Four hundred years ago (more or less, as with all numbers that follow) the Queen of Forfeiture granted rulership of a small village to its Burgrave, a homosexual vampire by the name of Chevoy Vesh.

Three hundred years ago, mostly for the aesthetic, that vampire took himself two lesbian brides.

Fifty years ago, the greatest minotaur of the age, Francis Crackerjack, died and passed into the stone tunnels of the Last Labyrinth. There dids't he seek the Tauriarch and empty his ballsack into it, siring a son. 

That son, the minotaur who would become the hero known as Fabdinus Rutt, was disgorged from the Tauriarch's wombs into the flesh tunnels of the First Labyrinth. From thence he crawled his way into the Material World. Into Linear Time. Into the lands of lust and pain. 

Five years ago the Vampire Chevoy Vesh married again, this time unwisely as the cunt was accidentally heterosexual.

Three years ago, a young villager called Nikola Lever caught the eye of the Burgrave, becoming his favourite bloodbank and, eventually, lover.

One year ago a medieval shitting disease ran wild through the village, killing both the popular local priest and Nikola's mother.

One night ago a merchant caravan was massacred by parodies of monsters from a 1960's British Sci-Fi serial. The only survivor, or so he believes, was the minotaur hero Fabdinus Rutt, who sought shelter in the barn of the Lever family.

Hours ago, Nikola's older sister made Rutt jizz all over her.

Hours ago, crazed at the sight of the minotaur's awesome virility, Nikola and his father had both started licking up that jizz.

Four hundred years of history, all leading to an incredibly awkward bathtime. Possibly the most awkward bath a father and son had ever shared in the little village of Spetlamu.

"So that happened," said neither of them because this isn't a modern Hollywood movie. 

It really really isn't. I can't think of a single modern Hollywood movie that has a scene where a father and son share a bathtub while washing a minotaur's spunk off their faces and discussing what that means for them as a family. But this little story right here? Oh boy, it's got a scene exactly like that. And we're all going to have to deal with that in our own way.

"We went a little crazy there, huh dad?" said Nikola because someone had to say something.

Tatiana had taken the minotaur away with her on her milk round and the remaining Levers had barely said a word since. They'd just lit the fire, heated the water, and filled the big wooden tub in which they both now sat. 

"Crazy, yeah," said Dabney Lever. 

He just kept throwing handfuls of soapy water onto his face. He just wanted to feel clean. Could a man who'd just been licking thick monster cum off his own daughter's 36J slutbags ever feel clean again? Did he deserve to ever feel clean again?

Nikola could tell his dad wasn't doing so good. He hadn't been doing so good since the medieval shitting disease had claimed his wife, but things were obviously taking a turn for the worse.

Talking about it would surely help.

"So... when the Burgrave started fucking me..." Nikola began. What expression could be gleaned from his father's dead eyes suggested this maybe wasn't helping, but he persisted. "When the Burgrave started fucking me then we did a lot of things that I wasn't comfortable with. A lot of stuff happened that was very new and strange to me and that I needed to think about and talk about afterwards..."

Dabney snorted. 

"Listen to yourself boy," he said. "You're acting like it was just me went crazy in there!"

"Dad, what happened in that kitchen wasn't new or crazy for me. I lick up cum all the time." 

"Not off Tatiana's teats, you don't."

That was a very fair point. A point that only hadn't occurred to Nikola because he masturbated while thinking about licking his sister's tits so often that he'd forgotten today was the first time his tongue had legit made contact with them outside of his imagination. 

"And not minotaur cum either," Dabney stressed.

Also a good point. Most cum Nikola drank was vampiric.

"What's bothering you most, Poppa? That you licked Tatiana's tits or that you licked up minotaur cum...?"

"Oh, the minotaur cum, 100%" Dabney was very quick to answer. "100%. I mean Tatiana's titties kinda freak me out whether I'm licking them or not. Just the sight of them I find kind of disturbing... but what's really spinning me out is the primal need I felt to taste that beast's pungent seed. What the fuck?"

"Haha, yeah." Nikola was glad his father was starting to open up. He didn't want to jinx it. He really wanted to keep quiet and let Dabney talk.

"Boy...I'm an old man. Thought I knew my place in the world. But dammit, I think the sight of that minotaur cock turned me gay."

"Okay, you know that's not how it works, right?"

"Are you sure? It was a hell of a cock."

Fuck yeah it was.

"Yeah, but..."

"And if I was gay, that would explain why I'm scared of Tatiana's breasts..."

"Wow, dad. Wow, wow. No. Okay wow. Okay. No." Nikola wanted to let his father talk freely and openly, to safely explore his feelings out loud but what in the name of Mister Jesus was this shit? "You know gay guys aren't scared of breasts, right? You know gay men fucking love breasts?"

"Well, sure you do, son... but you're a special sort of gay..."

Nikola screamed.

"We've been through this like a million times! Being bisexual is not a 'special sort of gay' dad! It's its whole own thing!"

This was so exhausting. One day Nikola hoped to come out as a non-binary boy who used she/her pronouns and knew that that was gonna be so much hard work if his dad couldn't even grasp the bisexual concept.

"Sorry, Nikola. I know your old man doesn't always get it right. But I'm trying, okay? And everything's so confusing since that minotaur turned me gay..."

"Not what happened."

"You're really invalidating me here, son, I gotta say," said the careworn, heartbroken quasi-medieval dairy farmer.

"Okay, fine. Fine. You're gay. You're so gay now, let's do it. Lets fuck, dad. Right here in this bath. Rub a dub dub."

Dabney leapt to his feet, soap bubbles sent flurrying all around, and started to climb out of the bath.  

"What's the matter? You let Tatiana give you a handjob. Why not me? Maybe you won't cry like a pussy the whole time when it's me pumping you."

As he walked away from the tub, Dabney's back was now turned to Nikola. So the non-binary quasi-medieval bisexual boy couldn't see that his father was, in actual fact, already crying like a pussy.