Ryan remained curled up next to Charity and eventually fell asleep.

 

 

When word came down to move them into a permanent room, Charity carefully helped move Ryan to a gurney so they could roll him to a bedroom in the guest wing. Ryan awoke in a soft bed with Charity slouched in a chair next to him, fast asleep. He eyed her for a moment, then the window, then back at her. He thought about making a break for it but decided against it.

 

"Hey." He leaned over to blow a puff of breath at her. This made her jump a little and blink awake. Ryan stared at her, "Sorry, Lady"

 

Charity rubbed the sleep from her eyes as she yawned. She looked at Ryan and smiled, "Milord is awake. How are you feeling?"

 

Ryan gave her a thin smile, "Lady, I'm no lord." Then let his head fall back down into the pillow, landing on his side facing away from her.

 

Charity replied matter of factly, "And I am no lady."

 

"I'm not talking about nobility. I'm talking about being a lady. I know lots of women who were high class, but weren't even close to being a lady." Ryan rolled his hand in the air, "And I have worked with women who acted like ladies, and thus they were." He pointed over his shoulder at Charity, "You, are a lady." He closed his eyes, "Just accept it."

 

She thought about this for a while and then asked, "And are you going to accept it wasn't your fault?"

 

Ryan's eyes flared open.

 

Charity continued, "Because it wasn't. You didn't do anything wrong."

 

Ryan slowly sat up and turned to face her, "You need to shut up. Right now."

 

Charity took a deep breath, "No. I don't entirely understand everything you said, but-"

 

Ryan threw back the covers, leaned toward Charity, and pulled back a fist as if to backhand her, "I SAID-"

 

"DO IT." She stared at him unflinchingly.

 

Ryan's fist quivered and he turned away. He put his back towards her as he pulled the covers up, "You don't know anything." Charity suddenly hugged Ryan from behind. He tensed up as he exclaimed, "What The-?" He squirmed to try and get free, but being under the covers made it easier for her to pin him down. He growled at her, "Are you crazy?" Charity kept hugging Ryan. As time passed, he squirmed less and less.

 

Eventually, she said in his ear, "I had a very bad day once." Ryan stopped struggling. Charity continued softly, "I blamed myself for everything that had happened. Then a hero came along. He was too late to save anyone else, but he saved me. I hated myself. I wanted to die. He told me something."

 

Charity pulled back a little to speak more clearly in Ryan's ear, "Bad things happen to good people. Good things happen to bad people. Life is not fair. This is a good thing." She paused to clear her throat. Ryan remained motionless as she continued, "I yelled at him. I screamed. I beat him with my fists and said he was a liar and that the world needs to be fair. He waited until I was done and then he asked, 'Do you want the world to be fair? Because I can make it fair.' So I told him ‘Yes! Make the world fair!'.

 

Both of them remained quiet until Ryan finally spoke, "And... what did he say?"

 

"He said, 'They had it coming'."

 

Ryan pulled away a bit then turned around to look at Charity. She looked back with a sad smile and sympathetic eyes. He looked her up and down as if he was checking to make sure she actually existed and wasn't some fever dream-inspired hallucination, "Come again?"

 

She reached out to take Ryan's hand in hers and looked down as she cradled it gently, "He said, 'They had it coming'. He said that they deserved it. If they deserved to die, then life would be fair." She swallowed to compose herself before continuing, "Then he said, 'What you really want is life to be unfair in your favor." She paused to lift her chin to hold a pose as if she was imitating the way the hero had looked at her so many years ago, "And you know what? I want that as well. I want everyone to live a life most unfair. I want everyone to win, even if they don't deserve it. I think a world where everyone won all the time would be far better than a world that was fair.'"

 

Charity squeezed Ryan's hand as she leaned in closer. The tone of her voice changed as she started speaking to Ryan as herself, and not as the memory of another, "If you try your best and you fail, that's because the world isn't fair, not because it is your fault. I don't for one instance believe you didn't do your best. In fact, I think the one thing you did wrong was blame yourself. You wanted life to be fair so bad you were willing to destroy yourself to make it so." She reached up to push a stray hair out of Ryan’s face, "It doesn't work like that."

 

“Your pain won't balance things out."

 

Ryan flinched from the touch, "You don't believe in karma?"

 

Charity thought for a while, "Ah. You mean, being rewarded for good deeds in the afterlife? It would be nice, but no, not really. How could anyone ever perform enough good deeds to balance out the scales of karma when on one end you have the reward of getting into Heaven?" Ryan opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again, then closed it again. He was caught in a loop of asking questions when he already knew the answers. Charity gave Ryan another hug, then pulled back to hold his shoulders at arm’s length, "You need to let go and just move on. Stop trying to make the world fair and just try to make the world better. Everything you did in the past isn't as important as what you do now. In other words..."

 

Charity let go, but continued to look him in the eye, "You can do everything right and still fail. That's why I can say you aren't to blame. You didn't do anything wrong." Ryan barked out a single sob and his head fell forward to hang between them.

 

"I want to believe you."

"So believe me."

"It's not that simple."

"It is exactly that simple."

 

She put a hand over her heart, "I get it. I do. Which is worse, being at fault for the deaths of the ones you love, or FAILING the ones you love?"

 

Ryan's head abruptly lifted up. He looked Charity right in the eye. He opened his mouth, closed it, then looked away. It took him quite a while to give a proper answer, "Failing. If I was to blame, I could at least punish the one who killed them. I could give them justice."

 

Charity gently took Ryan's chin in her hand and tugged upwards until he met her gaze, "Do you think the people you love want you to suffer?"

 

Ryan started fighting back the urge to give in to his emotions, "No." He weakly replied.

 

She smiled with a look of utter sympathy that can only come from someone who has been in the exact same spot as the one who is suffering, "Then why are you hurting someone they care about? They'd want you to be happy, not..." She swallowed down another knot in her throat as she gestured towards him, "This."

 

Ryan turned away, fighting to get himself back under control. Charity just sat there silently, waiting for him to compose himself. Ryan sniffled and rubbed his face. When he finally turned back, he found a handkerchief being held out to him. Taking it and blowing his nose, he eventually found his center, "Thanks."

 

Charity smiled, "You are welcome." She rubbed her shoulder, then stretched her arms over her head, "I think you're going to be okay."

 

Ryan focused his attention on the handkerchief, "Why are you so nice to me?"

 

Charity stood up to stretch more, "I told you. I had a very bad day once. When I asked him how I could pay him back, he said, ‘If you find someone else having a very bad day, help them out instead’."

 

Ryan let out a short snort and smiled, "Sounds like a rather wise man."

 

Charity nodded, "Oh, he is... he is." She patted Ryan on the head, "I think maybe you need to get some sleep." She started to walk out.

 

Ryan laid back and was about to turn away when he asked, "Hey. By the way, what’s his name? I'd like to meet him... if it's possible."

 

"Oh, but you already did."

 

Ryan's eyebrows furrowed, "I did?" With the opening of the door, a light from the hallway cast a long beam across Ryan's prone form.

 

 

 

"Yes."

 

 

 

 

 

The silhouette in the doorframe reached over to touch a knob on the wall.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The magical orbs illuminating the room dimmed to a soft glow before they winked out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"He was the one you called 'monster'."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The door closed leaving Ryan in darkness.