Travis- “This BBQ is delicious! The dog meat is a little tough but the pork is perfect! I haven’t eaten pork in such a long time!”

Tyrone said nothing and ate his mushroom salad out of a bagged lunch he brought along. Karen, the kids, and the rest of the rat army cleaned their plates and asked for seconds.

But before they could be served again, an angry Rat Chef stomped out of the sewers carrying a charcuterie. “You guys have a BBQ and I was not invited to cook?! What is the meaning of this?”

Before anyone could respond, Rat Chef had dropped off the delicious looking smorgasbord and walked off towards the back of the garbage hill where the cooking was happening.

The charcuterie was packed with a variety of bite sized cuts of cured meats, mushroom, and cheeses. Dips and sauces of all sorts were artfully slathered around for everyone to sample.

Karen’s nose immediately directed her attention to two thinly sliced meatballs hidden at the center of the charcuterie. She growled and everyone backed away from the board of meats that she had just claimed for herself.

Tyrone- “Back the fuck up everyone, we don’t want to get between a Karen and her food.”

Glaring at everyone around her, she gobbled up the choice cuts, then sniffed and licked at everything else on the board before pushing it away. “Y’all have permission to eat my leftovers. For I am a generous doge.”

Like pigs to a trough, all the discipline drilled into them in the last two months disappeared as the perpetually hungry kiddos pushed and shoved each other and even the rats out of their way to get at the smorgasbord. The smart kids grabbed a fistfull that they immediately stuffed into their mouth and fled before they were trampled. A few of the greedier kids tried to grab two handfuls of the delicious meat and were mobbed and robbed by their fellows behind them. The human feeding frenzy reminded Karen of her family meals when she was growing up.

When her folks had a little extra cash after a drug deal or fencing stolen stuff, they would buy WacDonalds. They would fill the big brown paper bag to the brim with 6 orders of fries, then throw the food into the middle of the living room. Karen remembered how she grew big and strong fighting for food against her 10 siblings, a pot bellied pig, 2 racoons, and the 4 pitbulls they kept as pets.

Her siblings and the 3 smaller animals knew their place in the pecking order, but the pits always challenged her for the food. She would wrap her arms and neck in jeans then use all the wrestling moves she saw on TV while her parents shouted and cheered her on.

She only won about half those fights. Sometimes two or more of the big dogs would work together to drag her down and she would have to protect her neck while they mauled her. But she’d eventually get a handful of fries after she tired or choked out the dogs one at a time. Good times.

When Rat Chef saw the way Kane was BBQing the meat in trolleys, he became enraged. Chef grabbed one of the carts and started shaking it like a madrat and screamed, “Se mia nonna avesse le ruote sarebbe stata una bicicletta! This is not the way you BBQ! What the hell is this? Are you seriously using greasy cardboard boxes and dirty rags as fuel? Have you no decency or respect for the meat!?

Find me charcoal or wood to burn right now! I must save this BBQ. What a huge Eff Off. Listen to me, the smell of the meat makes up more than 75% of the flavor! You want to eat burning garbage flavored BBQ?”

Chef poked one of the long pork shanks. “This little piggy is so undercooked, it’s going to go to the market to get a spice rub! Everyone out! Get out of my kitchen!”

Kane frowned, he had not been able to taste or smell anything for years now. He ordered the rest of the rats to get out of Chef’s way and serve the meat that had already been cooked, deboned, and plated onto the flipped hood of a rusty Holden pulled from the junkyard.

The 2nd servings of the meat rounded the corner of the garbage hill just in time. Kane recognized the beginnings of a food riot and doubled his pace to the hungry kids. “My queen, the 2nd course will be served shortly.”

Wrinkling his nose at the smell of the pungent approaching BBQ, Tyrone shouted, “Wait! I think we have some sauce. Travis?”

“Oh yea! We do! Think I got a bottle of B2 steak sauce stashed away in my backpack.” Travis put down his pack and rummaged for a full minute as the car hood heaped high with meat carried by ROUs drew near.

Travis never skipped leg day because of his class but his hand strength was lacking as he struggled to open the bottle.

With a sigh, Gheppetto instructed his mount to raise the sauce to eye level. With a fancy bone spur assisted spining roundhouse kick, the bottle cap spun right off.

The kids and rats were amazed by Ghep’s humanquesterian wrangling skills and clapped politely. The entire bottle was dumped on top of the meat and everyone’s tummies continued expanding.

Karen- “Hey Kane, did we have any casualties?”

“No my queen, quite the opposite. Your child army has grown to nearly 200 now. We had many recruits from POWs captured by the loli trap troop. The Rat Assassins did not have the heart to kill the younger kids at the trap meet and greets, so we conscripted them into your army. As a matter of fact, we gained 20 more kids after we rounded up all the winos and dogs.”

Karen looked at the kids and now noticed that there were indeed new kids stuffing their faces that were out of uniform. “Not a single casualty eh? Wonder why they didn't use molotovs like us.”

“They were winos my queen, probably drank it all.”

The victorious Rat Army returned to Rat City with 3 sewing machines captured, completing Qi’s quest. One of them was a heavy industrial unit for sewing leather. It had to be disassembled and hauled down piece by piece.

However, the victory was not without casualties. Dr. Anthony Ratuci had to deal with an outbreak of incurable halitosis amongst the child soldiers.