"Oh great hero!" exclaimed the chubby man, loudly. He was wearing such massive and heavy looking purple robes that it was amazing he could even stand. Maybe there were support staff hidden under there. Or scaffolding. "The evil Demon Lord has once again arisen to terrorise our lands, and we have summoned you to save our people!"

I glanced at my surroundings. As well as the enrobed shouty guy, there were four knights in the room, dressed in plate mail that was so shiny, immaculate and blemish free that it seemed unlikely it had ever seen combat. A stereotypical magic circle was glowing faintly golden on the floor, in the middle of which I was lying in an undignified heap. Tall wooden torches burnt in brackets on the white marble walls, brightly lighting the room.

Great, I'd been isekai'ed. I didn't even get hit by a truck; I just went to sleep normally last night and somehow woke up here, barefoot and dressed only in a nightie. I wasn't even wearing underwear! And now they wanted me to fight some demon lord? What a ridiculous cliché. I was twenty years old! A university student, not some sort of military special forces. I'd never even been to a gym, let alone learnt how to fight! And what sort of name was Katie for a hero? Did I at least have a proper RPG interface, with skills and levels? Status? Character screen? Profile? Nope, nothing. They're doing it all wrong! Or did I have to say status out loud? No way was I trying that with these people watching me.

Despite my internal thoughts blasting along at a hundred miles an hour, out loud I went with a simple, "Nope."

"Pardon?"

"I said no! I can't fight a demon lord! I could barely fight a kitten!"

Shouty-guy pulled an expression somewhere between confusion and incredulity. "Why would we send a random person we know nothing about to go and fight the Demon Lord?! And what sort of people would we be if we kidnapped youngsters from other worlds and forced them to fight our war for us?! We'd be no better than the demons!"

I paused, my understanding suddenly swept out from beneath me. They didn't want me to fight? "But you said you wanted me to save your people?" I asked cautiously.

"Well, yes, but that doesn't involve any fighting on your part. We just need you to fetch the holy sword from where it has been locked away. You see, to stop the demons getting a hold of it, the Goddess enclosed it within a barrier that prevents anyone without her blessing from entering. Since no-one alive today has the Goddess' blessing, the easiest option to get the sword out was to summon a hero, since all heroes supposedly get a blessing automatically as part of the summoning ritual. We just need you to enter the barrier, grab the sword, and bring it back out. The sword has the power to destroy the Demon Lord with a touch, but anyone can wield it, and we have plentiful trained knights far better suited to such a mission. You'll be back home safe in five minutes, tops."

My mouth dropped open. Then what was with that misleading introduction?! This... wasn't how things were supposed to go. Where was the adventure? I didn't want to risk my life, but being summoned to another world to perform a five minute fetch quest just chafed. Talk about cheapening the whole experience. These things should take years, with places to explore, monsters to encounter and side quests to complete! Besides, what was that about the Goddess' blessing? Surely it wasn't used only for getting through a barrier. It sounded like I had cheat powers and wasn't even going to get to use them! At least it explained why no-one had bothered introducing themselves. Or had offered me any underwear.

"Fine, I'll go grab this sword for you, but would you mind if I at least got a tour of the area or something before you send me home? Seems a waste to come all this way just for five minutes."

The enrobed guy raised an eyebrow. "Really? Personally, I find the smell out there rather... distasteful, but you're welcome to take a look. I'll arrange for an escort. And some clothes." He glanced at one of the knights, who saluted and left the room through a camouflaged side exit. "Now, if you'll follow me."

A couple more knights left the room through a gaudy golden door that was not camouflaged in the slightest, followed by me and the enrobed shouty man, with the remaining knight taking up the rear. A guard formation? Was this place not secure, or did they just do that on general principles?

The corridor was made of the same white marble as the summoning chamber, with an even higher concentration of torches forcing me to squint. Did everything have to be so bright? We made our way to another door a short walk down the corridor, that led to something that looked like a sizeable chapel. On the walls hung golden framed paintings of what was presumably the Goddess smiting what were presumably demons, with lots of fire and lightning going on in the background. Seats covered in red velvet faced away from the door, looking upon an ostentatiously decorated altar raised upon a dais. Upon the altar rested a gleaming silver sword. At the rear of the room were large stained-glass windows, flooding the room with light and depicting the Goddess doing yet more smiting. Apparently, she was rather heavy on the whole holy justice thing. Or, at least, whoever decorated this place was.

"There it is!" exclaimed shouty-guy. "Be a good lass and fetch it, would you please!"

"Anything if it will make you a little quieter," I muttered to myself as I walked up towards the altar, noting the interesting way in which the air distorted around the dais as I moved, like the shimmering above a hot surface on a cold day. That must be the barrier shouty-guy was talking about. Or shouting about. Hopefully, the next time I was summoned to another world, people wouldn't be so loud... But the closer I walked, the further away the altar seemed to get, the room distorting and enlarging. Was that due to the barrier? Even the light started to fade, until I could barely make out the altar in the distance. Shouty-guy had said five minutes, and not ten seconds, so presumably there was at least some walking involved.

Finally reaching the dais, I stepped up, and the world went away.

... Granted
Wish for 'adventure'... Granted.
Wish for 'life not to be in danger'... Error. Conflict with 'adventure'. Compensating. Goddess' blessing modified. Granted.
Wish for 'more than five minutes'... Error. Any substantial delay will result in victory for the Demon Lord. Compensating. Applying time dilation to barrier space. Granted.
Wish for 'experience to not be cheapened'... Granted
Wish for 'exploration'... Granted
Wish for 'monsters'... Granted
Wish for 'side quests'... Granted
Wish for 'everything to not be so bright'... Granted.
Wish for 'no loud people'... Error. Wish is subjective. Compensating. Removing subjectivity by removing all people. Granted.

I carefully closed my eyes, which made no difference whatsoever to the words hovering in the middle of my vision. That was... concerning. Fortunately, they faded on their own after a few seconds, but when I opened my eyes again, the altar was no longer in sight. That was also concerning. Nor was anything else whatsoever. That was, like the previous points, highly concerning.

"Umm..." I said. "Hello?"

There was no response.

"Shouty guy? Are you still there?"

No response.

"Anyone? Random shiny knights?"

The lack of responses continued.

Deciding to abort this first attempt in favour of finding out what precisely was going on, I turned a hundred and eighty degrees and started walking in the opposite direction, straight into a wall.

"Ouch..." I muttered, rubbing my stinging nose, then feeling the cold, rough, damp surface in front of me. It didn't match anything from the chapel. That should be concerning, but by this point my levels of concern were pretty much maxed out already.

Blindly feeling my way along the wall, I found myself to be in a small room, circular, with one open exit. The floor was as uneven as the walls, seemingly a natural stone surface. Somehow, I had ended up in some sort of cave. Slumping to the ground and trying to think things through logically, I considered the notices I'd seen. I'd wanted an adventure and apparently had been given one. So now I had to find my way through this cave system to get my hands on the sword? Why didn't I wish for a big pile of gold, or something equally normal? What the heck sort of barrier was this?! Surely it didn't just grant the wishes of anyone passing through?

Thank goodness I'd also wished that my life wasn't in any danger. That did a great deal to prevent me from panicking. The other wishes... no matter how long I took here, I'd still get the sword back to shouty-guy within five minutes, or at least in time to stop the demon lord's invasion. I just hoped my thought about 'years' wasn't taken literally. And how did it interpret 'not cheapened'? Why didn't it claim that was ambiguous? It might just increase the difficulty level, but what difference would that make if I couldn't die? Would I end up like one of those weird people who turn a game's difficulty up to max and then enable cheat codes, instead of just playing normally? Hopefully, there wouldn't be any hard logic or maths puzzles. That would just be annoying.

The next three were isekai staples. Exploration would be fine. Monsters were not, but thanks to my danger wish, they wouldn't be able to endanger me. As for side quests... side quests often were fetch quests, so if the main quest was a fetch quest, what were mere side quests going to be? Take two steps to the left, and done? Or would everything be reversed, and killing the demon lord was an optional side quest?

The last two were both simple enough. I was in a dark cave, which certainly qualified as less bright than the over-lit corridor, although I was happy to find that as my eyes adjusted, there did seem to be glowing patches dotted around the walls. There wasn't zero light. Also, there was no-one else around. That certainly did away with people being too loud. I was utterly alone. That... might interfere with the side quests, if there was no-one to give them. Also, I really hoped it was only talking about this cave, and not the world I'd just came from, or I'd accidentally saved the demons a war...

Which left the first one. There was just a 'granted' without a comment about the wish. What had I thought before complaining about the lack of adventure? Wasn't it something about the world having RPG rules? 'Status,' I thought.

Name: Katie

Well, that was... brief. And useless. But yes, my first wish was for RPG rules, so the floating words must be from the RPG interface I'd apparently just wished into existence. What else could it do? Skills? Inventory? Mini-map? Blessings? Quests? Journal? Nope, nothing. How about 'I wish to be transported to the holy sword?' Nope, apparently I was all wished out. Or maybe that was the whole don't-cheapen-the-experience thing. Dammit!

Now that I was paying attention, there did seem to be red, blue and yellow smudges hovering at the bottom of my field of vision. Health, mana and stamina bars? They were very hard to see, which was why I'd dismissed them at first, thinking them to just be afterimages from my sudden plunge into darkness. I couldn't look at them properly though, since every time I moved my eyes downwards, the smudges moved with them. Great, the RPG interface I'd wished into existence apparently didn't understand how eyes worked. On the bright side, hopefully the blue bar meant I could use magic. Spells? Fireball? Light? No such luck. Maybe I'd find out how to do it later.

With a sigh, I picked myself back up. Apparently I'd accidentally wished myself an adventure, so best to get on with it. My eyes were about as adapted to the dim light as they were going to get, and I could now make out that it was coming from patches of luminescent moss growing on the stone. It wasn't much, but was sufficient to ensure I wasn't about to walk into another wall.

Suddenly, the light dimmed, a shadow cast in front of me. Spinning around, I found myself looking straight into a pair of black, bulbous eyes, the silhouette of an elongated body as wide as my hand and almost as long as my forearm behind them, gripping onto a large patch of moss with six spindly legs. It clicked, quietly.

I screamed.