The clockwork art piece behind Ares was ticking and whirring and clicking loudly as she tried to eat. She didn’t want to look up and lock eyes with her family. They’d read her mind somehow and know what she’d decided. Ares wasn’t ready to tell them yet. The very thought of her parents and sisters finding out made Ares quake a little.
She was going to have to tell them eventually. Moon above, how was she supposed to do that? What if they told her “no”? What then? How was Ares supposed to convince them that she should be a girl? Why wasn’t there some part of her on the inside that she could pull out with “girl” written on it for the world to see? Where was the proof that she wasn’t really a boy?
“Are you okay, Ares?” Lorrie asked.
“Just having a bad day,” she said simply.
“Well, if there’s anything that you want to talk to us about, you know that we always want to listen to you.”
“I know,” Ares said, wanting to believe it.
Once she was done, Ares left quickly. She didn’t want to wait in case someone stopped her and tried to talk to her, and if that happened she might blurt out her secret unintentionally. No, Ares had to get to her room as soon as possible and lock herself inside.
She began to pace across the length of the long room. If only she could see the future and know how her parents would react. Unfortunately, predicting the future was vague and unhelpful even if you were good at divination, and Ares was not. There had to be a miracle solution to her problem, right? If she just kept turning the idea over and over in her head, she’d figure it out eventually.
“Well, if I’m not going to tell my family,” she muttered, “maybe I can tell my friends.”
Ares sat down at the desk and opened her laptop. She put her headphones on and hovered her mouse over the “join call” button. After a few minutes, she still hadn’t clicked it. Ares took a deep breath, then gulped and entered the call.
“Hey, Ares,” Sam said.
“What’s up?” asked Jasmine.
“Where have you been?” Suzanne added.
“Just had a long lunch with my family,” Ares lied. “Listen, there’s something I need to tell you all.”
“What is it?” Mercedes asked.
“I’m afraid to say it out loud in case you all… don’t like me anymore.”
“Well, that’s not going to happen,” Finley said. “We’d never turn on you like that.”
“I know. But I’m scared.”
“You don’t have anything to be scared about,” Jasmine assured her.
Ares nodded, but didn’t say anything more.
Sam told her, “You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want—”
“I want to stay a girl!” Ares blurted out.
“Huh?
“Come again?”
“Did you say… stay a girl?”
Ares felt her heart sink.
“This was a mistake,” she said, moving to leave the call.
“Wait! Hold on!” Sam said. “We just need you to elaborate, that’s all.”
Ares took a deep breath, then explained, “I’m transgender. I realized I didn’t want to be a boy because I’m really a girl on the inside. And now I’m going to live as a girl on the outside from now on. So… please use she/her pronouns for me from now on, okay?”
“Yeah, sure,” Jasmine said.
“That’s really cool,” Suzanne added.
“Glad you figured that out,” Sam told Ares. “So… since you have a girl body already, are you going to jump straight into staying in the girls’ dorm this year?”
“I don’t know yet,” Ares admitted. “I haven’t even told my parents.”
“Ares…” Mercedes said, “This… doesn’t make sense. You’re supposed to be a boy. You’re not really going to be able to fit in with girls just because you look like one. You have to know that, right?”
Ares heart started to break.
“Hold on!” Sam cried. “Give him—sorry—her a chance. She’s new to this.”
Jasmine added, “I’m sure it’ll take some time, but she’ll figure it out.”
“I… I’m sorry, I just can’t,” Mercedes said before abruptly exiting the call.
“Don’t worry about her,” Suzanne told Ares. “She’ll come around.”
Ares nodded, but didn’t say anything.
“She’s gotten like this before,” Finley said. “She always gets over it eventually.”
“I guess so. It just hurts a little. At least I have all of you to support me.”
“Of course,” Sam said.
“We’ll always have your back,” Jasmine insisted.
“We’ll have to tell the others, spread the word a bit,” Suzanne added. “If you’re ready for that.”
“Maybe not just yet,” Ares said.
“I should go,” Finley said quietly.
“Is something wrong?” Sam asked.
“It’s nothing,” he replied, disconnecting quickly.
Ares sighed.
“This might have been a mistake,” she said.
“No, Ares, it wasn’t,” Jasmine insisted. “This was very brave. It’s just a big adjustment for people. Everything will be okay, I promise.”
“I hope you’re right.”
Later that day, Ares decided to pull out her notes on Communications magic to review. She was tense and needed something to help her calm down. Besides, she couldn’t afford to get complacent. Her certification was in three years! What Ares wouldn’t give to have more time to prepare.
Her family’s warnings that she shouldn’t overwork herself echoed from the back of her mind. But then Ares also remembered her sisters and friends talking about how they weren’t taken as seriously in class because they were girls. Was that going to happen to her now, too? Should she be studying extra hard to make up for it?
“Ugh… school,” she moaned.
Ares was going to have to tell her parents about her decision sooner rather than later so they could inform the school. How were people going to react to Ares using the girls’ dorm and bathrooms? Or the girls’ locker room! Maybe she could lie about her identity and pretend to just be a new student from now until she graduated.
Studying was going nowhere. Ares closed up her notes and decided to stretch her legs. Without her pendant, she made her way down the staircase. There were voices coming from the first floor, so Ares headed down there to check it out.
Hestia and Pandora were sharing a pot of tea in the family room. Ares liked to avoid this room; she’d never liked having the eyes of so many portraits on her. But her sisters were here, so she’d suck it up.
“Can I join?” she asked.
“Sure,” Hestia replied, scooting over on the couch.
Ares picked up an empty tea cup and poured herself a drink. She mixed in a bit of honey and cream before taking a taste. This was nice. She was having tea with her sisters as one of the girls. It would be nice if Hestia knew the truth, but it was the best that Ares could hope for at the moment.
“How have you been, Ares?” Hestia asked.
“I’m hoping that things will start getting better from here on,” Ares admitted. “But I’m worried that it won’t be easy.”
“Don’t worry. We’re making good progress on finding a solution for you. You’ll be back to normal well before you have to worry about school starting up again. And then we’ll all go into town to celebrate.”
“Tia, I really don’t want to talk about this right now.”
“Alright. But just remember that we’re going to get you out of this.”
“Seriously, Tia. Please drop it.”
Hestia knit her brow in concern. Ares looked away and took a sip of her tea.
“Are you okay, Ares?” Hestia asked.
“I’ll be fine.”
Ares was shaking a little.
“You don’t have to be worried—”
“Please!”
“Tia,” Dora said quietly. “She doesn’t want to talk about it.”
“Dora, don’t call him that. It’s really inappropriate to use the wrong pronouns.”
“She’s not using the wrong pronouns,” Ares said, voice barely above a whisper. “I’m a girl.”
There was silence for a moment.
“I’m sorry?”
“I’m trans, Tia,” Ares said, not looking up. “I’m a girl on the inside.”
“No, that doesn’t work that way.” Hestia placed her teacup down. “You’re a boy. You were raised as a boy. I know that it’s tough being in a family of all women, but that doesn’t change you who are.”
“But I want to be a girl,” Ares said, her vision blurry. “I’ve always wanted to be a girl and I didn’t realize it.”
“You can’t just be a girl, Ares. You don’t have the experiences that me and Pandora have. You grew up learning how to be a boy, and boys and girls are just too radically different for someone to change from one to the other.”
“It… It shouldn’t matter,” Ares stammered.
It didn’t matter, right? She wasn’t barred from being a girl because of how people treated her as a child, was she? But how could she prove that?
Hestia stood up, saying, “I… think you should start wearing that pendant as often as you can. You need to get used to looking like you’re supposed to again.”
“Tia…”
“I have to go work on my studies.” Hestia started walking away. “I promise that I’m going to fix this, Ares.”
Once she was gone, Ares buried her head in her hands and started to sniffle. She felt Pandora wrap her in a hug. For a while, they sat there while Ares cried.
“I’m sorry,” Pandora said. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“No, it’s okay,” Ares said, sniffing. “I wanted to tell her, I was just too afraid. I just hoped that she’d understand. At least it’s over. I’m going to lie down for a bit.”
“Okay.”
Dinner was tense. Ares was wearing the pendant again and she couldn’t stop squirming. This wasn’t her, not really. If only she could somehow lose the pendant for good. Even if it was a gift from Eris, it was causing Ares so much grief. And after today, Ares was so anxious that she couldn’t even eat.
She locked eyes with Pandora, who was sitting a short ways away. Dora smiled at her. Then Ares glanced over at Hestia, who was very deliberately not looking in her direction. She hadn’t even said hello to Ares when she came in. It was clear she hadn’t gotten over her discomfort from earlier.
At the very least, it seemed like Hestia hadn’t told Vega or Lorrie yet. Neither of them had confronted Ares and demanded an explanation. Maybe Hestia was hoping that if she didn’t acknowledge what Ares had said, it would go away on its own.
Ares sighed and forced herself to take a few bites, chewing in time with the clicking of the clockwork art piece behind her. Maybe it would be better if she just took the cure and went back to the way she used to look. She had lived as a boy for so long. Couldn’t she go back? It would be a little harder, knowing what she knew now, but she could be a boy until she graduated.
It would be hard, though. Now that Ares knew she was really a girl, the thought of pretending to be a boy was painful. And the people who didn’t know the truth would look at her and see a boy, too. Not to mention, Ares probably wasn’t going to just stumble into another wish spell. She hadn’t looked up how to physically transition, but it probably wasn’t as easy as the opportunity she’d been given. This opportunity was too big to give up.
“Ares,” Vega said when she stood up, “when you’re done, will you help me clean up and do the dishes?”
“Hm? Yeah, sure, of course.”
As she entered the kitchen, Ares took off the pendant. She instantly felt better. It would be a relief to never have to wear it again. Ares went to the sink and started to scrub the dirty dishes. When Vega arrived, she rinsed and dried them off.
“I want you to know,” she began, “that I can tell there’s a lot of tension between you kids right now. I should hope that by now you understand that you can tell me anything if you need to.”
Ares nodded.
“You’ve been under a lot of stress recently,” Vega continued. “I understand if it’s hard for you to open up. I never meant for you to feel like you weren’t part of this family, dear. Is there anything going on now that you’d like to talk about?”
Ares shook her head, not looking away from the sink.
“Alright, then. But promise me that you’ll come talk to me if you need to. No matter what I’m doing.”
“I promise.”
“Then go upstairs and relax for a bit. I’ve got the rest of this.”
“Thank you, Vega,” she murmured, stepping away.
Ares returned to her room. She was a little tense after that conversation, so she sat down on the floor and began to meditate. Clearing her mind did a lot to help settle her nerves.
A knock at the door shook her out of her peaceful state. Hestia! She’d come to confront Ares. Ares stayed still, waiting for her sister to go away, but the knock came again.
“No getting out of it,” she muttered, standing up.
But when she opened the door, it was Lorrie standing there.
“May I come in?”
“Of course.”
Lorrie sat down on the bed. After a moment, Ares sat down beside her.
“Ares, I know that something is wrong. I want you to tell me what’s going on.”
“It’s nothing, really.”
“Be honest with me. I can’t help fix the problem if I don’t know what it is.”
“I’ve just been having a bad couple of days,” Ares said, looking away.
“I know that there’s more to it.”
Ares shrugged but didn’t answer. After a few moments, Lorrie snapped her fingers and the door opened to reveal Vega standing there. She looked unsurprised at the door opening as she walked in and came to sit on Ares’ other side. She wrapped her arm around Ares’ shoulders and Ares leaned into the hug.
“I want to tell you,” she said. “But I’m afraid.”
“Afraid of what, sweetheart?” Vega asked.
“You have nothing to be afraid of,” Lorrie insisted. “No matter what, we’re going to support you.”
Ares nodded, but said nothing more. Slowly, tears welled up in her eyes until she started to cry. Vega held her closely. At some point, Ares must have fallen asleep, because when she woke up she was lying in bed alone, still in Hestia’s clothes from the day before.
Ares didn’t want to leave her room. Shortly after breakfast, she heard a knock and Vega told her through the door that she’d brought Ares something. Once Ares was sure that Vega was gone, she opened the door and brought the quiche inside to eat. From there, Ares loafed around until Vega brought her a plate from lunch as well.
Since she still had magical homework to do, Ares decided to focus on that for a while. In between problems, she’d sit and try to come up with new names for herself. Once she’d found one she liked, Ares would send a DM to Jasmine asking what she thought about it.
What about Althaia? she wrote. It means “healing.”
Kind of a cumbersome couple of syllables at the end, Jasmine replied. I suspect people are going to start calling you Althie or something.
Ariadne?
I think that might just be too hard for people to get used to, tbh.
Ares’ stomach growled. The plates that Vega had left for her had been kind of small. Was that deliberate? Was Vega trying to get Ares out of her room? It was diabolical.
Leaving the pendant behind, Ares slipped out of her room and walked downstairs. Fortunately she didn’t hear—no wait, there was someone in the kitchen. Ares gulped and peeked in. Eris was in there munching on some grapes.
“Hey,” Ares said, walking inside.
“You’re not wearing the pendant,” Eris said, frowning.
“It just needs to charge. Besides, I’m just going on a snack run. I don’t need to wear it all the time.”
“Honestly, Ares, I feel like I never see you wearing it at all except for meals. And now you’ve stopped attending those, too. I’m worried about you.”
“I… don’t really want to talk about this right now,” Ares said, opening the pantry. “I have a lot of homework to do and I need a snack.”
Eris scowled and turned away. Ares got herself a bowl of chips and left without saying anything more to her. By the time Ares got back to her room, she was in a really bad mood and didn’t want to go back to doing her homework.
What she really needed was some emotional support. And there was really only one person who could give that to her. Ares waited until she heard Eris’ bedroom door open and close, then walked downstairs. She tied her shoes and walked outside, taking off into the woods.
When she got to Amaryllis’ glade, Ares entered and called out for the dryad. Then she waited. Amaryllis didn’t appear. Ares called out again and got no response. She sighed and sat down next to the rock shrine.
It was a while before Ares felt a gust of wind and turned to see Amaryllis.
“I appreciate how much time I get to spend with you nowadays, Rosebud,” she said. “But I am also busy and won’t always be available.” She sat down next to Ares. “What brings you here?”
“I’m so scared, Amaryllis,” Ares said. “What if my family doesn’t accept me?”
“Your family loves you, don’t they? Your parents are good people. I wouldn’t have allowed them to settle in my woods if they weren’t. I’m certain that if you’re honest with them, they will support you.”
“I told my older sister yesterday,” Ares admitted. “She didn’t support me. She told me I couldn’t be a girl. I almost believe her too. What she said makes sense. And my best friends didn’t take it well, either. I’m worried that people won’t support me after all.”
“Rosebud,” Amaryllis said, wrapping her arms around Ares, “you deserve better than this. But things will get better. People are holding on to the old image they have of you, but when they see how much happier you are they will come to see you for who you truly are.”
“Thank you, Amaryllis. That really does help.”
“Of course, Rosebud.”
Rosebud. Rose. Could that be the name Ares was looking for? It didn’t really fit her family’s theme. She put it in the “maybe” pile.
“I’m still a little tense,” Ares admitted.
“Hm… how about I show you a bit of my own magic. Learning about that might cheer you up.”
Ares smiled softly and nodded.
rose is a really cute reinterpretation of "ares"
it's got the same consonants!
I hadn't even realized that, but yes, it's a really cute parallel. Good on you for noticing that.
At least her other friends are supportive and it's only Mercedes that is upset, maybe she had a crush on her?
Mercedes definitely has more going on then run of the mill transphobia.
if her moms don't support her I'm going to be so upset.
Agreed, I really hope they don't reject her.
CW:
Spoiler
Ouch lots of it, wish people understood, the desire to be a girl really does make you a girl.
I hope the Moms will be cool. I think they will and Rose is a great name.
So disappointed in Tia. She even started to go on a tiraid at Dora for proper pronoun use then went all terf on her sister :(
Still curious as to what Eris problem is. Hopefully not more terf bs.
"Why wasn’t there some part of her on the inside that she could pull out with “girl” written on it for the world to see?"
That's a whole ass mood.
This chapter making me remember how awkward coming out to family was. Feeling like I needed to "prove" my identity. Blech.
Awwwww
