12. Ashamed
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We were still in the car, but the engine was off. We were in our spot in the underground parking at the apartment, and all three of us were silent.

Melissa finished telling me the details of her contract, now she was just staring at the steering wheel in front of her. I could tell she was blushing, the dim florescent lights of the garage were enough to let me see the colour on her cheeks.

I was quiet too, as everything she said slowly sank in. It was a lot. Stuff I'd worried about had been confirmed. Stuff I guessed at was explained. And stuff I never could have imagined... It reminded me of what Verothilas wrote in that private message, about Lily conscripting humans into sex work after she retired from it herself. And it was obvious why Melissa didn't want my mom to sign a contract with Lily, though I couldn't be sure Lily would want my mom doing the same stuff my friend did.

And Lily had been quiet the past hour as well, as soon as Melissa started talking she went silent. I doubted she felt embarrassed or ashamed. I figured she just didn't want to be involved in what was a very emotional and potentially upsetting conversation.

Dozens of questions came to me while Melissa was talking. Some were answered as she explained the situation, others fell away as more pressing ones surfaced. I hadn't asked any of them yet, and as I continued to process what she told me I was able to answer some myself.

Part of me wanted to be angry, or upset. But at the same time I knew there was no justification for that. Melissa agreed, she went into the deal with both eyes open. And Lily told me from the start, she's a demon and that's her nature. I also knew her motivation. She wanted to be free, that meant she needed to be stronger, and she got stronger by gaining energy from people.

I'm not sure how much longer we all sat there in silence, but in the end I was the one who spoke up first. I decided to put aside all the other questions and revelations and just focus on the one that felt most important for now.

I reached over and put my hand on Melissa's shoulder and asked "That's why you aren't trying to find someone, why you don't want a girlfriend or boyfriend, right? That's why you're just focusing on one-night-stands, sex instead of romance?"

My best friend bit her lip but nodded. She took a shuddering breath then whispered, "It's not that I couldn't have a relationship? But I couldn't be faithful. I have to sleep around. If I just slept with the same person every night I'd kill them."

Lily hadn't turned my best friend into a succubus, or at least not completely. Melissa harvested living energy from the people she had sex with, but the energy wasn't for herself. She delivered it to Lily by having sex with me. And she didn't take it all, just a small amount. Her partners would recover fully, but that took time. There was only one person in the world she couldn't hurt by sleeping with on a regular basis.

"Except me," I replied softly. "You can't drain me, so you and I could be together. But you didn't want that?"

She sighed then shook her head, "I couldn't be faithful. I'd have to cheat on you, all the time. I have to have sex with someone else at least once a week, to get that energy for Lily. You deserve better than that."

My hand was still on her shoulder, and she leaned over closer to me. She was still looking downwards rather than try and face me.

She whispered, "I let Lily turn me into a monster and a slut. And I did it willingly, Mara. If I had the chance to go back and do it over, I'd do the exact same thing again. It was the only way to get the body I wanted. And I hate to admit it but I wanted the other stuff too. I wanted all of it, even the 'bad' stuff. But this was the thing I overlooked, the thing I didn't think of? That I could never really be in a relationship. Because I'd either kill whoever I was with, or I'd have to constantly cheat on them."

I thought for a few seconds then replied quietly, "I don't see it like that. It's not cheating. You're not out there falling in love and having romantic affairs with people. You're just... I don't know? Fulfilling a contractual obligation. I mean the last couple guys you were with, you didn't even really like them right?"

She shook her head, "I don't really like guys, I was never attracted to them before. Thanks to Lily's help I'm happy to screw them, but I'm not... I don't think I could love a guy? I still prefer women."

"Honestly Melissa, I think knowing you're doing this because of Lily is a bit of a relief to me? Like I was starting to really worry about you, I couldn't understand why you were acting like that."

Her expression slowly shifted to a frown as she asked, "Why aren't you shocked? Or horrified? Why aren't you... I don't know. Why doesn't this make you hate me?"

"Because I love you Melissa," I replied softly. "You're my best friend, I love you and worry about you and I just want you to be happy."

She reached up and wiped some tears out of her eyes. I leaned closer to her as well and shifted so my arm was around her shoulders. We were about as close as we could get with the car's centre console between us.

I whispered, "Melissa you've been my best friend through life and death. I mean c'mon? I've got a fucking demon living in my head, who goes out and kills evil people a couple times a month. That didn't make you stop being friends with me. Finding out you're part-succubus isn't going to make me stop being friends with you."

Melissa didn't respond. I had the feeling she was mostly struggling with guilt right now, and maybe some shame. Like she already told me she went into it willingly, and that she wanted everything Lily was offering her. I figured she expected me to look down on her or hate her or something, but that wasn't going to happen.

I finally suggested, "Let's go up to the apartment ok? We can continue the conversation in bed."

She frowned slightly, like maybe she was surprised I'd still want to sleep with her or something. But I'd already made my mind up, this wasn't going to change anything between us. If anything, I wanted it to bring us closer together. I hated seeing my best friend upset like this, and if she'd have me, I'd absolutely be her girlfriend.

After another minute or so, Melissa finally nodded. We slowly pulled apart, then emerged from the car. We got our backpacks out of the back seat, and made our way to the elevator.

Neither of us spoke as we made our way up to the apartment. We both got undressed, used the washroom, then Melissa went into her room and climbed into her bed.

I stood in the doorway and asked quietly, "May I come in? May I join you?"

She stared up at the ceiling, she still hadn't really looked at me since telling me about the contract. After a few moments she asked quietly "What about Susan? You told your mom yesterday you were excited about maybe being girlfriends with her. You were really excited about going on those dates with her."

I shrugged, "I don't know, I'll figure something out. Maybe ask her to slow down a bit? I'm sure she'll understand if I tell her my best friend needs me because she's going through some stuff. Bottom line is I've only known her for like three weeks? You're way more important to me Melissa."

She had to wipe away some more tears, then nodded "Ok... I'd appreciate the company tonight. Thanks Mara."

"You're welcome," I replied as I slipped into bed with her and cuddled up against her. Neither of us were in the mood for anything more than cuddling, but we both needed the closeness, comfort, and physical contact after the way this weekend had gone.

• • • • •

Over the next few days Lily kept a low profile. I wouldn't say she was hiding from me, more like she didn't want to interfere with how me and Melissa were coping with everything that happened over the weekend.

I was on the phone with my mom every morning and every evening, checking up on her and making sure she knew I still loved her and was thinking about her. And she continued to improve, which was a huge relief.

Meanwhile Melissa was still a little emotionally fragile as well, after telling me all the stuff she'd agreed to in Lily's contract.

I was just as supportive of her as I was my mom, I wanted to make sure my best friend understood that I didn't think any less of her or anything like that. And I wanted her to know I was still up for more of a relationship, if that was something she wanted.

Tuesday evening me and Melissa ordered in dinner and had a birthday cake to celebrate. And after that we spent the night together in her room. I even had my horns and tail appear, and the two of us had a little more fun and a lot less sleep than we normally did on a weeknight.

When I woke up Wednesday morning I was still curled up in Melissa's arms, but I needed to get up and start dancing or something. I knew what that meant, and I couldn't help wonder how Lily got out and fed without waking whoever I was sleeping with. Though the obvious answer involved magic.

I did my best to extract myself from my friend's arms without waking her, then tiptoed out of her room and gently closed the door behind me. Then I started dancing my way into the kitchen. I put on the coffee machine for Melissa and got myself some juice, and dropped some bread into the toaster.

I still had my horns and tail too, and wrapped my tail around in front of me so I could watch it as I continued dancing.

"Hey Lily," I tried to keep my voice down as I talked. "You've been pretty quiet since Sunday. What's going on?"

She admitted, "As you suspected, I've been avoiding you Mara. You've been very...accepting of everything Melissa told you regarding our agreement. Nonetheless I was concerned you might be upset with me."

I had a gulp of juice then shrugged, "You haven't done anything wrong Lily. The stuff you do... Like you said way back at the start, you don't play by human rules. You're different and you follow your nature. There's stuff that I'm not happy about, or that I think's uncool? But you haven't broken your word to me, you haven't done anything that you didn't warn me about up-front."

Lily was quiet for a few moments, then asked "What is it you're unhappy about? Or what do you find 'uncool'?"

There was no hesitation, I didn't need to think this over. "The fact that your requirements of Melissa mean she can never have the sort of relationship I think she wanted. Right or wrong she was raised to believe couples should be faithful to each other and not cheat or whatever? And since she has no choice now but to sleep around with strangers or whatever, she seems to think she can't have a relationship at all."

I added, "I know from what Verothilas said in the private message that you've done this stuff in the past, so I know you've probably got a solution. What's the answer?"

"You're right," Lily replied. "And the answer isn't monogamy. She could form or join a polycule with a few other people, then alternate between partners and make sure not to have sex with the same person more than once per fortnight. Or she could have a romantic relationship with you, while continuing to have sex with strangers on a regular basis. In the past I had more than one contracted human, and they formed a polycule themselves for romantic and emotional support while continuing to harvest energy through sex with strangers."

I finished my juice and buttered my toast when it popped. Then I commented, "Melissa might not be comfortable with any of those options. Maybe in time though?"

The smell of coffee reached my best friend's room and she finally got up. She was still a bit groggy as she joined me in the kitchen. We were both still naked, and she muttered a quiet "G'morning" as she fixed herself a cup of coffee.

I danced over to her and gave her a kiss, "Good morning gorgeous."

Melissa had a sip of her morning brew then reached up and gave one of my horns a couple strokes. She grinned as I nearly dropped my toast when my body responded.

I took a few deep breaths as I tried to settle down. I was already sort of borderline horny from the energy boost this morning, and Melissa knew it.

Meanwhile she took her coffee out to the living-room and sat down on the sofa, then grabbed her phone from her purse.

A moment later she called, "Hey are you busy Saturday night? Sam wants us to meet him and his boyfriend for dinner, at some posh steak place."

I smiled as I danced into the living-room to join her. "Oh heck yeah! I haven't seen him in like three years? And I absolutely have to be there when he sees how you look now!"

She grimaced, "He's going to flip. I mean, I've sent him pictures but I bet he doesn't believe that's what I really look like? When he saw me at Easter I was still completely in the closet, in denial, a hundred percent guy-mode."

"I remember. Anyways yes I'm in! I can't wait!"

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