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In the highest reaches of facebook’s Karenverse, thousands watched on as an overweight white woman screeched and shook a fence while livestreaming at the Stop The Steal 2.0 rally. Hundreds of capitol police backed by the national guard stood at the ready. They watched in boredom as Karen and her 11 fellow protestors did their thing.

Her face, usually pale and sickly as a frozen corpse, was now a bright rooster red. Purple veins pulsated across the clumps of her flesh as if her blood was infected with poison. Her dull cow eyes, once tiny and hidden under the folds of her eyelids, were now bulging and twitching around wildly. Yellow flem flew out of her mouth as she ranted and raved, one hand on her tiny selfie stick while the other shook the 3 ft tall fence.

Her 11 fellow protestors cheered her on and sang the battle hymn of the confederacy: The Song of the South and goaded her on. Her rage energy bar finally full, Karen knocked over the tiny fence and charged the assembled police and guardsmen.

Like Tom Brady with a deflated ball, Karen stuck her right arm out in front of her and charged the blue coats like she’d seen on the TV. The police and guardsmen grabbed onto her like ticks and fleas but were no match for her enormous size and inertia.

Unable to wrestle her to the ground, the K-9 unit released their dogs. The German Shepherds charged, then stopped and circled her afraid, their muzzles dried by the burning stench of waste and acid coming off of her body. Yes, she did do a little meth before the rally.

An adventurous dog finally bit her in ass then barfed and ran away. Screaming police brutality at the top of her lungs Karen raised her selfie stick for a better angle and slipped, falling face first into the dog vomit. Unfortunately for her and the rest of the human race, Karen, somehow thinking that meth was a cure for covid, had come to the rally high on drugs and very very sick. The K-9 was also sick with rabies.

The combination of covid, meth, and rabies mixed in a primordial puddle of dog vomit created what would later be known as Covid-K. Karen wasted no time as patient zero and began biting the dogs around her to start the plague. People and animals infected by the rabbidized covid actively attacked liberals and the other uninfected. All human and animal life was dead within a year.



A siren blared out from high above, white light flooding down onto Karen’s rotting body. The cockroaches eating her corpse scattered, chittering as they fled and hid under the wreckage of civilization.

The white light narrowed and focused, pulling the spirit of Karen up into the sky. The thunderous booming of heavenly voices grew closer and Karen found herself standing on a cloud before St. Peter and the Pearly Gates.

Karen immediately tried to walk past Peter to talk to his manager, God.

“Halt,” said Peter.

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that! I am God's chosen, like Trump! Get out of my way you illegal immigrant, I have a reservation, I demand first class service!”

Peter frowned: “Illegal? The laws of man do not apply here Karen. Who do you think I am anyways?”

Karen had mistook Peter’s Middleastern face as latino and sneered: “Another Mexican trying to sneak into heaven like your kind did to Merica!”

“That is very racist and RUDE. I am not going to waste my time talking to you,” said Peter as he pulled a lever. Karen fell through the clouds, through the earth, and into hell.



“Hello Karen, I have been expecting you.” said the Devil as he paused Lion King for the SNES and put down his controller.

“It looks like Peter sent you here without telling you why. Let's run a highlight reel of your life shall we?” The Devil double tapped a wall opening Hellbook and started scrolling through all of the lies and slander Karen created and reposted.

“And last but not least, you killed everyone on Earth with Covid-Karen. But remarkably, this was not the worst thing you did in your life.” With a flourish, the Devil double tapped the wall once more to show a scene in front of a courthouse.

Karen smiled with vengeful pride and self-righteousness at the scene. It was just after her divorce, she had traded custody of her 10 children for her EX-husband's most cherished possession; a stupid video game called Earthbound. He didn't even play it. The game was still sealed in its original box and plastic. It was also signed by all those wicked foreigners who made it. Her ex even had it graded and protected in a thick plastic case like some kind of fancy rookie football card.

But she knew the truth, video games are at best a waste of time and at worse the cause of violence in children in Merica. So to protect the children, she was going to put on a show and set an example. She put the game on the ground and waited for her ex to walk out of the courthouse.

When he walked out with their children, she started her livestream and raised her selfie stick in one hand and went to work with the hammer in her other hand.

“Save the children! Protect the Children! Destroy video games! Video Games cause violence in children!” She screamed for a full 5 minutes as she hammered away at the helpless game on the ground. The case was very tough and it took many many strikes to finally break through and smash the game inside to pieces.

She was very satisfied when her ex fell to his knees and cried, hugging their scared children. That's right! She thought. Put the fear of God into them so they don’t play video games. With the last of her strength she threw the hammer over the heads of her ex and children to smash into the courthouse door. As the police came to arrest her, she screamed one last time into her live stream: “Freedom yeehaw, save the children!”

“Amazing.” Said the Devil. “You still feel no remorse.”

“Yeehaw, got him good and I saved the children!” she replied with a stupid grin.

With a shake of his head the Devil picked up his SNES controller in a death grip and said: “In all of the 13 rings of hell there is no place and no torture painfull enough to punish you for your sins. Goddammit lady, that was a mint 10/10 sealed and signed Earthbound! How could you destroy such a priceless piece of art?!”

“See I was right! Video Games are the Devil’s playground!”

The Devil raised his finger to object, then paused, and finally threw his controller into the burning ground in frustration and screamed: “You stupid bitch!”.

“Enough! I have created a 14th layer of hell just for you!” The Devil inhaled Karen’s soul, pulled the game from the SNES and blew her into the cartridge.

“Enjoy Hellbound, a video game I created just for you as an NPC for eternity bitch!”.

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