11/27/77

Dear Sam, 

I know it ain’t even been half a day but I miss y’all already. I know why you two took that morning bus but I still wish you coulda stuck around for a while longer. Gonna be at least a month before you can get back down here and who knows how long it’ll be until Sarah can. I’m sorry about Ben and Will. I know you said it ain’t my fault but I still feel downright awful about that. I coulda taken that a lot better than you, no offense. I just got more padding. I hope you’re feeling better by the time you’re reading this.

Reverend Dan gave a special sermon about you today. Well, he didn’t mention you by name but everyone knew he was talking about you. I lost count of how many times he said hell and damnation. I know it was somewhere in the seventies though. I tried to walk out but Pa forced me back down. Said I was making an ass of myself and annoying Ma. I just clocked out for the rest of it. I don’t even really remember anything until after we were back home and I was making Mary and me some lunch. Sat her down and talked to her about the sermon, told her how the preacher was wrong and that you ain’t no damn demon. She seemed to believe me, but I’m not sure. She always has taken more after Ma, always looking forward to church and just liking it more than me or Pa.

Speaking of Ma and Pa, they told me I ain’t supposed to talk to you no more. Well, really, Ma told me that while Pa looked tired behind her. They can keep trying to, but I ain’t gonna stop. I already hide that suitcase from them, what’s hiding a few letters? I’ll just do what I’m doing now, write my letter at night in my room. I already spend most of my time in here, they won’t even notice. I am gonna have to ask you to not write your name on the return address now. Just put your initials. I don’t think they’d pitch my mail but I’d rather be safe. If it gets too bad, I’ll just get a box down at the post office. Can’t be that expensive.

Also, I’ve been thinking about what y’all told me and I still don’t get it. I mean, my life’s fine as it is. I mean, retail ain’t great but it's a job. I got food and a roof over my head, I’m doing a lot better than a lotta other people. I am happy. Y’all are really just taking a couple of day dreams, a few bad days, and a minor fascination and blowing it up. Nothing would be different. It’d be nice but its just a thing to distract the brain while I’m waiting around for customers or can’t sleep. I’ll admit mines weird, but I’d bet you everyones got something like that in their brain. It’s just something I gotta live with. I’ll be fine.

Hope you’re feeling better,

J