-So is the treasure around here, Hina? (???)
-The compass is pointing at Windvallye’s village? (Hina)
-Are you sure this time it’s the correct information? We fail to get the treasure four times already. (???)
The girl with ash hair grits her teeth and scolds the man:
-Just shut up and follow me. (Hina)
-I know you want to find that treasure very much but we act together according to mutual interest. If you are not able to find the treasure, the only thing that can make me interested is your body. (???)
The girl glares at the man:
-Man always thinks of a disgusting thing. (Hina)
The man laughed at the girl's curse.
-That’s how a normal man works. If this time we still can’t find anything, the contract between us is done for. (???)
-I know... (Hina)
-The treasure to change your skill aptitude to a mechanic, why do you want that thing so much as a mage. (???)
-It’s not your business so shut up. (Hina)
-Fine! Fine! (???)
She had received a prophecy from the prophet before she started this trip: “You'll find the answers that you are seeking, at the village where the wind flows through.” Only one village fits the clue of the prophet, that is Windvallye’s village.
-Finally, my wish can become true. (Hina)
In the near future, two certain girls will come across each other. Will they bring each other happiness? The time will answer everything.
The image was generated using waifulabs
Name: Hina
Age: ???
Breast size: C/ Height: 168 cm/ Weight: 50 kg
You will find your answer at a village where wind flowing through.”
You'll find the answers that you are seeking, at the village where the wind flows through
Thanks a lot bro
Why the picture doesn't appear
It crashed due to the source. Sometime, it's like that lemme reupload it
the image is expired
all right lemme fix it
@Madeus thanks!
@godofsoup np
What is "mechanical"? It hasn't been explained yet, right?
Thanks for the chapter
I mean mechanic, it was mention last chapter ya. Let me fix it
@Madeus wouldn't machinist fit better instead of mechanic?
@Shaxoom I never think about it at that time XD
It's a bit difficult to tell who is talking and what they are saying, is that something that can be improved, I don't want to drop this due to bad formatting.
All right I will fix it
I add a not for each at the end of the sentence, it will better for you to notice who is talking now. If there is anything else I need to fix, don't mind telling me. I need to go and fix other chapters too
@Madeus the only thing i can think of is spacing out the sentences every time it changes who's speaking, as it feels a bit too clustered at the moment.
I don't want sound too annoying or discouraging as the premise of the story is interesting.
Alright no problem bro, I welcome criticize for improvements
Aye spacing out make it look much better, thanks for advising me
@Madeus Little things: If you give name of person who speak in the start its more good looking and more natural :)
Ewa - Oh, I see this before...
Oh, I see this befofe... (Ewa)
Or its just me?
@kcck
Hmm, I still think it looks better at the end may be due to I usually write that for a long time
Though it's too late for me to change now since If I want to revamp like your style I must fix a lot
@Madeus Its ok, I just give you advice, so you can use it later :)
@kcck Np, bro. I'm really thankful for your advice