I was already walking down the stairs, and the place smelled old and musty, like walking into an abandoned house. There were no bugs or cobwebs, which didn't really make much sense considering the layer of dust on the stone steps I was stepping on.
I was leaving tracks, and maybe it was just the light that was making the bugs stay away. I had already walked about three flights worth of stairs, and the tunnel was curving as I went.
"What am I doing?" I said to myself as I stopped.
I needed to get back to the house and eat and get to bed. I had made my choice, and like the man had said, I didn't want to be late, but there was that little part of me that just had to know.
I couldn't come this far and not take a look, and it had just dawned on me that the light was being impossibly shone all the way to my house. That didn't make any sense, and when I turned around, there was barely any light for me to see behind me.
I decided to keep going, and at this point, I was at the point where I had come this far, and not going the rest of the way would eat me up.
I started to walk again, and within five minutes, I had reached the source of the light. It was almost like the tunnel had been waiting for me to commit to my curiosity, and it got me.
Now I stood in front of a wall with a massive thirty centimeters tall ruby-like semicircular gem protruding from the wall. The red light was coming from it, and I just discounted the fact that it barely glowed being in front of it now.
I reached forward to feel the sphere, but the moment my finger touched the glowing red globe, I fell to the ground.
Pain like I had never felt before ripped through my body, making me spasm on the ground as my muscles were ripped apart inside of my body. I screamed in unending agony as I felt my bone-cracking and break, but then healing only to do it again.
I foamed and spit sprays of blood on the floor, making blood turn to sticky mud with the dust. My body shook, and I spasmed violently, and the pain started to eat its way into my brain, but then it stopped.
I rolled over and vomited out more blood, but that made me feel better. The pain was gone like it had never been, and even though I knew it had happened, all that mattered was that I was able to move and breathe again.
Something had just changed inside of me, every bone in my body had been broken, and every muscle torn. I felt different now, more muscular, but not by much, but then a voice in my head almost scared the life out of me that I was so dearly just fighting for.
<Kazz, you have been selected to receive a system that will bring power and dominance over this world.>
The voice was deep and old and not that impressed to be talking with me, and that was fair. I just had my body ripped apart, so I wasn't really in the mood for a chat.
"Do I need it? Isn't that like some kind of cheat? What just happened to me?" I asked out loud as I picked myself up off the ground.
< Your body is now built to absorb the essence of the monsters you kill, but all monsters in this world have the same power. I am offering you…>
"Cheat System, so I can get to the top easier, right?" I asked, cutting the voice off.
<Yes… you don't want it?>
"Do I need it, or can I survive and fight to the top just by working hard?" I asked, driving the point home.
<Yes, I suppose you can, but then you will be leveling just the same as the other monsters in the world! Are you stupid or something?!>
The voice was now roaring hard in my head, and it was starting to give me a headache.
"Are we done? Anything I need to know?" I asked, but the voice was gone. "Fine, don't say goodbye; I didn't like you anyway.
<Ditto>
"OH! So you're one of those guys, huh? Need to have the last word like a child?" I challenged the voice.
< Don't you need to go get eaten by the first monster that sees you?>
I ignored the voice and tried to dust myself off, but I only ended up smearing the blood and dirt all over me. I was a mess, but all I could do was leave this shit hole, so I turned around to leave back up the stairs, but they were gone.
They had been replaced with a cave entrance or exit since I seem to be in the cave. The outside looked to be some kind of rocky cannon.
Well, I was not in the same place that I just was. There was no way that my house was within shouting range anymore either.
"I don't have enough to pay rent this month!" A female cried.
What? Rent? Wait a minute, why was there a woman outside? And as I just going to walk out and there is a city right here?
"The Great Oni Doa doesn't want your excuses! You have one day to come up with the payment, or you know all the dirty things that the Great Red Oni Doa will force you to do for him!" Cried a whiny and nauseated male voice.
Woah, what is going on here? That sounded like some demon was going to force that woman to do some dastardly things!
I waited, and then when I heard the flap of wings leave, I made my way to the cave entrance. I had my knife, flashlight, and a light on me, so not really much, but I would be able to get shelter, food, and heat with this, so I was good for now.
First, it was time to check out the damsel. I wasn't really set on helping someone right off the bat and having to drag them around with me.
If it was something simple I could do to help, I would help, but I would get stronger than everything in this world. I had already messed my old life up by cheating to get to the top, so I needed to prove that I could be the best without cheating.
Love the back and forth, do you prefer typos and mistakes be pointed out or better to just leave em alone?
point them out so I can make the story better. I have this posted on 4 different places so some times i miss things
Hmm, like the concept but have a few comments.
1st, as he was going threw the change & told about the system his 1st comments that its a cheat? Im thinking his 1st comment would be the wtf is happening to me & after the explanation then it would be the cheat comments,
2nd, he's worried about what the 'demon' is going to do so waits? How did he know it would just leave her alone, I get that the comments were made about she has until tomorrow but he didn't even try & sneak a peek to gauge the situation better.
he didnt know it was going to leave her alone. this guy isnt a hero nor does he want to be. he doesnt jave attachments, and he didnt even want to confront his parents.
this guy us a grown man with some growning up to do but he is a serious fighter that got caught up in sonething that cost him his entire life. so, yeah first things he is going to thing after hearing some voice in his head saying that he can have it all with this one thing, he would think its a cheat. sounds familiar, steroids, just a couple pokes a day and can get you with a crazy high and leave yoy jacked.
our mc doesnt want that bs this time around and he is willing to help if he can, but he is a trianed fighter that knows jumping into a fight with a monster that he has never even seen might not end well for the only person on this planet that matters to him right now
grab a chair and wait till tomorrow and I'll bring some more light to this new world and the story so far
@Magic_ Cool, I did get the feeling he connected the cheat to the roids just felt its all a bit jumbled on the order of progress, honestly it's just me being hyper critical on things & I think it's gunna be great as it progresses
@ColtWing
No, I get you. It's not hyper critical. It's analyzing the situation and realizing....hey, why is an ancient voice resounding in my head? What the f*ck just happened to me when I touched that crystal? What the f*ck is, or was, that crystal? Who the hell this ancient voice think they are offering me something that can make me get stronger by beating monsters? Wait, monsters? They exist on Earth!? Wait what the hell? Was he offering me something like a game cheat? Screw cheating again, but maybe I should have thought a little more before being a jerk to something that could possibly offer such a thing. Where the hell are the stairs leading back where I came? Where the hell am I? Did I die when it felt like I was being processed through a meat grinder?
Just some knee-jerk reaction questions that I feel should have come across his mind, but were awkwardly absent.
@Magic_
Hey, I'm starting your novel late, left another comment that sounds like I'm criticizing you...and I guess I am. I'm sorry but I will continue that in this comment.
You've made 93 chapter updates. Within less than 4 months. That's awesome. More than some authors can say about their work on here. But you've rushed your story progression that you've forgotten your human element. Fear, surprise, confusion, self-preservation, anger, etc. That is from within this chapter alone. I am not saying to draw it out in chapters long expletive or to over exaggerate it, but you skipped an entire 'HOLY HELL, WHAT IN SWEET MAMA GREY'S NAME IS HAPPENING TO MEEEEE!!!????!!?!?!' straight into 'huh, I just felt what it's like to be processed through a meat grinder and have a team of surgeons stitching all of everything in my body back together while going through said meat grinder. Oh, you're offering me a cheat, no thanks I wanna go the straight and narrow from now on kid.'
It leaves us scratching our head is what I'm getting across.
Again, I started the novel late. Looking forward to recent releases. Will make more comments when I catch up or if other comments catch my attention.
@IllOmened ill consider it, but this story explains itself as you read. i also write another book that get twice as many chapter called epic of bee on webnovel and have 20 plus extra chaps in patreon that gets almost 2 chapters everyday. at chapter 73 you are only at the end of the third day.