Friend

This chapter is a take on the newly revealed "side character" Tazha, and her background story. I'm a pretty firm believer in every character having their own lives and backgrounds, which make them unique entities. Of course it complicates a story, but I also believe this can make for great stories when properly executed.

This chapter reveals much of this character's background and motivations (hint, it's not a pretty sight, she's pretty much damaged emotionally) but once you read to the end, you see how the final words wrap back around to what she said when crawling into the dungeon room and seeing our skeleton girl once more. A little bonus for ya, so you "get it". But first, this does start with "Tasha" as a young human female four years old ... on Earth ... and her own change to the new world. Don't you just love interconnected storylines?

DeAr dyari. Oops i spelld it wrong.

I am Tasha. I am four years old today! Today after school my family all came home and we had a party! I had a cake with white frosting like the snow outside, and later a sip of something strong. Daddy laughed when I drank it, and said I talk funny. Not funny daddy!

Not funny.

But I get to open these packages too? I get to tear off the tied up bow, and rip open the pretty papers and everything, and leave them off, and mommy isn't going to be mad? O, okay then! Stand back big brother, I'm gonna tear it up- Uh, I might need some help on this. Only a little bit!

... and why invite the neighbor boy anyway, he smells a lot like poop and makes strange faces at me. No I do not like Rodger!

Dear diary. This is early summer after Rodger and I had finished third grade, and he went off to this 'summer camp', I feel so lonely. And he's only been gone for like two days!

Farm life is okay, but when I went to pet the mama cow and touch its wet nose, it tried sticking its tongue out to lick my hand ― daddy pulled my hand away fast! And then he told me, that's a bad way to lose a hand or a finger. What would I do if it bit me? Um, but I wanted to pet the cow, is all. It didn't look mean-

-at least I can go splash around in the stream running along the fence line. I found a place where the two trees lean over the stream, and the little tide pool where some small frogs grow and hop around. It would be so fun to take some of them and hide them in my sister Betsy's bed or something; or at least Rodger likes to try that. I don't know why he thinks it's so funny to play jokes on my younger sister in particular.

Tomorrow is my tenth birth date. We had planned a small party and hoped the weather would be clear; but tonight it just started dropping snow ... it's a blizzard. Mommy said that's how I came out, too, during the snow storm. So for now, I dug out this old diary; maybe I can add some thoughts to it. Does anyone ever read these things again? Ever?

But because of the snow, I guess Rodger won't get to give me his present. No, I don't know what it is, but ... once or twice this last week, we ... tried something, together.

I think Rodger is acting funny because of what we did. Being kids on a farm we "know" what sex is; we have seen the animals "do it" so we know ... yeah that's sex stuff. Humans do it too, he said, and said so maybe we could try some other things too. I don't mind trying sometime but I don't think now is the best time. My big brother Tommy is somehow near us when we just want to be alone for a while ... so ... like when are we gonna try this sex stuff anyway? Isn't ten years old long enough to find out?

Plus I think, the way the adults act, I think ... we kids aren't supposed to know about sex? They get so hush-hush at the weirdest times. Sometimes with the shows on television, daddy or mommy will change the channel at the strangest times. I mean, we have seen people in the shows kissing ... but that is as far as we got to see. Dang, what comes next?

Just the one time two days ago, Rodger said let's try a kiss first. Okay so then how? How do the adults do it again? Funny but now that we want to try, I can't remember how it starts in the television shows; and he's no help either. I dunno, he said, we just ... put our lips together, maybe open our mouths like he seen the adults do, and ... hmm, move the tongues?

Okay so ... we did it. It feels weird, having another person's face right up close to yours, and especially of someone who isn't related to you. And, we breathe through our noses for the kissing. Yeah so he still stinks of the pigs from his daddy's farm too. But I guess ... this is what a kiss is then, this mixing our saliva, then swallowing?

... it's ... okay, I guess. Strange but okay. Um. Makes me feel weird now, for some reason.

So, I don't write in "diaries" so much anymore. But in this being my eleventh year of age and grandma reminding me I might as well write sometime ... I say, ok, I'll try it again. So what am I supposed to write now since it's been so long? I'm eleven already, it's still late winter and freezing out there; so I'm stuck inside for most of the day. I don't mind the home schooling but I miss Rodger since his family moved away a couple months ago, right in the middle of winter too. We got to try the kiss thing again for another two times but that's all. I don't know why before leaving he would hug me so long. Plus he still stinks.

My big brother Tommy got into his first fight in school yesterday, and the principal held him in the office until mommy and daddy could come in for a conversation. Since it was the end of the school day, I got to skip riding home on the bus, but waited in the office with Tommy and got to go home that way instead. Turns out since Tommy is now thirteen, he's in this thing called 'puberty' ... I don't get it. So some other boy in his class teased him about some girl then he got mad and started hitting? I don't get it. Why does liking someone cause someone else to hit?

Plus I think I almost got called to the principal's office, too. Just last week I thought one of the boys in my class might like to try kissing like Rodger did; maybe they would not smell so bad too. I think I asked the wrong boy though; Johnnie is the cutest in the class, and so ... why not. Only, Jessica heard me ask him and ran off to tell the teacher. What a goody-two-shoes, quoting those verses at me.

Anyway, journal entry done, maybe I'll write again. Maybe not.

Boys are weird, okay. So emotional and ... stuff.

It's late fall and the last leaves are finally dropping from the trees; it's almost time to expect the first frost of the year. Most of the harvesting is about done and then daddy won't look and feel so tired all the time. But other than this, I love this time of year, late fall; all the pretty colors on the trees――――

-that was last night; I'm just appending this to my journal for future reference. The random line above was my reaction to hearing a gunshot. We had an intruder, a man broke out of a nearby prison and then was on the run. He apparently tried escaping the law through our property, and the sheriff told us stay inside while they search the field and treeline. I'm glad they found him so quick, it would have been worse if he got further toward the house and stuff. Tommy's first thought was to call his girlfriend but mommy said stop it, she lives on the other side of town already, so she won't be in danger. I think he just wants to be on the phone talking to her. But why half the time his calls end up with her angry at him or him angry at her, I don't know.

I'm twelve, and I'm finally starting to understand why boys and girls sometimes don't get along so much anymore. Sixth grade is not so fun; I hope when I get to seventh grade it won't be so hard.

We got new neighbors in the place next door, where Rodger's family used to live. I guess they have a girl Tommy's age in the same class, and a boy my age too. I guess Kira looks pretty, Tommy's jaw dropped open when the neighbors came over, and later I saw the two of them head out behind the barn. The boy Derek is friendly and all, but after his sister went away with Tommy he kept glaring in the direction they went. And then after just ten minutes, he stopped listening to me and the adults and just raced off in that direction. And then, so did both of our parents too-

-the truth is, Tommy says he was just kissing her, nothing more! Yeah right, we have cattle as well, so I know what the males and females do when they're together, but animals don't kiss, right. He might be right in that they were only kissing in that moment. Kira did seem to be buttoning up a shirt button too. But if Derek hadn't come when he did ... would Kira and Tommy have stopped? (Doesn't mean I won't tell his girlfriend's sister at school or that she won't tell her sister his girlfriend. Instant fireworks!)

Yippee, I'm finally in ninth grade, in junior high school if you can believe it. I looked back into some of my earliest writings and see how simple minded I was ― oh dear god was I so simple? I guess it's nice to recall being the small sweet four year old but that's it. I've kissed four other boys since then. Plus let one touch my [censored].

So ... last week a late summer fire got out of hand and wiped out a lot of farms and farming operations. Our farm, our neighbors the Camoens, even the rich old corporate farmer Dizzy Dean over a few miles. Whoever started that fire sure did a lot of damage! Needless to say the local motels are booked with all of us; insurance will pay for part of it but in the meantime a lot of us are without homes and farms to work. (Strangely I don't mind how I am thinking Derek is just on the other side of this wall from me-)

Also after school Tommy and Derek started this 'role-playing group', initially just them; but after some begging and pleading, Kira and I also joined them. That makes four of us ― playing by role and roll ― together in some fantasy world setting. Tommy dropped his old girlfriend a month ago for Kira, and Derek said okay when I joked he and I should date to keep this a 'family affair'; but for him having me to date, he does watch his sister more than me. I think I should be offended. Or jealous. I also looked this situation up on an animu site; so he's a siscon? Well then does that make me a secret brocon for watching Tommy too- No I don't mean it, don't take the joke so serious okay.

Got in trouble last week; mom's been reading my diary behind my back ... if I write anything in it. The little 'joke' about the brocon/siscon thing is ... disturbing to her. But for me it was funny. Tommy I think was mortified when mom told him what it meant. Daddy didn't look at me the same since then. I'm just gonna ... stay quiet about the feels now; even in diary form. THEN WHAT'S THE USE OF A DIARY you might ask? IDK. Screw you mom, you will never find the true diary again!

――

New world kinda situation here-

First, the eight of us in our little cozy RPG group were in the library at school ― yeah ha-ha funny finding slutty Kira in this library, I know right ― and all of a sudden we were called here. A blinding white light showed up surrounding our group at the table ― we disappeared from there and ended up in this throne room looking space: table and rule books and character sheets and dice and all. Only, it's a woman saying she's a goddess of this world, and we can be what we want to be in the new world. Any race, even switch genders, add or subtract things too. Plus no matter how long we live, we'll always age at half the rate; even at a century old we'll still look a fair fifty or so years old-

(I guess I also don't have to hold back on writing all the mushy interesting stuff ... if mom isn't here to snoop, either. Who's gonna find out? Some strange goddess who may or may not be a real goddess? Fine then, I'll make this a tell all tabloid.)

So like ... we were just playing as our characters, back a moment before in the library, okay. But Tommy ― what a jerk he is ― he introduces us all as our characters ... and this goddess woman believed him. What the hell. Anyway; for future reference in case I ever forget the original group, here's our "original lineup", in written form. I don't think I'll ever forget, but for now here's the cast of our characters.

• Tommy as "Dellan of the Mighty Fire Blade", wears a red cape, a brass helm with enchantments, and his sword of course has to be so huge ― overcompensate much, brother? He acts so 'cool' as a front (in real life and in game I suppose). I say he's a jerk because he's going on (again all in character) to describe his statistics and equipment (that he doesn't have and never has had). Thankfully so his character is still male and still human; or he'd have some explaining to do (unlike some of the next ones).
• Derek as "Deek the Sleek Silver Bowyer", has always played the adept archer male elf. Always. Nothing else. I guess ... that's what he secretly wants to be; and so that's what he got. Strangely he acted like a comedic foil to his sister Kira. Hey. Eyes on me, Derek. Er, Deek.
• Kira as "Kida the Slutty Half-Orc Barbarian Berserker", ever since Kira and Derek moved in next door she has been throwing herself at my brother, and I'm justifiably jealous. In game she's a half orc brawler, always attacking with her mace and defending with a wooden shield. In this world she'd pretty much do the same thing ― go straight after what she wanted, no shame to lose. She will pretty much do anything within reason and some things beyond reason, but if she gets the mind to do them it's done.
• me (Tasha) as "Tazha the Cute and Nimble Foxy Thief", well of course I know I'm cute; I just wish all of these others could admit it! I play such a delicate but dexterous foxkin, a thief of course but one with morals and self restrictions on the thieving. I am not just going to take things that do not belong to me! Er, at least ... unless I am paid to do so, or ... if like I get really hungry and need to eat to survive-
• Samuel as "Leumas the Catty Trap Mage", a catlike man with blue cape and scepter. While originally a boy who dressed and acted a lot like a girl in school ― yeah I'll judge his lifestyle all I want ― in this world he still is a male, but a catlike race, and the goddess says he's fairly handsome for his race. He seems to be fine with that; it's what he wants ― he keeps caressing his fur all the time. And purring. Then ... what's the trap mage part?
• Aaron as "Garnet the Granite Golem" ― he needs no clothes and adornments because he's rock; but guess what he still wears a cape, pure black but it has a dark blue fringe. I guess he needs to be so big and strong because in the former life he was weak, and had a chronic breathing condition, something about weak lungs, but here not so much (at all). As a stone golem for his new character he does not need to worry about breathing; fine for him for now, only he's sad he don't get to do the sex stuff the rest of us will be doing in this new world.
• Bethany as "Lady Dahl of the Scholastic Endeavor", a girl without cape or weapons or anything but the 'delicate dress of nobility' she wears. The character background is, she's playing as a noble girl always out adventuring and always in need of help; but in real life she joined when Samuel claimed the group should have one person capable of drawing their characters at least within reason. Bethany is Aaron's older sister and from Tommy's class too; but she's been eying both me and Kira on the sly, so I think I understand something about her now. She winks as she says, "say Lady Dahl like baby doll" and makes it sound like she's a "southern belle".
• Victoria as "Valandra the Pink Ranger", the youngest one of the bunch, and younger sister to Samuel. She dotes on her brother and I can see their nearness. She actually goofs off too much though, her name implies some 'ranger' character from some show she once saw; but even the goddess is puzzled what to do with her transfer. In game she plays this 'happy go lucky' human girl who pouts if the others don't call her their 'imouto' or stuff, basically gets emo over weaboo things. And on the flip side, that's even while the characters are not on an adventure; when the danger comes, she has this overly ornate 'transformation' scene and she actually plays it out. I was shocked the first couple times; now, not so much. But I think in this fantasy world it won't be of so much use, as the time it takes her to 'transform' telegraphs so much opportunity to an observant opponent. Which is, of course, everyone else in this world.

As far as group dynamics of us as the original Earth humans ... I sorta get it. The original team was two separate teams, gaming with dice at separate times and places but then finally joining; on one side we had Tommy and I and Derek and Kira; on the other side there was Samuel and Aaron and Bethany and Victoria. We came together as separate groups when Derek and I were in the game shop in the mall, and Derek saw Aaron and Victoria also browsing. Well, I did see them enter first and tried to duck away secretly; but I'll let him have his win.

So then, two groups merged; we started playing together and actually morphed our two story worlds into one, in some over the top plot twists. At the end, it became a team of six, plus two hangers-on. Tommy remains the boss (not like I'd ever admit my brother was a boss in the first place) but he took Samuel in as the 'second in command' as the merger of two playing groups concludes. Derek was the second in command before in our group but ended up being third; and on the other side it was Aaron coming in fourth. Tommy and Samuel pretty much had me and Kira as the fifth and sixth players; whereas Bethany and Victoria were more casual 'optional' characters in the play group.

... hey wait, I don't like the order of things still. Before on both teams it was two boys in orderly 'command' of our separate roleplaying groups; now, it's still the four boys together are "before" us four girls in a playing order!

And ... for all of this talk, once the goddess Sharla examined us ... she thought it was "her fault" for summoning us and "losing" our in-game role-play abilities, and couldn't stop apologizing to us-

-what a gullible goddess. Oops. I suppose she saw me write this, too. Damn-

-eh ... well ... when we're sent into the world our roleplaying books and props all got left behind anyway; so I suppose by direct examination this loony goddess might detect her mistake after the fact. What's she gonna do to us, make us a 'real hero team' or something? Nah nope nada zilch zip zero, not a chance in hell.

That's all for now; since we arrived in the castle after seeing the very pretty and wise goddess Sharla, and got our own barrack too, I'm writing one last journal. One of the maids who saw me writing this a moment ago told me, this world has a 'memory crystal' through which memories can be synchronized for record keeping, and for review later as a memory recollection event. Plus on use, the memory crystal would be locked to the user, so it would remain a secure form of a journal. Much more safe and durable than upon easily damaged paper, too; I think I will seek one out to buy as she suggests. With all due hope, the rest of my journals will be through syncing memories instead of by writing.

This is a weird feeling, connecting mentally to a crystal ... but it's supposed to take my thoughts as words in my own voice, and attach pictures or video or even text if I think of them, as they were? What if I think about that time of seeing Derek's penis <picture> for the first time- <video,video> Aah okay, now I got it. Here goes nothing-

-just don't think of walking into the bathroom back home on Earth and seeing Tommy jacking off- <video> STOP!

The first night within this world was ... weird too. Strange thoughts and feelings. The king <picture> and his kingdom officials <picture,picture,picture,video> all played up to us real well; I think they're only acting, because I've read some things <text> and it never seems to go well for kingdoms who go through with the 'over the top' persuasions and excessive promises. King Dorken had a lecherous look <picture> when ogling me and Victoria and Bethany <video>; I guess he passed over Kida the half orc slut <picture> for some reason. Kida would be pissed at him if she weren't otherwise busy. Maybe her sucking my brother's penis <picture,picture,video> in this main dining hall <picture,picture> had something to do for Dorken keeping her at a distance and not talking to her. Chef Dahtagnan dropped the soup <picture,video> while sneaking a glance at Kida and Tommy across the tablecloth <picture,picture> causing the king to erupt in fury <video,video> and storm off <video> ... that was it. That ugly Countess Rozaan didn't have to cackle <video> despite how hilarious the king's eruptions were though.

But last night too we were invited back for a second try at the 'royal banquet' <picture,picture,video> possibly for the king to show off our presence <picture> with a still strained look <video,picture,picture> before all his royal family <picture>, nobles <picture,picture,video>, and all his supporters <video,video,picture>. Guess what Kida did again <video,video,video> pretty much eliciting the same response from the king <video,video> as before, in a moment of raw ire <video>. Dorken even seems to blame High Priestess Renommus Eruliaf and calll her a 'failure of a summoner'. I swear, Tommy has this weird and wicked thought too, maybe like what I read once <text> of how the kingdom wasn't so great if it had to summon <picture> us as supposed 'heroes' <picture>. Tommy only leaned back in that chair <video> and let Kida keep sucking <video> too. I have seen too much <video,video> I can never unsee. But at least Deek finally spent the night <video,video,video,video,video,video,picture> in bed with me. <picture> I can't get pregnant the first or third or fifth time, can I? #PoppedACherry #SatisfiedFoxGirl #ScratchedAnItch

Tonight is our third invite <text> to a 'proper' banquet, just one more time. The servant girl was so scared <picture> and refused to look directly at Tommy or Kira <video> and instead just left the invitation in my hand and raced away <video>. Upon arriving inside the castle this time, King Dorken's majordomo <picture> is already glaring with a warning look <video> before allowing us to enter before his master. Before we head out once more all dressed up <picture>, I'm warning Kida not to do <video> what she's possibly thinking this time ― by her outright laughter <picture> yeah she's gonna dare. She still has this devious look <picture,picture> saying she don't care, she will do whatever she wants <video>.

We, we're doomed, aren't we. Not quite 'hero material' like all the role playing materials we formerly had suggested, huh.

Ish wash a trapsh! Thish likker ish too shweet- <picture,video> but caaaaant shtoppp-

Likker poured <picture>, we draunk <viiiideoooooERROR>, I ish tooooo young but ish goooooood <ERROR>. No shtopping Kida t, too. She'sh sho shlutty. King ish shooooo pisshed foff moooaaarr.

Missh maidsh. Gimmeabucket <video,ERROR,ERROR,video,ERROR,picture>.

Nnnnnnot feeeeeeeeeeeeel ssho goo-URRP- <ERRORERRORERROR>

Yes my head hurts and duh, it was a trap, the day before yesterday ― and nothing like how Samuel <image> played Leumas the Trap Mage <video>. All of the alcohol <picture,ERROR/OVERFLOW> is still far too much for me. When I think to last night <picture> did Bethany on the way back here <picture/zoom> kiss me or did I kiss her? <video> I think she took advantage of the situation, I didn't have any way to stop her. She doesn't seem to care if I'm with Derek or not, she says it cannot hurt just to kiss a friend. I thought Derek will feel hurt at Bethany revealing the unfortunate kiss but instead he's still peering to Kida? Revenge! Must kill <picture> Bethany! Must destroy <picture> this <picture> deviant <picture> Bethany!

Anyway so the current notice <text> from the king's protocol minister <image> seems to be saying we're to begin hero training <picture> but of course Tommy and Kira have other ideas <video,video> while out swimming <video> in the castle's moat. Nude <video>. Also as of this morning Tommy says we should start calling each other by our new names <video> and got upset when I said among ourselves <picture> it should be okay to just keep the old names. Apparently, not him, he's done playing Tommy. This means he will only answer to Dellan <picture> now; so he will only call us by our game nicknames <video>. I am Tazha Ababa <picture> still sort of cute <picture,picture> despite lingering hangover so I'm okay with keeping a hint of the old, in my current name-

Can the memory crystal get broken? Why do I think it's making me seem like a 'cam girl' for all the images and videos? <picture,picture> I DID NOT POSE LIKE THIS! I DEMAND PROOF!! <video>

Ahem. Anyway. That is all!

Ugh, so tired. How can they wear us out with just initial training <picture,picture,picture,picture,video,video> and stuff? That drill instructor like gal <video> got right in my face, and YELLED. <video,video> It's not so fun, trying to learn to be a 'hero' <picture> according to their scriptural beliefs <text> and defiant 'manifest destiny' <video> type of speech. And now I know why our place is a "barrack" and not an "apartment". Do those other kingdoms in this world also do the same?

Anyway, tired. I hurt in places I don't want to show <picture> to anyone but Deek <picture> ... aah damn, I'm doing what brother said. This world, it's wearing me down. But at least I'm learning what they mean by 'hero' ... as opposed to a hero from a 'fantasy role playing system handbook'. Hmm. Is it too late to quit this hero business? Where do I submit the resignation form?

End of the first month on their calendar <text> and Dellan has been whispering <video> we don't need this kingdom as much as they need us. I knew it but it's impossible to escape it now. As we get stronger, so do those of our trainers; but only while they're training us because they can still beat on each other but we can't so much as grapple them while in training without their say-so. But that's not all; even the normal defenders of the crown lands aren't without their own skill. Even if we get a goddess' boons <video>, I see how armored the palace guards <picture,video> and army marksmen <video> appear. Maybe brother's right and it's just a show; but what, we ditch training and suddenly go on the run? In a vote <video> now I am so far outnumbered <video> by their saying let's do it? I have failed <picture> to advise them; Dellan/Tommy is practically devious <video> and a bit vicious <video> in his defiance of our places in this new world. Power truly has gone to his head-

End of the second month, tomorrow is the first day of the third month. Dellan, Deek, Leumas, and Lady Dahl have been in snooping and surveillance mode <picture> operations looking for the ways out of the kingdom. Lady Dahl heard some traders from outside the capital tell how desolate and barren the world feels outside these city gates. I for one am still against a plot; but if they go then I'm not staying here alone!

What's the saying ... damned if I do, damned if I don't.

The big news is, since this kingdom is not currently hit as hard as others in the epidemic plague <text>, but even so it's still bad out there. Dellan thinks to say <video> we can just run to the wilderness lands and eke out a living there. He set down his plans <picture> onto our meeting room table <picture> but at the end of it, had Leumas our mage burn <video> it up. He's turned so paranoid <video> telling me I should not record so much <video> and actually yelled at me <image> like the one instructor did. Made me cry and wet my pants <video> STOP IT.

A partial good news is, Lady Dahl <picture> is less interested in Kida <picture> now because the half orc has reverted to racial stereotype <video> and pissed her off too. <video> Also I think Valandra <picture,picture> as a transforming 'Pink Ranger' <video,video> is also realizing she has better utility in the great city <picture> than out in the wilderness. Also partial crazy news is, Lady Dahl's interest in me <picture,picture,video> is ... much, much more intense than I want. I mean, I woke up this morning with Lady Dahl on top of me in bed, kissing me awake and one hand reaching into my ... even with Deek there right beside me too! And what the hell was her hand doing on Deek's ... ugh. I feel so dirty. This is a memory I do not want any more.

Six days into the fourth month here, a messenger came to report <video> the body of Valandra was found in the slums. SHE WOULD NOT GO THERE! NOT ALONE! The whole time the messenger was here, Dellan and Deek <video,video,video> kept their mouths shut <picture> so now I have to wonder if maybe they- <ERRORimagination> ... I can imagine far too many things. But now we are minus one of us.

Lady Dahl turned stone cold <picture> from shock by this news; I didn't think she would, or even could, care so much. She wouldn't kiss Valandra because the girl is still too young for her. Well at least that gives me a little breathing space, "Lady Dahl" will back off of me too for a while, as she sees I'm the only one seriously crying for the loss of a teammate.

If that wasn't enough, the tenth morning after that, the morning of the funeral procession <picture,video> (Valandra was allegedly on the path to heroism anyway), Lady Dahl just went ... catatonic <video>. Scared the hell outta me <picture> but not Dellan and Deek <picture> apparently. They're still silent, passing only terse glances. <picture> Anyway, she's being taken to the kingdom hospital <video> for ... "surveillance". Or, this world's language word for it.

WHAT! She was in there for TWO NIGHTS and then DIED UNDER MYSTERIOUS CIRCUMSTANCE. A terrible way to be told, too, by the written <text,image> notice. And now we cannot see her funeral! These two guys are still quiet, and I'm getting madder than hornets at the whole lot of them. Dellan said quietly, more asking really in hushed words <video> if I am ready to leave this kingdom with the remaining group at a moment's notice. I ... I guess, maybe; depends upon what happens- <picture> Otherwise I'm just numb. He says he's working on something <video> and gives this strange half-smile <image> which means he's trying to manage me, what he thinks I am the weakest part of the whole group. So confusing ... confused.

End of the first day of running from the capital <picture> with only one look back <video> into the sunrise. I'll admit, I did cry pretty much the whole time <picture,picture> of fleeing. At least in the second half of the day, we crossed paths with a nice rural couple <picture,picture> with curious children <picture,picture,video> asking us stuff as we rode along. I held back the tears as much as possible but couldn't <video> when little village girl Treina dared ask why I was so sad. I broke down in tears <video> and just held the cute but confused human girl <picture>. Can't even deny 'fox girls are more emotional' as my brother Dellan told them; I don't know any more if it's true or just his covering my sobbing.

I'm in my bedroll for now, near the campfire <picture> staring at the flames and embers <video> while hearing the guys talking. We're invited to stay for a couple days at their village which Dellan accepted <picture> with a nod. Dellan, Deek, and Granite are feeling tired too, with Granite grumbling <picture> about having to take the night watch. Kida's trying to pull Dellan with her into bed too but he's still finishing a mug of the villagers' ale. Leumas is holding back from taking the bait when the farmer's eldest daughter tries flirting <video> much to the parents' chagrin <picture> but not to Leumas' ideals. And I'm just <picture> numb, passive, storing these thoughts ... see the flickering campfire flames <video> popping and sparking on the burning sticks.

The farmer asks "Isn't there more of you?" and Dellan said "We had to leave a couple behind because they didn't work out" and in my mind right now I'm screaming "WHAT THE FUCK BRO!" <picture,video> but since I dd not actually say it, Dellan never noticed my glare. I'd better stop this recording right now or else I'm gonna ... blow up.

After the second night, we got to the farmer's village of Kakau Vin <picture,picture,picture>, and it's serene. The farmer's wife <picture> is trying to setup Leumas with her daughter <video> but it won't work. As if his blunt and not in any way obtuse frowns <picture> did not say it enough. I miss Valandra for her outgoing nature ... and Lady Dahl with yes even the not so subtle glances and innuendo. Dellan and Deek seem to want to push away any sentiment of their lives or past existences (recent or not) from even being mentioned. What's a cute fox to do? <picture> THAT was not a POSE. <video> Fine, then, maybe foxkin are just predisposed to posing like this.

The village chief <picture> despite being old looking seems on the ball. Or maybe the villagers are more hospitable than the residents and royals in the capital. He immediately offered two empty houses for accommodations. Granite is genuinely too big to fit through either door unless he breaks the structure so he's left out for the night; Leumas was sweet talked into staying with the same farmer and wife couple <video> who tried wedding their daughter to him <picture>. They pulled him along despite his protests <video> and my only laugh of the day at this scene. I'll believe they'll dare marry the two together before morning if something doesn't change. For the two wooden houses <picture,picture> we, the remaining four, can choose the sleeping arrangements as the village chief doesn't want to interfere in our affairs <picture> whatever he may be thinking with this somber frown <video> as we're turning to the empty houses.

Dellan says hey how about we switch mates for a while; I guess Deek mentioned wanting to try Kida once. Um ... what ... forget about the incest of Deek and Kida, what about the incest of me and my bro- <ERROR:image> So ... Dellan might have grown handsome <picture> and it might be only from the mere months of trained skills, but in the moment I don't even like him very much. I'm resisting 'brocon' <ERROR,picture,video> thoughts; but otherwise I think neither Deek nor Dellan are hesitating on the siscon thoughts. Dellan says we're not the same race now here so it makes it fine with him! Instead I pick the one house with a small garden on the side and Kida just shrugged <picture> and headed to the other one. Somehow ... I think the boys (and Kida, if she don't care) are going to force us to go along with what they want, not what we girls (okay only me now) know to be proper!

Last night my brother raped <picture,video,video,video,picture> me! He entered anyway <picture> and laughed <video>! I didn't have any chance to resist because he's stronger <video> so I guess Deek got his chance with the slut, his half orc 'sister'. And I guess Dellan admitted red faced <video> he wanted to have me too since he first saw me kiss Rodger <image> when we were younger. I know we're not the same race or family as on Earth <picture,picture,picture,picture> but he just pushed me! I fell flat on my butt but he didn't care. He forced himself <video> all over me, pulled all my clothes off and did what he wanted! I am so ashamed. No, none of these villagers so much as dared enter, to pull him away! They knew they couldn't budge him, but ... they left me to be raped! Even the heavy block of stone Garnet! Even if I once had the same thought to try this with the former Tommy, right now I do not consent to this <video> and actually resisted! <blocked:video,blocked:video,blocked:image,WARNING:mental damage detected>

I ... before this I sorta laughed on the inside at all those women who cry about being raped; I said to myself if it ever happened to me ... I'd fight it. Well. So now I know. Sometimes a girl ... a girl just cannot fight. Sometimes girls have no alternative, but to ... try and get back to good, after all is said and done-

I hate him, so much. I want him to die, but that would break the group; and then ... where would I be but alone? Is Deek the type to take charge, and march us back to "safety" of the capital? No!

Have been running in the wilds a few months. Had to leave the village suddenly after a certain thing happened. All because Leumas spurned the farmer's daughter; or worse, Deek and Dellan both did to her what was done to me too, by Dellan. Just to make Leumas' point of denial to the farmer and wife and their daughter. The rest of the village <image,video> finally "chased us off" after this, even with shocked looks fearing their own demise by us 'heroes' <video>. The old chief wasn't wrong to tell us, never come back-

I still feel numb, but have nowhere else to go. Is this my life. Is this all there is. Am I done. Or am I only following because I have no other thought than stay with what I know. Hmm. Don't know. Deek just laughed when I told him my thoughts and said I need to see a psychologist. Hmm. Find one. Maybe. Maybe not.

Dellan turned us into bandits. We now rob the same villagers we once crossed paths with and talked to and maybe laughed with and shared food and drink too. A couple times, Dellan and Deek and Leumas took their turns on the farmer's wife and daughter. Ironic, Leumas did too to the women of the village what the mother only wanted him to do with her daughter by their theological beliefs as 'righteous romance'. All I could do was look far away while those women beg for help. I am so ashamed and want to die too. Maybe it could happen. But probably not. I worry Dellan and the others won't let me die to be free of this life ... and that frightens me.

... been a couple years since last recording ... work is the same. Living off the land, thieving from travelers and villagers, being passed off between the guys. Even the trap mage Leumas raped me too ... after being pressured by my brother to use me instead of going behind a tree to jerk it. I'm like a dirty rag now. Hmm. It seems to be so. Hmm. No more pictures or videos because I'm done. Just gonna continue, mundane, like this for the rest of this life, my tail between my legs. Hmm. Yeah. This is life. Hmm.

Year five. Hmm might be year six or seven, don't even know for sure. Got pregnant four times. First one died inside me before his birth, not sure whose child; no fun, and I cried harder than ever for the longest of times. Even brother slapped me after this so I stop crying. Hmm. Not my fault, but. Slap. The second child, first of mine born live, a girl like me; but I didn't want her to grow up in these peoples' company so when she was a month old I stopped her breathing. It's fine. I'm fine. No problem. Third child to be born was a boy. I think Dellan's, not so sure. Maybe he thought something would happen to this one too, at the next village we went through, he left his boy with some lonely couple with a daughter who could take care of him. Fourth was another girl, oops she fell into the campfire and I'm sad again but relieved for giving her this form of mercy. Hm. Burning flesh smells weird. Hm. Brother calls me mad. Hm.

Well okay so ... Kida seems to be happy being pregnant herself, this is her fourth birthing last month, and eleventh child in total, five boys and six girls. At least two of the litters being sired by her brother but she don't even care who's whose as anyway they're "her babies". Doesn't stop her slutting around with the guys, she even tries dry humping Garnet just for fun when the other guys are drained. At least eight of the children have survived yet and are growing well. Should I maybe show her how to keep the girls out of our troop or would that mean only boys left to grow up and rape me too. Hmm. Her children get to tag along though. More mouths to feed but they are not mine. Dellan already said when they grow up they can train to defend our group as well. Dellan even jokes we're starting our own village or something. Hmm.

Been a strange last year. Is it the tenth, or the twelfth, year here then? Dellan and Deek and Leumas haven't been forcing me for sex lately, and I think my head's starting to clear up. Always seemed so foggy headed in the last few years. Kida gets less sex too; she complains of aches and pains. She's birthed sixty kids ― but twenty eight survived since. Twenty eight!

We passed by an old hermit yesterday who apparently never heard of us or our notoriety as a former hero team turned bandit group. He showed us his "special attack" ... he farted. Despite my dour mood before this, I had to laugh. That's original but still within the range of oddities we've seen since ... since ... how long? Well it's been so long that I ... forgot. Gee I guess that's what this crystal is for, to go back and search for similar instances from stored memories. Now I just gotta go back and see- <ERROR,ERROR,ERROR,ERROR> I am going to castrate him! <ERROR:though> Brother or not!

... I suddenly miss Valandra's youthful playing and Lady Dahl's excessively adult foreplay attempts, as something different than this-

I have for the last year and a half been strangely pushing back ... verbally, at least ... against Dellan's suggestions. Doesn't mean he won't slap me any less, or make me suck his dick less if he's not fucking me. But it's a strange compromise to me so foggy headed and "out of it" for so much of the time.

Met a strange girl running away from something somewhere, crying like I used to. By looks she strangely reminds me of the farmer's daughter who Leumas was being lolibaited by ... oh so many years ago. Probably could even be that girl's daughter; the resemblance is uncanny; plus I remember Dellan and Deek and Leumas raped her, hard, too ― which is why we had to leave back then. Then the guys also raped others, possibly her again, while out on the roads and in the wilds and between the villages, basically any time we came across other people in the world and the guys were 'horny'-

But that's not the point; this girl is distraught ― telling a sad tale about a dungeon, sounding so like a raving lunatic. Dellan, Deek, and even Leumas listened briefly ― which I thought nice for once. But at one point Del just laughed and grabbed her ... and did what he'd done before. Deek, Leumas, even Kida took turns. After ― she died, or went limp, or catatonic, or ... something-

We left her ... like that. Actually Dellan and Deek left her like that; they "decided" we gotta go ― Dellan said <video> let's go see the mountain dungeon she mentioned. Maybe ... he thinks we could take it over ourselves?

... hey ... we aren't "heroes", brother-

-wait. Fuck.

We found the camp on the third day after seeing the girl, we setup our temporary camp <picture,picture> with a couple of Kida's children screwing around already. We've practically dropped everything, just meters from the dungeon door. Leumas did his mage like thing <picture> and the ground smoothed for us, then the tents started going up. But I see already two of Kida's children <picture> son Delkiran and daughter Kidra already sneaking off to a secluded group of bushes <video> nearby. I know what they're doing, too. But I am a little concerned Delkiran was watching me too <picture> this time. Even if he's only a quarter orc he does have some of the handsome humanoid traits of my brother, he seems to like me, but yet he'll screw around with his own sister! Maybe I'm wrong and if I just sneak over that way and check to make sure I'm wrong- <blocked:picture>

Oh I cannot unsee this, either-

... I really need to see an end to this crazy train. I hope it was worth it, for the girl to have escaped from the dungeon; she should have run some other way instead and lived.

Maybe my luck can change, once we get inside the dungeon? Yeah, I hope so-

... please, goddess Sharla, let my luck change?