29. Existential Doubts
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The Winterflower Woods started from Ling Fengxiao’s rear courtyard and went onto an expanse that stretched halfway up the mountains. When they bloomed in late winter, the flush of pink on the peaks was even visible from the imperial palace located in the heart of the capital city.

It was still early for the blossoms yet, so the trees were all bare. Even the earliest bearing branches only had a handful of buds at best. Bereft of flowers, the woods were simply a field of scraggly sticks in the snow at best, but Mei Yanran savored them all the same.

After all, this was her first “date” with her crush!

Her fur-lined boots crunched underneath as she wandered through the trees, Ling Fengxiao following dutifully behind. Occasionally, she’d stop to point at something, or turn around to tell him whatever came to her mind, leaving Ling Fengxiao plenty busy with his answers.

“The woods have been around since before the Zhao gave up their throne to the Chu,” Ling Fengxiao rattled off like a textbook. “They say the founder of Yan Kingdom spotted these plum trees in full bloom and took it as a fortuitous sign before establishing the capital here.”

Mei Yanran nodded, then asked curiously, “And you, Lord Ling? Do you think plum blossoms are lucky too?”

Ling Fengxiao had honestly never given it any thought. Flowers were flowers; what did it matter if they brought tidings fair or foul? He believed in strength and skill more than luck. Seeing Mei Yanran’s expectant gaze, however, he gave it further thought and determined that the blossoms did go well with wine.

“They are good companions,” he declared after a pause. “Steady and resilient.”

For some reason, Mei Yanran suddenly went to clutch the jade pendant hanging off her skirt before releasing it with a slightly disappointed expression. Noting Ling Fengxiao’s stare, she smiled and nodded enthusiastically. 

“Right, right! They’re one of the four ‘gentleman plants,’ after all! It’s no wonder they’re admirable…” she trailed off with a mournful air. But a person can be a better companion than a plant, don’t you think? Much, much better!

Sadly, the cool temperatures of her magical pendant showed no change in Ling Fengxiao’s feelings.

Clueless to Mei Yanran’s internal monologue, Ling Fengxiao simply continued the conversation. “Judging from your tone, you don’t feel the same way, Miss Mei.”

“Huh?” Mei Yanran looked up sharply. “Did I say anything like that?”

“Of course not,” Ling Fengxiao soothed. “I merely presumed that Miss Mei had a different understanding of the Four Gentlemen.”

“Well…” Mei Yanran stopped before her eyes took on a shrewd air. “If you’re asking me about my ideal man, I do have someone in mind.”

More and more, Ling Fengxiao was getting disoriented from the young Miss Mei’s choice of topics. They had been jumping all over the place since they met, from his childhood exploits to torture techiques and now her male preferences. He sighed internally and nodded. “Go on.”

Mei Yanran’s eyes sharpened before she launched into some thinly-veiled praise. “I don’t like the loud ones or guys that take all the spotlight! I prefer the ones who hide behind the scenes and actually get things done. Mm, he should be quiet and unobtrusive, but strike when everyone least expects it! The sort that’s fully capable of taking power on his own, but chooses to stand behind his friends and see their happy endings to the end. A truly terrifying demon who still has a soft and gentle side, caring for the weak while crushing his enemies beneath his heel. And, um, super handsome as well—although I promise that isn’t the most important bit!”

When she finished, she gave him a breathless grin. Ling Fengxiao could only stare. He was a man who navigated the political tides of Great Chu with ease, but when it came to the workings of a teenage girl’s mind, he was as lost as anyone else.

“Well?” Mei Yanran prodded after time passed with no response. “What do you think?”

Lesser men would have quailed before such a vague question, but Ling Fengxiao simply reviewed her words and gave the matter serious thought. A quiet man, but obvious with his actions… A terrifying demon, who’s also gentle and soft…

“This person…” Ling Fengxiao said thoughtfully.

Mei Yanran’s heart seized up. Was I too obvious? But when Ling Fengxiao spoke again, her heart sank to the pits of his stomach. 

“Does a man like that really exist?” Ling Fengxiao said with a trace of doubt. “It is...a most fantastical description, Miss Mei.”

“He does!” Mei Yanran blurted out from pure instinct, eyes burning bright. “He—he’s every bit as real as you and me!”

In fact, he’s standing next to me right now!

Ling Fengxiao gave her a considering look. “It seems you know of this gentleman, Miss Mei.”

“I—I wouldn’t say I know him, I mean…” Mei Yanran sputtered, suddenly shy as she bowed her head. “...I hope I can get to know him better in the future.”

“I see.”

Ling Fengxiao’s tone was unreadable. Desperate to know what he thought, Mei Yanran chanced a peek up but only saw him wearing a classic Harmless Minor Official’s Polite Smile (Variation 3). 

Feeling gloomy, she only sighed and said, “Let’s keep walking, Lord Ling.” She didn’t even have time to feel happy when he obligingly offered her his arm as support.

What do I do? My crush completely missed me complimenting him to his face…!

--

On the other hand, Ling Fengxiao’s mind was racing fast. He had already dismissed most of his doubts about Mei Yanran—to put it plainly, the girl was either a consummate actress or someone with no brains for scheming, and his instincts screamed for the latter. She was simple as most girls went, perhaps a little eccentric in her likes, but nothing harmful towards his interests. Even her father and mother were beyond reproach, being sensible, honest types who loyally served the throne.

However, if she had someone behind her, that was a different question altogether.

There was a subtle difference between impossible ideals and tangible reality. Although Ling Fengxiao had doubts about her description of her “ideal gentleman,” her adamant defense of the man lent it credence. The figure might be a mass of contradictions, but so was every living human being. Seen through the distorted lens of an adoring admirer (Ling Fengxiao had no doubt that Mei Yanran favored the man), his qualities would only be exaggerated.

Most likely, the man was real.

Equally probable, he was targeting Ling Fengxiao by using Mei Yanran as a proxy, though the entire move seemed both contrived and unnecessarily complex. Perhaps a simpler answer was at hand, but he would need to reflect on that possibility later. For now, there was no rush.

As long as Mei Yanran kept coming to his estate, there would be ways to draw answers out of her one way or another.

The duo soon stopped atop a raised clearing in the woods, where Mei Yanran ran forward to look around curiously. The space was about as big as a medium-sized dance studio.

“There aren’t any plum blossom trees here?” she asked, noting the neat perimeter of woods surrounding the empty grounds.

Ling Fengxiao shook his head. “This place is ideal for admiring their blooms. When the time comes, Miss Mei, you can certainly enjoy them for yourself.”

Mei Yanran’s eyes lit up as she looked around the space with interest. After checking a few places, she nodded and declared, “Perfect! I’ll make this spot my stage when it’s time to compose my dance!”

Being surrounded by fluttering petals when she did would be the ultimate source of inspiration!

“I am curious as to how Miss Mei mastered the art so well,” Ling Fengxiao said, probing her carefully. “It is not...a common skill for ladies.”

“There wasn’t much to do, uh, back home,” Mei Yanran said quickly. “I learned dance to keep myself occupied!”

Technically true. While the Goddess of Fates was finishing up transmigration details, Mei Yanran had simply practiced and choreographed her Snow Festival dance in her custom studio.                                                                                                                                                                       

“Your father and mother then, led you to lessons?” Ling Fengxiao tried next. Mei Yanran’s performance was extraordinary. Rumors had it that even the crown prince had lamented the fact that no other dancers he’d seen were up to par. By her physical prowess alone, he would have guessed her to be a secret practitioner of martial arts if not for the softness of her fingers. 

As lady’s hands, they didn’t suggest manual work or experience with weapons, though the nails were trimmed short in the style of common folk.

“Oh, my mother insisted on them,” Mei Yanran said faintly. She was talking about her real mother of course, not the gentle one who’d shared hand warmers with her on the day of the Festival. “Luckily, I learned to love dance before I hated it…”

The second part was spoken so softly that Ling Fengxiao almost missed it, but he heard enough to nod with sympathy.

“You must have made many sacrifices,” he remarked. “Though not as noble as the other arts, dance is still—”

“What did you say?” Mei Yanran suddenly interrupted.

Ling Fengxiao looked at her, then obliged by repeating, “I was commenting on dance being a less exalted form of—”

“Less exalted? Is that another way to say it’s less respected?” Mei Yanran exclaimed.

Ling Fengxiao grew puzzled. Why so defensive?

“Classical Chinese dance,” Mei Yanran said heatedly, “Is one of the most beautiful art forms I’ve ever seen!”

Someone's hit a sore spot. And oh, Ling Fengxiao...so close yet so far.

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