The Testudo formation moved like a group of giant armored millipedes. Karen’s Killer Kids marched in lockstep up the hill of garbage like a well oiled machine. The various improvised missiles raining down on them bounced off of their interlocked shields with zero effect. Argus frowned and growled at the approaching kids who were not slowed one bit by their barrage.
He issued a sharp series of piercing barks and the missile barrage stopped. His humans pushed forward a rusty squeaky shopping cart that was loaded down with greasy paper and other flammables to the edge of their high ground. “You brought this upon yourself, daughter.” Argus yipped.
The cart was lit on fire and wheeled over the side, instantly becoming a spinning, flaming, metal fireball of death as it gathered more and more speed careening down the hill towards the children.
Tyrone- “You want us to call them back? Things are starting to look dangerous for the kids.”
Karen’s doge ears twitched, “Hell no, I’m enjoying the show and this is good training for the kids.” Her eyes were glued to the rolling fireball headed straight for her kids, like a train wreck that was about to happen.
Just as the kids were about to be crushed and immolated; Tyrone yelled out, “Moses Formation: part the seas! C line, D line sidestep!”
Like the Roman General Scipio Africanus defending Wakanda against Hannibal’s ancient psychic tandem war elephants at Zama, the kids reacted immediately to Tyrone’s orders and sidestepped to form a gap between their lines, allowing the flaming shopping cart to skip harmlessly between their formation.
Argus barked and spun round and round in anger. He cursed the kids, his winos, and his dog minions for missing. Then ordered that all of the remaining shopping carts that his gang had stolen and rigged to blow, be used. The rickety carts were wheeled forward, lit, and tipped over the side of the hill.
The 5 flaming shopping carts banged and bounced off each other as they fell towards the kids. Two of the carts went off course and veered off to the left and right, but the 3 remaining fireballs were going to be ontarget. Worried, Tyrone juked his head side to side trying to gauge trajectories. He could see that there was not enough room for the Testudo to split into 4 to let the three carts pass through safely.
“Turtle formation! Brace! Brace! Brace!” Shouted Tyrone.
The 1st rank of kid Humandams slammed the ends of their shields into the soft ground of the garbage hill, took a knee and let their heavy shields tilt backwards. The 2nd rank behind them layered over the front shields, overlapping and angling their shields, effectively doubling the thickness of their shield wall formation.
The first of the carts hit a rock and jumped, delivering a glancing blow to the top of their shield wall. The kids grunted from the force of impact but held.
*BANG* The second cart slammed dead center into their formation and exploded. The first rank of kids and their shields were sent flying, exposing a hole in their formation.
But before the final flaming cart could crash into their weak point and break them, the 2nd rank of kids moved forwards into the gap and slammed their shields down and reinforced. Like the treads of a tank, the 3rd rank also rotated forwards and raised their shields to cover their comrades in front of them.
*BOOM!* more kids, tanker rats, and their shields were sent flying. Undaunted, the 3rd and final rank of Humandams marched ahead and planted their shields to protect their wounded brothers and sisters in defiance.
The Junkyard Dogs stared down at the kids with a mix of emotions. Some were amazed, others dumbfounded, and all of them began to feel fear. Seeing a lull in the violence, Tyrone shouted: “Auxiliaries recover!”
From within the protection of the Testudo formation, out rushed the smaller kids to put out fires, drag back shields, and their injured comrades into the protection of the shieldwall. From under red hats emerged 5G mice who started handing out healing potions.
Before the angry chihuahua could get his gang to start attacking again, the Humandam Testudo was restored to full health, back in formation, and had resumed marching up the garbage hill to kill them.
Having used up all of their shopping carts, the gang members' fear grew into panic as the first ranks of killer kids topped the hill. The undisciplined gang of winos and strays dropped their improvised weapons, turned tail, and ran for their lives.
Seeing her enemies flee before her, Karen barked orders for her hidden rat army to intercept. She then trotted up the hill with her entourage to congratulate her killer kids.
*LEVEL UP!* INSURRECTION INSTIGATOR: You have overthrown your father and captured his turf.
Karen- “Well done kids! Look how powerful you have all become under my command. We are unstoppable! We can’t stop winning! We beat the topsiders in the trade war, we expanded our borders deeper into the dungeon, and now we just beat the Junkyard dogs. We do everything right! Our military is unbeatable! We are going to make Australia great again, and I will do that.”
As Karen finished her speech, the first of the prisoners were being dragged up the hill, their legs and hands hogtied by powerful sets of ROUS tails wrapped around ankles and wrists.
Karen- “I hate prisoners. I guarantee you they are all bad. That’s why they are prisoners after all. They are not going to be wonderful people who go on to work for the local people. I love Australia as a country. But we have a problem where, for whatever reason, we have a history of prisoners turning into illegal immigrants.”
The kids looked on in confusion at Karen's rambling speech.
A familiar face in an auxiliary's armor stood up with a scowl on her face and marched up to Karen, but then spun around to face the kids. “Karen is right! They hurt our friends! These assholes tried to kill us! No mercy!”
Hoowee! That girl had a stinky breath. But to Karen’s delight, Ishmael grabbed a nearby coffin shield and started executing prisoners. With a scream of rage, she lifted the heavy shield high into the air and slammed the edge down onto the necks of the prisoners again and again. A few of the other kids joined in for the free kill exp.
Kane cleared his throat, “My queen, what do you want to do with the bodies of our vanquished foes?”
Karen looked at the kids then at the people and dogs they just killed. In a whisper she said, “Kane, you see those shopping carts that are still on fire? They sure would make a nice BBQ grill if you lined them up wouldn't they? Go push them to the otherside of this hill, out of sight somewhere and start grilling.”
She turned to her kids, “Okay kids, job’s not done yet. Come and help me find a sewing machine or two in all this mess.”
Argus the dog ran for the border of the junkyard. “¡Yo quiero vivir!” This was a dog eat dog world and he was not going to be turned into tacos. He ran and ran until it felt like his veins were pumping hot sauce and then he ran some more. This was not the last his daughter was going to hear of him. He had friends in high places, and he was going to call in some big favors.
The panting Chihuahua finally arrived at his destination. He used his giant head to push open the door. A bell attached to the door of the Pally PD rang in welcome. He trotted past reception to the chief’s office while the popo and other police dogs looked the other way.
