Our group has arrived at the village where the effigy artisan lives. I sent everyone togo secure a room at an inn. I plan on making a stop at the monster-slaying. Its so I can gather more information on dagger fang. The game was pretty vague on where the ruins the expedition explores is. You just talker to the head explorer and he teleports you there. I'd like to prepare some set up first before the expedition begins and this world would be a good place to find out. Of course the others don't need to know this.
Jackel, however seems keen on following me. It feels like he's been paying a lot more attention towards me recently. Always looking at me like he's looking into my soul. It kinda pisses me off, but I can't just go about making a scene so I give up and let him follow.
I can't help but feel sick looking at all the slayers drinking and having fun. How many snubbed Livia? How many knew that dagger fang was screwing innocent people over? I do my best to stomach the feeling as I walk up to the reception desk.
"Welcome to the monster-slaying guild how can we help you today?"
"I've brought tags."
The smile on the receptionist's face quickly fades into a much more grim expression.
"...you found a corpse?"
"In an abandoned cabin. Corpse has been long dead."
"I see... May I take a look at the tags?"
"Here"
"Christ, they've been on the missing list for seven years. I thought they ran to another country to escape debt. To think they were dead all that time..."
"Speaking of that debt, I'm Livia's next of kin. Mind telling me where I can pay dagger fang back?"
"U-um . . . I'm pretty sure the records say that Livia had no-"
"Where may I find dagger fang?"
"I-if you want to pay off the debt that badly you can just leave a deposit here!"
"WHERE. IS. DAGGER. FANG."
Someone puts a hand on my shoulder,
"Ease up there lass, you're making quite the scary face."
I spin around and look Jackel in his eyes. We have a stare off for awhile. His stare and the stares of the other monster-slayers are irritating. I so very badly want to jam my thumbs in all their eye sockets. Fuck it! I don't have to deal with this bullshit!
"Tch"
I can't help but click my tongue as I start to walk out.
"Ah! Ma'am don't forget your reward for returning the tags!"
However its already too late as I'm walking out the door.
----
"You knew that corpse didn't you?"
Jackel followed me into an alley.
"Shut up."
"You've been real moody ever since we found it."
"Shut up"
"Was their death related in some way to dagger fang?"
"I SAID TO SHUT UP!"
"You seem to know a lot about things you shouldn't. I was honestly kinda surprised to hear something you didn't know."
"..."
"Hey, are you really Bernadette?"
His questions continue, but they seem to fade into white noise. His frail body is covered in scars due to past torture. His clan on mainland performed all kinds of cruelty to make him immune to pain, both physical and mental. Yet his neck is oh so very thin. I could snap it in a second.
"Bernadette couldn't have known that corpse 7 years ago. Bernadette never left the mansion. Who are you re-"
I throw a punch, knocking him down instantly. I straddle him then I throw another and another and another and another and another and another and another and another. He doesn't even so much as groan. Just takes the beating while giving me that infuriating glare. His face is quite deformed but those damned eyes keep looking. I decide to act on my urge from earlier and start to strangle him. He finally starts to resist, but he's too weak. I easily overpower him. He tries to kick but my legs are pinned. His already feeble strength starts to gradually fade. He tries to let out a scream but can't. No air can escape his throat. The reality of death comes upon him and he starts to panic. His useless struggles in the face of death bring me joy. His eyes lose their luster as his spark of life sizzles out. Finally after what feels like hours, he's dead. Those god forsaken eyes can no longer stare.
"I. . . Ha. . . Ha. . . Fuck. . . I. . . What the fuck did I just do?"
I fucked up. I've shot myself in the foot. He was my back up plan. If I don't win now, I'm fucked. There's blood everywhere too. I need to get rid of the evidence.
----
Magic made the clean up easy. I told the others that Jackel wandered off to do his one thing. The others accepted it rather easily. The artisan we came here for accepted the request for 50 effigies after being given the guide we found in the cave. We were out the morning of the next day. The whole time I felt sick though. I couldn't stop jittering until we left. They stated to calm down after we left, but I still felt uneasy. The others are concerned but agreed we need to move if we want to stop Sky and Lavalivarus.
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Hype the hell out of them Votes: 7 13.2%
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This round is dragging way to long Votes: 46 86.8%
I say, it is starting to get annoying. If you want, you can put a different POV in the next chapter. But not through all of it. It feels like we’re getting far from the original story, and plus, the thing with her death was only temporary right? She only got out of her body.
I know it’s an arc for the story, but what’s its use here? What type of development does it give? Or is it for the world building? Her “death” felt really sudden, even unprepared, like a sudden addition because you didn’t know how to put some info in the story. There was nothing that could make you guess she would be in this situation in the first place. There was no transition between her two states of being. So it just gives a bad taste in the mouth.
So in the end, don’t rush the end of this arc. Make it coherent and enjoyable. I’m not ordering you around, not at all. It’s just.... if you want to put a different POV, go for it. But don’t make it long, just enough so we don’t get bored for this arc. I’m really excited for what’s after all this, so I won’t leave. But I cannot say the same for other people. Have a good day/night(depending on when you see this).
Yeah I really goofed on the the transition to this arc. I intend to at some point in the future rewrite the transition because there was a pretty major restructure of this arc.
Also to clarify the Lavalivarus pov would only last for one chapter and is showing what they've been doing throughout all the prep i.e destroying a village. No real recap, just showing their character in action before big flashy battle.
@Afewconcepts65 First paragraph: Cool! When you rewrite it, can you say it in an announcement or something? I'll gladly reread your story.
Second paragraph: We would have the sword's pov then? mmmmmmh.......... You know.... I'm not sure if it should be here or not. I understand the appeal honestly, seeing a sword and a heroine ravage and slaughter every villager, then hear the laughs of ecstasy from the sword. But, on the other hand, we would see all that carnage from the pov from our MC in the end. So........
It ultimately depends on you. If you like being in the details, you can put the pov. It can actually be interesting and a breath of fresh air from the boring feelings that litter the MC's path(maybe some feel another way, but right now this arc seems a bit boring. Some gruesome carnage can do the trick). But, if you just want to finish this arc more quickly, you can skip the pov but be more detailed in the other chapters. or not. you do you.
@Afewconcepts65 a brief summary: If you can make a gruesome carnage that can make this arc more exciting, go for it. If not, just use a mob character to explain what happened and voilà. I'm beginning to think a chapter with explicit scenes of violence is not a bad idea.
@Afewconcepts65 you know what? I'll change my vote. Something tells me that some psychopathic/battle-junky energy isn't so bad.
@Afewconcepts65 I agree with the situation here. The transition was not only to sudden but it is such a drastic change that the story does a complete 180 this arc. Your writing and story is great but their is nothing here in this arc that really make one want to stay. What is to keep the reader from skipping this whole arc, because right now it feels like useless filler. Not to mention there is no main characters besides Bernadette leaving a hole in your story as well. This arc is more like a side story or separate story instead of the same story it feels like. Please note I love your story and characters, I am just offering my honest criticism for the arc, take it as you wish.