Rewrite teaser feedback thing
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Hello, there's still a while until the full rewrite is published. However, I wanted to see what people think of the idea I have for it... so here's the prologue for it Any feedback is appreciated.

 

The planet was silent. Not a single wave or gust of wind dared to disturb the tranquil silence of the newborn world. Not even a day old the planet was devoid of life, all that there was, was water as far as the eye could see and as deep as the sky. The water shimmered in the radiance of the triple suns, one blue, one green and one white.

The blue sun radiates a warmth that is as cold as ice but soothing to the heart. The green sun radiates a gentle warmth of comfort and the white sun emanates the heat of the planet's core. They rise as three but never set together. As one they radiate a warmth that envelopes the planet in what can be equated to a warm hug, as if it's caring for the planet. Alone they bring harsh weather and suffering.

Once they have all set three moons of blue, green and white rise in their place each radiating a quality that is opposite that of their sun counterparts. The blue moon is fierce and menacing, the green moon brings pain and the white moon brings a terrible cold that freezes the heart of all that gaze upon it.

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The suns and the moons rise and set every day, for years and then eventually millennia. Each brings comfort to the lonely planet but also brings the opposite, pain. Eventually, the suns and moons grew bored. All they saw was a blue planet spinning in a black abyss. Eventually, they all decided to combine their power to bring change to the world. However, they could not decide what change that should be. The suns wanted to bring comfort and good times to the planet while the moons wanted to damage the planet and bring it pain.

They argued and thought until the blue sun and blue moon clashed in an all-out battle eventually they crashed causing parts of each of them to fall to the planet's surface. These pieces of rock and fire splashed into the ocean and sink to the depths to be forgotten about for millennia to come.

After this battle both the suns and the moons declared each other eternal enemies.

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On one unassuming day like any other something unusual was happening at the bottom of the ocean. A light was forming one that got brighter and brighter until it exploded. It exploded with the force of a nuclear bomb sending a giant column of water shooting into the air. Once the explosion died down all that was left was a lone woman.

Do you like this prologue of the rewrite?
  • Love it Votes: 11 61.1%
  • its ok Votes: 7 38.9%
  • don't care Votes: 0 0.0%
  • its bad Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Hate it Votes: 0 0.0%
Total voters: 18 · This poll was closed on Jul 26, 2023 07:21 PM.
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