Chapter 4—Unknown
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 Goddess, I just announced my new schedule, and what happens? My internet just stops working...

So, yeah, sorry that I'm half a day late. Tried to write this chapter a little bit differently. Hope you like it. If not, please tell me. I appreciate tips too.

 

 

CW:

Spoiler

Misgendering, Gender Dysphoria, Mentioning of Abuse/Mind Control

[collapse]

 

 

I don't know when I fell asleep, but when I woke up again, I was in a room I'd never seen before. Everything was black—void of color. It was an oppressing room. 

I tried to stand up but couldn't. I was paralyzed. A dreadful feeling began to spread inside me. Something was terribly wrong with this room. Then I could hear it. 

Clack.

Clack.

Something behind the door came closer. 

Clack.

Clack. 

The footsteps stopped. For a moment, nothing could be heard; only the eerie silence dominated everything.

Knock.

Knock.

Knock.

Something tapped against the door. At first, it was just a soft sound. But it got louder and louder.

Knock.

KNock.

KNOCK.

The being behind the door hammered against it. It wanted inside the room, but somehow it wasn't allowed to do so. But as soon as the knocking started, it vanished. Then a slurping sound could be heard—as if someone were sucking up Jell-O with their lips. 

I felt how the dreadful feeling got stronger and stronger. Still, all my efforts to free myself from this paralyzing condition remained ineffective. So I waited for whatever would come, but without a sense of time, my wait could last a few seconds or an eternity. However, I didn't want to see what awaited me; thus, I closed my eyes. 

But nothing happened. I waited and waited, but no sound, no movement was heard. Against my urge not to face my fate, I opened my eyes.  

What I saw above me was a black figure made of jelly-like black foam. It had no shape, and except for the red glowing eyes, it had no facial features. The look of the creature burned itself into me. I could see—out of the corner of my eye—something that appeared to be a hand moving toward me. Suddenly I felt a grip around my throat—it was choking me. I tried to do something about it, but my body wouldn't respond to my commands. I was completely at its mercy. Although it was clearly a dream, I struggled for air but to no avail. My mind became fuzzy.

When I regained consciousness, I was in another room, this time lit. Why it was illuminated was evident to me the moment I saw the mirrors all around me—I didn't know how many there were, but they seemed endless. I shook with fear and tried not to look into any of them, in vain. I wanted to close my eyes, but this time I was denied this ability. I'd to see myself no matter where I turned. And each mirror was slightly different. Mirror after mirror, the sight got worse and worse. I couldn't even tell whose reflection it was anymore; I only knew that it was mine and that it triggered a feeling in me that I never wanted to feel again. However, I did not know for what reason. I didn't recognize this feeling, but at the same time, it was familiar to me. It was as if someone were stabbing a burning knife into my soul and heart at the same time. 

Ultimately, the reflection became the being I'd seen in the room before. Black ooze started flowing out of all the mirrors onto the floor and began to flood the room. A derisive laugh spread throughout everything. It was sickening. Whatever this being in my dream might have been, I knew its only intent was to torture me, to see me suffer. But what had I done to deserve such a thing? I couldn't remember ever doing any evil deed that would justify what was happening here or in real life. 

"Remember," sounded a cruelly cold voice. 

But remember what? What was there for me to remember? There was nothing. I had often gone through the thought that I forgot something essential and concluded that there was no such thing. I went through diaries and old photo albums, but I could never find anything. There was no reason. Absolutely none.

The room filled with more and more silt until I was completely submerged in it. I tried to breathe, but as I tried, the liquid flowed into my mouth. It began to fill me up, choking and burning me in the process—and it just wouldn't stop. I prayed that my mind would blackout, but it didn't. I was not suffocating, but I had to feel what it was like to suffocate. I was burning inside, but I had to live. It was horrifying.

Suddenly everything was gone. I coughed loudly and struggled for air. The world around me had changed again. 

This time I was on a finely paved path. It led straight ahead to the front and back. Lanterns offered a dim light and just barely illuminated the way. Around me was an old spruce forest with a light mist coming out of it. The longer I looked into the woods, the more it seemed to me that I was looking into darkness itself. 

I stood up and wandered in one direction. I didn't know exactly where it led, but it was better than waiting for that creature again. Whatever it was, it seemed to hate me, and it looked pissed that I didn't remember anything. 

I walked and walked, but nothing changed. Neither the starless night sky, nor the street, nor the forest. It was like being caught in a repeating loop. If the road was not the answer, perhaps it's the forest? Maybe its darkness stood for my fear to face and progress in life? Probably I was just reading too much into it...how would a dream affect real life anyway? It just seemed absurd. Nevertheless, I decided to follow those thoughts and entered the forest. 

The deeper I stepped into it, the more chilling it became. When I stepped on the ground, the crackling of the dried branches and needles were the only things to be heard. There was no wind, no bird, or the sound of any other animal. Finally, I could perceive voices. I ran in that direction and realized that there was a bright light in the distance. The voices—now clearly identifiable as children's—were shouting. It didn't sound like they would play a game.

"Let go of me! What have I ever done to you! Please, stop!" the feminine voice shouted.

"Ha, why should I? After all, I have to make sure what you're saying is true. Or are you not what you claim to be after all? Besides, my father told me that girls should be treated like that! It's what YOU wanted after all!" replied another voice that I couldn't place but was oddly familiar.

"I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!" cried the other voice.

"Friends? With a freak like you?! My dad has-" the voice replied but stopped mid-sentence as if it knew something wasn't right about what it was about to say. 

I got closer and closer until a glistening light overtook me. The world changed again. I was at a campsite, in the middle of a barbecue area. Four people were visible, who stood opposite each other in pairs. At first, these people were just silhouettes to me, but they began to take more and more shape. I recognized a woman and her daughter standing next to her with puffy eyes. Across from them was...my raiser and me.  

I can't remember this event or the place we were in. Everything was foreign. Where were we here? What was this place?!

"Do you have any idea what your son was about to do to my daughter?" a woman screamed at the old hated man. I had to flinch for a moment at the mention of the term 'son'.

"Nothing I haven't drilled into him. What HE did was absolutely justified. We can be glad that I realized early enough what your SON was going to do to mine. What perverted thoughts HE was about to plant in my poor child's mind. Fortunately, I have ways and means to make my child understand how he must act properly," he replied and patted the child on the head.

The child—who obviously should be my young self—had empty eyes, as if all liveliness had been banished from them.

Why can't I remember it? What happened here? What did he do to me?! WHAT DID I TRY TO DO TO SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE OF HIM?

I felt sick to my stomach at the thought of what I'd heard earlier in the forest. Was that it? Was that the reason? Did the person I looked up to as a child commit something so disgusting that I couldn't even tell right from wrong myself? 

"YOU'RE SICK! I thought because our family had ancestors with the same abilities that they could understand each other. But you, you are a perversion of what we used to be," she said, looking into the young me's eyes—shocked upon seeing that all the light was absent.

"That you would go so far as to cast this spell onto your own child. Don't you have any conscience at all? Do you even realize what you've done?"

"Only what is right, what God asks of us!" came the reply emotionlessly. 

The mother reached into her pocket, took a pendant in her hand, and whispered something. After this, she looked again at the fanatic, "Then live with the consequences..."

She dropped the pendant on the ground, turned around, and left. Shortly after, a ghostly female figure in a torn white robe seemed to emerge from the charm. Full of anger, she looked at the man in front of her, who apparently couldn't see her at all.

"Disgusting witches. Come," he spoke and commanded young me to follow him. 

Enraged, the ghost woman flew toward him but bounced off an invisible barrier. She was irritated for a moment but then saw the child. 

I was forced to watch her disappear into the child's body. I could only guess what that meant. Whatever my father had done and for whatever reason, he was somehow protected. Unable to take possession of him, it took the second-best target. Is this the reason why everything was going wrong in my life? Because my father had used some methods to bend my mind and make me do deeds in his name. I knew he was a zealot but was he really such a monster that he manipulated his own child with weird powers to make it his puppet? 

I shook my head. None of this could be real; there was no such thing as magic or anything supernatural...but why did it all feel like it had really happened. So how did I ultimately slip out of his control?

Suddenly, another version of the ghost woman appeared in front of me. She stared at me as if I were a monster—not so far from the truth, though. But just before she reached me, the creature reappeared next to me and stopped her from attacking. I was confused. Why did it do that? Didn't it want to see me suffer? I wanted to say something, but another voice stopped me.

"WaKe Up!"

My eyes shot open. Light streamed into my room. It was daytime, the nightmare over. All my clothes were bathed in sweat.

"So much for restful sleep..." 

 

Thanks for reading!

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