Parson Camenzind Ivermectin was the most unpopular priest that Spetlamu had ever had.

An outsider to the community, installed in the role by the faraway bishops of Forfeiture Capital, Camenzind wasn’t suited to parochial village life in the foggy shadows of a vampire castle. From the moment he arrived he made no effort to understand the quaint ways of the community or to adapt to its values. Instead he always tried to impose his own, and did not hesitate to use the pulpit to do it.

The weekend he first arrived, a tea party had been held to welcome him in the Old Rectory. Skeggy Regin, something of a notorious local joker, had played a good-natured prank on the new priest by raping his wife on the dining room table.

The prank was perhaps going a bit far (Typical Skeggy!) but almost everyone had seen it as just a bit of fun and had a good laugh. The sight of Mrs Irena Ivermectin, face down in the tiramisu, while Skeggy Regin ploughed her with his warty knob had been the comedy highlight of the week for many hard-working villagers.

The Parson had not see it as just a bit of good-natured fun. He was very angry.

And on Sunday morning, from the pulpit, he told the whole community exactly how angry in a sermon called “DEFILERS AND VIOLATORS SHALL BURN IN THE HELLS.”

From the pews of the little church the villagers listened with horror.

They could not believe what they were hearing.

Their new priest had absolutely no sense of humour.

That evening, someone who had been in the appalled congregation, either the Miller or the Innkeeper were suspected, raped the priest's wife again.

And so began a cycle. Parson Camenzind wrote angry articles about it in the parish newsletter, tried to lead midweek prayer groups about the situation, and every Sunday made it the topic of his sermons and readings from scripture.

And after each of these outbursts, one of the local community would sexually assault Irena Ivermectin. It became a game of who would blink first. Would the villagers start to fear for their mortal souls? Or would the priest learn how to take a joke?

Over the two years since he started in the village, Parson Camenzind Ivermectin’s sermons had all had titles like…

FEAR FOR YOUR ETERNITY, OH CHILDREN OF SODOM

THE THREE MEN WHO DID THAT THING LAST THURSDAY WILL ALL KNOW THE WRATH OF MISTER JESUS

PLEASE STOP RAPING MY WIFE

BUILDING A CULTURE OF CONSENT

and

AT LEAST JUST STICK IT IN HER COOZE, SHE REALLY HATES IT UP THE BESTHOLE

As their rounds of the village took them towards the old rectory, Tatiana explained all this to Rutt the Minotaur. They had just left Mrs Mulberry’s, and the Ivermectin residence was their next stop.

"So everyone in this village is just constantly raping this bitch? Goddamn."

"Well, not constantly, I guess. Only when her husband annoys people. They're only doing it to troll him, really."

"Haha, that's so fucked up."

Rutt and Tatiana were walking arm in arm now. She was pulling herself in to lean slightly against his strong frame as they made their way along the rectory path.

"Yeah, she had a real rough ride last week. The whole choir jumped her during a rehearsal. I feel kinda bad for her."

Rutt ruffled her curly, butter-blonde hair. His new milkmaid was such a cutie.

"We gotta be real careful not to spook her," Tatiana explained, "She's kinda jumpy when she comes to the door."

Sure enough, when the Minotaur and the Milkmaid reached the Old Rectory door, it only opened a tiny crack.

"Who's there?" asked a nervous voice from within.

"It's me, Mrs Ivermectin. Brought you your milk and butter."

"Oh, good morning, Tatiana dear. Be right with you."

There was the sound of a chain being taken off the door, and then it fully opened.

Mrs Irena Ivermectin, stepped out onto the porch and saw the pretty milkmaid in her pretty blue and white dress.

And she also saw the Minotaur.

Tatiana realised she should probably have prepared Irena for that.

Irena began to splutter incoherently.

Rutt the Minotaur ripped off his makeshift toga to expose her to the sight of the full length and thickness of his massive minotaur weapon.

"Nice to meet you, slut," said the minotaur, "I hear your ruined gash has been busted in so many times that it's wide enough to take this meat?"

Irena began screaming and babbling and fell to the floor, scratching at her eyes and clutching at her pussy. Her body shook with panic.

"Oh my god, Rutt!" said Tatiana. "You're so naughty!"

The priest's wife was rocking from side to side, groaning in mental anguish, staring at the monster's willy.

"I'm so sorry, Mrs Ivermectin," the Milkmaid cooed soothingly, "My new boyfriend is a very naughty boy."

Rutt the Minotaur started giving Irena's face a few playful dickslaps.

"Now you stop that at once!" said Tatiana, shaking a finger at him and pouting cutely.