The ball flies towards me with astonishing speed and hostile intention.

[Block]
[>Evade]

I dodge to the side, and it flies past me, merely grazing my afterimage.

[Evasion successful, +10 exp]

However, the cruel reality doesn’t allow me to enjoy my victory for long.

“Wtf are you doing!?” A bald gopnik screams at me “You’re the goalkeeper!”

Today we are having a soccer tournament as a part of our PE classes.

Basically, it’s not a big deal, and it’s what we always do, the master just gives us a ball and some goalposts and lets us do whatever we want, while he secludes himself in his cultivation chamber with a bottle of vodka.

“Move this idiot out of here” Vanya, who is a self-proclaimed captain of our team, proclaims with an air of self-imposed authority. He is actually one of my sworn brothers, unless when he is angry, then he beats me with reckless abandon.

So I’m the midfielder now. I’m not sure what my job is, probably run around the field like an idiot and scream a lot.
Frankly speaking, I don’t like this game at all, so I decide not to kick the ball unless it’s literally right next to me.

This makes me an outlier among my peers, as most of them seem to love this game. Being different only certifies my position as the protagonist of this story, and destines me for greatness.

Another thing that makes me stand out, is my outfit. As you all know, in most works of fiction you can tell who the main character is at first glance. It’s the same with me- while my peers wear t-shirts, I have a long-sleeved sweater on.

The rest of the game goes as you can imagine, we lose hard. Finally, the gopnik summons us for war council.

“Cyka blyat, we are losing, comrades. We need to change our strategy”

Strategy is a foreign word to most of us, and we have never done this before. Understandably, a suffocating feeling of despair overcomes our team.

One of my sworn brothers even starts tearing up, pained by the mere thought of using his bald head for anything else than bouncing the soccer ball of it. However, not to be a baba, he turns his head away, making sure no one can see it and make fun of him.

“No worries, comrade. It’s not what you think! Basically, we will play the game as always, but instead of kicking the ball, we will aim for their legs” says Vanya, and winks mischievously.

An air of understanding and hope sweeps through our team, and ‘huhehuehue’ sounds resembling someone choking on a dead rat soon follow in its wake.

Within the next 10 minutes, we score 5 goals and not a single loss. By the time it’s over, there isn’t a hostile player who wouldn’t have at least a couple of bruises on their legs.

In the last minute, Vanya just picks the ball up, and confidently walks into the opposite site’s goalpost, while their goalkeeper, too scared to try to stop him, just abandons his posts and runs away crying like a suka.
Such a display of chad-like bravado earns Vanya admiration from friend and foe alike, and then the bells rings, signifying the end of tournament. We won!

…...

However, Vanya’s actions drew a lot of resentment, and karma soon caught up with him. The arrogant young masters, one of whom belonged to the same clan as the enemy goalkeeper, ambushed him on the way from school and beat him up so badly he would have ended in the hospital if anyone dared or bothered to call the hospital on him.

We were powerless to do anything against such superior strength and numbers, so we tactically withdrew when they ambushed us, swearing to avenge our fallen comrade at some point in the future.

[New Quest: avenge Vanya]

But for now, I’m sitting in my meditation chambers, located in lodging 03 of the 5th realm, also known as 503, also known as my home. I pour myself a shot of Finlandia baijiu, as the familiar logo of Valgernon appears on the screen.

Suddenly, Grimm goes back online!