It was hard to even walk around the little village of Angalis anymore. Theonis hadn’t earned enough money to start buying new clothes, and the things the crew of the Polaia had gifted him stood out on Stemini where clothing was a bit more simple and muted. He couldn’t walk through town without turning heads anymore and it made him tense.
That was one reason. The other was that the effects of the pendant had stayed even once Theonis gave it up. He was still soft and feminine, and it was in such stark contrast to the rest of the men on Stemini that people gave him weird looks. He’d gotten his hair cut, so he at least looked respectable, but he couldn’t hide how small and fragile he appeared to be.
The past few weeks had been rough. He hadn’t even been gone all that long, but adjusting back to life on Stemini was harder than Theonis had anticipated. It was just such a demanding culture. But at least his old boss Visiki had taken him back in. He’d even been able to find another boarding house to stay at so he could move out of his mother’s place. Things were going back to normal.
Theonis grunted as he lifted a tray carrying several mugs of beer. He’d never been all that strong, but he was clearly weaker than he used to be and suddenly waiting tables was tiring him out. When he returned to the kitchen, Theonis leaned up against the wall to catch his breath.
“Here’s the food for table seven,” one of the cooks said, gesturing at another serving tray.
He refused to look directly at Theonis. A lot of people did, now. Sometimes, Theonis would catch them glancing his way when they thought he wasn’t looking. Or he’d hear them muttering behind his back, just a little too quietly for him to hear. What exactly had he done wrong to deserve this?
As he delivered the meals to the waiting customers, Theonis spotted Visiki walking around. She was staring at him with her brow furled in confusion. Visiki had been more than willing to let Theonis have his old job back, but even at the time she’d clearly been taken aback by his appearance. Every now and then he’d catch her looking at him like she was trying to figure him out.
The front door to the tavern opened and three people walked in. Theonis’ heart sank to see that it was his mother with two other pirates. They took a seat and Theonis sighed. Of all the places she could have come, she chose this rat hole. He walked over and tried not to look her in the eye.
“What can I get for you?” he asked, as chipper as possible.
Theonis could feel his mother’s gaze bore into him as they gave their orders. He got out of there as quickly as possible. For a few minutes, Theonis was able to forget they were even there as he bustled around helping other customers. Then he had to return with their drinks.
“You know,” his mother began as she took her beer, “when you said you weren’t ready to join another ship, I thought you were going to take a job like one of your friends had to help bulk you up a little bit.”
Theonis’ ears were burning. Of course she’d bring that up now, right in front of other people. Other pirates, even, who were quietly staring at the scene unfolding.
“I just want you to have a proper job on a ship,” his mother continued, her expression softening, “so that you can make a respectable citizen of yourself.”
“I’m thinking about it,” Theonis lied, not looking up.
He knew that she meant well. It was just the lifestyle she’d been taught. It was a lifestyle that had rewarded her with wealth and status, and she wanted the same for him. But it still hurt to hear her talk that way.
After work, Theonis took off his apron and started across town, winding up at a different tavern that was a little busier. He got some strange, lingering looks as he entered, but spotted Zinias, Dioton, and Savidis quickly. Theonis sat down at his friends’ table and pushed away the beer that they’d bought for him.
“There you are,” Dioton said, taking a long drink from his mug. “What took you?”
“Work was busy.”
Zinias said, “I’ll flag down the waitress.”
“No, it’s okay,” Theonis insisted. “I’m not hungry. Besides, I want to save up my money at the moment.”
“Fuck that,” Savidis scoffed. “You don’t have any muscle left. You need meat.”
Theonis sighed and let them order for him.
“You gotta get out of that waitressing job,” Savidis continued. “It’s going to make you soft and womanly.”
“Shut up,” Theonis muttered, grabbing the mug of beer and pulling it closer.
“We always need more fishermen,” Dioton said. “Think about it. We could work together. But I’m not going to carry your weight, Scrawny.”
Theonis took a long drink. The beer tasted like piss. He struggled not to spit it back up. What he wouldn’t give for a taste of Dimileios’ ouzo right now.
Zinias sneered, “Those adventurers must have really pampered you. You barely fit in here anymore.”
Theonis leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. Were these really the best friends that he could find for himself? Maybe there were better people in Angalis. But if so, why hadn’t he found them before now? Why was he stuck with the same friends he’d had since he was a child?
What was he doing here? Theonis was right back where he’d started, except now people looked at him differently. He was less welcome here than on the Polaia. What had he been thinking? He didn’t belong on Stemini. Maybe he never had.
“Are you… crying?” Dioton asked.
“No!” Theonis choked out, wiping his eyes dry.
“What the Hell?!”
“See? I told you that job would make you all womanly.”
“Shut the fuck up!” Theonis cried, standing up. A few people at surrounding tables stopped to look at him. Theonis’ friends scowled, but Theonis didn’t wait for them to respond. He took off.
Outside, Theonis ran. He barreled right past people, eventually finding an empty alleyway. Theonis leaned up against the wall and slid down, then started bawling openly.
It was a while before Theonis stopped crying. Nobody had the poor sense to approach him in that time. Eventually, he stood up and made his way back home.
Theonis returned to work the next day, but his heart wasn’t in it anymore. He kept his head down, quickly delivering food and cleaning tables. There wasn’t even any point in talking to his coworkers. A couple people asked if he was okay, but he just grunted in reply.
“Theonis!” Visiki snapped at one point. “Move faster!”
He didn’t respond. Theonis didn’t care at this point. Visiki had grown to expect much more from him. Normally, Theonis was one of her hardest workers. But so what? Even if she fired him, what did it matter?
It had been a mistake to come back to Stemini. Theonis was miserable. Even if he hadn’t been happy with his life before meeting the adventurers, things had been bearable. But now? Theonis could scream. He didn’t want to be here.
“Theonis,” Visiki said, grabbing Theonis’ arm as he tried to walk past. “I need you to focus! What’s wrong?”
“You wouldn’t understand,” Theonis mumbled, pulling away.
Visiki sighed.
“Just… get through whatever this is. I need you in top shape to help keep this place running.”
He just couldn’t bring himself to care. Theonis continued to work, bringing platters of food and drink to the various tables, but it was hard to get invested. He couldn’t accept that this was all that remained of his life now.
“…we didn’t take anything from that ship. It was a total waste.”
Theonis’ ears perked up as he delivered food to table twelve. The pirates didn’t seem to take any notice of him and continued talking. His job done, Theonis started to walk away.
“She just brought the brat on board and had us return home. It was a total waste of time.”
A jolt went through Theonis’ heart. They were talking about him. He leaned in.
“That sounds rough,” another pirate said.
“It’s not a total lost cause. Captain Valenvara heard about the ship and agrees that they probably had some interesting loot to plunder. I’m going to get on that ship if it’s the last thing I do.”
Theonis’ heart was pounding. He took off running, bursting into the kitchen and running into the storeroom. Covering his mouth with his hands, Theonis started pacing.
“Theonis?” someone asked, coming in to check on him.
“Take over for me,” he said quickly, coming to a stop. “I… I need a moment to think.”
What was he going to do? What was he going to do?! The Polaia was in danger. His friends were in danger! He couldn’t stop the pirate captain from going after them. He couldn’t do anything. But if he did nothing, his friends would be attacked. They might get hurt. They might die.
“Theonis!” Visiki stormed in, grinding her teeth. “I don’t care what’s going on with you. Get out. Go home. Figure out how to fix this and come back tomorrow with your head clear. Now go.”
Theonis nodded absentmindedly. He wasn’t listening. There had to be something he could do. Quickly, Theonis took off his apron and tossed it to Visiki before rushing out of the tavern.
It took a while, but Theonis eventually made his way to his mother’s house. It was a large building on the edge of town, surrounded by other large, nearly identical looking homes in the same architectural style as the rest of the village. Theonis ran up to the door and started hammering on it. The caretaker, Zinasa, answered the door.
“Theonis,” she said. “What do you think you’re—”
“I need to speak to my mother, now.”
“She’s preparing for her next trip,” the caretaker replied, scowling. “Have you forgotten your manners?”
“I’m sorry, Missus Zinasa. But it’s urgent.”
“Very well.”
Theonis followed her inside, not paying attention to the fine rug he was treading dirt over. They climbed the stairs and Zinasa led Theonis to Sophiria. Along the way, the two passed several landscape paintings, a couple of decorative weapons hanging from the walls, and an old faded tapestry that must have been worth a small fortune.
As they entered the planning room, the caretaker announced, “Missus Sophiria, your son needs to speak to you.”
Sophiria was leaning over a large table in the center of the room. The table’s surface was a wood burning of a map of the region, and it was covered by papers obscuring the full size of the map. Along the walls were various cabinets and chests that Theonis knew were filled with notes and reference material.
“Thank you, Zinasa,” Sophiria said, standing up straight. “You may go.”
Zinasa nodded and departed, closing the door behind her.
Sophiria asked, “Why are you here, Theonis?”
“I need you to get me on board another pirate ship,” he said. “There’s a captain. Vale… Valen… Valenvara, I think. I need to be on her ship when it leaves.”
His mother raised an eyebrow and replied, “You’re in no shape to be working on a ship right now. Focus on getting your strength back—”
“Please, Mom,” Theonis begged, pressing his hands down on the table and leaning forward. “I need this. I can’t stay here. You have to help me. Even if all I can do is swab the deck, I need to be on that ship.”
Sophiria pursed her lips, then her shoulders sagged.
“Valen is a friend,” she said. “I could call in a favor. But why? You were so determined not to join another crew when I brought it up before. What’s changed?”
Theonis sighed.
“I was so traumatized by what happened that I didn’t want to even step foot on a pirate ship again,” he said, being very selective with his word choice. “But now that I’ve been back for a while, I realize that I don’t belong in Angalis, or on Stemini at all. I belong out there, and if I’m stuck on this island for much longer I’m going to grow my hair long just so I can rip it all out.”
His mother was nodding slowly.
“I’ve always felt a call to the ocean,” she said softly. “I understand where you’re coming from. You need to be where you belong. I’ll help you.”
Theonis relaxed.
“Thank you, Mom.”
Knowing that he was going to leave made getting through each day a little more bearable for Theonis. But he also couldn’t shake the growing bundle of nerves in his chest. What he was planning was dangerous and could very well get him killed. At the very least, his mother would be so disappointed in him if she knew what was really going on.
On the day it was time to go, Theonis couldn’t stop shaking. Regardless of how things played out, there was no coming back from this. He’d be leaving the island forever. At least it was under his own power this time.
Carrying only a bag of the mismatched clothes that the crew of the Polaia had given him, Theonis made his way to the docks. This time, at least, he had a good idea of where the ship—the Mariki—was and found it easily. His mother also being there was a pleasant surprise.
“Theonis,” she said when he approached, “This is Captain Valenvara.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” Theonis told the captain.
Valenvara inspected Theonis with a stern look in her eye. She was taller than Sophiria, with a scar across her nose. Theonis shrunk a little under her gaze.
“Your mother is doing you a big favor,” she eventually said. “Make sure you use it wisely.” Turning to Sophiria, she added, “I’ll see you next time we’re both in town.”
“I look forward to it.”
Captain Valenvara ascended the gangplank and Sophiria turned to face Theonis.
“Take care of yourself out there,” she said softly.
“I will. Thank you for this, Mom. You can’t imagine how much this chance means to me. And I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad I get to say goodbye.”
“Theonis… what’s actually going on here? What aren’t you telling me? Why this ship, specifically?”
Theonis smiled sadly, then reached forward and grabbed his mother in a hug. She tensed up, then relaxed. After a moment, though, she started to squirm.
“Alright, that’s enough,” Sophiria said, pushing him away. “You need to get going. Stay safe. I love you.”
“I love you too, Mom.”
He started walking up the gangplank, stopping at the top to turn around and look at his mother. She was still watching him. They stared at each other for a moment, as if both knew that they wouldn’t be seeing each other again.
Then Theonis stepped onto the ship and off of the island.
I'm glad Theonis is GTFO'ing as quickly as possible. It kind of reminds me of falling out with the kind of crappy people I was friends with before coming to terms with my queerness, just realizing how kind of awful they are.
I think there might be sabotage in the future
but he couldn’t hide how small and fragile he appeared to be.
“It’s going to make you soft and womanly.”
Oooof, so much internalized misogyny and gender bias that everyone keeps spewing at him. Women can be super hard and it's real good😵