to be passively channeling healing magic on the girl. And ceasing only as I was a pace from the bed.
“*sigh* Lorn, ah, it is good to see you.”- Hatsumi
She looked down, shaking her head slightly as to shed her fatigue.
“It seems we’ve come across an unexpected addition to the quest reward.”
She tried to open with a joke, but I could see she was too tired to follow it through.
“So what happened?” I kept the question simple.
………………..
…” So the stand-off ended with the Paladin withdrawing, you grabbing Kiyomi and made your way here as fast as you could?” Hatsumi shook her head in affirmation.
“Yes, thankfully, that was all. We have no idea why they were chasing her since they wouldn’t tell us if there were charges, so we can probably ascertain the church had targeted her family, but that’s about it.”- Hatsumi
“And you gathered that from the book and sword?” I looked at the items placed on and next to the corner table. They had a family crest on each of them that matched, but we could not identify them further than that.
“So far, unless you can figure out how to open the book in that library of yours.”- Hatsumi
She handed me the book.
“I’ll look into it. For now, you all should catch up on sleep. It's late, and I doubt the kid will appreciate being alone with no one here when she wakes.”
I say while standing up and ushering Callum and Chessa from the room. Hatsumi sat next to the girl, she was sharing her bed since there were no spares and hers was large enough for multiple people. That and she could be on hand to provide healing if the girl suddenly needed it.
“We can decide what further to do with her in the morn when she’s awake and talkative.” I chime, knowing Hatsumi she was needlessly concerned as I was earlier. She had a daughter before, and being charged with the care of another was probably hitting deeply for her. She should save her concerns for when she’s full and rested.
“Y’know Lorn*yawn*, I’ll take you up on that.” -Hatsumi
Saying so, she stretched and sat on the bed next to the child focusing on her intently, checking her status. After a moment, she simply sighed and leaned her back against the headboard and bringing her legs up with her.
“See you in the morning, Lorn.”
“You as well, Hatsumi.”
With that, I left and went to my own quarters. I was crashing from the coffee already…
It's decent enough, but you should probably stick with 3rd-Person for everyone that's not the MC. There's not enough characterization or story for it to be meaningful, and is just a tad confusing at this point. Even if you did, using 1st-Person for more than the MC can cause various issues for readers, no matter how good or bad the writer.
i've been back and forth on it personally for a while now and i can never seem to make up my mind. In thought about making the 1st person restricted to MC, Hatsumi and Lorne. As Hatsumi and Lorne will be heavy supporting character's to MC as time goes on. Once the position switches to any of the other cast i would move to third person. Also debating how to make the switch to third person for the others in the opposite case. Thoughts?
Hmmmm scratch that, i'm going to follow you advice here. Any pointers on the transition?
Conveniently enough, the end of the final chapter so far could set up for it i think
Thoughts are typically written in italic font.
For 1st-Person, you want them chapter-long, if you do swap whom is in 1st-Person. You do not want to swap mid-chapter. 1st-Person perspective is the more intimate type of story-telling as it attempts to put the reader into the story as the MC.
As of the first chapter, there is a specifically defined MC to this story. That alone should confine your 1st-Person perspective to that singular character, with everyone else in 3rd centered around 'Main' Characters that are Not the MC.
Just swapping whom the MC character of a story is about like that causes a kind of mental-dysphoria - not that it's particularly an issue, but it's not attractive to readers.
It's kind of a psychology thing. In this case, if you do use a 1st-Person perspective for Non-MC characters, it would be best done for either Important or 'Omake' chapters.
You would think that the plot would be the reason most people don't read or drop a story, but it's usually the Formatting first, Spelling second, and story third.
(Thinking: who is xxx? Why should I care about xxx's thoughts? Why would I want to imagine myself in xxx's place? Reading in, I really don't enjoy thinking I am xxx... etc)
My usual 'best' suggestion is to find a story you enjoy with a writing format you would like your own written in and mimic it to the best of your ability, though it doesn't have to be perfect or even close. Just having something to work off of should help tremendously.
What plot you have is decent, and I like it, but I personally feel like wanting to skip the non-mc parts.
@Azaira Can definitely see the point. I don't know how i managed to green light that myself before now
Particularly because i also started to do this
but I personally feel like wanting to skip the non-mc parts.
in a few of the stories i'm reading currently.
Going to take this to heart. Thank you for the input, you should see it reflect in my from CH9 onward