In the ancient days, it was said that a turtle who has lived for a thousand years would grow hair.

One such turtle was named Lao Gui. Although it wasn’t actually his name, everyone in the divine mountains called him that, and therefore he also responded to the name ‘Lao Gui’. He was a vain little fellow who liked to shine his shell by rubbing it against the tree barks until they were worn out, and at around his thousand-and-first birthday, he, like other turtles his age, had cultivated enough divine energy to take a human form.

This was what the saying, “a turtle who has lived for a thousand years would grow hair” meant. Celestial turtles could take a human form at this age, therefore ‘growing’ hair on their head, arms, armpits and goodness knows where else!

Excited, Lao Gui rushed to the lake to look at his reflection. And oh! How wonderful he looked – he had a lovely little nose, skin as fair as mutton-fat jade, a delicate, willowy pair of brows and large, peach blossom-like eyes. However, when he panned his gaze upwards to look at his crowning glory…

“I’m bald!” wailed Lao Gui, scaring all the nesting storks away, and so he was.

Alas, poor Lao Gui! He’d spent so much time rubbing his shell against the tree barks that he hadn’t cultivated enough divine energy to grow hair in the most important of places! As a result, apart from his brows, he was bald everywhere else, including his head.

His best friend of many years, the divine nine-tailed fox, felt sorry for him. He had just been to a human city and thus brought news with him.

“Lao Gui, old friend, do not despair,” said the fox cajolingly. “There are tonics and potions in the human realm which can help men do all sorts of things. Some tonics allow humans to fight better; some can help them woo girls. On my next trip I will take you with me and we’ll look for one that can help a man grow hair.”

“Old Fox, you are my best friend!” cried the turtle, hugging his friend.

The fox grinned and patted his back, and in half a month, when they were ready to set out, he brought Lao Gui with him to visit a human settlement called Plum Blossom City. They covered Lao Gui’s bald head with some beautiful silk and walked in through the gates.

How everyone stared at the two! For when the fox took a human form, he was as handsome as a prince, and Lao Gui looked quite the beauty. Being divine beasts, they had pulled no stops and had opted to dress to kill.

Lao Gui gazed at the admiring humans and smiled to himself.

“Old Fox, am I not beautiful?” Lao Gui asked his friend.

“Very beautiful,” replied the fox, nodding. “It doesn’t matter whether you’re in human or turtle form – you’ve always looked good.”

“Well, I could fare to look better!” sniffed the turtle, pouting somewhat. “Look, there’s a peddler – and hello! He seems like he’s selling bottles of tonic!”

The fox went with his friend to visit the peddler’s ‘stall’, which only comprised of a dirty mat with bottles arranged on it. When he saw two very handsome young men approach, the man smiled for all he was worth, showing his wonderful array of teeth, both real and gold.

“Young masters,” he greeted, “I can see you have fine taste. How can this humble shopkeeper assist you today?”

Lao Gui opened his mouth, and to the astonishment of the onlookers, he blurted, “I want hair.”

The old fox pushed his friend to stand behind him, laughing loudly.

“Ah ha ha ha, he truly knows how to joke!” laughed the fox. “What he really wants is hair for his old father. That’s right! His father is balding. Young man, have you got any miraculous tonic to grow back hair on an old man’s head? The older the man, the better.”

The peddler scratched his head and cupped his chin thoughtfully.

“Hmm, I don’t have a tonic like that, but Big Kitten might have one,” said the peddler, at long last, pointing at a small hut some distance away. “Everyone says he’s a madman because he’s gone around telling everyone he used to be a cat that served an evil concubine of an emperor’s who was actually a witch, but his tonics are sublime.”

The duo thanked the peddler and made their way towards the small hut. A plume of smoke rose into the sky from a crack somewhere and the windows were tightly shut. The fox raised his hand to tap at the doorway. At once, the two doors opened and a small face peeked out.

“What do you want?” asked a fat black cat rudely, looking up while standing on its hind legs.

“I want hair,” said the turtle, unabashedly. The nine-tailed fox pushed him back hurriedly.

“We’re looking for Big Kitten,” said the fox, coughing into his sleeve. “Is he around?”

“Hmm, that depends,” said the cat. “Do you have money?”

“I have plenty of money,” replied the fox, gesturing to his pouch.

“In that case, Master Big Kitten is always available,” the cat nodded graciously and stood aside. “Come in.”

“……” Lao Gui and the fox were speechless, but entered the hut anyway. Inside, a young man with messy black hair could be seen tossing this and that into a giant cauldron. He appeared to be refining medical decoctions, and on the walls several bottles, filled and unfilled, stood.

“Master, there are some people here to see you,” said the cat, making his way into the centre of the room.

“Do they have money?” Big Kitten’s voice floated over.

“Yes,” answered the cat.

At that, the young man immediately put everything down, adjusted his sleeves and walked away from the cauldron. When he turned around to greet his guests, his eyes grew round with surprise.

“Hey! It’s Old Fox!” he exclaimed. “Old Fox, it’s me, Old Cat! How’s it been?”

“Old Cat! It’s you!” the fox was just as surprised. “Fancy that. It’s been two hundred years since we’ve seen each other! Money-minded as always, I see!”

The two old friends laughed and chatted for a bit before the fox gestured towards Lao Gui.

“Lao Gui here has recently turned a thousand-and-one, so he’s cultivated himself a human form,” explained the nine-tailed fox. “But ah, well, something went wrong. We were hoping you could help, Old Cat.”

Old Cat looked hard at Lao Gui.

“What’s the problem?” asked the cat, looking most confused. “His transformation and form is quite perfect. I’ve never seen anyone more beautiful before.”

“This,” Old Fox removed the silk from his friend’s head with a sigh.

“Oh,” was all the cat could say when he saw the shining, bald head. He scratched his cheek. “Actually, that sort of thing can be easily solved – you just need to cultivate divine energy for another hundred or so years…”

“I’ll be bald for the next hundred or so years!” cried the turtle, aggrieved.

“Fine, fine,” sighed the cat. “I hate seeing beauties cry. Now, see here – since I owe Old Fox one, I’ll make you a hair tonic. However, using it comes with a catch.”

Old Cat stayed true to his word and decocted a medicinal tonic to cure Lao Gui’s lack of hair. Both the turtle and fox sat at the table, with the fox patting the turtle’s back once in a while to reassure him. As the cat made the tonic, he eyed the two friends carefully.

When he finished decocting the tonic, he filled it in a small bottle and brought it over to them.

“Now, listen very carefully,” said the cat in a serious voice. “This tonic won’t work on its own; it requires the power of another living being for it to work. The catch here is that after you drink this potion, you’ll need someone who loves you to kiss you. It’ll take away a hundred years of their cultivation to make up for yours.”

Lao Gui nodded happily as he accepted the bottle. Together, the fox and the turtle left the hut with many thanks. As he watched them leave, the cat shook his head.

“After two hundred years, it seems like nothing’s really changed.”

While strolling about the city, Lao Gui looked around for any potential love interests who would give them some of their divine energy. At once he caught sight of a flower establishment¹Flower establishment – a brothel. nearby and his eyes gleamed.

“Aha! This is where I will find love – and hair, besides!” exclaimed the turtle, walking briskly towards the brightly-decked building. There, the pair were met by the most beautiful of men and women, all beautifully adorned with silk and flowers. Seeing how well-dressed the fox and the turtle were, the men and women were all smiles.

“Young masters, you’ve come to the right place,” greeted one of the workers gracefully. “What entertainment would you like tonight?”

“I’ve come for hair,” said Lao Gui simply. At this, the old fox spirit coughed into his sleeve and pulled his friend away.

“Young lady, we’d like to request the most affectionate of lovers for tonight,” said the fox. “Price doesn’t matter. Please make my friend happy.”

At this, the worker nodded and went away. The two were led to a beautiful, ornate room where the turtle threw himself onto the bed. He popped open the stopper of the bottle and gurgled down the liquid inside.

Presently, the doors of the room opened and over the threshold stepped a gorgeous young man. He had long and flirtatious eyes, and smiled very affectionately. Lao Gui sat up expectantly and looked at him up and down.

“I’ll go outside and wait,” said the fox, bringing himself out of the door. As he waited outside, he suddenly heard a horrified shriek.

“Hairless!” The gorgeous young man from before fled out of the room with a pitiful scream. “He’s completely smooth everywhere! No hair at all! Not even at the armpits! He must be an evil spirit²Yao – an animal spirit or devil. It is believed in some places that while they can take a human form, minor things like thumbprints will usually be missing – sometimes even the face! Or, at times, the hair won’t be fine strands like a human’s. Stories of faceless, bald people are often considered tricks played by racoons or foxes; one of such was recorded in the book, Kwaidan by Lafcadio Hearn.!”

Before anyone could stop him, he’d run away! The old fox spirit went back into the room to comfort his friend, who was sobbing uncontrollably. The turtle was a vain little thing, so he was very shocked and hurt indeed that someone had run away from him in fear.

“It’s useless,” wept Lao Gui. “Who will love me when I don’t have hair?”

“Don’t worry,” replied the fox, kissing Lao Gui on his forehead. “We’ll find someone else to help you.”

Suddenly, the middle of Lao Gui’s forehead began to shine. It shone and shone, and finally the light expanded sideways. The golden strands turned black and flowed down to cascade down his shoulders like a beautiful river – Lao Gui had grown hair!

“You…” Lao Gui was breathless. “You like me?”

The old fox spirit was surprised himself.

“I didn’t realize it myself,” grinned the fox, “but it seems like I do!”

“Oh, to think we looked so far for love when we were near each other after all!” laughed the turtle – now with hair – and they left to live many years in the mountains together.