It took Sun Fang almost a week to feel relaxed and recovered enough for him to actually call Mo Cheng. They’d been texting almost every day, but they hadn’t spoken face to face and that was pretty much entirely due to Sun Fang. And while he knew that he really needed to have a conversation with Mianmian, he thought that it might be easier to start with Mo Cheng.

So he called him on a Sunday, after he’d gotten back from the resort’s fabulous beach. It was a video call, and he paced with the phone in his hand around the suit’s living room. His skin was starting to become clammy from his nerves. He didn’t want to have this conversation, but he owed it to Mo Cheng. 

And, as unfair as it was, it would be a million times easier to have it from a distance.

Mo Cheng accepted the call and his face showed up above Sun Fang’s phone, a holographic projection. Sun Fang had set it so it wasn’t see-through, in an attempt to not avoid Mo Cheng’s reaction, like he’d done before. He wanted to do this right, he just… couldn’t make himself do it with Mo Cheng actually in the room.

”Sun Fang?” Mo Cheng asked after a moment, when Sun Fang still hadn’t said anything. Sun Fang waved at him, his smile quickly falling into a grimace. Mo Cheng’s eyebrows furrowed and he asked, ”Are you okay?”

”Mhm, yup, I’m peachy,” Sun Fang babbled. He put the phone down on the table and fell down on an armchair, his hands instantly squeezing the armchair’s armrests harshly. ”I just… needed to talk to you,” he added, biting his lip and foot tapping on the floor while his eyes kept switching between looking at Mo Cheng and looking at the wall behind the beta.

”You look worried,” Mo Cheng noted, calmly.

Sun Fang grimaced again. ”I am worried. It’s difficult… ah, I want to apologize to you. For the way I treated you. When I broke up with you. And for one-sidedly getting in contact with you again. And for not—taking the relationship seriously while we were dating and not taking your thoughts and feelings into consideration in any of the decisions I made concerning our relationship. Both the beginning and end. All of it. I am sorry.”

Mo Cheng was silent, expressionless, for a moment. Then he frowned, eyebrows furrowing and mouth pulling downwards. ”Why are you talking about this so suddenly?” 

Sun Fang put his head in his hands and sighed. ”I have been thinking about it for a while but I just… couldn’t say it to your face. When you’re in the room with me. And now—”

”Now you’re on a whole other planet,” Mo Cheng finished, cutting him off. Sun Fang nodded, pressing his hands over his eyes and hunching in on himself. He didn’t want to look at Mo Cheng, didn’t want to see whatever expression he was wearing. He wanted…

”I’m sorry,” he said again. His voice was hoarse and low, and he grimaced. Finally, when he didn’t get a response, he peeked between his fingers at Mo Cheng. The beta was staring at him with lips tightly pressed together, arms crossed over his chest and eyes narrowed. Sun Fang winced, ducking his head back down.

”You were cruel,” Mo Cheng said at last. Sun Fang flinched, but Mo Cheng just continued, ”You were cruel to me. You ignored my thoughts and feelings. You… acted like I would just go along with whatever you wanted because it’s what you want.”

Sun Fang nodded. He bit down on his thumb and when Mo Cheng didn’t say anything else, he removed his thumb from his mouth and said, ”I am sorry. I won’t do it again. So, will you please tell me what you want? Do you actually want to be friends with me? Do you want me to apologize more?”

”Well, you’ll need to apologize more, yes. You’re trying to distract me again,” Mo Cheng muttered. He turned his face away from the camera, and Sun Fang saw him muttering something else but the audio didn’t pick it up. He frowned, wiping his clammy hands on his pants. His foot tapped quickly on the ground, a fast rhythm nearly keeping up with his heartbeat. Eventually, Mo Cheng turned back to him and said, ”I do want to be friends with you. I wouldn’t have started talking with you again if I didn’t. But I don’t want—everything to be on your terms. And it kind of feels like even this conversation is.”

”Oh…” Sun Fang frowned. He glanced at Mo Cheng, then back at the wall. He really wished Ivy was here, but he’d pushed it out and locked the door, determined to do this alone. He was kind of regretting that now. Licking his lips, he ducked his head and said, ”Then I will just listen now, and you can say how you feel about me?”

Mo Cheng snorted. But he said, ”I was falling in love with you, and you broke up with me out of the blue. And then you got back in contact with me out of the blue. I’m glad that you gave me space when I asked for it, but it still felt mostly like you were just humoring me. I don’t like that feeling. I don’t want to feel that. So it would be great if you could… stop doing that.”

Sun Fang was biting on his thumb again when Mo Cheng fell silent. He waited for a minute but Mo Cheng didn’t say anything. Exhaling softly, Sun Fang pulled the thumb from his mouth and said, ”I understand. I… never meant to make you feel that way. I am—glad you told me, so I can do better.”

Mo Cheng rubbed his hand over his face. ”I don’t mean to say I dislike you. I just, I like you. I want to be friends with you. But sometimes you make me feel like I’m just somebody you talk to when you’re bored.”

They fell into silence.