Kyle leaned over to speak directly into the king's ear, "See what I mean, Sire? He speaks in that odd syntax and while they sound like words, the way he puts things together makes very little sense."

The headmaster nodded in agreement as he stroked his beard, "I have heard that damage to the head can cause people to become confused as to what the words they speak mean. He may be saying one thing, but thinking he is saying something completely different."

Stroking his mustache, the king nodded in acknowledgement of his advisors, "The lad HAS nearly died twice and suffered repeated blows to the head."

 

Ryan's face slowly went from smirking to expressionless, and finally arriving at annoyed as they talked about him as if he wasn't there. Eventually he threw his head back, took a deep breath, then abruptly jumped behind Charity, "Milady! Tis the Ner'dowells who mean to do me harm! O'whatevar shall this poor little helpless vagabond do against such aggressive cruelty?" He held onto the arm he was handcuffed to and peered around Charity with BIG EYES and a quivering lip.

 

Charity took one look at Ryan and her heart instantly melted. She turned to the three men standing before her, "Milords, I know it is not my place, but if I may be so bold as to-" She moved her arm to reassuringly pat Ryan on the head, then paused. She looked confused as she pulled her hand around to her face to look at it.

 

She was no longer handcuffed.

 

She turned around to look at Ryan who was fiddling with the cuff still on his wrist. He no longer looked like the helpless waif, but instead had his tongue sticking out the side of his mouth as he fiddled with the lock. He glanced up at Charity and muttered, “One sec, babe. Be right with you.” As he gave a final twist, the handcuffs popped off.

 

Ryan smiled up at faces that were displaying a wide range of emotions. Ryan held up the nail he used to pop the lock, "Pulled it out of the bathroom cabinet." Then tossed it in a high arc towards Kyle, "Think fast." Kyle did indeed 'think fast' and snatched it out of the air. His eyes flickered between the nail and Ryan.

 

Ryan looked thoughtful as he comically put a single finger under his chin, "Now where were we?" He snapped his fingers, "Oh yeah." He started walking towards his bed, spinning the handcuffs around on his index finger. Speaking in a flat, yet sarcastic tone, Ryan rolled his eyes, "Oh no. I am soooooo scared. My nose hairs are quivering in terror." He hopped up to swing his legs into bed, "See?" He tilted his head back and pointed up his nose, "Quivering."

 

Everyone in the room looked mortified, except for the king. The king's lip twitched for a second as the chancellor stepped forward, "Now see here! This is your King and-"

 

The chancellor was cut off by a burst of laughter.

Everyone turned to look at the king who was literally doubling over from hysterics. No one dared to do anything, most never having even seen the king act in such a fashion. Ryan pushed his pillow up against the wall, then leaned against both as he crossed his legs, "Glad I could amuse you. May I ask for a boon in return?"

The king wiped at the corner of his eye as his laugher finally petered out. He let out a long sigh and shook his head, "I'll consider it. What is this 'boon' you seek?"

 

Ryan pointed at Charity, "Don't punish her."

 

The king looked at Charity, then at Ryan, "Why would I?" Ryan held up the cuffs, "Clearly she was cuffed to me to make sure I didn't go running off again. If she didn't let me use the bathroom, I couldn't have got the nail, couldn't have removed the cuffs, couldn't have gotten free. Technically she failed in her duties and I have no idea how much of a monster you are."

 

The king's mirth faded as a serious look replaced it, "Do I look like a monster to you?"

 

Ryan closed his eyes, arched his eyebrows, and shrugged, "You're a noble.” He glanced at the three important men standing in front of him, “Nobles are almost universally corrupt in my opinion." He tapped the side of his head, "Power leads to dopamine addiction. Addiction leads to corruption. Corruption leads to... well..." Ryan spread his hands wide, "Monsters."

 

Ryan jutted his chin towards Charity, "She is a nice person who has done me a kindness. I do not relish the idea that she may be punished because of my actions." Charity smiled softly and walked over to stand next to Ryan's bed. She looked concerned, but remained silent, instead just mouthing the words, 'Thank you.'

 

The King listened to Ryan and thought about his words, "I have many questions about what you believe, but I am most curious about how you view yourself for you are a noble as well."

 

Ryan burst out laughing, "HA! Me? Seriously? What fuckin' shit you been smokin', pal?"

 

Charity's hand lashed out and slapped Ryan across the face, "How Many Times Must I Say This?" Ryan rubbed his cheek and glared at Charity. She held out both hands as if to strangle Ryan. Her hands shook as she shouted, "LANG! WIDGE!"

The headmaster looked concerned, "Should she be slapping him?"

Kyle replied, "I not only gave her permission, but I'm specifically encouraging it." The headmaster nodded towards Kyle then returned to listening to the unfolding conversation.

 

The King watched with one squinting eye as he looked at Ryan sideways. He held up a hand towards Charity, "I need you to let him speak freely." She bowed and stepped backwards, away and out of the line of conversation. The king walked closer, thought for a moment, then gestured towards a chair against a far wall. One of the escorts fell over themselves to bring it over. He sat down next to Ryan and stared at him for a very long time. Ryan stared back just as long, but abruptly burst out laughing. The King raised an eyebrow and Ryan covered his mouth, "Sorry. I doubt you would get it."

 

The king folded his hands in his lap, "Try me."

 

Ryan shrugged, "Okay. Then say, 'Luke... I am your father.'"

 

The King squinted in confusion but hesitantly said, "Luke... I am your father."

 

Ryan cried out, "NOOOOOOOooooo! That's Not TRUE! That's IMPOSSIBLE!!!" Everyone stared at Ryan like he had sprouted a second head. Ryan gestured to the king, "Okay. Now you say, 'Join with me, and we will rule the galaxy as father and son.'"

 

The king stared at Ryan, "Wait. Is this a line from... a play?"

 

Ryan touched the tip of his nose, "Bingo. You are playing the part of Darth Vader, the second most evil man in the galaxy and I am playing the part of Luke Skywalker right before he throws himself off a... well... let's call it a cliff. Kind of hard to explain. The location of this particular scene is at the cloud city Bespin. He's about to plunge into the depths of the city’s air processors."

 

"Air... processors?" The King looked confused. He glanced back at his advisor Kyle, who just shrugged.

Ryan sighed, "Look. The longer I explain it, the less funny it gets. Let's leave the plot of Star Wars for another day, Kay?"

The king nodded and stroked his mustache for a while longer before saying, "Very well. I honestly don't know where to begin."

 

Ryan shrugged and held his hands out wide, "Sooooo... don't." The king arched his eyebrows as Ryan continued, "What I mean is, I'm just a giant headache, right? Just let me go." He held up both hands like his fingers were legs and 'ran away', "I'll go away. Somewhere else. Never look back. I got things to do, evil to conquer, days to save. You know... Heroic Sh-" He cut himself off and glanced at Charity, "shhhhhtuff." He cleared his throat and turned back to the king, "Heroic stuff to do."

 

The King nodded slowly, "Heroic... Stuff... you say."

 

Ryan nodded, "Yeah. Not... quite up to speed yet, but I'm getting it." He raised his hands, "I'll make ya a deal. I'll stick to slaying monsters and stay out of politics. I won't go after corrupted nobles... in this country at least. I'm sure I can find mucho diablo all over the place and... uhhh... if you happen to get invaded by a demon lord give me a buzz and I'll come right over and slay that cuuuuuuucharacter lickety split." He clapped his hands together as if dusting them off, "Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy."

 

The king's face up until this point was reserved, perhaps even slightly amused. However at the mention of the phrase, 'demon lord', his expression darkened. Both Kyle and the headmaster stepped closer. All three exchanged glances. Kyle looked at the guards and gave a crisp order, "Leave the room. NOW." The guards turned and headed out. Charity looked extremely nervous and started to leave. The king raised a hand, "Stay." Charity nodded, bowed her head, and tried to become as small and unnoticeable as possible.

 

Ryan watched this unfold and waited until the door closed before he spoke up, "Let me guess.” He waggled his eyebrows and pretended to twirl a cigar next to his mouth, “I said the secret word.”

 

The king looked at Ryan and spoke in a booming voice, "TALK."

Ryan sighed and rubbed his eyebrow, "Look. I just know I got a god sponsoring me. I'm supposed to go do great deeds, save the world, defeat evil, I assume a demon lord is involved because when this crap happens it's ALWAYS a demon lord... and I'm assuming it's the badass gonna eat your soul type of demon lord and not the giant, floating, comedic skull with a mohawk type demon lord."

 

The headmaster interjected, "Wait. This has happened before?"

 

Ryan nodded, "Well... yeah." He paused and thought to himself, ~I really need to come up with some story they will accept.~ He took a deep breath, "You see... when this started... the gods beamed a whole bunch of info into my head but I went insane and thought that everyone was going to kill me. I got all paranoid and... things."

 

The king tilted his head to the side, "Things?"

 

Ryan nodded, "You know. Stuff... and things." He bobbed his head for a while ~Uhh... let’s go with a plot from Buffy.~ Ryan cleared his throat, "Any rate, I kinda went on a rampage and killed myself so I could go talk with the gods. The gods figured they knew how to set my mind straight so they cast me into a Hell Dimension."

 

It was the Headmaster's turn to tilt his head to the side, "Hell Dimension?"

 

Ryan shrugged, "Okay... more of a HECK dimension. Not a nice place. Joined up with the local military. I spent about twenty years in the Army." Ryan leaned towards the king, "Time travels at a different speed in Heck, don't you know?"

 

The king nodded, "Of course."

 

Ryan shrugged, "It's been a couple of decades for me and the only thing I really remember is that I was scheduled for execution." Ryan waved his hand around, "This whole being a noble thing? I don't remember any of it. I just remember... well... the wars. There were a few. I met a nice girl. We got married. I had a daughter... Then got divorced." His tone started casual but became increasingly sad the longer he talked, "Yeah. They both just... uhhh..." His explanation just sort of petered out as he slowly developed a thousand yard stare.

 

Charity chimed in, "Why?" Everyone looked at her. "Why did you get divorced?" She clarified.

 

Ryan blinked, "Why did I get divorced?"

 

At the moment that Ryan asked the question, his brain kicked into overdrive. He could feel the 'blessing' he had for perfect recall kicking in. His mind started to construct the chain of events that led to his divorce. This was something Ryan had never really done before, even with all the therapy he’d had over the years. It certainly wasn't anything he WANTED to know.

 

Regardless, the information started to crash out of Ryan's subconscious like a flood wall giving way. All the four in the room could do is watch on as Ryan grabbed his head and let out a drawn out scream of denial and purest, heart-wrenching pain.

 

 

 

 

And he KEPT screaming.