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MC POV

I was shocked, I was terrified for her. Never thought I would hear those words coming from Silver mouth in a million years, she has always presented herself as a reliable older sister (although enjoy being pampered by her surrogate younger brother, me) who is a confident, intelligent, charming girl. 

I didn't expect her to have this level of lack of self-esteem.

I thought I understand her more than her parents as she even shared a secret that not even her mother knew, but this proves otherwise. 

I don't understand, with my semi-max CHA (15), I would be able to understand people more than anybody, perhaps I am still inexperienced when it comes to socializing... No, I'm definitely am too inexperienced. Or maybe, I am simply not doing my best to be there for Silver as a friend. 

I have always been somewhat proud of my high CHA attribute, it is the only thing that is truly extraordinary about me besides my intellect and wisdom. 

While I'm not sure how I came to possess such a high amount of CHA, nor do I care or question why at the moment, but the guaranteed possibilities of having high CHA influence my skill and ability as a businessman and as a politician is endless.

The real question is, have I been slacking off in those past few years?

Have I been taking my friendship with Silver for granted?

I always suspect she has some sort of low esteem, an inferiority complex because of me, I am after all a much-talented cousin who is also already successful at life, whether it be in business or politics before even hitting puberty or have yet to begin my Coming of Age ceremony.

But never have I thought of her keeping such heavy depressing thought to herself-

Fuck me. 

I am a fool.

I have failed to properly appreciate her, our friendship. How can I forget an important detail of Silver? 

A minor inferiority complex is still an inferiority complex, no matter how small. Just like a bushfire, if left unattended, it could consume the whole forest, leaving nothing but a scorched wasteland.

I let it happen. I let it grow. Why? Was it when Silver started to become too obsessed with me, and all I care want is her to give me some space?

It doesn't matter.

I am the main culprit that causes Silver inferiority complex.

I know it was there, but I didn't do anything about it.

I turn blind eye to it, thinking it would go away. But instead, it becomes an even a serious problem.

There's no point in beating myself up. It is just a waste of time. I need to help her right now, that's what matters.

I thought of trying to make her stop belittling herself, like always, I placed both of my hands on her soft cheek and-

I stopped... I don't know what I'm doing. 

In the past, when Silver tend to show a crocodile tear, and I would just rub her cheek affectionately with both of my hands, maybe a head pat and a hug at best, and she would be satisfied and all happy merry.

I can already imagine what would happen if I were to make the wrong move, I could make it worse, as currently, she experiencing a crisis, not throwing a childish tantrum or simply downgrading herself. 

 

One wrong move, I could unintentionally ruin my friendship with her for good if not taking years if not decades for us to reconcile, something that I do not wish to happen, so I abandon whatever plan I'm thinking of doing and take this much more serious, thinking of a better plan to bring her back to reality.

If I was a normal eight-year-old, I could simply call out for my Aunt who should be nearby if not inside the mansion, adults would know what to do and what to say. But this is a problem that I created, unintentionally yes, but as her friend, I have a responsibility to help her, I love her too much to not do anything when I know I can. 

So I did the best thing I could think of at that moment. 

As both of my hand is still placed on her cheek, I lean forward and kiss her on the lips, giving her my first. 

Kissing me was her request if she won the bet, wasn't it? This will bring back her sense.

Unfortunately, I start to regret kissing her the second our lips touch each other. I can't take it back and say, "Kissing you was a mistake." so I make sure to kiss her properly, or at least according to what my previous self knew about kissing even though he hasn't even been able to kiss a girl before he died, so I almost always confirmed the 'knowledge' I learned from my past life, this includes how to kiss (a girl).

I make sure our teeth won't clash nor our noses won't collide with each other. I make sure her first-time kiss will be a pleasant experience, if not our first time kissing, assume she has yet to kiss a boy on the lips, as she has never mentioned a boy she like when she is with me, except her female friends, although I don't think she is bisexual, I don't judge. But the thought of her kissing anyone, even on the cheek, whether it's a boy or a girl of her age or someone older, I can't help but dislike the thought, so I quickly disperse it.

After kissing her for a good few seconds, I tried separating my lips from hers but she was reluctant to let go of my lips, refusing to stop as she continued leaning her body to taste it for an even few more seconds longer.

Only after I gently push her body away from me did we stop kissing.

What I saw was the most cutest sight, as Silver have the most adorable reaction I have ever seen. It was a sight I would love to see every day, to see her reaction every day, but I stopped myself from thinking of a fantasy. 

Somehow, her brain stop functioning properly, unable to process what had happened. She was a little dazed, but she more or less, understand what had just happened as her cheek is glowing red.

But I did successfully stop herself from crying even further, as her tears started to dry up, bringing her mind back to a normal state. 

She is still breathing, a bit rough than usual but it still means she is still within the living, that's for sure. And her eyes are looking at me, amazed at what just happened, I was amazed by the kiss as well.  

In general, she finally calm down so that's a good thing.

The girl with the potential to be a professional world-class Mercenary, a Martial Art prodigy, Silvijia Sablinova, also known as Silver Sable, got stunted by a kiss.

I can't help but chuckle at the thought and smile at the cute reaction I'm seeing as one of my hands is still placed on her cheek, gently caressing it. Especially when her face is noticeably becoming redder than a tomato, if not pink. 

'Adorable.' I thought.

"What just happen?"

Taking advantage of her confusion. I stopped caressing her cheek, much to her annoyance as her eye followed my hand that separated from her cheek as it grabbed her hand and hold it softly as I prepare to explain the reason. 

Why we can never be together.

"Silver. The reason why we can't be together is because of my health." I quickly cut to the chase, telling her the real reason.

She quickly snapped from her daze although her face is still getting. pinker, but much, much slower than before...

"I- I don't care about such a thing."

"Please let me explain, Silver." I gently squeeze both of her hands to which she gives me a small yet cute nod. Clearly, she is enjoying the moment than she used to as we used to hold hands all the time, with her ears becoming red as well. This shouldn't affect her in any way let alone faze her, but it did.

"Silver, what is the greatest step of progression in a relationship between two people who love each other?"

"Marriage?" She asked with uncertainty.

"Correct," I answered as I took a deep breath before continuing.

"And one of many important things to maintain a healthy, strong and stable relationship especially in a marriage... is the ability to..." I stop, just for a whole second to think to myself.

I'm starting to regret speaking but I have to explain to her properly, she deserves an explanation after confessing her love to her cousin, to her friend. 

I doubt it was easy for her to confess, wouldn't be surprised if it was an accident and she simply went with the flow. 

I take a deeper breath one last time and continue explaining to her.

"Is the ability to procreate, this includes the ability to sexually please their partner on bed. You do know about the birds and the bees, sex and all that, right?"

If I, her cousin will have to explain to her that as well, I might actually die out of pure cringe. 

God, please don't. Not like this.

"Yes- I have... umm.... school, and mother teach me about it as well..." Said Silver as her face slowly become crimson.

Damn it, now I'm getting embarrassed as well.

"Good... Then it should not be surprising that- it is nearly impossible for me, for my thing to get hard, not with this weak body." 

Not only do I have poor health and am physically weaker than most kids of my age, including the fact I'm physically handicapped, having to force to rely on a wheelchair to move around. The doctors also expect my body to have low infertility unless my health improved, in some way, although it is possible with modern technology for me to have a child, they cannot guarantee my body is even capable of producing sperm in the first place.

No one needs to tell me what it means, what it can mean, what it will mean. That I can never have a child. I can't have kids of my own. A family. I doubt I can actually find a partner to start, but with this, it makes it even almost impossible than it should be.

Even at a young age before puberty hits, I have always been fascinated by having someone who loves me for who I am, just like how my parent's love each other, always expressing their feeling to each other, every, single, day. I would love to have that kind of partner in my life.

But the day I realize I will most likely have no libido at all, and the inability to produce sperm because of my poor health hurts me. I was distraught, it was the rarest time where I broke down in tears while laying on my bed, my parents were even more distraught, they don't know what was going on as I refuse to explain anything.

My mother simply comfort me as she lay down on my bed along with me, hugging me from behind while my father was off trying to find out what was going on, it didn't take long for him to uncover my research on the internet as I didn't delete history of my internet research at that time.

Both of my parents have hope, I didn't. When we visit the doctors, only for them to confirm it on the spot as they have already realized the possibility of me unable to have a child, years ago.

They didn't need to directly tell me, I was an intelligent kid for my age, all they can do is weep for me. 

Me? My tears were already dried up.

"It is impossible for us, for me to have a proper relationship."

"But shouldn't we at least try-" She tried to protest once more before I cut her off. There is no use of trying anything.

"Silver, no! There will be no 'but' nor will we 'try' anything." I sternly said to her.

"Marriage is more than just a concept. It's a responsibility, a duty that each partner in the marriage has to uphold. A partner has the responsibility to make sure their partner needs have been covered. That includes preparing to have food to eat, clean water to drink and a shelter, a place where they can call home to protect themselves from the harsh climate and weather of the planet, and lastly... fulfilling their sexually need. All of those are the core responsibility in a marriage."

"It doesn't matter who provides who, whether it be the husband who takes care of the wife financially or the other way around but if I were to be your husband... and if I were to intentionally neglect you those first three things when you unable to provide it for yourself, it would be considered as an abuse because it is a form of abuse." I stop to have a breather, to which Silver let me continue, realizing I have more to say.

"But if I were to neglect your... sexual need when it is my duty, my responsibility as your husband to satisfy it, to the best of my capability. It doesn't matter if I desperately want to do so but my body is incapable of getting the job done, incapable of getting hard to please my wife, while most people would not consider it as a form of abuse, no one can deny IT IS a cruel thing to do to the person you love."

"The only exception that it is when the husband body is getting old is the reason why he is incapable of doing so, who he has been married for a long time, and she, the wife to the husband is willing to live the rest of her life without having sex, not because out of pity or because she loves him, at least not the main reason, but because the older women become, the less they desire for sex, as their libido decrease," I explained as I thought of another possible way to please their sexually frustrated wife.

Of course, there is another way, a degenerate way that is, such as allowing her to have a side lover while she is still married to you, an old husband, but such a thing is considered as a degenerate thing to do for a reason, considered as an immoral act by most society and civilization.

Even I find such methods beyond disgusting. 

While I'm not sure where this strong hate is coming from, but I suspect it is probably from my old self memories, something about being traumatized by a 'hentai' genre, 'NTR'. Whatever that suppose to mean as the fragment memory I have received does not give a clear explanation, only definition and the fact he was traumatized by it.

And I am a bit scared of looking it up on the internet as well. So I choose to be ignorant of it.

(A wise move made the System, allowing such traumatizing memory to a young child could ruin their childhood. There's very little benefit gained by risking it.)

I'm fine with the concept of polygamy (call me a hypocrite), where a husband is allowed to have more than a single wife. Especially since my own country, Sokovian has yet to illegalize it like most other European countries that refuse to recognize polygamy marriage.

Although people who actually practice polygamy are still exceptionally rare in my country, mostly because even in Sokovian society, culture and religion condemn an unhappy polygamy marriage, much more than an unhappy normal marriage.

But polyandry? Sharing your wife with other people? Men, women?

One thing I have to agree with my past self, I would rather die than allow my loved one who is still married to me, to have her own side lover. I do not have a thing of being a cuckold. 

Pervert people are allowed to practice their own pervert fetish behind their closed bedroom door, no matter how degenerate is it... as the concept of furry sex appeared in my thought. Yes, even them.

But I still have my pride and dignity as a man and as a human to uphold.

It's one thing to get cheated by your wife but to give permission to your wife to make love to another man who is not you, even as far as encouraging it because you enjoy it is just low.

Again, call me a hypocrite. I don't care.

The thought of someone I love, of Silver being with someone, even as simple as going out on a date or holding hands with another man while still wearing our wedding ring if we were to get married make me sick.

As I take another deep breath to continue to explain to her in case she still stubbornly want us to be together, although, from her expression, I assume seems my words successfully get through her. 

Good... This is for the best. 

"But neither of us are old. In fact, you are still young, you have yet to reach adulthood, to experience what life has to offer, You have yet to hit your age where your sexual drive starts to peak where there's a good chance that you will constantly crave for sexual pleasure." 

"There is no point for us to be in love, to start a relationship when we know how it will end."

"At least one of us..." I said, looking at her in the eye before continuing.

"One of us will get hurt in the end."

"At the end of the day, I will not be able to do my duty properly as a husband even if I possess all the wealth in the world, and spend it all to make you the happiest woman in the world."

"I can feed you with the most delicious and most expensive food, made by the best chef the world has to offer, I'm buying you all sorts of gifts, from mansions and luxury apartments from all around the world, thousands of sports cars for you to use, hundreds of new one for you to choose every year or two."

"Even including luxury items and brand clothing, and the most expensive jewellery money can buy..."

"Deep inside, you will forever feel unsatisfied."

"As long as I possess this weak body of mine, our relationship let alone our marriage will never last. Even if you don't ask for a divorce because you want to believe you can endure all of it, I will be the one who will force myself to divorce you, either way, to make sure no one will get hurt more than necessary." 

Afraid of creating a misunderstanding, I gently squeeze both of her hands that I am still holding to explain even further.

"I am not saying that sooner or later, that if we were to be together, to be married, that you will bound to cheat on me behind my back with another man, I trust you, Silver, I trust you with my life."

'In fact, I even trust her to keep my power Gamer System as a secret, that's how much I have faith in her to keep it a secret. The only reason stopping me from doing so is because I have no reason to reveal it. Not yet' I thought for a second before continuing.

"But that does not mean I want to put you in a situation where you are tempted to do the wrong thing, to be stuck in a frustrating marriage. I trust expect you are most likely will ask for a divorce the moment you found in another man before anything happens that could break my trust."

"Marrying someone you truly love only to hurt them is a horrible thing to do, to them and to myself. While I cannot say I love you just like how my parent loves each other, I can say this for sure, I care for you, I truly do as you are one of my precious friends I have, and I will never want to you hurt you in any way." I said as I gently squeeze both of her soft hands once more.

"Even if- Even if you are fine with a sexless relationship, what about kids? Adoption? Perhaps. But you are a Princess of Symkarian. You must think of the bigger picture. My parents can try having another kid, giving me a sibling to continue the lineage in case I failed, but to ask your parents to do the same just so you can be with a man you love is too much of a stretch to ask." 

"We both have a great responsibility to bear. We cannot be too selfish, Silver. We both come from a lineage that dedicates their whole lives to protect their own country, our country, our very home. You are the daughter of Sablenova. And I am the son of Zemo. We are not common people."

"I'm sorry Silver, but we can never be a thing, we shouldn't. You deserve someone better than me."

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To be Continued (again)...?