Eventually, Ryan's hysterical laughter petered out.

 

 

 

 

Ryan's coughing fit alerted him to an unsettling feeling within his body. He sensed something was amiss. He felt he was out of balance. As he coughed, he expelled a peculiar and disturbing sight - a multi-colored mucus that raised concern. Examining the glob with a critical eye, Ryan knew he should feel worried about what it might signify but just didn't care. It felt like a strip of lung had peeled away and he just vomited it up, "Well that can't be good." Struggling with vertigo, he managed to climb up onto the wooden platform, which served as his makeshift bed within the barren cell. There, the world spun around him, disoriented and uncomfortable.

 

The cell lacked any semblance of comfort, devoid of a pillow, blanket, or straw. Its sole contents consisted of a wooden bucket in one corner and a drain in the floor. Exhausted and feeling unwell, Ryan lay on his back on the platform and closed his eyes, feigning sleep to gather his thoughts and contemplate his situation

 

Fons watched through the bars and thought about his orders to keep harassing Ryan and stopping him from getting any sleep, but he just didn't have it in him to be that cruel and instead laid down himself, ~I'll give the kid a few hours then try again. I bet I can get more flies with honey than vinegar.~

 

Ryan, on the other hand, was not sleeping, but thinking.

 

He had been in dangerous situations before and now was the time to practice those techniques to detach himself from the situation. ~Okay. Let's take it from the top.~ He clenched his fists then relaxed before he continued, ~My wife and daughter... died.~ He took a deep breath and forced himself to relax. ~My... EX-wife and daughter were coming to visit me in Japan and the plane crashed with everyone on board being killed. Fact One.~ He paused, letting this sink in before he continued, ~Fact two. I went for a walk and impulsively threw myself in front of a passing truck in hopes of getting killed. I tried to commit suicide.~ He focused on this thought for a while, mulling it over and its implications, ~No sense hiding it. God or karma or... whatever, it would know what I did. I can claim it was an accident or that I didn't see it, but the truth is, I did it.~

 

He opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling, ~Fact three. I have been reborn in the body of some midget. I'm noble, but not well-liked. I appear to be in some sort of...~ His mind raced back over what he had dealt with so far, thinking about the names he had overheard and the encounters he stumbled through. He came to one inescapable conclusion:

 

~I think I am in a poorly-written romance novel.~

 

This last thought echoed around inside his head for a while, ~So I'm being punished for killing myself.~ Then he paused, ~Wait. No. I'm being punished for committing SUICIDE.~ He nodded himself, ~Important distinction. Now that I know death is not the end, I could kill myself with the intent of getting back to Earth without actually intending suicide. It is only suicide if I expect to stay dead.~

 

He looked around for a bit then closed his eyes, listening to the general activity level in the dungeon, ~I am curious if I'll stay dead and there is only one way to test my theory. Besides... they are planning on killing me in the morning, so I'm just helping the process along. This is more an act of spite, if you think about it.~

 

Ryan stared off into the distance for a while then noticed something embedded in the middle of the ceiling. There was an iron ring. It was there so you could chain a prisoner up to keep his arms over his head as a form of long-term torture. Ryan abruptly looked down at his boots and smiled as a plan formed in his head, ~Idiots.~

 

Ryan slowly sat up and looked around. The guy across the corridor noticed and sat up as well. Ryan took off his boots and searched around in them, pulling out the two gold coins he had hidden under the inserts. He held them up, balanced one on the back of his knuckles, and rolled it along. Eventually, he came to balance it on his thumbnail.

 

Flipping the coin into the air, Ryan caught it as he finalized his plan, "I think I waited long enough. Time to check out." He waggled his eyebrows at Fons and then went over to the bucket.

 

He wedged the bucket under the wooden bench and yanked as hard as he could until he pulled the handle off. Using the handle, he went to the circular drain cover in the middle of the floor. Two large screws were holding it down. With the coin, he slowly undid both screws and then used the wooden handle to pry the cover-up. Years of muck eventually gave way to determination and the circular grill broke free.

 

The man across the corridor watched with a combination of curiosity and confusion, "What are you doing? Do... you think you are going to fit down that drain?"

 

Ryan shook his head then said, "Nah. I just need the metal." He took one of the gold coins and put a screw under it and using the grate, bent it. He flipped the coin over and bent it the other way. Again and again, until he broke it in half. Then he started to bend the two halves until they were broken into fourths. That seemed to be the limit of how many pieces he could make with the tools at hand.

 

Ryan held up the second gold coin towards Fons, "Want it?" Fons looked skeptical as he nodded. Ryan hid the coin, "Make some noise." Fons looked puzzled. Ryan clarified, "Yell at me. Rattle the bars a bit." He put down one of the four bits of gold on the ground and held up the grate as if he was going to hit it. He gestured to Fons to get going.

 

Fons thought about it and decided to play along, "Hey! What's your problem, freak?" He started to rattle the bars. As he started making noise, Ryan quickly started to hammer the four pieces of gold, making them flatter and thinner. Fons continued as Ryan hammered, "Frankly I've had it with your kind! I'm glad they are executing you in the morning! Should have killed you at birth and saved everyone some trouble!"

 

Ryan kept hammering and yelled back, "You know why they call me O'sok? It stands for One Shot, One Kill, Baby! I suggest you let me sleep, buddy or I'm gonna snipe your ass!" It didn't take long for Ryan to finish with the flat pieces of gold he hammered out. Ryan seemed happy with the result and slipped the bits of gold into a pocket, just in time. The sound of the cell block gate being unlocked was unmistakable. In short order, a guard came walking down the corridor. Ryan slipped the grate back into place just in time. He moved to stand by the bars and peer out across at Fons, "C'mon man. Don't start nothing, won't BE nothing!"

 

The guard stared at the both of them, then swung at both with a truncheon, whacking both cell doors, "Enough! Keep it down or I'll bash your brains in!" Both Ryan and Fons backed off from the bars and held up their hands. Ryan dropped his head and just shrugged before going to sit down.

 

The guard watched Ryan, specifically his feat, noticing that he wasn't wearing boots. Ryan caught on, noticing what the guard was looking at, ~Whoops.~

 

"I can't sleep with shoes on." Ryan offered as an answer to the guard's unasked question. Then swiveled around to lie down on the bench. The guard looked at Fons. Fons just shook his head slightly and gave a quick hand gesture. The guard took the hint and walked out.

 

Ryan waited until he was sure the guard was long gone, then slid over to the bars, "Here." He leaned against the bars and stretched his arm out as far as he could, "Catch." Ryan tossed the remaining gold coin. Fons dropped down and scrambled to get the coin as it bounced around his cell. When he finally looked up, Ryan winked back, "Next phase of the plan." Ryan returned to his boots and started to unlace them. The boots went all the way up to his calves, so there was quite a bit of unlacing to do.

 

Fons watched intently, "What is that for?"

 

Ryan held up a finger, "Watch and learn. Watch. And. Learn. With any luck, you can use this method to check out yourself. You got a gold coin after all." Ryan finished unlacing one boot and moved on to the next, "It's fascinating what you can do with gold. You know, they used to call them pieces of eight... well... they did where I came from. They were designed to be broken into eight pieces. But the gold here isn't pure. It seems to be mixed with something. A bit harder than I expected."

 

Ryan finished the second boot and then intertwined the two laces. When he finished he wrapped each end around a hand and stood on it. He pulled hard to test its strength.

 

It held.

 

"Awesome." Ryan muttered as he hunched his back so Fons couldn't see what he was doing. This didn't stop Fons from craning his neck in hopes of seeing whatever Ryan was trying to make. His mind was trying to figure out what you could make with boot laces and strips of gold and nothing was coming to mind.

 

When he finished, Ryan stood up and walked over to the bars. "So." Ryan let the word hang in the air. It seemed to have a tinge of regret and finality to it.

 

Fons walked over to the door to his cell as well. He grabbed the bars with both hands, nervously fingering them. In the back of his mind, he had a growing sense of dread. He felt like he missed something. Something important, "What's the plan?" He asked with a tinge of suspicion.

 

"I'm sorry." Ryan said simply.

 

Fons squinted, "About what?"

 

"I'm sorry to screw you like this." Ryan sighed but looked resigned, "Just keep telling yourself, there was nothing you could have done. You did everything you were supposed to do. If anything, it's your bosses' fault." Fons slowly pulled back from the bars. He looked around like he was suddenly worried about being attacked. Ryan turned and picked up the bucket. He placed it upside down on the bed. He needed the extra height so he could reach the ring, and put his improvised noose through it.

 

Normally, a grown man likely couldn't have hung himself in a cell like this, as the ceiling was too low, or at least he wouldn’t be able to snap his neck. Ryan was much shorter than a grown man. For him, there was more than enough space to get a good drop. This was the point where Fons put two and two together, "No!" He shouted, "RICH! PONZ! BROTHERS! GET IN HERE! NOW!!" Fons spun around and knocked the bucket in his cell aside to reveal a key hidden beneath. Taking it, he unlocked the door to his cell.

 

Ryan calmly slipped his head into his last necktie as he balanced on the bucket, "Dude. It's cool. I'm not committing suicide."

 

Fons rushed across the corridor. The sound of help could be heard approaching. "It sure looks like it from over here!" Fons exclaimed as he tried to fit the key into the lock on Ryan's cell.

 

'Tried' being the keyword here.

 

Fons failed to unlock the door. His panic grew as he tried desperately to turn the tumblers, "What’s wrong with this blasted key?"

 

Ryan smiled down at him with a peaceful expression, "Remember when you were fumbling for that coin I tossed to you?” Fons looked up as Ryan continued, “What do you think I did with MY gold?"

 

Fons' face took on an aspect of grim realization.

 

Fons pulled out the key and looked inside. Ryan had jammed the hammered gold bits into the keyhole. Fons' desperate attempt to force the lock only bent the soft gold, causing it to gum up the mechanism to the point where getting it to work was now an impossibility. His heart filled with dread. He knew that Ryan was counting on this.

 

"I'm going to get executed in the morning anyway." Ryan kept smiling and spoke softly in a calm, reassuring voice, "I'm just checking out on my terms." The door to the cell block slammed open, "Not like a bitch." People were rushing to get to Ryan's cell. Fons grabbed the door to Ryan's cell and shook it violently on the off chance it might shake the gold bits free from the lock.

 

It didn't.

 

Ryan let out a soft 'heh' and thought to himself, ~Just a little closer. Don't want Fons here being accused of killing me. I'd feel awful if he got blamed for this.~

 

Fons looked into the boy's eyes and saw only the serenity of a madman. He cursed himself for not raising an alarm sooner, "Don't do this!" The crowd arrived as the Fons looked on helplessly. His knuckles turned white as he gripped the bars tighter. It was as if he thought he could physically rip the door off its hinges with strength alone.

 

Ryan noticed a tall lanky man in the back with distinctive green hair. It reminded him of that first kid he beat up. There was a clear family resemblance. The green-haired man was staring disbelievingly into the cell. He was prepared for many things, but this was not one of them. Ryan thrust his chin in the man's direction, "Dude. Tell your kid I'm sorry. Nothing personal." One of the newly arrived guards pulled out a key and pushed Fons out of the way. He tried to unlock Ryan's cell but to no avail.

 

Ryan closed his eyes and shook his head slightly. He had a bemused look on his face, "Hey, Fonz!" Fons said nothing, staring hopelessly into the cell. He locked eyes with Ryan and just slowly shook his head as he mouthed the words, 'Don't do this.' Ryan held out a hand towards Fons and gave him a thumbs up. With a wide smile, Ryan cried out, "Aaaayeeee!" as he kicked the bucket out from under himself.

 

 

Ryan dropped.