(February 1st Wednesday)

Tama was as supportive as he has ever been. Blaming everyone else with me being the one that needs to be apologized to. Looking back on it now…. Maybe I needed a stricter hand

….

……...

The next day, after texting Tama-kun all night, we arranged to meet up. He said he would skip school and spend the day with me,  however when he said meet up, he was suggesting that we scout out people for the "next get together". 

The idea actually gave me no sexual satisfaction at all. Heading to meet Tama, my stomach was in knots. I felt like I couldn't really talk to Tama-kun about this because he was so excited. 

It's my duty as a fiancée now isn't it?

We met up on a sidewalk on a busy street corner. I walked across the pedestrian crossing to meet him up. A couple of candy stores, shops, and small electronic stores were around the area. The community buildings and apartments can be reached by going down a nearby alleyway.

Me and Tama-kun grabbed an ice cream from a nearby grocery and began our targeting.

I've never done something like this, I felt terrified. I didn't want to know the people that would…. that would… see me. I had to do something without causing friction.

"Tama-kun id rather you pick," I said nervously, "Just surprise me." I try to smile.

"Oh? Ok! No problem!" Tama-kun smiled, "of course you always wear the blindfold so meeting the people might ruin it for you, I didn't fully consider it. I'm sorry ill be more mindful. I'll take care of everything so we can both enjoy."

"..sure.."

How would Haruto react if he knew I was planning this? Haruto and Rika will hate me won't they? Please don't hate me.

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……….

…………..

What I wanted and what I needed were two very different things. I wanted someone to console me, tell me I was right to feel picked one, to be on my side. I've always felt alone, but when I am alone nothing goes wrong. So obviously when I was involved with others and things went wrong, it was their fault right?

What I desperately needed was a reality check. I needed someone to tell me they will support my happiness but not my immaturity. Someone to believe in me enough for me to not want to fail them. I needed to be anchored down because I was getting too carried aways.

…….

……….

The next few days I spent my time with Tama-kun. Don't get me wrong I love Tama-kun, but I never loved him…. Like that. Maybe there  was a time I was close but that moment is long gone. While with Tama-kun all I think about is Haruto and Rika, how it's a betrayal to them. The way Rika looked at me…. Please don't let Haruto look at me like that.

It didnt help that Tama-kun only spoke about sex. The one topic I've had more than my own fill of. Pun not intended. Telling me what he'd like me to do and say when we do the group meet up. He asked me my safe words or if I had any. Explaining the things he's gone through and what's happened while he was away.

My broken heart quaked in fear, the fear that maybe I was responsible for all Tama-kun went through. Of all the people in my life I genuinely felt I wronged Tama-kun the most, maybe somehow being with him could make up for what I've done.

Bring a good name to the Kuwabara house and repent for what I've done to Tama-kun in one motion. I can do this! I'm sorry Rika, Haruto, I must atone.

…….

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I've always been known as a hard worker. Dedicated, passionate, and adaptable. I used to also be considered highly intelligent, but nothing I was doing seemed intelligent. I've been basing my choices on regret and feelings of guilt combined with my need to represent the Kuwabara name…. and of course logically, I should have seen this not ending well.

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Saturday, February 4th (Authors bday)

I didn't return to school for the rest of the week. I could have gone back Friday, however my emotions have been overcoming my rationale. I was afraid. I was afraid to be looked at by Rika with the eyes she showed me last time. She wasn't looking at the student council president, she wasn't looking at an athlete, she wasn't looking at a Kuwabara, she was looking at….. hurt.

She only saw pain when she saw me. The same eyes Tama-kun had when I had that blind fold removed by Sasuke.

I'm supposed to be free right now, yet I still feel trapped. What am I supposed to do? Go against my father? Tell him the truth? Be disowned? Where would I go? Me and Haruto were together for less than a week. Would he even take me in if I didn't break up with him? All my life I was trying to be the perfect Kuwabara and it being with Haruto got in the way of that. I thought I did what I must, but why does this hurt so much.

My thoughts rampaging my mind as I walk through a love hotel lobby in my miniscule disguise.

I don't even know how Haruto dealt with Sasuke, but here I am betraying him further by stomping on his hard work.

*PACK*

I gave my cheeks a slap to refocus.

I'll worry about it later, I have to be a good Fiance for Tama-kun now.

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Later that evening. I cried in the shower. The things Tama-kun…… I wasn't ready for it.

*hic* "wahhhhhhhhhhhHhhhhhh" *sniffle*

I must have killed my family in a past life. Did I do this to him?!

"Tama! I'm sorry! I'M SO SORRY!"

What can I do!? He's too far gone! There's no way I can help him, I can't even reach him

Sobbing in the shower, only to cry in the bath, only to wail in my bedroom. I've never seen the full results of my actions until now. I never would've thought something like this could be the end route. 

The boys got sex and I got to vent! There was no way I could have thought about this.

Tossing and turning in bed. I couldn't sleep. My heart was beating too loudly and my eyes hurt from crying so much. I grabbed my phone. 

Flyfree- can I come over tomorrow? Or I mean later today?

I corrected my message while seeing the time on my phone.

………

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…………….

*knock* *knock*

"Heyo~"

A very bubbly Gyaru opened her front door. Her silver bob-cut and silver eyes shine in the daylight. She's wearing a pink athletic camisole. Her smile shrinks as she looks at me.

I texted Rika earlier this morning and she apologized heavily for the fight we had. 

I really couldn't blame her, I know I have my circumstances but I agreed to a relationship with Haruto and I backed out of my word. As a Kuwabara it was shameful. 

Rika wanted to express how hurt she felt and she expressed it by having me feel how she felt. Albeit physically, but I need her. We've been together and filled the emptiness in each other's hearts. Hers from the betrayal of the man she thought she loved, and me from losing Tama-kun the first time.

So she agreed to let me come over so we could have a vent sesh like old times.

She looks gorgeous as usual. Hmmm… has not seeing her in a few days made her even prettier? Is she doing something different with her hair?

I'm wearing a white blouse, with a black corset, my hair is let down and my bangs flutter in the wind.

"Thank you for seeing me Rik…. Sagrado-san." I bowed politely, Rikas eyes twitch at my words and she swiftly moves in for a strong hug I was not prepared for.

Now there's two teens crying in a doorway. Another illogical move, but it feels good to be close to her again.

"Just be honest! Be honest! Please!" She cried 

"Sag-"

"RIKA! IM YOUR RIKA!" she held me tighter.

My eyes opened from her intensity and I relaxed in her arms. She was leaning down with her head on my shoulder crying. while my tears stopped, I placed my face against her neck, and I took a breath of her scent.

My Rika….

"I missed you Rika," I held her tighter, "I hurt you, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't know the things that could happen from my choices…. Can we…" I looked around at the open doorway we were in, "talk inside?"

Rika pulled away and her teary face had the brightest smile.

"UN!" she nodded enthusiastically. Her smile made my heart skip a beat.

I was so afraid at how she would look at me, yet hers eyes still shine at me this way.

I felt my cheeks redden.

We quickly move into her room where she leaps on her bed and starts hugging a cute bird pillow. Must be one of those kitten brand toys she always raves about….. it is kinda cute.

I slowly approached the bed and sat down. I remained silent not knowing where to start. I kept glancing up at Rika, trying to start a conversation, the issue wasn't that I had a hard time speaking, the issue was what I want to talk about and what I came to talk about are two different things. In the end my feelings overcame my intellect again.

"......How is Haruto?" I spoke meekly.

The response I received I wasn't prepared for. Everything he's going through right now, I want to be there for him. I want to help him. 

Could I even do anything for him right now? More importantly would he even want me to be there?

"I miss him…. I want…" I started but couldn't finish my words. "I.. I have Tama-kun, so it would be inappropriate to interfere in his life."

"Ya mean like how ya parents don't interfere in Aki's life?"

*DONG*

My mouth gaped open. Absolutely stunned by her bluntness. This reminds me of the day I met Harutos sister. Did she corrupt my R… I mean, Rika?

"Aki," Rika grabbed my arm and pulled me til my head was on the pillow on her lap. She began stroking my hair, "Aki, ya sweet sweet girl." She said softly while looking down at me, "let it go, stop tryn ta' be a perfect daughter for a mother and father that don't wanna be a mama or papa." She lifted me up, (how is she so strong!), and hugged me burying my head between her breasts. (stupid balls of fat!)

Despite my thoughts it was very comforting and I could hear her heart beating, it was very soothing. Any tension in my body has slowly disappeared..

"I'm just not good enough to keep them around." I said solemnly. Its my honest feelings, and this breast pillow is making me vulnerable. Rika pulled and turned my body, so now I'm cradled in her lap like a kitten

Why is she so strong?

"DON'T EVER SAY THAT!" Rika shouted bring her face close to mine, "is Haruto stupid?"

"Huh?" I said completely confused.

"Does Aki think Ruto-babes is dumb?"

"Uhh… no, I don-"

"Ya don't sound totes sure."

"I mean, Haruto is not dumb. He is hardworking, intelligent, and kind, and, and" Rika flicked my head as my face reddened.

What's with this situation

"Haruto an this Rika", Rika did a hand pose, "believe in Aki, you deserve to be happy, but you need to go for the things that make Aki happy. Maybe when ya get settled me and Ruto-babes can double date which an ya guy!"

I almost winced. 

The idea of Haruto…. And Rika, without me. It hurts. But, if we can still stay close…?

"...yeah sure, that sounds nice."

……

……..

After the idea of the double date, I didn't have it in me to confess what happened with Tama-kun. Instead we spent the day together laughing, giggling, and being the best girlfriends.

I almost messed it up though. I don't understand what came over me. Rika was talking about Haruto visiting her home. Her expressions were so happy. The way she smiled as she recalled the events. 

This reminded me when we.used to hang out and talk about who we had crushes on.

Of course it would never be a customer we had, Rika was NEVER into it and I was always blindfolded. The boys at school were mostly meat heads, even the smarter ones, but we were lucky enough to meet Haruto.

I remember when we used to talk about dating Haruto. The types of dating we would do when we stopped working, the lives we'd want. We both knew each of us liked Haruto and because the lives we lived we used to joke about both of us marrying him and loving him.

The idea of me coming home late from work as a doctor, Rika being home after photo shoots, and Haruto…. Honestly we just always imagined him being there like a househusband, in the kitchen, shirtless…. I would come home last smelling the dinner being cooking, sneaking into the kitchen and giving our husband a kiss on his lips. Telling him how I never knew I could be so lucky. Going to the living room where Rika would be sitting in a cute Kenichi Kitty chair and I would walk up to her and place my hand behind her head…. Im home… and I …..

"Aki?"

"Huh?" I blinked my eyes open and I see Rika's silver eyes, my face is so close to Rikas, my hand behind her head.

I'm trying to kiss her?! What am I doing!?

"Aki??" Rikas eyes are wide.

"Uhhhhh…" I place my forehead against hers, "y-y-your face is super red I was checking if you had a fever!" I said while my face was probably redder than hers.

"Ahhh I get it! Thank ya!" Rika just hugged me quickly and smiled.

…….

……….

The rest of the time was slightly awkward but I didn't let it get in the way of spending time with Rika. I left in the early evening and headed home.

Whenever I and Rika thought about being with Haruto it was always the two of us, not to say we excluded Mirai, it's just Mirai was busier than us so we spent more time together. Not to mention Mirai didn't open up about being with Haruto until much later than me and Rika. 

Me and Rika sharing Haruto was natural to me, I just didn't realize that I wanted Haruto and Rika until I thought Rika would discard me. Haruto was a dream of mine and Rika's, but we were each other's reality before we saw the opportunity to be with Haruto.

How could I never notice it before? It makes sense, she was there for me and she put herself through so much just to help me. If Haruto is the knight in shining Armor, Rika is the princess in a silver dress. They were such kind people, so warm, so caring, and they both went out of their way for someone like me.

At that moment Rikas words echoed into my mind.

"You need to go for the things that make Aki happy!"

Rika and Haruto, I can't let either of them go.

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As I returned to school, my time with Tama-kun was shortened much to my relief. Me and Rika went back to being friends, if not closer. The only missing piece to my heart was that Haruto hasn't been coming to school. I can understand that he is dealing with things much bigger than our problems right now, but I still missed him greatly. With him absent I monopolized more time with Rika and Mirai. I really believe we are all as close as friends as ever, maybe me and Rika even closer. 

I really wish a fist wasn't what brought us closer, but it really can strengthen or break bonds i guess? Honestly I never used to believe in barbarianism such as that, but Rika being my first…. Fight makes it seem special to me.

I still showed to the clubroom with the girls on Wednesday and those two filled me in a little about Haruto, but they said I should contact him directly. "Some things aren't meant for others to say." Is what Mirai said and I had to agree.

While I was getting closer to the girls again, Tama-kun had other plans. He was planning another get together, and honestly I couldn't handle doing it again, but I had a plan.

nTrAMA- so this weekend I was thinking maybe less men, but I look for the type specifically bigger than me. Hopefully they can last a lot longer too so they could have you reach a higher orgasm than my small dick ever could. 

Bigger!? I don't want that! Tama-kun's beads already stretch me, what is he thinking?! I can't get looser…. They might get disgusted if I'm too loose. But, I have a plan for all of this.

Flyfree- Actually Tama-kun. Rika mentioned to me the idea of a double date with her and Haruto.

nTrAMA- oh?! Like swapping? I wouldn't want to make Haruto feel inferior with my enhanced dick. He looks small, but he seems like a nice guy. I don't wanna make him feel inferior.

My irritation soared at his words

Flyfree- trust me there's no way you'd make Haruto feel- *delete* *delete* *delete*.... I mean a NORMAL double date. We can't always spend our free time in orgies.

nTrAMA- OH! That makes sense! As expected of my fiancée, how can we mingle with the upper class if we only have sex stories.

Flyfree- That's exactly why we shouldn't do meet ups for a little while. We should try "normal" couple things so we don't make it awkward with Rika and Haruto.

nTrAMA- but can they be considered "normal"? With you being close to them, they have to be deviants themselves right? Was I wrong about Haruto?

His words lit a flame of rage within me.

Rika? A deviant? Her heart is the purest I've ever seen! Haruto maybe be a little deviant to handle even thinking about being with all of us, but Rika!? Rika is the darkest shade of vanilla this world has ever seen!

Wait! Wait! I have to calm down. He just doesn't know her, why am I overreacting!?

Flyfree- you will be surprised.

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……….

February  11th

I had my first official date and it was with my fiancée. Tama-kun may look social and handsome, but he is still the same awkward little boy I always knew. Not able to grab my hand on his own, always concerned if I was enjoying myself, so distracted by his thoughts that he bumped into people on the streets.

With all the experience he's had…. He's still so weirdly innocent. My feelings for Haruto aside, I am glad I could give Tama-kun the chance to take me on my first date. He's sweet and adorable when he's not being perverted. 

The only big difference from our youth and the present is that Tama-kun can make basketball shots at the arcade. Yes the arcade, a very normal date. (I still beat him by the way)

Everything didn't seem so bad in life right now, even though I'm not with the ones I love. All this new freedom feels strange, yet blissful.

After the date Tama-kun awkwardly walked me home. He seemed very nervous as we approached the door. Once we got there he waited at the door as I entered. I looked back at him and stepped back outside.

"Sorry, that was rude of me." I bowed

I honestly thought he was going to come in.

"Uhm, no. I uhhh…. I really liked tonight, and wanted to thank you for the normal evening… a-a-and…." Tama-kun's face went completely red, like a mongoose he darted toward my face and kissed me (he got me half on the cheek and half on the lips)

"G-g'goodnight!" And he darted off into the night.

All I could do was giggle at his actions. I went into my home and got ready for bed. 

Before I went to bed though I had to call Rika and tell her all about it. 

Even I knew it was an excuse to listen to her voice, I'm a school girl in love… in love twice but that doesn't matter. My actions make less sense even to myself.

……

……….

The next day I spent studying. My thoughts are not able to stop thinking what kind of date Haruto would've taken me on.

I've decided.

I grabbed my phone and unblocked Harutos number. Immediately as I unblocked it:

Rutotheprince- is everything ok? You seemed scared earlier today. Can I help you with something?

Rutotheprince- You're free now. I love you, please be happy.

Fuck….

"WWWAAAAAAHHHHHH" Tears just burts out of me. My chest is on fire. My throat dried and immediately cracked my voice. 

Why aren't you cursing me!? Hate me! I've had men touch me after you freed me! You kept your promise and I broke mine! Why! Why can you be like that!?

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………….

Again I say I have not been acting rationally. Harutos never ending desire for everyone's happiness was a stupid pipe dream and as a realist I could never agree that it could happen. When he spoke about it though? The passion he had about climbing to the top and grabbing as many stragglers as he could just to bring them up with him. Just thinking about the flare in his black eyes as he used to talk about it is making my heart tremble. This stupid heart of mine, its what lead me to my next big blunder.

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Monday, February 13th

Going to school started to fall back into routine. I was excited for the day. School life has got brighter for me.

I can't remember the last time.i came to school with all smiles.

"Good morning." I bowed at my fellow students.

""Good morning Kuwabara-san"" groups and individuals bowed back.

"Good morning."

"Good morning."

"Goo-"

What the hell am I seeing!? What is this? There is a crowd of people in the middle of the hallway. 

As the student council president I have to step in to make sure everything is safe. 

"Excuse me. Pardon me." I made my way through the crowd of uniformed bodies. "Excuse me." When I finally reached the center I was dumbstruck with what was going on.

Haruto and Mirai were with Rika, but Haruto and Mirai…..they're wearing the girls uniforms?! I started to panic.

No! Haruto can't be like that can he?? Mirai is too cute even I can say that, but for Haruto to switch teams!? Wait! Is this my fault!? Did I make Haruto give up on women!?

I surveyed the scene even more. Those three were facing off against a group of boys. I was trying to fit all the pieces together, but its too much information without context, until I heard:

"Rika! Mirai!" Haruto called out loud enough for everyone to hear. He took a step back so both Rika and Mirai were in front of him.

All the sounds disappeared. The faces of all the students around me blurred. 

Ahhh so thats whats going on.

The scene continued without audio for me

 I knew what he was doing and it hurt. I was prepared to be happy just having them in my life?

I know now how wrong I was. He is confessing to them right now. Asking them out publicly. No doubt this was Rikas idea. We dreamed of being confessed to by the boy we loved and if he could make it a public gesture it would mean it's not a secret. We could live out our lives in public….. but not me. My love is still a secret. My love can't reach them because of my-

"SENSEI!" 

A new girl stepped out from the crowd. She's beautiful. Oval face, silky straight hair right below her shoulders. Her body seems disciplined by her movements.

Sensei? There's no teachers aroun…. No don't tell me!

The new girl bowed right in front of Haruto.

"Please! Go out with me!" 

This new girl wants to just roll into the category of Harutos lovers? Who does she think-

"Yes! Please take care of me!" Haruto replied.

What? No! No! Haruto? Are you replacing me?! But…. But…!

Haruto kissed each of them to the roars of the crowd. The boys thats were in front of them backed away.

""HAREM KING, HAREM KING, HAREM KING!""

They all… like this? Why!? Why!? Why!?

I couldn't understand what happened. I wanted to keep everyone as close as I can. I wanted to stay in everyone's lives, but even with my actions and desires everyone seems to be getting further and further away. This dark feeling started to creep into my heart. 

"Everyone! ENOUGH!" I screamed. The crowd slowly died down.

I walked to the center to garner everyone's attention.

"Please head to class everyone, this is school time. Socialize on your breaks."

Everyone groaned from me disrupting their fun, but they did what I asked.

"Hold on, not you Haruto. We have to talk about what just happened." He nodded at my words and once everyone left, Haruto gave his three girls a kiss and walked with me to the student council room.

…….

……….

Harutos hair is cut stylishly short again. He has bruising on his face, but in no way is he unattractive.

We reached the student council room.

*clack*

I locked the door.

"What are you-" Haruto tried to ask, but I leapt at him making him fall back on the president desk….. my desk. I blocked his mouth with my own and kissed him deeply.

My tongue trying to pull his tongue into my mouth. I wanted to suck all of him up. His smell, his sweat, his saliva, I didn't care. I needed him to mark me. I needed to be branded by Haruto.

"Please…..don't…..abandon…...me…." I spoke in between each kiss. 

I don't know why it happened, or why he didn't stop it. But Haruto made me his woman that day.

Sunday May 7th, Mothers day

After everything that happened I still chased after Haruto and Sachiko.

"Please!" I ran up to them leaving my property. "Please take me with you, I can't stand it here." Tears streaming down my face, my breath ragged, my heart rushing.

Haruto slowly turned around and he looked at me, no not at me…. Through me. He approached me without saying a word. 

And he hugged me.

"Akio," he spoke directly in my ear. "I love you."

My eyes watered, my smile was so wide it felt like my face would crack. "Does that mea-"

"That's why," he pulled away from me and stared at me, "I refuse."