All that is in his mind were the words spoken by his papa of the possibility that Caleb also had experienced similar things as he did. “Do you think what you did to your own son is much of a secret after all?” was what said by Papa to Caleb’s mother. So, Lucca can’t help but feel an urgency of deriving information from Caleb to confirm his thoughts. But Caleb seems so out of reach as he walks ahead along the corridors to his room.

“Stop following me, you disgusting demon!” Caleb spat as he turns to look at Lucca who was trailing him from behind. Lucca stopped dead in his track. He is partly amused by what was said by Caleb but part of him is aware that Caleb is, at the moment, extremely angry. Therefore, he tries to be as serious as well. Like the first time they met. Caleb was so angry back then. He completely dropped all of his aloof and sneaky nature. It was like there are two sides of him. Like a coin flipped, his manner flipped too.

“Ca-” Lucca tried to speak but was cut off immediately by Caleb.

“-you’re dirty and disgusting. You have his stench all over you and it disgusts me! Don’t talk to me until you’re-”

Lucca is sure that Caleb is saying something. It does hurt being called like that but he had stopped listening… for something had echoed into his ears from a time long ago.

“Pretty baby,” she said. “What a disgusting pretty thing.”

Stunned, he turns around and walks away slowly. He is also sure that Caleb was calling after him. He no longer cares.

Disgusting.

Dirty.

That voice. He knew that voice. It was his mama’s voice. But is it? Sometimes it sounds like a voice of a little girl. Sometimes it sounds just like his mama. Sometimes it sounds completely foreign to him.

Dirty.

“Mama?” He called out softly to himself. As gushes of wind blows on his face, he is forced to turn towards the hill. The hill where all the dead were buried; the Codrin’s cemetery just up the hill behind the estate’s residency. A 6-minutes drive up a dirt road from the house but only about 2-minutes climb from the steep hilly track behind the residency. And Lucca just decided to choose the latter to get there.

Ever since he arrived at the estate, something in him has changed. Something awakens. Like there are also two sides of him. Like a flip of a coin. Before he got there, he was so sure of everything. Now, he is not sure of even anything at all. And something is calling him. He feels that some questions might be answered if he were to reach the cemetery. And it would be quite a perfect idea too. He is sure that his mama’s grave might also be up there by now. It might be a good time to pay a visit after all.

So he lets his feet carry him along the backyard of the residency. These are somewhat familiar steps and surroundings but he feels like back then everything was a bit wider and larger. Now, everything had almost shrunken in size from what he can vaguely remember. He had stayed cooped up inside the residency ever since his arrival that the brightness of the sun nearly blind him and burn his skin. As he walks further, he nibbles his lower lips a little thinking of the soft peck given by his father not long ago.

Isn’t that was what he wanted? When he first got here, wasn’t that what he desired? But why then, rather than being happy about the kiss, he feels something twisted up inside him? A familiar sense of disgust and heartache. And why did he push him away? Was it because Jessica was there? Or was it because Caleb was there? If he was alone with papa, would it be okay? Would he have welcomed it and kissed him back and gave his all to him?

Disgusting.

Dirty.

That voice again. He looks up ahead and realize that he had arrived at his destination. Strangely, it is not as creepy as he remembers as well. There is only one splendid mausoleum appear upon his view. It was quite a distance from where he was standing. It holds the remains of the old Codrin’s family, his ancestors, from the 19th century. The rest of the cemetery now are scattered with tombstones. They are somewhat organized in a half circle manner surrounding the old mausoleums. He scans the tombstones for the ones with less moss on them as it might indicate that they’re new but to his judgements, if he follows the right semi-circle pathway, his mama’s grave should be… at the intersection nearest to the tree-lines on the east side.

And he is right.

He reaches the last tombstone. Two more spaces to its’ left, the third semi-circle will be completed. That means, two more of the Codrins have to die to have a complete semi-circle before a new semi-circle starts. He looks behind him. The land is still so vast. He wonders where will he be placed once he’s dead.

Pretty baby…

He heard the voice again. But this time, it was soft and melodic. He is sure that that was the voice of his mama. So he turns to look at the tombstone in front of him. He gets down on his knees and cleans the markings on it with his fingers softly to be sure. The name written there is ‘Patricia Codrin’. “Hello, mama. It’s been a while,” he greeted softly. “You died a painful death, didn’t you?” He asked. His heart aches a little. Something unfamiliar to him. Something off. A tear falls slowly and softly from one side of his eyes. An honest tear. It feels like the first time in a long time since he last had a tear such as this. “Be warry not. For I shall not meet you in heaven, mama. Hell is waiting for me,” he spoke sadly.

More of those honest tears drip down from his eyes and he can’t help but wonder why is he crying? Is he mourning? For the death that he had caused himself? And of one he was well aware of as his own desire to have her dead in the first place, so why would he mourn over this kind of death? As much as his reasons kicked into him, his body is still doing the opposite of reason. His body gave in to emotions.

As he was lost in a quiet grief, a small gush of winds blows on his face again, forcing him to turn to his right. And that’s when he saw it. A small tombstone laid in between his mother’s grave to another grand matching pair of tombstones slightly over. He knew that those pair of tombstones belong to his grandfather and grandmother whom had both died in a car accident many years ago when he was little or perhaps even before he was born. He couldn’t quite recall. But he never knew that in between their deaths to his mama’s death, someone from the Codrin family passed. Who was it? And why was the grave so small and the tombstone appear to be so insignificant?

He stands up immediately and walks towards the tombstone. Pushing the overgrown grasses that covers the marking on the stone to the sides, he reads the carving out loud; “Olivia II”. No other information. No date of death or date of birth. No notes, no poem, no indicator of the identity other than this grave belong to someone with a name similar to his grandmother’s name and the roman numerical number ‘2’. What could it mean? Was she two years old when she died? She died on the second of a certain month, perhaps? What is it? Who is this? How come he never even heard of her?

“Who’s this Olivia 2?” A voice suddenly appeared from behind him and Lucca jolted up in surprised, letting out a loud scream. And to his own embarrassment for his girly scream, as he turns around, he saw the owner of the voice; Caleb.

“Fuck!” Lucca cussed. “The fuck are you doing here?”

Caleb had flipped his personality coin again. He no longer looks childishly angry. He is back to having his face plastered with amusement and superiority. “You look like a lost little kitten,” he simply commented and smiles.