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“You’ve ever dreamt before?”

We went to bed early. Early, by my standards. Five years ago, at this time, I would've still been up, serving dinner in the canteen. Five years later, I'm lying on a cheap futon with yet another spare towel (brown) on my neck as a makeshift pillow with no blanket. Beside me was Sin, sleeping on a bare mattress with an actual pillow and a blanket. She had no bed frame.

I turned around to find Sin staring right at me. Sin’s mattress was barely half an inch higher than my futon anyway. It felt as if she was sleeping just next to me, “I have dreams, why?”

“What kind of dreams do you have?”

“I dreamt about being bald before,” I lifted a strand of my long, smooth hair from atop my head, “I never knew what that meant.”

Sin pouted, “Not that kind of dream.”

“I know,” I let my hair down, “Never had those. You can say I’m living the dream now: solid food, clothes on my back, a roof, sleeping next to a girl…”

She pulled her blanket tighter over her shoulder, snuggling into her mattress, “You never wanted more?”

“Never thought of what I wanted,” I shrugged, shifting my feet higher as it began slipping off the futon and onto the concrete floor again, “Never had the time anyway.”

“You have the time now, right?”

“Can’t exactly give you a life-changing statement on command, here.”

We both gazed at one another for a while, falling silent as the creaks of the midnight bugs from the forest behind us began spilling into our ears.

Sin turned around and faced the ceiling, “I want to get out of here-”

“You made that very clear,” I kept my eyes on the girl.

“I’m not finished yet, bozo,” she scoffed, “I want to change the world.”

“Big dream there.”

“I know.”

“How would you do it?”

“I don’t know,” she turned back to me, “This town’s been my world my whole life. What do you think should change about the world?”

“You’re asking me?”

“You’ve been everywhere.”

“I’ve only walked through one continent,” I pointed towards the roof, “And one country, counting this one.”

“That’s one continent more than me.”

“You really want an answer for me?”

“You see anyone else in this room?”

The room was yet another "room" of the house. It was a section partitioned off by wooden panels closing off a certain corner of the house. The doorway didn't have a door, but a set of thick curtains covering half its height as a poor excuse for privacy; though I figured she didn't have much need for privacy before this.

The room itself was bare too. There were, like before, no windows. There was no light source either; no lamps or any overhanging fixtures. What she did have was one cupboard and one mattress, which was the one she was laying on. She also had a calendar hanging over one of the walls and, to my surprise, an outlet with a phone charger stuck to it. I’ve yet to see her phone, but the mere sight of an accessory of a modern luxury was enough to conjure many questions, but I decided to let time grant me the opportunity to inquire, otherwise, I’d just be a rude guest.

She had unplugged that phone charger and brought the table fan from the dining table into the room. It wasn’t because of the heat; the room was chilly on its own, as a result of the surrounding forestry. It was to prevent the air from growing musky as the house had no windows, after all. She turned it on to the lowest speed and had it oscillating atop the cupboard, blowing away the stale scent of the place.

“Okay, fine,” I caved in, but with a condition, “But before that, give me a reason.”

Sin was growing impatient, “For what?”

“Why do you want to change the world?”

That managed to shut her up. Her eyes widened for a moment before she sank her face into her pillow, shielding her gaze from me.

I managed to strike a good spot of hers, “Must be a hell of a cat if it could catch your tongue like that.”

“Promise me one thing,” her words were muffled by her pillow.

“Sure.”

“Don’t laugh.”

I was ready to laugh, “I promise.”

“I don’t want to disappear from the world.”

It was no laughing matter, “Huh.”

“You promised not to laugh.”

“On what planet does ‘huh’ constitute a laugh?”

She dug her face deeper into her pillow, “It’s scary.”

“Disappearing from the world?”

She nodded.

“It’s normal,” I sighed, disappointed for setting myself up, “Everyone’s scared to die and-”

She cut me off, “That’s not it.”

“Then what’s it?”

“When no one remembers your name,” she drew her head away from the pillow and stared at me, “Your whole life, stuck in a ditch at a no-name town. You come and go, just like that. That’s all your existence amounts to; one name on the obituary when you leave.”

“This town isn’t enough for you?”

She shook her head.

“Not even the people? Your friends? Your fa-” I was about to finish that word, but I managed to hold my mouth before stabbing myself in the foot, “Your neighbours? You can change their lives. They’re not worth enough to you?”

I’ll admit; I was playing the devil’s best advocate, but it was to build some perimeters or at least a vision for her to better ease her journey towards a conclusion. I miscalculated and overstepped, because Sin sank too deep into my words and rolled over to the other side of the bed and shut up.

I tried to salvage it, “Wait, I didn’t-”

“No,” she sighed, “You’re not wrong.”

I wasn’t relieved by that, “Hey, don’t take it too hard. I just-”

“I knew what you said.”

There was a moment of silence between her words.

“I just wanted more than that, you know?”

I knew.

It was an adolescent dream. It wasn’t a mistake. It was just a burning passion to do more than what she thought she’s worth. It’s a selfish ideal, but one within expectations. It isn’t a crime to want to be more than what you are. I never felt the fear, but I understood it. It sucks to feel small. It sucks to be under the sky.

And in Sin’s case, it sucks to be stuck underneath it, not knowing what to do.

“Hey,” Sin turned around towards me.

“What?”

“What do you think?”

“About what?”

“My dream.”

“Compared to your contemporaries, you’re doing above average.”

She reached out a hand and flicked my ear. It was weak, like a mild gust of wind, but I still faked an, “Ow.”

She pouted as she pulled her hand back, “You know what I’m talking about.”

I savoured the sight of her bloated, freckled cheeks in silence for a moment.

Then I turned towards the ceiling, “You’re a selfish asshole. You barely think about others, and use their tragedy as a statistic to your benefit. If you don’t get something out of it, you don’t even consider it. You’re too busy licking your ass to give a shit about others. If I gave you a button to grant you instant fame but kill half the population of some small country without any negative ramifications, you'd press it before I even told you about the lack of negative ramifications.

“That’s what I think about your dream.”

I didn’t turn around to see her reaction. I let the silence take hold as a pause for a moment.

“But you’re just that selfish asshole the world needs.

“You want to change the world? Change it for the better. Do something about the wars outside, and the homeless people, and the guys who can’t sleep under a roof without some girl taking an interest in his background. You can try to help the guy who came back homeless, for a start. You’re still a selfish asshole but at least someone’s getting something out of it.

“If you ask me, the world needs more selfish assholes like you. Selfish assholes who do it to have their names etched on a plaque; at least they’re easier to figure out than some psycho fuck killing whoever they feel like.”

I finally turned back towards Sin.

She still had a pout on her face.

She then reached out her hand again, only to stab my cheek with a cold, smooth index finger, “You’ve got a shit mouth for a boy, you know?”

“Like I said,” I rolled my cheek inwards and bit down on her finger through my skin, “Agh’ goh’ a lao’maoh’.”

That didn’t draw Sin away, however. Instead, she kept her finger there, and held on.

“Say, Guy,” she raised her head a little, “Are you really sixteen?”

I let my teeth stay on her finger for a second before relenting, softening my cheeks, “No. It’s not my birthday yet. I’m still fifteen.”

“When’s your birthday?”

I told Sin.

She chuckled, “Goodnight, Guy,” and turned around.

I gave a smile that she didn’t see, “Goodnight,” and turned around.

God was there waiting for me on the other side of the room.

His glow damn near burnt my eyes as I was blasted with His sudden light. As always, He bore no constant figure, taking every shape possible while remaining formless. His words were deep and booming, yet soft and silent. His voice shot everywhere, yet they only resided in my mind.

“Holy shit,” I barely got to close my eyes, “Now?”

“Guy,” His booming voice stung my head to hell, “Are you feeling bored?”

Same as always, whenever God showed up, everything would freeze. Laws of physics be damned, even a waterfall would freeze under His presence, including my body. I couldn’t feel a single hair on my body, nor could I twitch a single nerve. In His infinite compassion and consideration, however, he retained my ability to hear, speak, breath, and see, the latter of which I never really got to use. I haven’t tested out the ‘taste’ part of the deal, though I am grateful He never decided to show up halfway through a meal.

“No, I’m blind,” I answered God, “And tired.”

“More will come to you, Guy,” He proclaimed, “I promise.”

“I know,” even with my eyes closed, I could still feel His light frying my pupils into a white oblivion, “You’re God. I trust you. You can do anything. Praise be.”

“The time has come,” He continued, taking his sweet time, “You are trained and prepared.”

I decided to give up the formalities, “Can I sleep now?”

“Your purpose shall soon be fulfilled,” He didn’t seem to hear me, or care to do so, “You will come to witness my creations as you are tasked to.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” I assured Him.

“I will ask again, Guy. Are you feeling bored?”

“If I said ‘yes’ would you go away?”

God was unresponsive to that.

I sighed, “Alright, alright. A little. It’s hard to settle down after moving around so much.”

“It was a decision of yours, Guy. Your circumstances were by your own choice.”

“Well I never asked you to make me a-” I gave up, “Fine. Fine. I chose this. Yes. If you let me choose now, I want to go to sleep. Please?”

“Heed my words, Guy,” He was intent on giving me a hell of a migraine before leaving, “Prepare yourself. You shall see-”

I tried to tune out His words but it was no use. I mean, He’s God. You can’t tune out God, no matter how much you begged for it. Your prayers are going to Him anyway.

“-your mission come to fruition. Pray you don’t disappoint.”

I wanted to say that He’s the one answering my prayers in the first place, but He was beginning to leave, and I was all the more for it.

The light slowly seeped away from my eyelids. I held my breath for a second. I tried to shift my foot. It brushed off the futon and landed on the cold, concrete floor.

I opened my eyes. God was finally gone. I turned to my back. Sin was there, covered in her blanket, motionless. I was envious that she didn’t need to live through God’s presence.

Then I thought about her for a little more as I stared at her.

I thought about her face. I thought about her voice. I thought about her words. I thought about her dreams. I thought about her house. I thought about our meeting at school.

I grew a little more envious than I was before.

I decided to let it go. I turned away from Sin again and closed my eyes, slowly drifting off to sleep as the minutes passed.

 

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