I just stood there, as if frozen, a million thoughts racing through my mind. Josh Woods? Woody? He was trans?

I honestly didn’t know how to process this piece of information. It completely upended the picture I had of him in my mind: I thought he was a jerk, trying to jostle with me and Troy McPearson to become top dog, but now that I knew he was trans I realised he was probably doing it to stay out of trouble. He probably put on a tough act as a sort of… Protective colouring. Camouflage. After all, no one would think such an aggressive, brash young boy would actually be a stealth trans man.

Or a closeted trans girl, for that matter.

Josh Woods was the same as me.

In fact, he and I--

“Are you quite done?”

I shook myself, and looked Josh in the eye. “Sorry, what was that?” I asked.

“I said, are you done?” he repeated.

“…What do you mean?”

“I mean you’ve been just standing here for the past couple minutes, groping my…” He paused. “Groping me.”

I blushed furiously, and tore my hand away from his chest. “Sorry,” I mumbled.

“No biggie,” he said with a shrug. “I was the one who put your hand there in the first place, I don’t have any real right to complain.”

“Still,” I said. “I know what it’s like to be reminded of… anatomy.”

“Yeah, it made me a bit dysphoric, but at least now you believe me, right?” He locked eyes with me, and continued, “I won’t out you.”

I hesitantly nodded. “Yeah.”

“Good,” he said, nodding back.

I let out a deep sigh and sat down, my back against the bike shed, as the tension went completely out of me: I hadn’t realised before then, but I’d been wound up as tight as a spring ever since I’d seen Josh at the clinic the previous day, and probably even tighter since he’d confronted me in the classroom that morning. “Man, this is seriously a weight off my chest,” I said. “I thought I was done for, you know.”

He made a face. “Yeah, I know the feeling. It’s not fun at all.”

I looked up at him with newfound understanding. Yeah, he would know how it feels, wouldn’t he? We were in the same boat, after all: two trans people, just trying to live our lives.

“Sorry,” I said.

His eyebrows rose in surprise. “What are you apologising for?”

“I’ve been a jerk to you from the start,” I replied. “We’ve butted heads from the very first time we met, but I didn’t even bother trying to talk to you. I just assumed you were a dumbass who wasn’t worth my time, and went from there.”

“Well, that makes two of us, I guess,” Josh said with a laugh. “I thought you were a stuck-up ass who did her best to get in my way.”

I grimaced. “Yeah, I was, wasn’t I? Sorry, it comes with the territory. I was too used to dealing with people like McPearson.”

“Yeah, what’s his problem anyway?” he asked.

“Don’t know, don’t care,” I replied, waving my hand dismissively. “He thinks he’s better than anyone else, and thinks he can do anything he wants. And unfortunately, his dad’s the superintendent for our school district, so…”

Josh nodded grimly.

“Still, I’m glad I don’t have to worry about you,” I continued. “Because after what I found out today, I don’t wanna fight any more.”

“Same,” Josh said. “There’s really no point in being enemies.”

I nodded. “After all, us queers gotta stick together. Stand up for each other. We’re the only two trans people in school, so we gotta watch each other’s back.”

“No, there’s more.”

I looked at Josh in surprise. “There’s more? Really?”

“Really,” he nodded. “I don’t know who they are, or how many, but I know there’s some at least.”

“…How?” I asked.

“Last year, when I enrolled, my uncle asked the principal if I could be completely stealth and use my real name on school documents so that no one would know besides him,” Josh explained. “He said yes, they’d done it before, it wasn’t that big of a deal.”

I hesitated. “So… Mr. Carlson knows you’re trans? And he’s okay with it?”

“Apparently,” Josh said with a shrug. “He’s not outed me to anyone that I know of, and he never slipped on my name or pronouns every time I’ve been sent to his office.”

“Which was plenty of times, I guess?” I asked with a grin.

He laughed. “Yeah, you know how it is.”

I nodded, and filed the knowledge that the school administration was fully accepting of trans identities away in the back of my mind for future reference: I would need to deal with them pretty soon, after all, since I planned to come out in a few months.

“So what do you say?” Josh asked, extending a hand towards me. “Truce? No more fighting?”

I grasped his hand and let him pull me to my feet. “Yeah, no more fighting,” I replied.

As if on cue, the school bell rang, signalling the end of lunch period.

“Ah, crap,” I said. “Sorry, gotta go back to class, and see if I can maybe grab something to eat from the cafeteria before that.” I paused. “Thanks for the conversation.”

Josh looked at me, puzzled. “What’s the rush? We could always play hooky, skip the afternoon classes and go do something fun instead.”

I shook my head. “Sorry, no can do. I actually care about studying and grades, you know.”

“Yeah, you said as much,” he replied. Then he smiled and continued: “Well, see ya, Emily.”

I hesitated, but then I smiled back. “See ya, Josh.”

With that, I took off at a sprint towards the school building.

Well, that was one less thing on my mind. One less thing I had to worry about. Josh and I were no longer going to fight, and that was that.

But still, we somehow needed to maintain the status quo. There was still Troy McPearson to worry about: he, of all people, couldn’t be allowed to suspect Josh and I had made up, otherwise he might do something unexpected and, maybe, dangerous. We still had to pretend we were enemies.

I thought Josh understood that.

That’s why, the next day, I was completely stunned when he showed up in my classroom after the lunch bell had rung and, with an awkward smile on his face, said: “Hi, Wilson, what do you say we go grab lunch?”

I felt my mouth fall open as I stared at him. I glanced around the classroom, and saw that all my classmates were looking at us, whispering among themselves. No doubt wondering what had happened, why we seemed to be on such good terms.

Oh, you idiot.

I sprung to my feet, seized Josh by the arm, muttered “Come with me for a sec,” and dragged him out of the room, through the school’s hallways, to a somewhat secluded spot, where I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pushed him against a wall.

“What the hell are you doing!” I hissed, my face inches from his.

He stared at me wide-eyed, a stunned deer-in-headlights look on his face that was actually a bit cute.

“What do you mean?” he asked. “I just wanted to eat with you. Thought it would be nice.”

I blinked. “Nice?”

“Yeah, just two friends eating together.” He tilted his head to the side. “Did I do something wrong? Something I shouldn’t have? I’m sorry.”

“That…” I said, and then stopped.

Having lunch with someone, for a change, did sound nice. I’d eaten on my own for my whole high school career, obviously because I was trying to uphold the persona I’d built up, that of a loner delinquent; I’d never had the chance to bond with someone over a meal, to banter about school and classes, to complain about homework. And, of course, I had no friends at school, which was something I missed compared to my junior high days.

And apparently, Josh considered us friends, despite us having been at odds for months, and having had exactly one civil discussion. Huh.

But still.

I took a deep breath, let go of his shirt, and took a step back.

“Listen,” I said. “I…” I gulped. “I appreciate the thought, really. But we can’t be seen together, not at school.”

He looked at me with a puzzled expression. “Why?” he asked.

“Because of Troy McPearson,” I said. “It’s basic game theory.”

“And what’s that?”

“It’s… Look, right now, in this school, as far as everyone knows, there are three people at the top of the hierarchy: you, me, and Troy. And we’re in a balance, we know where everyone stands, no one tries to act too aggressively towards the other.” I paused. “You with me so far?”

He nodded.

“Okay. So, if two of those people teamed up, what would the third one think?”

Josh’s face took on a pensive look. “They would… think they’re in danger? Of losing their position, since the other two together are obviously stronger than they are on their own?”

“Precisely,” I said. “If McPearson gets word that we’ve made peace with each other, he’ll likely try to do something about it. I don’t know what that something is, but I don’t wanna find out. I just wanna spend the rest of my junior year without having to worry about this stuff.”

“Yeah, okay,” Josh said, nodding. “And that is why we can’t be seen together at school.”

I smiled at him. “See? You get it.”

“Yeah,” he repeated, breathing out the word. “Still, it’s a shame.”

“What is?” I asked.

“Well… I was looking forward to doing something with you. I’ve never actually made any friends here at school in the few months I’ve been here,” he said. “It’s a bit lonely.”

For the second time in as many days, I looked at Josh with renewed understanding: he really was in the same situation as me.

And, after learning that we couldn’t hang out together, he looked really dejected; he looked like a puppy who’d just been denied a treat, sad and mopey. And it made me feel bad.

“Well, if we can’t be together at school, we can do something outside of school hours, right?”

The words had left my lips before I even realised what I was saying, and Josh perked up immediately: “Really?” he said, his face brightened by a really nice smile.

I gulped, but nodded. “Really. We can, I dunno, hang out or something. I’m free on Saturday, wanna meet up?”

His smile became even wider, and he enthusiastically nodded. “I’d love to!” he said.

“Okay. Then…” I began, but then I remembered something and I frowned. “No, hold on, I’d promised my sister I would drive her to the mall on Saturday.”

“Oh,” Josh said. “Sunday, then?”

I shook my head. “No, I study on Sunday.”

I looked at Josh: his expression had turned sad once more, and again, I felt really bad for him.

I sighed. “I can ask my sister if you can come with us to the mall,” I said. “But no promises.”

Josh visibly perked up.

“I’ll send her a message, she should be on her lunch break too,” I added, pulling out my cell phone from the pocket of my hoodie. “Give me your number, I’ll let you know what she says.”

“Okay,” Josh nodded; he told me his phone number, and I entered it into my phone.

“Alright then,” I said. “We should probably go our separate ways, before someone sees us.”

“Yeah, okay. See you on Saturday then?”

“Maybe,” I replied. “Bye, Woody.”

He smiled at the nickname, and quickly glanced around the hallway before whispering, “Bye, Emily.”

I smiled back, turned around and walked to the cafeteria; on the way there I shot Chloe a quick message: Hey, we still on for Saturday right? The mall.

My phone pinged thrice in quick succession as I picked up a tray and got in the (thankfully brief) line to get my food, but I waited until I was seated (alone, as always) to check what my sister had replied: I unlocked my phone with one hand and looked at it, while I manoeuvred my fork into spearing some broccoli with my other hand.

[13.10] Chloe: yeah sure

[13.10] Chloe: why

[13.10] Chloe: problem?

I quickly typed out a response and sent it off.

[13.14] Me: no no problem

[13.14] Me: just

[13.14] Me: question

[13.15] Me: mind if I bring a friend?

I locked my phone again and went back to eating, but I’d barely tasted my food when I was interrupted by a barrage of notifications; I checked the conversation, and saw that Chloe’s first reply was an image of a girl, looking shocked, with OMG written under it, and then, after that, she’d continued:

[13.16] Chloe: !!!!!!!

[13.16] Chloe: !!!

[13.16] Chloe: !

[13.16] Chloe: !!!!!

[13.16] Chloe: a friend! 😲

[13.16] Chloe: emily omg

[13.16] Chloe: a friend!!!!!!!

I sighed, put down my fork, and started replying in earnest.

[13.17] me: chloe

[13.17] Chloe: emily? 👼

[13.17] me: chloe stop

[13.17] me: a friend is no big deal

[13.18] Chloe: it is for you sis

[13.18] Chloe: you have like

[13.18] Chloe: zero

[13.18] Chloe: friends

I frowned down at my phone.

[13.18] me: rude

[13.19] Chloe: true tho

[13.19] me: …

[13.19] me: 😤

[13.19] Chloe: omg I’m so happy

[13.19] Chloe: my big sister is making friends!!!

Despite everything, I couldn’t help but smile: I loved my sister very much, and to see her so excited that I had made a friend made me happy in turn.

[13.19] Chloe: but yeah, no

[13.20] Chloe: no problem at all

[13.20] me: ok great

[13.20] Chloe: um

[13.20] Chloe: uh

[13.20] Chloe: question

[13.20] me: yes?

[13.21] Chloe: do they know?

There was no need to ask what she meant, so I just answered the question.

[13.21] me: yeah

[13.21] me: he knows

[13.21] Chloe: …

[13.21] Chloe: oh

[13.21] Chloe: I see.

[13.22] me: what

[13.22] me: ?

[13.22] me: what do you see?

[13.22] Chloe: he

[13.22] me: ?

[13.22] Chloe: you said he

[13.23] Chloe: he means boy

[13.23] Chloe: hmmmm

[13.23] me: chloe

[13.23] Chloe: 🤔

[13.23] Chloe: boy

[13.23] Chloe: friend

[13.23] Chloe: …

[13.24] Chloe: ………

[13.24] me: CHLOE

[13.24] Chloe: …boyfriend? 👀

[13.24] me: NO

[13.24] me: NO NO NO

[13.25] Chloe: huh

[13.25] me: he is NOT my boyfriend

[13.25] me: no way in hell

[13.25] me: no

[13.25] Chloe: okay okay

[13.25] Chloe: sorry

[13.25] me: …

[13.26] me: apology accepted

[13.26] Chloe: good

[13.26] Chloe: a thing tho

[13.26] me: what?

[13.27] Chloe: my sister doth protest too much

[13.27] me: CHLOE

[13.27] Chloe: whoops look at the time gotta go

[13.27] Chloe: 😘

I turned off my phone’s screen with a groan of frustration, and resumed eating my lunch – which had gone cold by then; a couple minutes later the bell rang, signalling the end of lunch period, and I quickly finished my food and made my way back to my classroom for the free study period we always had right after lunch.

While I walked, I kept thinking about the chat I had with my sister, and I was determined to make her pay once I got home. How dare she suggest Josh was my boyfriend?

There was absolutely no way.