12 – Past and Future
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Back at our home, I had to tell Ailine something I was delaying. "Ailine, I need to let you know about what we will encounter on the fourth floor. If after hearing about it you want to stay behind, I'm completely alright with that and understand. I think it may even be better for you to stay behind."

She tilts her head slightly with a questioning look. "Alright?"

After letting out a breath, I begin. "On the fourth floor are lesser trolls. And the format of the floor, Navi calls it 'extermination.' There's a village that the trolls are guarding that we have to assault and wipe out. There are patrols around the village and guards at the entrance."

"That sounds pretty straightforward," she says.

"Yes, but the problem is with the inside. The dungeon created the monsters to be as lifelike as possible and mimic people. There are women and children that are running around and going about their business in the village. They are all lesser trolls, but they seem nearly identical to people.

"Navi says that for us to progress, we need to exterminate the village. That includes all of the non-combatant trolls. You mentioned once that you came from a village. I don't know anything about your past there, but I just want you to know that you don't have to join me on this floor. It would probably be better for you to skip it. I'm not even sure how well I'll handle this one."

I had clenched my fists unconsciously while talking, and now just waited for Ailine to take in what I'd just said. I had wanted to warn her about this for a reason. If she was from a village, the three most likely ways I saw for her to get in the state she was in when I found her were being convicted, sold, or kidnapped. I don't know the circumstances that led her to me—and I'll never pry. That's for her to talk about on her own time if she ever wants to—but when she's never talked about wanting to go back to her village, there had to have been something that happened. Either with, or to, the people there, since I don't feel like it's because she became a vampire.

If killing non-combatants, even if they're still dungeon monsters, would be too difficult for her, I would completely understand.

After almost a minute of silence, Ailine stares me in the eyes before forming a small smile. "You're a good person, Lia. If this is what we need to do to become stronger, then I'll be next to you through it. Thank you for worrying about me. I'll be alright. This is something we need to do to reach our goals, right?"

My heart eased slightly at her conviction. That's right. No matter what happened, this young woman in front of me had survived it all. Survived what must have been a worse hell than I could ever imagine. And she was still alive. Choosing to fight.

I blew out a breath I didn't know I was holding. "You're a wonderful person, Ailine. I won't question your determination. But if at any time it's too much, tell me and we'll leave the floor."

She kept her smile but her eyes looked sad for some reason. With it decided, we both went to sleep, keeping each other close.

Once we awoke, we got down to business after our morning routine. In the dirt, I drew out a rough sketch of the village and explained everything I saw. We spent some time deciding on a plan of attack and how best to utilize both of our skills. The plan we came up with needed us to both have increased stealth skills as well as a different type of arrow, and the materials for that.

We spent the next three days stalking and assassinating goblins, as well as gathering what Ailine needed to make her arrows. I also grabbed some things to make something just to be sure our plan worked.

When we were finally ready, we went to the fourth floor. The robe she made from the tent and my original one were over our armor. We prepared as much as we could for what's to come. 

After arriving, I said, "Alright, Ailine, I want to check one last time. You don't have to do this, and can stay back if you need."

"Thank you, Lia, but this is my decision. It may become hard, but I'll be here with you."

There was nothing else I could say to that. "Then just like we talked about, I'll go right and you go left. Once we get rid of all the patrols, we'll move on."

"Of course, Lia."

After we split, I crept around and silently killed the multiple patrols from my side and met up with Ailine at the back of the village. 

Close to the village, we only used telepathy. (Any issues, Ailine?)

(None. Should I get into position?) she said.

(Yes, take one of their torches and I'll let you know when to begin.)

(Be safe, Lia.)

With that, she went off to find cover towards the front of the village, and about fifty meters from the wall.

Meanwhile, I went up to the wall. With a toss, I looped one of my leather ropes around the top of a post before climbing. Straddling the top of it, I threw the loose end of the rope down, and rappelled into the village.

I didn't think we had a lot of time before the guards at the entrance noticed there weren't any patrols, so this needed to be quick. Keeping hidden in the shadows of the buildings, I glanced around the open plaza. My job now was to quietly kill as many trolls with weapons as I could.

Finding one looking out over the open area by the building next to me, I crept behind the building, got in place and silently cut its throat. After striking, I quickly dragged the body into the shadows.

I was able to kill three more trolls like this. One time I had to toss a small rock to get a bastard to turn and take a couple steps into the dark to see what hit it.

Then I got the mental communication from Ailine. (Guards are restless.)

(Okay. Start your part when they all leave.)

I took out four special torches I made, went back along the wall behind the buildings, and lit them with magic. To draw the remaining guards, we needed a big disturbance. To that end, I made torches wrapped in goblin cloth and soaked in resin. When on fire, they have a large flame and are perfect for the task.

Sneaking to the four closest buildings, I tossed the torches on the thatch roofs. The fire would take some seconds to pick up, so I went to the shadows a couple buildings away and waited.

Once the fires got started, the entire roofs went up in flames. Trolls started screaming and hollering. This drew the attention of all the guards, including the guards at the entrance. After a dozen seconds of this, I saw small red streaks hit other buildings by the entrance.

We wanted to split the trolls and pick off as many as we could while chaos was happening. To do that, once the entrance guards were gone, Ailine took her new arrows with the front portion flaming from cloth resin, and fired them on more buildings.

With more buildings going up in flames, all Hell broke loose. Trolls were running around, screaming and crying. With buildings on fire at both ends of the village, Ailine was in place to shoot at any trolls that tried to leave the entrance. With her part done, I began my next job. 

Still staying in the shadows when I could, falchion and dagger in hand, I began killing trolls. A stab here, a swipe there, the spear wielders that lashed out I would hit with magic and finish off with steel. 

Ailine was firing arrows from outside the entrance, hitting some trolls and drawing the attention of some of the guards. The fires and screaming civilians coupled with the internal and external assault and just added to the mayhem.

We worked for a while like this. Because the surprise attack of the village kept the trolls from forming a dedicated counterattack, we were able to kill all of the remaining guards and any trolls that fought, along with some non-combatants that came in front of us as we worked.

Once that was done, we would begin the part I was dreading. 

(You really don't have to come for this part, Ailine. I can finish this up by myself.)

(No. I want to be there with you for this.)

With a small sigh, we met up at the entrance to begin the extermination of the remaining villagers. I knew even if I told her not to, she would still come.

Shouldering her bow, we both had sword and dagger in hand and began going from building to building. My stomach rolled and my heart hurt as I worked on my grim task.

(I seriously hate this fucking shit, Navi.)

(I know, Lia. You're almost done with this floor.)

I can only shake my head as I turn my back on the now bisected, two feet tall troll that was curled in a corner.

It felt like an eternity. Going from house to house, hearing screams, and watching trolls shed tears holding each other. What the fuck is with this dungeon floor? This is much harder on a mental level than it is on a physical. Ailine and I both leveled up during this time, but neither of us cared.

I've never felt more dirty or more disgusting than this. Even knowing in my head that they're dungeon monsters that'll melt away after this, and that they are only imitating people, it didn't help.

With another stab of my dagger, a small troll fell next to the larger one that was holding it a moment ago. Then I finally saw them melt away. At the same time, all of the trolls in the village dissolved. We're finally done with this fucking part.

(Ailine… Let's meet up in the square.) Even my mental voice sounded drained.

(...Yes...)

When I finally saw Ailine, we started walking towards each other. Her face was still set in stone, but from the dust and bits of soot now on us, I saw tear tracks down her cheeks. 

Without a word, I dropped my weapons, took hurried steps over to her, and pulled her to me. She froze for a moment, then dropped her own weapons and clasped her arms around me.

Neither of us said anything as we just stood there embracing one another. Silent tears falling from her eyes.

After a few minutes, we finally broke apart. We each took a leather rucksack and began going house to house, picking up the drops and cores. This time, we both stayed together. We didn't need to say it out loud, but neither of us wanted to split apart right now.

The drops this time were fitting. Along with some weapons, a couple metal buckler shields, and a wooden round shield from guards, we got much different things from non-combatants.

Bolts of cotton cloth. Dyes. Needle and thread. Small stuffed monsters. Cups and bowls. Spoons, pots, and knives. Hammers, nails, and saws. Brooms and hoes. Baskets and bags.

There were so many non-combatants that what we ended up with was significant. We'd gathered everything in a pile, and placed as much as we could in storage, leaving just our rucksacks filled with items. 

Walking up to the now unlocked wooden boss door, I have my dagger and falchion, and Ailine had her shortbow. We pushed it open to see a large living room with the iron door in the back. 

Setting down our bags and readying our weapons, we took a look at the boss in front of us. 

Troll - level 12

Six feet tall, muscular, blue/green skin, with tusks and long ears. Wearing pants and a tunic, it wielded two large woodcutting axes. 

With a roar, it charged at us. Not wasting any time, Ailine shot an arrow at its chest; It didn't penetrate more than an inch. This fucker was tough. 

Moving to attack with my sword and dagger, I was forced to just keep dodging. With large swings but faster than I thought it could, it swiped with one axe and chopped down with the other. 

There was no way in hell I could parry one of those. My armor would be useless as well. Even the shields we just got would be useless, and my spear is too short to give me any advantage.

With Ailine still trying to keep up her shots, I kept stabbing and slashing at its arms when it left an opening. It's skin was incredibly tough and I only left minor cuts.

Needing to get some distance, I shot a fireball at its face, forcing it back while it swung wildly. That still didn't damage the fucker much. I couldn't even get a hit on its ankles with its damn boots on.

Resolving myself to how I always fucking end up with bosses, I call out telepathically, (Ailine! Keep firing. I'm going to go around and jump on its back. When it tries to get me off, run up to it with your dagger.)

(Be careful.) Unease could be heard in her reply.

With that, Ailine did as I asked and kept firing arrows at the fucker. Meanwhile, I wonder why I keep having to jump onto the backs of fucking boss monsters. This is not a reoccurring thing I want to happen.

Dodging more swipes, I circled around to the opposite side of the room. As soon as the troll looked towards Ailine, I hopped and latched a forearm around the bastards neck.

Immediately, my face was in pain. The troll dropped one of his axes to punch me in the face and tried to grab me. 

Taking his focus off of Ailine, she ran up and plunged a dagger into its eye, and received a kick, throwing her back for her trouble. As the troll roared, it dropped its other axe to grab at my arms and peel me off. However, it was noticeably weakening. 

After only a few more seconds, it dropped to its knees and finally fell back on top of me. Letting go, and pulling myself from under it, I stabbed its other eye just to make sure it was fucking dead. Ailine came over and we both bit down on the sides of its neck, taking our reward.

After we finished our meal and I channeled healing magic into my face and arms, and Ailine's bruised torso, the boss dissolved. In its place was the core and one of its large axes. 

"You ready to leave this fucking floor, Ailine?"

"Definitely, Lia." From her voice, she was as drained mentally and physically as I was.

(Yay! Teamwork makes the dream work!)

"Not now, Navi,"—I shake my head—"not now."

We picked up our bags and the axe and left for our home. We didn't need to check with each other to know that we weren't doing anything else tonight. Both of us had to clear our minds.

After taking our armor off and sitting for a few minutes, we used cleaning magic and laid down. Neither of us were able to go to sleep after an hour.

Ailine hesitantly broke the silence. "Um... Lia?"

"What's up, Ailine?"

"Could… Could I tell you about my past?"

I was struck by the suddenness of her request. "Of course you can. But why so suddenly?"

After a moment of thinking, she responded. "That floor made me remember a lot of things… And I want to talk to someone about them. I want to tell you about them. That way, you know about them, and about me."

I look to my side at Ailine. Making eye contact and hoping she knew how serious I was taking her opening up to me. "I would be honored to hear your story, Ailine."

She gave me a weak smile before starting. "I was born in a small village—" Like this, I spent the next couple hours just listening to Ailine as she laid on my arm, holding me like she normally does.

She seemed to tell me everything about her past. How her dad taught her how to use a bow. Just how cute her brother was when he was born. The time she spent playing with her friends. About their village being attacked. What happened to her family. The things the fucking church bastards did. Finally, how she ended up being found by me.

I had tears coming down as she told me her story. My arms wrapped around her as we laid there. Hoping beyond hope that I can give this woman some small relief. Navi didn't make any comments during her story, but I'm certain of how furious the AI is.

After she was done with the part about me finding her, she had tears as well. Holding her against my chest, we cried. No words were exchanged. We simply embraced each other and let tears flow endlessly. 

I hated, and was angry, at so many things. At the long dead bandits. At the fucking piece of shit church bastards. However, I was also angry at myself. I had just made this girl with such deep wounds, burn down a village. Just like hers was.

It didn't fucking matter if it was a fake village. Emotions and feelings aren't always based on logical thought. I had opened an old wound on this woman's heart. Tore it open and shoved a knife in it.

I was selfish. I knew this wouldn't be a good floor for her. That it would've been better for her to skip it. I wanted her help. For this floor to be easier. To have someone to share the burden with. In the end, my decision not to force her to stay hurt her.

I lean back a little and press my forehead to hers with the cathartic tears still falling. "I'm so sorry, Ailine. I... you should have stayed… and I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Ailine... I'm sorry for putting you through that… I'm so sorry, Ailine…"

"Lia…" Ailine pulled slightly away from me and looked into my eyes. 

Then she quickly moved her face forward and kissed me deeply.

"!!!"

After a few seconds of her tongue darting in my mouth as I lay there frozen, she ended the kiss and buried her face back into my shoulder.

"Don't leave me behind, Lia… Please… Let me stay with you. Let me protect you… I can become stronger. We can grow together… Then, when we are strong, we can kill them. We can kill everyone you want. You're a good person, Lia. And I love you. I fell in love with you and want to be with you. So, let me kill them for you, and we'll stay together. Just me and you. My precious Lia…"

Then she closed her eyes, face still buried below my shoulder, arms and legs wrapping around me. After a short while, her breathing evened out.

I just laid there. I couldn't sleep, but for different reasons, now. My mind was a mess and I didn't know what to think about anything. Many questions were flying through my head. Why did she just kiss me? And she said she loved me. Her willingness to kill for me. I just don't know what to think about anything right now.

So I ask Navi privately. (Navi… What the fuck happened?)

(Honestly, I want to make a joke about you getting a yandere-ish girlfriend, but it's obvious that Ailine has some serious mental issues she needs support with.)

Desperate for a right answer, I ask the only other consciousness I know in this world, (What the hell am I supposed to do? What can I do?)

(Accept her feelings, push her away, keep things as is, I don't think there's an easy answer. Here in Erald there's no such thing as psychologists or therapists in the Empire. Humans live, and humans die. If someone has an issue, they either deal with it or they don't.)

Then there isn't a truly right answer. (Then what are obviously the wrong choices to avoid? I want to help her in some way, I just don't know how. I do know that I definitely don't want to hurt her any more.)

(Well, Lia, the worst thing you could do to her right now is abandon her. I mean, the girl doesn't have anywhere to go and doesn't know anyone else.

(As far as accepting her obvious feelings? That would be up to you. After years of hell, you're the first person to show her kindness. With her weakened mental state, It's not hard to imagine that she would become attached. I mean, PTSD can make some people clingy. Everyone deals with their demons in their own way. Plus, it's not like either of you are going to meet any other people anytime soon. If you do, it's either going to be bandits or people like her.

(As for all of her other issues, not much you can probably do there, Champ. You're no therapist, nor will you find one. You're going to be killing people. No avoiding that for you or anyone with you.)

Those are good points. But what should I do to help and not hurt? Laying there, gently stroking her head, I thought about my old life. About being in the fucking hospital. Many people in my old life treated me like I was made of glass, and it pissed me off. I was sick, not an eggshell. I know I looked like crap, don't fucking lie and say 'you are looking good!' Ask me how I'm feeling while I'm hooked up to tubes? You fucking serious? How the fuck do you think I'm feeling you jackass?

Overall, I still wanted to be treated as a person. In thinking about the relationship Ailine and I have, I've never thought about her sexually. Yes, I was a man before, but it's not like my dick controlled my life.

This girl was someone I wanted to help. Then we began training and clearing floors. I guess I really haven't had any downtime to actually look at her. She certainly is a beautiful young woman. Additionally, we'll probably only have each other for a few years as we get stronger and move towards the goal.

In addition, we're both immortal now. Unless we decide to turn someone else, we'll be the only vampires. Would I enjoy being in a relationship with her? I don't know. What the fuck would be different about our current relationship besides being physical with each other? It's not like we can go on dates or watch a movie. 'Hey Ailine, I got you a gift! It's a fresh goblin corpse!' Yeah, that's just stupid. All we have is the dungeon and the time we spend together.

Would getting into a physical relationship hurt her then? Would it be the right thing to do? Would a physical relationship that she wants on her own terms and own speed help her?

Do I want that type of relationship? I haven't even touched myself since I got this new body. Sex has just never been up there on my list of priorities since I have my damn obsessive, yet scatterbrained, one track mind. As contradictory as it is.

Thinking about it, I probably have my own set of mental issues to work out from before I came here. Doctors tried to get me to see someone for help for a while, but I always refused. I'm not even sure of my reason for it now.

Slowing down a bit and comforting each other might not be a bad thing for either of us. If anything, it would be a nice stress reliever or way to wind down. Also, I have no right to ask if she's ready for something or not. She survived hell, and if she feels ready to do, or not do, something, then that's completely up to her. 

Even thinking more about this dungeon run. Did I have the right to force her to stay, just because I knew it would be better for her? Where's the line for when, 'this is for your own good,' does more harm than what they're being protected from? Sitting in solitary confinement in a straight jacket is the safest place one can be, but that's no way to live. She's still a person and deserves to make her own choices. Even if they might hurt her. Is this just me justifying my choice to allow her to come? I just don't know.

Her body is her own and I'll never force her, or ask her, to do anything she isn't comfortable with. But I also won't constantly second guess if she says she's ready. Saying shit like, 'are you sure,' over and over. That's just spitting in the face of her conviction.

Then...I guess a relationship wouldn't be a terrible thing to explore.

As far as her mental health, as much as I want to put her pieces back together, that's just me having a fucking hero complex. I'm not naïve enough to think I can fix everything in this damn world. Or that I always know what's right. Sometimes, there are only wrong decisions and bad choices.

About all I can do for her is to be there for her. Listen to her without judging her. Let her know I'm here, and not push her. To give her time. If there's one thing two immortal people have, it's time. 

Looking at the beautiful young woman sleeping peacefully in my arms, I gently move her bangs and look down at her face. I never expected any of this to happen. I never really thought I was lonely before, but after these days with just the two of us and a mind worm, I don't want to lose this woman who found her way to me.

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