The next day, Elegy offered his apology to Cockroach, explaining that Reggie had educated him and that he now had a better understanding of transgender people. Cockroach accepted the apology with a good-natured laugh and said there was no need to dwell on it. To Elegy’s surprise, Madeline also apologized, saying she should have allowed Cockroach to explain instead of jumping in as she had.

Over the course of the next several days, the group fell into a routine. Fella and Cockroach arrived early and spent the day repairing the center chamber, often having hours-long conversations about why some part or another was refusing to work correctly. Cockroach initially insisted that she would be able to repair at least three of the chambers, and possibly more in the unlikely event that she could find certain replacement parts. However, as the days went by, that estimate lowered to two and eventually, when asked, she replied “Let’s just focus on the one for now.”

Elegy, Madeline, and Reggie had little to do during this time. They explored the city a little, shopping occasionally, and sampling the different restaurants. At Fella’s suggestion, they even visited a theater showing modern films. They watched an action movie about a renegade cop fighting a drug ring, which Elegy and Madeline found quite confusing. On Lasstop, peace was maintained by Arvakr security. Reggie had to explain what a police force was, which in turn required an explanation of how governments operated on other planets. Lasstop had a set of laws written by the Benefactors and an Arvakr-funded court system to handle legal disputes; however, there was no prison system. Instead, those found to have broken the law were required to repay anyone they had damaged with money or labor. The idea that criminals were locked up together in a building was horrifying to Elegy, though Reggie was equally horrified to learn that Lasstopian criminals were forced to perform unpaid labor even for small crimes.

As the days passed, Elegy couldn’t stop thinking about his conversation with Reggie about the bio-engineering chamber. He kept imagining the view from inside the chamber as the door closed, sealing him inside. He pictured closing his eyes, experiencing a brief moment of broken consciousness, and opening them again. He would step out of the chamber on unsteady legs, look in a mirror and discover that he suddenly resembled Epic or Sonnet. He tried to imagine running his hands across such a body, and how it would feel. What walking would be like with hips and breasts like theirs. What their clothes would feel like around him.

It was an exciting thought. Elegy couldn’t imagine it evoking the discomfort Reggie had described. In fact, it sounded far better than having Reggie’s height or Ode’s broad shoulders, which made Elegy shudder when he tried to imagine it.

All of these thoughts seemed to be pointing to a particular conclusion. That, like Cockroach, he was transgender and would be happier as a woman. However, he worried he was reaching that conclusion too easily. It seemed like this was the sort of thing he should contemplate for years before finding the answer. If he just walked up to the others and asked to use the bio-engineering chamber once it was completed, wouldn’t they think he was being frivolous? Wouldn’t that be an insult to Cockroach and everything she had been through? And what about Ode, Epic, and Sonnet? Wouldn’t they look at him in horror and disgust if he did something like that? Even if he would be happier as a woman, the idea of being seen as a monster by his own family was unacceptable, even if it was already unlikely that he would ever see them again.

He wished he could just become a woman without anyone noticing. He imagined sneaking into the bio-engineering chamber and changing himself in secret then, essentially, disguising himself as himself so that no one would notice. However, this didn’t sound satisfying. If he was going to be a woman, he wanted people to see him as a woman, too. If only the bio-engineering chamber could change his past, too, and make it so that he had always been a woman. Then Cockroach would not know that he was shallowly imitating her, and the other Surveyors would not reject him.

However, thinking of himself as a man was automatic. Even when he wasn’t pondering this new discovery, he automatically sorted himself with Reggie, and automatically sorted Cockroach with Madeline. When he thought of himself in the third person, he was always “he.” He wondered if, at some point, he would have to start thinking of himself as “she.”

Eventually, Cockroach assembled everyone in the clinic to present a reassembled bio-engineering chamber complete with glowing lights and an active console. Fella was sitting at the chamber’s built-in console, reading something on its screen.

“Self-diagnostic checks out,” she said. “Just ran a test cycle and everything is operational, aside from a few missing chemicals, which we can buy easily. I’m still not feeling completely confident about actually putting someone in there, though.”

“Could you test an animal first?” Madeline asked.

Reggie shook his head. “It’s not designed for it. There’s a different kind for animals.”

“But if the software is the same, surely—” Cockroach began.

“It’s less about whether it will work than whether we can operate it,” Fella interrupted. She navigated through a series of menus on the screen, passing through them too quickly for Elegy to follow. “There are some shortcuts, and a great deal of it is automated based on a scan of the patient, but this is still designed to be operated by an expert.”

“So?” Cockroach asked, leaning close to look at the screen. “I said we were going to find a doctor.”

“A modern doctor isn’t going to know how to operate this,” Fella explained.

There was a moment of silence.

When she spoke, there was a note of desperation in Cockroach’s voice. “There has to be something we can do. We put in all this work getting it running.”

“I don’t want to submerge you in fuel based on the words of a couple of strangers,” Fella insisted. “This system might be full of failsafes and automation, but we don’t know what it’s assuming we’ve already taken into account. How will it react to your implant? I don’t want to risk losing you.”

“Fella, I need this,” Cockroach said quietly. “I know there’s a risk, and I want to take as many precautions as we can, but I’m not letting an opportunity like this pass me by.”

Fella gave a worried frown. “I suppose we can put you in, perform the preliminary scans, and let the doctor determine whether it’s safe to proceed.”

Cockroach grinned. “I know just the person to ask. I’ll go talk to her tomorrow, while you meet with a broker to sell it.”

Fella’s eyes widened momentarily in a look of excited surprise. “I’d be happy to.”

“Oh, shit,” Cockroach said with a chuckle. “I got excited and didn’t mean to phrase it like that. Ah, well. It’s fine.”

“If anyone wants to come with me, we can get the chemicals tomorrow, as well,” Fella said, turning to the others.

“I’m going to stop by Mike’s and see if he has any of the parts we need to repair the next one, so I could use an extra pair of hands, too,” Cockroach added. “Madeline, you seem like the most competent. Want to come with me while Fella babysits the guys?”

Elegy felt a twist in his stomach at being grouped with “the guys,” even if it placed him in the more-than-welcome company of Reggie.

“Of course,” Fella said with a nod.

The next day, Madeline found herself following Cockroach through the streets not far from her workshop. Together, they passed underneath a thin bridge into an area where the buildings weren’t packed quite so tightly. This area was mostly houses, though it was often difficult to determine whether a given house was abandoned or occupied. There was also the occasional large apartment building. It was the sort of neighborhood that seemed to be trying to convince itself it wasn’t poor.

As they walked, Madeline carefully considered how to bring up a subject she wanted to discuss.

“So, I’ve never met anyone like Fella before,” she said finally.

“You wanna know if I fuck her,” Cockroach replied without looking.

Madeline let out a small sigh. Of course Cockroach was astute enough to guess what Madeline was trying to pry out and blunt enough to state her question for her. “Reggie told me about gynoids.”

“I don’t, for the record,” Cockroach said. “She’s just—a friend? A semi-romantic life partner? I don’t really know what we are. But we don’t have sex. I have too much power over her. It wouldn’t be right.”

Madeline considered that for a moment.

Cockroach gave voice to her thoughts. “You’re probably about to say that that’s just my way of making myself feel better. I’m still exploiting a sapient being because she’s made to want to be what I want her to be.”

Madeline stared at Cockroach, surprised.

The mechanic smirked in return. “I’ve had this conversation with myself a thousand times.” She halted suddenly. “Come on, let’s talk this out.” She gestured to the curb, then sat there herself, resting her elbows on her knees.

Madeline sat down next to her.

“So let’s make this clear to start with,” Cockroach began. “I don’t need to justify my choices with you, and I’m not looking for you to absolve me of my guilt. But obviously you ain’t comfortable with the situation, and we’re working together, so I want to clear the air.”

“I just don’t know if it’s possible to have a non-exploitative relationship with someone who is made to be what you want,” Madeline said.

Cockroach nodded. “I worry about that, too. But to be clear, she’s not made to be what I want her to be. At her core, if I understand correctly, she exists to follow instructions. Whoever programmed her basic protocols did a shitty job, by the way. She would follow instructions from anyone. It took a bit of effort—we had to figure out how she prioritizes instructions—but I got her so that she only follows instructions from me.”

“Then why not make it so that she doesn’t have to follow anyone’s instructions at all?”

“Because resolving instructions from others brings her more fulfillment than anything else,” Cockroach explained. “She would be sad if I told her to stop and I don’t want to make her sad. It’s not all about what makes me most comfortable. So I give her a few instructions every day, just simple things she’s okay with doing. I try to tell her she can delete instructions if she doesn’t want to follow them, but it’s more complicated than that.”

Madeline stared down at the concrete, examining its rough surface as she considered this. “But doesn’t that mean that everything she does is designed to imitate what you want her to be? To make you comfortable with giving her instructions?”

She looked back up at Cockroach who had a very serious look on her face.

“Maybe,” Cockroach replied. “The way I see it, the worst case scenario is that I’ve trauma-bonded with a sex doll and she’s nothing more than a reflection of my own ego. But the best case scenario is that she’s a very vulnerable person and I want to do my best to ensure that she gets to be a person. This ain’t me patting myself on the back for being some hero to her. This is me constantly doubting myself, constantly worrying that I’m denying her the autonomy she deserves.”

Cockroach looked into Madeline’s eyes. “So I guess my question is, what do you think I should have done when I found her? Should I have abandoned her and left her in isolation far from any humans? Should I have shut her down and ended her life? Or let her loose on Ambrosia with no guidance to become some random person’s toy? Or told her I would no longer give her instructions and watch her fall into despair?”

Cockroach stared at Madeline and Madeline stared back. She had no answer.

“There’s something there,” Cockroach insisted. “She has her own friends, people she met on her own, who I barely even know. She likes shitty angst music—she liked it before I even met her. It makes her feel something because she gets feelings from places other than the motivation to follow instructions.”

Madeline tried to imagine what she would do in the same situation. She had previously assumed that Cockroach had purchased or built Fella, but finding her changed things, if only slightly. It was clear that Cockroach had struggled with the choices she had made regarding Fella and while Madeline wasn’t sure if she had made the right ones, she couldn’t imagine an arrangement that she could be certain would be better for Fella.

She smiled, trying to relieve the tension. “Alright, I guess I’m satisfied that you aren’t an abusive creep.”

Cockroach smiled brightly. “Good to know. Any other questions?”

“Yeah, actually. Why do you call yourself Cockroach?”

Cockroach let out a soft chuckle, grateful for the change of subject. “I earned it more than a decade ago, when I was working as a mechanic for a racing team. We all had self-deprecating nicknames like that. Cockroach has a double meaning. The first comes from the fact that I had a reputation for being able to move very quickly through the narrow service pathways to perform on-the-fly repairs. So they called me Cockroach because I was always crawling around in the walls.”

“What’s the other meaning?”

Cockroach rubbed her neck. Was she nervous? “So these were a bunch of guys, you know? And they saw me as one of them. We were all close friends, so we would brag every time we had sex. Most of them had fairly typical habits, which is to say they didn’t have a lot of respect for the women they slept with and seemed to relish in degrading them.”

“Gross,” Madeline muttered.

“Yeah. I kind of hate them all, now. Anyway, I was the odd one out both because of my attitudes towards women and my sexual tastes, but I wanted to be part of the fun so I tried to join in anyway.”

“Did they bully you?” It was hard to imagine Cockroach being bullied, but Madeline imagined she had been more vulnerable before transitioning.

Cockroach shook her head. “Nah. I mean, sure, they thought it was hilarious that I like being beat up by women, but I was still a guy having sex with women, so my habits fit what they considered acceptable and they cheered me on and let me think they were my friends.”

Until she had stopped being a guy, Madeline guessed.

“But what does any of that have to do with the name ‘Cockroach?’”

“Because cockroaches are always being stepped on.”

Madeline let out a laugh. “Okay, that’s clever.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Now that she had proper clothes, the cool breeze felt nice. Ambrosia seemed to have more cloudy days than Lasstop and Madeline found she was grateful for it.

“Shall we get going?” Madeline asked finally.

“We’re already here,” Cockroach said, gesturing behind her with a thumb.

Madeline turned around to see a house with faded green paint. Like the others in the neighborhood, it had a small, weed-filled lawn despite its small size. Lawns and gardens were usually the domain of the rich on Lasstop, so to Madeline it appeared like a rather pathetic attempt to imitate wealth, an effort to make a house look like a tiny mansion. Even on another planet, the sight conveyed a couple of things to Madeline. This doctor did not work out of a clinic, which meant that they were likely unlicensed. Madeline wondered how Fella would feel about this choice.

Cockroach led Madeline to the door, which had a sign instructing visitors to enter and wait in the living room. Inside, Madeline was instantly struck with the smell of powerful antiseptic. At least whoever this was made an effort to be hygienic. The living room looked normal enough, with an ordinary couch and coffee table. It was clean, though there were some concerning stains on the rug and part of the couch. Both of the doors were closed.

Before they could sit down, one of the doors opened to admit a middle-aged woman dressed in scrubs. Her grey-streaked hair was in a ponytail and she examined her visitors with a natural squint.

“Tiffany,” she greeted, with a nod. “You haven’t brought me another pregnant girl, have you?”

Cockroach looked confused for a moment. “Oh, her? No, this is Madeline. She’s a client of mine.”

The doctor nodded to Madeline. “Nice to meet you. I’m Annabelle Wisteria.”

“Nice to meet you, too,” Madeline replied.

“The reason we’re here,” Cockroach explained, “is that Madeline and her friends are in possession of a working bio-engineering chamber.”

Dr. Wisteria looked at Cockroach appraisingly. “Is that so?”

Cockroach’s smirk fell away. “I thought you’d be more impressed by that.”

“I don’t get impressed until I have confirmation,” the doctor said tersely. “Besides, unless you’re planning to give it to me, or you think you can reverse engineer it, it doesn’t make much difference.”

“I’m planning to sell it, actually,” Cockroach said nervously.

Dr. Wisteria turned to examine a bookshelf. “That’ll be nice for the person who buys it.”

“We have others,” Madeline cut in. “Cockroach thinks she can get them operational. The only reason we’re selling the first one is because we need the funding for something important.”

Dr. Wisteria shrugged. “Whatever reason you have to sell it is none of my business. What I want to know is why you’re visiting me now. I can’t imagine you’re here to give me a broken machine.”

“We were hoping to hire you for the same job my new clients hired me for,” Cockroach explained.

Dr. Wisteria selected a book, opening it and staring at a random page, making an obvious show of her indifference. “And the reason you brought up the bio-engineering chamber is because you thought the opportunity to examine it would entice me into taking the job.”

Cockroach held up her hands. “Hey, come on, Annabelle. Why do you always have to assume I’m trying to manipulate you? I really thought you’d be excited to hear about it.”

“Because you’re the dangerous sort of person who is always convinced of her own moral correctness, even when she’s acting selfishly. What exactly does this job entail?”

Madeline could see the discomfort on Cockroach’s face. She had completely lost her footing in a conversation that was not going as planned. “It’s a Queen run.”

Dr. Wisteria turned to look at her sharply. “You see? You want me to make modifications to your body, and you’re willing to drag me across the galaxy to justify it.”

“It’s not just that.” Cockroach spared an uncertain glance to Madeline. “I need to verify something about these clients before I go up with them. They’re telling me some big stories and even though they’ve got evidence to back some of it up, I haven’t been able to confirm the biggest part.”

“You still think Reggie is lying?” Madeline asked.

“Being in stasis for a thousand years is one thing,” Cockroach replied. “Killing the Queen is a whole other level of unbelievable.”

Madeline stared at Cockroach. Had she been naive? It hadn’t occurred to her to question whether Reggie was lying or deluded about his plan to kill the Queen. After all, to her it seemed just as likely as a person living for a thousand years. Once one had been confirmed, there had been no reason to question the other. And Reggie had been nothing but forthcoming about the lies of the Benefactors. However, she couldn’t deny that Cockroach had a point. They had no proof of that particular element of Reggie’s story.

Dr. Wisteria raised an eyebrow. “Honestly, Tiffany, you’ve always had big ideas about how much you can do to help people, but you’ve really let yourself be talked into some quixotic Queen attack?”

“Look, I didn’t believe a word of what they told me at first, but I was ready to do the run because I get paid either way,” Cockroach explained. “However, the more I think about it, the more I realize I want to know what I’m getting into. If this Reggie is full of shit, then it’s no big deal. We’ll go to the Queen, nothing will happen, and we’ll come home a little richer. But if he really has some mysterious extra gland, I’d like to know what it’s going to do when we get there.”

“So you want me to scan him with the bio-engineering chamber and find out,” Dr. Wisteria concluded.

“And travel with us in case that gland does something that hurts any of us,” Cockroach added.

Dr. Wisteria examined her book again. “It’s a difficult decision. I have patients here to take care of. We would be gone for what? A week? A month? Do we even know where the Queen is located?”

Was the Queen’s location not something available to people outside of Lasstop? Madeline had imagined that everyone had access to the same information as the Benefactors. But Cockroach had had no idea where Arvakr mined Astral Dew. She hadn’t even known that Lasstop existed. Could the Queen’s location also be a closely-guarded secret?

“I have a couple of possible leads,” Cockroach said.

“I’ll be taking a big risk, too,” Dr. Wisteria continued. “Owning a bio-engineering chamber would make me a target for thieves. And you can’t even guarantee me one as compensation.”

Cockroach furrowed her brow. “Wait, who said I was giving you one of them?”

Dr. Wisteria shot another sharp look at Cockroach. “Of course you are. I know you haven’t been up since you arrived on Ambrosia and I see how you cling to that toy of yours. I don’t know what happened to you, but whatever they’re offering you must be huge to make you face your fears.” She looked back down at the book. “Besides, you’re the sort of dangerous person who wants to help everyone and you know how much good I could do with a device like that.”

Cockroach sputtered for a moment. Finally she managed a complete sentence. “Okay, that’s fair.”

With that, the two arranged to meet up at the ship the next day. Despite the fact that she’d been talked out of one of her treasures, Cockroach was surprisingly cheerful as they left the house, ecstatic about her impending transformation. She talked in circles for a time, telling Madeline how she couldn’t believe it was really happening and how it was hard to accept that something so perfect had fallen into her lap.

She led Madeline several blocks to a collection of wide, squat buildings, possibly warehouses. She selected one of these buildings, which had a spray-painted sign reading “Mike’s” hanging above the door, and walked in without knocking.

Inside, Madeline saw that it was indeed a warehouse that had been converted into a shop selling what appeared to be used tech. It was as confusing and disorganized as an antique store, with nearly endless rows of shelves packed with devices which appeared to be only loosely grouped together. The whole shop had a metallic smell strong enough that Madeline kept wondering if she had a nosebleed.

Near the door was a counter, where a middle-aged man was reading a book. He looked up and grinned when he saw Cockroach and she walked over to meet him.

“Got a whole list today, Mike,” Cockroach said, pulling a crumpled piece of paper from her pocket and offering it.

Mike accepted the paper with a grease-stained hand and looked it over. “I don’t recognize some of these parts,” he admitted. “Others...are you working on an FTL engine?”

Cockroach tilted her head. “Among other things.”

Mike led Cockroach through the store, piling parts into a large cart. Madeline supposed they were the same kind she had seen strewn about the floor of the bio-engineering clinic, but to her much of the equipment in this shop looked the same.

When they had worked their way through the list, Mike began to direct them back to the counter, but Cockroach stopped him. “Wait, before we go, do you have any machines capable of running an AI brain? Ones that don’t already have an AI, of course.”

Mike gave her a sly look. “Looking to finally upgrade that toy of yours?”

“Something like that. I can’t buy today, but I should be coming into a large sum of money soon, so I’d like to see what you have.”

Madeline noted Cockroach’s sudden stiffness, but Mike appeared unaffected. He began to walk towards the outer wall of the shop. “You’re in luck. I have several bodies available right now. A few of them are complete with everything but an AI.”

The outer wall had no shelf, instead it was lined with what appeared to be complete machines standing, sitting, laying, a few propped against the wall. Some of them looked completely human save for their immobility and often awkward positions. Madeline imagined Fella must have looked that human once. It was an unsettling sight, especially since many were naked and in twisted, uncomfortable positions. A few of the machines were less realistically human. Looking to be made out of materials like chrome or plastic, they were human in shape, but did not strive for the realistic features of the skin-like ones. Some had mouths that did not open and eyes that did not close.

The one that caught Cockroach’s attention was neither of these types, however. It was instead four long, then metal legs connected to a small spherical body. The body had a single camera-like eye and it was unclear how an AI within would communicate. It was short, reaching only to Cockroach’s shoulder, but it seemed somehow intimidating anyway.

“Look at that,” Cockroach breathed. “It’s beautiful.”

She lifted one of the legs, and examined a foot which appeared to have several extendible digits which would grant it as much or more dexterity as a human.

“No one’s going to be stealing parts from us with this walking around. I can’t wait to show Fella.”