[*Ding: You have gained the skill {Wind Manipulation 1}!]
[*Ding: {Mana Manipulation} reached level 5!]
There it was. Even [Mana Manipulation] reached level 5. Was I lucky or it had something to do with compatibility. So much easier than [Water Manipulation]... Was there a thing like an affinity for different types of magic?
’I don't remember such a thing... though, it's not like I was able to learn much of the subject. If there was a book about general stuff back at the temple... Ugh...’
Anyway, I was satisfied with the result. I slowly opened my eyes but as my vision started to clarify, my good mood turned in confusion.
The sun was already gone and I was left alone in the carriage. It was stopped not too far from the road. How Albert managed to do that without me noticing, I had no idea. Fiona wasn't in the back either.
Looking around, a campfire was lit not so far from the carriage. Both the merchant and Fiona were sitting near it. They were sitting opposite each other and judging from the heavy atmosphere, I didn't thought that any of them were having a fun time.
*neigh*
I turned my head in the opposite direction to see the horses tied to a tree.
’What the... How the...’ Shaking my head a few times, I sighed internally. ’Haaa?’
They didn't just stopped and parked the carriage without me noticed... Somehow, they took the horses away and started a campfire while at it. How the hell wasn't I able to notice something like that?
’Actually... It could be because I was too impressed in... But it wasn't... that bad...’
I was aware that I tended to zoom out sometimes— Fiona pointed that out several times already— but never happened to such a degree. I made a mental note to pay attention the next time I played with mana again. I shouldn't be doing that without Fiona around either...
Though, such a degree of immersion was productive. I learned the skill so much quicker than [Earth Manipulation]. Not to mention how I wasn't even able to learn [Water Manipulation] yet.
Maybe I should try to see if I could do something similar next time we see a river... ’Or maybe not. Greed no good, me... Greed no good.’
I shook my head and dumped the topic for the future me to deal with. I still wanted to know what actually happened, since, it was easier to just ask rather than to came with wild assumptions by myself.
As I was stepping down from the carriage, Fiona turned her head and looked at me.
For some reason, on her face wasn't the usual smile that I was used to receive these days. She seemed pretty upset for some reason. I was a little worried so I swiftly approached them.
” Oh, Miss Elizabeth is finally awake. It sure feels different when you look at an elf doing their thing. ” Albert said as soon as he spotted me. He appeared to be glad that the previous awkward atmosphere was finally over. ” You were so immersed in it that we didn't want to bother you. ”
Maybe it was my imagination, but I could have sworn that he added something like after the first few times. It was barely audible though. I wasn't sure if it was meant for me to actually hear that.
” Yeah, sorry about that... I think I got too immersed actually. You should have just wake me u—
And the mood became awkward again. Ugh...
” N-Never mind. Let's just forget about it. ”
He just nodded his head. After that, we exchanged a few more words before he decided to leave me and Fiona alone.
” Then, that's it. I already ate, so I'm going to rest first as per how I agreed with Fiona earlier. Since you weren't here with us and all that... ”
” Ohh, yeah... No problem. Sorry again... ”
He nodded again, stretched a bit and left the campfire toward his carriage. As I was about to sit down near Fiona, she turned her head toward me with a sour expression. I just noticed that she hadn't said anything till now either.
” Fio—
” You didn't come back. ” she mumbled and looked at me with teary eyes.
’What is she... Oh, I said that I'm gonna get back at her right after... Ugh, this... is not my day...’ I forgot about it. She seemed quite upset about that. But, even so...
” Fio, come on. You are not a child—
I stopped mid-sentence. Something wasn't quite right.
” Fio, are you alright? ”
” No. ” she whispered while sniffing a bit. ” You didn't come back. ”
” Fio, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... ”
I wasn't sure what I should say. She wasn't... Actually, it wasn't far from the way she was acting just after that night.
’Oh, fuck... I should have known that this kind of traumas weren't going to just disappear so easily.’
Sure, she acted with me in that way. But I should have known. Even though she should be capable to fully understand that I didn't intend to break the promise... Well, traumas weren't really know for abiding by logic or reason.
I had to remedy that, and fast. I kneeled in front of her and looked right in her eyes. She quickly lowered her face. I didn't know exactly why, but that hurt me a little.
” Fiona, I'm really, really, really sorry. Do you understand? ”
” Mm. ” she murmured and raised her head to peek at me a little before lowering it back. Progress.
” You know that I wanted to come back but I couldn't, don't you? I just forgot that I will enter in that state when I concentrate too hard. ” I tried to push a bit. Well, it wasn't entirely wrong. I had no idea what the hell actually happened.
” Mm. ”
I should to be really careful about what I promise her in the future. I didn't give to much tough to it, but I became her only pillar of emotional support. And that very support betrayed her trust.
” Look. From now on, if I can't keep a promise, you are allowed to come and do something about it. Alright? However you may see fit, ok? ”
” Mm... Okay. ”
” And now, to make up for it, and for you to forgive me... Hmm, how about that. I will hug you double the amount this time. Is that fine? ”
” Mm. ” she said and shifted towards me a bit.
I carefully take her in my embrace and started to hug her tightly. I had to really mind my actions from now on. Even though the problem was apparently solved this time, you couldn't know what might lurk inside her head.
For people with mental health problems, it wasn't enough to simply receive their conscious forgiveness. Deep inside their heads, it was quite possible for them to unconsciously be unable to really forgive you.
I had a bitter taste in my mouth just thinking about it. From my carelessness, I already made not one, but two grave mistakes today. It really wasn't my day.
” Are you better now? ”
” Yes, I'm sorry. ” she said and started to tighten her embrace as well.
” Don't worry, it was all my fault. I'll try my best to not repeat it. As for now, just forgot about it and enjoy your special treatment. ”
” Mm. ” she whispered back and smiled a bit. Her tail was at work as well so I assumed that, this time I managed to fix the problem. But as I was caressing Fiona's hair, I suddenly remembered about Albert.
Looking toward the carriage, I saw him sitting near it, leaning on the front wheel. He didn't seem that he was paying attention to us so I assumed that he was asleep already. But I was half-convinced that he would wake up if I or anything else were to approach him.
The journey was rough when you traveled alone. Being alone in general was rough. I just experienced that after all.
” That reminds me... Fio, did you ate with Albert? ”
” No. I waited for you to wake up. ” she said and raised her head to look at me.
” Then... How about we eat something? I didn't eat anything either. ” I said and almost winced. Obviously I hadn't eaten anything.
” Mmmmm... But don't let go. ” she demanded while tightening her embrace.
” Heheheeh... Don't look down on me. Do you think I can't eat while keeping you in my embrace? ” I puffed my chest.
’I'm an expert when it comes to eating in the most awkward positions. I liked to eat everywhere but at the table in my previous life. I can't say that to her though...’
I made her turn around on my lap and rested my chin on her shoulder. Our cheeks touching and all that. Hehe, I was going to feed both of us at the same time.
I also made an exception and took out some freshly cooked meat from my ring which was still warm to make up for my mistakes. The merchant wasn't near anyway.
Fiona seemed to regain her previous liveliness while biting with gusto from her share of meat. It was the same thing we ate all the way till here. To be honest, I was quite tired of it but she seemed to enjoy every meal no less than the first time.
” Say Fio, what did you do when I was like that? I mean, after you and Albert stopped the carriage. ”
” Nothing. I made the campfire and waited for you... Why? ” she said and licked one of her finger clean.
I really hoped to give her a proper meal but that wasn't possible until we would reach the city.
” So... What do you think about Albert? ” I lowered my voice while asking the question. Even though he looked like he was asleep, I wouldn't let my guard down again.
” Mm? What do you mean? ” she asked and turned her head to me with a confused expression.
So close... Her face was too close... Way, way to close...
” Oh... Yeah. I didn't tell you yet. I made a deal with him so we could sell the rest of our materials to him after we get in the city. That way we got a source of information as well. ” I tried to play it cool. Judging by the hotness of my face, it wasn't working. I prayed to the Holy Tree that it was because of the campfire.
” Mm. ”
’Don't just Mm me, damnit... A-And move you f-face...’
I sighed in relief as she did so to take another bite. Maybe eating in that position wasn't my smartest move after all.
” I just wanted to know what you think about him. ” I asked her again after regaining my composure.
Despite how the things were looking, she was an inhabitant of this world... unlike me. I had to consider her point of view as well.
” I don't know... If Lizza thinks that it's fine, then it's fine. ” she said and smiled at me as if asking for a confirmation to her statement. Ugh, so close... again.
” Y-Yeah. I will try my best to live up to your expectations... But if you think that something isn't right, you should tell me, ok? ”
” Mm. ”
*sigh*
Even though she didn't have too much in common with merchants and their stuff, she shouldn't leave all the decisions to me like that. As good as our relationship seemed to be on the surface, I couldn't say that it was a healthy one as well. She didn't seem to take interest in anything in particular, outside of me. It wasn't healthy.
I was happy that she liked me so much, but that level of dependency worried me a bit.
*sigh*
I sighed again and started to caress her hair a little. She didn't seem to mind it and continued to eat another piece of meat.
For now, there was no choice but to stick with it since she barely opened her heart to me not too long ago. I hoped to make her interact with other people as well in the future. But that was in the future, when we would have other people to interact with.
*Critic mode activated*
Hmm... I dunno, there was something that just felt a little off about Liz's hyper-focused trance. I'm not saying it's a bad thing to have in the story or doesn't make sense, but it just felt like it could have been handled better. As it is, it came off as less of a part of the world or Liz's character and more as a contrived way to spark some disagreement between Liz and Fio.
Basically, every single element of this chapter could still be there, including the trance and their disagreement, but the trance needs to be handled a little better and introduced as a concept more smoothly. Maybe with some mention of it the previous chapter or something? Fio complaining about it when she says she's going to be training maybe? Even with that, the pace at which it's introduced and explained in this chapter needs to be slowed down a bit and have more words dedicated to it.
Yeah, it feels like a pantser artifact. Instead of being previously shown the attempts at x manipulation (and related trance), we're first TOLD about the attempts after the fact, _then_ told about the trance. The order is all wrong, but if you're pantsing these things will happen. Web novels are often early drafts after all.
I planned to explain/show the process of learning further ahead when the time comes... With this, I just wanted to mention a little about it as to not brutally add all the information in one go...
You know... A very brief explanation here, a side-effect there...
Maybe with some mention of it the previous chapter or something? Fio complaining about it when she says she's going to be training maybe?
If Lizza didn't forget about it, the whole thing wouldn't be viable after all... Also, what you say (Fio complain) isn't wrong in itself but that isn't possible either for two reasons.
-She wasn't aware that Lizza would be stuck in that state since Lizza didn't take her time to train like that even once since they were together. ( just rushed attempts. )
-And even if she miraculously knows about it and complain, the whole incident wouldn't exist since she would be prepared for it.
@FDSIO Well, as it is it really comes off as though it was just put in as a contrived way to create conflict in your story. It has to be introduced properly ahead of time in an environment where it doesn't create problems in order for it to come up again later while creating problems for it to not come off as just being cheap and thrown in for the heck of it.
@Jemini
Is that so? I didn't think much about if it feels off but now that you mentioned it, I shouldn't show a new concept and immediately make a conflict based on it...
Good to know for future attempts... I'll take into account next time...
@Jemini You're just being really picky. I didn't feel anything wrong with it. There could've been a billion other ways the exact conflict could've easily happened.
@TypeAxiom Being picky is both a hazard and also a strength of authors. Also, if there are multiple other ways the exact same conflict could have happened, then the author probably should have used one of those other ways. It is not the conflict that's the problem so much as what caused it.
It's the fact it was caused by a fairly unusual concept, one that's not accepted as a normal part of fantasy lore or common IRL stuff, that was only just introduced this chapter that causes the problem. It makes it feel as though this concept was introduced for the sole purpose of causing the conflict, and thus devalues the concept. It's not the concept causing the conflict that's the problem. It is, in fact, the other way around. The fact that the conflict happened devalues the new concept that was introduced due to the fact that they were linked.
As I mentioned, if the concept was introduced prior to this and it was a known quantity, then there would be no problem at all with anything in this chapter.
@Jemini It's not like extreme concentration and resulting oblivion to their surroundings is rare, like at all. If I remember correctly, it's not said that her trance could not be interrupted. Meditation and cultivation both evoke this kind of immersion so it's not like there's no precedent.
This nitpicking seems to be a bit contrived, as its not the concept being introduced or not that's the problem, but rather the author's habit of skimping on details.
@Jemini I don't see how its conflict. Rather, its a way to show her dependency on Lizza.
@araragi Ok. So, I was using the term "conflict" in literary terms, not social terms. A conflict is anything that causes difficulty and potential for character growth or change. The conflict was resolved by Lizza's intervention. However, that does not remove the fact that there was conflict in this chapter.
@YuriDoggo Late response, but it's about time I addressed this. Can't believe I left it to stand for so long.
Depending on knowledge of tropes outside your own writings is lazy and a sign of bad writing. As the comment was made as a nit-pick to promote author growth, I absolutely will not accept this counter-argument.
There are some exceptions to this. For instance, an isekai acknowledging the existence of other isekai in popular entertainment by way of either their character either directly acknowledge the existence of said popular entertainment or having them overtly demonstrate some genre savvy. However, this novel has specifically not relied on that level of genre savvy prior to this. If it did though, that still wouldn't exactly "fix" the issue I was calling out.
About the closest thing genre savvy would do to fixing this issue would be that it would provide far more natural opportunities to have introduced the concept that I'm calling out here long before it created a point of conflict. The problem still exists though. You cannot force in a new concept at the exact same moment it causes a conflict. Not in this way at least.