"Nope."
Charity looked around very nervously, "You should not be doing this! This is wrong!"
Ryan continued to keep his forehead firmly pressed against the ground, "Not until you accept my apology."
The people walking in and out of the dining hall stared at the two. You would think a noble doing the dogza to a maid was something that would draw a bigger crowd, but upon noticing it was Ryan, they all just turned and moved on. Of course he'd do something embarrassing and foolish. This was nothing new.
Charity eventually relented, "FINE! I accept your apology! Now stand up!" Ryan bounced to his feet, "So... dinner?" She sighed, "Milord I-" Ryan grabbed her elbow and dragged her inside, "One, I could not give a flying Fuuuu-" Charity eyed Ryan, "-uuudge" She nodded in approval, "What anyone else thinks. Your opinion is the only one that matters to me." She sighed, "You should."
Ryan kicked open the door as he led Charity inside causing it to swing wide, "Really? Maybe you have not truly come to the full realization of exactly what position I am in." Ryan led Charity over to a table and pulled out a chair for her, "Please." Charity sat down and Ryan pushed her chair in before he pulled out another chair and put a foot up on it. He started counting off on his fingers while leaning on his knee, "I was chosen by the gods. I have been trained to be a demon killing machine. I have the backing of the king. The headmaster loves me as long I keep feeding him ground breaking discoveries. I have two mana cores with a combined mana pool the size of my ego. ANNNNNNND..." He spread his hands wide, "I am the last of the red hot clog dancers."
Charity blinked as if she had no idea how to even process that final statement.
Ryan tossed a hand into the air as if throwing something away over his shoulder, "FINE! I lied about that last one!" He hopped off the chair and leaned forward to cup her face in his hands, "If anyone has a problem with you being here, I'll beat them like a baby seal, skin them, and make a coat for you!" He smiled, shrugged, then walked away to go to the serving area, "So what you want anyways?" He called over his shoulder causing the scattering of people still in the dining hall at this hour to glare and comment about his rudeness.
Charity looked around, then slipped out of her chair to catch up to him. She spoke in a subdued tone, "Milord, Please keep your voice down." Ryan rolled his eyes and waved off Charity's worries as he stepped up to the serving area. A well dressed servant stood behind the counter. He stared off into the distance, as if he had checked out quite a while ago and his body was still doing the job without him.
Ryan looked at the food beneath the glass, grabbed two trays, then reached into a pocket. He held out a hand and said, "Hey Buddy! Think fast!" The servant blinked as Ryan flipped a silver coin towards him. He caught it awkwardly then looked at Ryan, boggled, "Uh... sir? The food is paid for with your tuition."
Ryan rolled his eyes, "Ain't no one ever heard about a tip before?" He leaned towards the servant, "Buddy. That's just my way of saying, 'Hey, thanks for putting up with a jerk like me.'" The man looked at the coin, and started to slip it into his pocket when the manager came over, "What is going on here?" He grabbed the servant by the shoulder, "What are you doing charging the-" Ryan held up a hand, "Whoa whoa WHOA! Hold your horses pal!" Ryan held up a finger and motioned for the manager to come closer, "How many people working tonight?" Ryan gestured around, "Staff, I mean."
The manager looked suspicious as he said, "Including me? Six." Ryan reached out and pressed a gold coin into the manager's hand with a wink, "Make sure everyone gets a silver, you keep the change." The manager opened his mouth to protest, but Ryan cut him off, "I want SPECIAL treatment. The kind of special treatment that only comes about because you got paid extra."
The manager eyed Ryan, "And what special treatment is THAT?" Ryan looked mock-offended, "Why... I want my food made with love, of course." The manager looked at Ryan, the coin, then back at Ryan, "Love?" Ryan nodded, "Made with love." He looked at the servant who finished pocketing his silver, "You'll make my food with love, right?"
The servant fingered the silver in his pocket, "Of..." He nodded to himself as he thought more about it, "Of course, Sir!" No longer looking dead inside, the servant put on a happy face. Ryan turned to the manager, "I believe that's five silver for you. IF... you too are going to make sure my food is made with love. Yes?"
The manager seemed to think about it then shrugged, "If you want to... pay for that. I suppose that's fine." Ryan nodded, "Thanks, buddy!" He then jogged a head towards Charity, "I'm gonna get her some food too. Any problem with that?" The manager thought for a second, balanced the gold coin on his thumb and flipped it into the air. He caught it, then looked at Charity, "Not at all. Your guest, is our guest." He smiled and lightly hit the server in the shoulder with the back of his hand, "Go on. With extra love."
The servant laughed, "All the love." The manager turned to leave, paused and looked at Ryan, "Ask for Felix if you have any problems, sir." then walked away. The servant looked at Charity and Ryan, "What would you like?" Ryan replied, "What do you recommend?" The servant was taken aback having never been asked that before, "Well, I suppose I would..."
A short time later Charity and Ryan had returned to their table with food trays full of tasty foods. Some people were glaring at the duo and muttering about broken social taboos, but nobody seemed willing to instigate a direct confrontation. Charity looked more than a little uncomfortable, "Look-" Ryan cut her off, "We are going to eat and have a nice meal and if anyone interrupts us-" Ryan spoke to project his voice so it would carry, "I'm Gonna Have To CUT SOMEBODY." Charity cringed but forced a smile, "Milord, you need to stop being so violent."
Ryan glanced about the room as he replied "It's the only language these barbarians know." He took his napkin and placed it in his lap. Charity gave Ryan a double take, "What Barbarians?"
Ryan gestured around the room with his fork, "It's people like this who sacked Rome and brought about a thousand years of darkness."
"Rome?" Charity looked at Ryan like he was insane, "These people are the children of this kingdom's elite! The cream of the crop! The best of the best!" Ryan started to cut into his pork chop, "And yet they don't know how to make a decent salisbury steak." He stabbed a piece of meat and held it up at eye level, "Have they not heard of breading? The concept of Kentucky Fried? Steak Sauce? Soy Sauce? Worcestershire Sauce? Barbecue Sauce? Bloody HOT Sauce?
Ryan gestured all about, "You got Trees Don't You? How about simple, ordinary Maple Syrup?" He rolled his eyes, "You have honey and brown sugar, at least, but the diversity of dipping condiments is shot." He snapped his fingers, "Coco beans. I need to order coco beans. Like... a metric ton."
"And what, pray tell, is a coco bean?" She held up her hands and waved them, "Forget that. You think the civility of a nation is based on the quality of its food?"
"It is an indicator." He bit down, chewed thoughtful, then continued, "Quality of life is important, but also how many people enjoy that quality of life. I see the food here as a metric by which to measure the success of this society. If this is the best the elite have to offer, then how utterly miserable must the common rabble be?"
He hooked a thumb over his shoulder, "Back in heck? Among the poor we had an obesity epidemic. That's right. The most poor in the land were too fat." Charity squinted with one eye as her head listed to one side, "That makes no sense." Ryan nodded, "Yeah. That's heck for you."
Ryan noticed Charity go pale and look at something past him. He turned around to see a tall, thin student looming in his blind spot. The student had a pencil thin mustache, long, spindly fingers, and a gaunt face framed by hair that resembled blackened, dying sea weed. Ryan jumped, "Holy Keanu Christ! It's Satan's undertaker!" The student blinked and tilted his head to the side, "I'm sorry. You must be confused. I am not Keanu Christ. Do you not remember me? I am Iago Machiavelli."
Ryan stared at Iago, then looked at Charity, "Is this guy serious?" But Charity was already diverting her eyes and trying not to be noticed. She was visibly scared by Iago's presence. Iago ignored Charity and started to address Ryan, "It has been-"
"NOPE."
Iago blinked at being cut off, "Excuse me?"
Ryan put an arm on the back of his chair as he turned around to look at Iago, "Let me explain. Your name is pure evil. I have not heard a more evil name before in my life. If someone introduced themselves as 'Evil-Evil McEvil of the Evilburg McEvils' and told me they were here to attend a convention of Disney Villains as the Keynote speaker at the HOW TO BE EVIL CONVENTION... I would STILL not think they were half as evil as someone named Iago Machiavelli." Ryan raised a single finger, "I do not talk to evil." He pointed to the exit, "Buh-Bye!"
Iago just stared, "I'm sorry but-" Ryan cut him off by shoving a hand in Iago's face, "Talk to the hand, because I'm not listening." Iago looked around the hand, "What are-" Ryan yanked back his hand then thrust an elbow in Iago's face, "Talk to the elbow because not even the HAND is listening to your Bullshit!"
Iago's face started to cloud over, "You clearly do not know who you are talking to." Ryan slammed a hand down on the table as he stood up. Frost began to form and spread out in a growing snowflake-like pattern from his fingertips. To the sound of crackling and crystalizing snow, Ryan locked eyes with Iago, "And you do not know WHAT you are talking to."
Iago did not seem impressed, "Oh... but I do. Think you are special because you have the king's favor?"
Ryan rolled his eyes, "Let me guess! Kings Come and Kings Go but one thing remains the same! And that..." He tapped Iago on the chest, "Is you!" Iago stagger back a step looking at where he was touched, then up at Ryan. He was having a hard time finding his mental footing in this bizarre conversation, "Well, yes."
"Well. I'm nobody's fool." Ryan pointed straight up, "I'm the gods' tool." He pointed at his face, "I murder. I murder very well. I'm not working for the king. I'm helping him out. When my job here is done, I'll go where I'm told and go murder something else."
Iago just quirked an eyebrow as Ryan continued, "I can't be bought off, scared off, or killed off, because I've already died twice and it ain't stuck yet." Iago licked his dry lips and narrowed his eyes as he tried to figure out how to even respond.
Ryan didn't let him.
"Now I suggest you beat it, my evil friend, before the gods tell me to smite your ass." Ryan's face remained impassive, but his eyes widened oh-so-slightly at the word 'smite'. Iago got the feeling he was trying to play chess with someone who just flipped over the table.
Iago looked Ryan up and down, before spinning on his heels to stalk off in a huff, "You'll regret this!" He tossed off as a parting remark. Ryan yelled after him, "If you mean meeting you, I already DO!" Then sat down. He wiped some of the frost off the table. He noticed Charity was just staring at him, "What?" He furrowed his eyebrows, "It was the cursing, wasn't it?"
Charity tilted her head to the side, "Well... yes. You shouldn't curse but... in this case it was okay." Ryan blinked, "Really?" Charity nodded, "I don't know why, but everyone seems to like that guy. Me? He just gives me the creeps." She looked thoughtful as she added, "However... his name isn't that uncommon. Why did you think he sounded evil?" Ryan hooked a thumb over his shoulder, "In heck... there were two really evil people. Iago and Machiavelli. And then I meet someone who's name is both combined? I mean... damn." he looked thoughtful, "Well, maybe Machiavelli was more sinister slash cynical than evil."
Charity put a fist up under her nose as she thought about what Ryan said, "So you have no proof he's evil. It is just his name sounds evil." Ryan looked to where Iago had exited, "And he looks evil. I mean. Holy Hopping Hand Grenades. Could you be more evil looking?"
Charity turned to look in the same direction, "I thought he looked quite normal." Ryan gave Charity a double take, "Seriously? If he wore a sign around his neck saying, 'I like to barbecue and eat babies while their mothers' watch.' He couldn't look more evil."
Charity shrugged, "He gives me a bad feeling, but I do not see what you are talking about. And... You should know, he is not without influence."
Ryan shrugged, "Evil usually isn't."
Charity nodded, "That all said, I am glad you did not talk to him. I think he is a bad influence over the second prince."
Ryan paused, "Didn't you say my family- I mean EX-family was a supporter of the second prince?" Charity nodded. Ryan ran his fingers through his hair, "This is going to come back to haunt me, isn't it?"
Charity shrugged.
Back in heck? Among the poor we had an obesity epidemic. That's right. The most poor in the land were too fat
And I would not say it is a good thing. If anything, that just means that we're eating garbage that wouldn't be fed to slaves in a normal society (with slaves)
However they are still getting sick from eating too much of a certain type of food. The key point is that no one is concerned about there not being any food. The bottom of society being stuck with only bad food is a massive step up from them often dying from lack of food.
@SuperBort - The irony is, if we just stopped government subsidies for the crap food, good food could compete. But whatever has the most calories gets the cash.
@TheEldritchGod It would also solve a number of other issues. The whole issue of large numbers of Mexican migrants going to the USA was partly related to the USA having massive corn subsidies that made it impossible for Mexican corn farmers, which had been one of their core industries, to compete. Generally unnecessary crop subsidies are a core reason why many poorer countries are so poor, and can't feed themselves even if their land is viable for some types of crops. It costs much less to buy food from halfway around the world than to grow it in your own backyard.
Also kind of funny, but until recently the EU spent basically all its budget in agriculture related things, and it is still likely 60+% of its budget. The main reason Norway didn't join is because their farmers were so against the cut to their subsidies.
I’m dropping this story here, the main character is poorly written. You write this as if he’s supposed to be a battle hardened soldier who has been through war and yet I can’t see him as anything other than a loud mouthed child
Understood. Like I said in the synopsis, people either hate or love the story. To each his own. Although, I don't know where you got the battle hardened from. I think I made it clear he was a broken man. The Prozac and multiple suicide attempts are kinda a give away.
I do wish to add, I don't mid you hating the story, but I reject your accusation the MC is poorly written. He is a man who failed to murder a young girl, and because of this, all his friends in his unit under his command and protection were killed. He created widows and orphans in the process. Because he tried to fix that, he ruined his own marriage, and when he was finally ready to try and fix that, his request to have his wife and daughter come visit him resulted in their death. Basically, if he just shot one little girl, his life would have been so much better.
So he killed himself.
Instead of finally achieving peace, he became trapped in a poorly designed Otome game where reality seems to have been written by a hack for the purpose of slapping together a universe to act as a trench in a cosmic war between gods and demons. He was then told to accumulate "good karma" so that he could "maybe" have a chance of setting things right with his wife and kid. On top of that he has to deal with racism because of the body he stole, deal with the fact he is a "noble" in a society when he clearly hates classism, and worry about protecting a bunch of people who hate him and would rather see him dead, or at the very least enjoy torturing him in a hundred petty ways. Let's not forget the fact he has the heart of a demon inside him GNAWING ON HIS MIND that nobody has told him about so he thinks all those random bursts of rage are just his mind going insane. And to put a cherry on top, no matter how hard he tries, he cannot forget ANY OF HIS MISTAKES OR FAILINGS EVER DUE TO THE BLESSING OF THE ALL-FATHER. No amount of alcohol will allow him to bury his pain.
He is even denied the ability to LIE TO HIMSELF as even the slightest reminder will throw all his past mistakes back in his face in an instant as he recalls everything PERFECTLY.
Oh, almost forgot. The Hero Prince Arthur and the Saintess would like to have a mind control slave collar slapped on him and turn him into a puppet. Or dead. They're good either way.
How EXACTLY is he SUPPOSED to act when his life is this shitty? Seriously. I really would like to see your psychological profile of what the CORRECT WAY to write Ryan would be, given the fact that any other person put through as much sh*t as I have put Ryan through would have broken down into tears by now, or said, "f*ck IT" and ran off for the hills in hopes of just avoiding everyone.
The fact he is sarcastic and snaps at people is where you draw the line? The fact that he is rude was just... way too much. THAT was what broke your emersion? Just couldn't suspend the disbelief because he didn't take all this crap with a stiff upper lip and the stoic reserve of a Buckingham Palace Royal Guard?
I suppose the correct way to write him would be to have him curl up in a ball and have him weep silently in a padded room considering how the entire universe seems to be designed to sh*t on him and put him repeatedly in the worst possible no-win scenarios. but please, since you seem to be the expert in these matters, why don't you help me out here.
I mean, I only worked on a suicide prevention hotline, and spent several years as the overnight emergency councilor at a TLS for people getting out of the mental hospital. What do I know about the human condition?
Enlighten me.
How SHOULD I write an MC who is enduring a relentless barrage of 'f*ck You' that would cause Job himself to feel a twinge of sympathy?
makes me wonder if you're reading this or just skimming because it makes it pretty clear that he's Deadpool-like, loudmouthed so no one notices how broken and traumatized he is
@TheEldritchGod The way I would have written him would have been a bit more mature. I can’t see a man as a broken as him acting the way you’ve wrote him. Making comically timed jokes and comments as well as shouting movie references that nobody around him gets. I’ve never seen someone who is actually broken inside act like this. In reality broken people hurt those around them or they completely shut down. I would have written him as more apathetic because the only way I can see a man coming out of his situation sane would be to become completely apathetic to the situations around him. Maybe it stems from my like of quieter and more reserved main characters.
Also when he told that bully his entire life story, that part is most of what made me drop this story. I can’t see anyone who has gone through what he went through telling someone he doesn’t know about his life. It came off as a cheap way to make everyone around the mc pity him, respect him, or fear him.
@TheEldritchGod Also just because you made a characters backstory sad doesn’t mean they are well written. It almost seems like the main character is bipolar with how he is switching up personality’s. And if that’s true and one of the reasons why he’s acting like that, you need to make it a bigger plot point
@Smash - Odd. I dealt with a bunch of guys getting out of the mental hospital. I worked at a Transitional Living Service. Sort of a halfway house for the mentally disturbed. The number of "comedians" who joked CONSTANTLY was quite high. it was usually a sign of a mental breakdown of someone with a great deal of intelligence. A need to constantly distract themselves from the horror they experienced.
Nothing was more disturbing than when they would come to visit me at 3am to talk. The comedians, when they got serious... ugh... those are my nightmare fuel.
But hey, that's just my personal experience. Ryan is based off about five different guys I knew. A little bit of everyone. I have never served in the armed forces, but those armed forces guys... whew. Man. Long periods of boredom punctuated by moment of sheer terror. Those guys had a joke for everything. So super cheerful about horror. I think it's a matter of intelligence. The smarter you are, the more likely you are to hide your pain with comedic deflection.
If they drank or did drugs or took any course of action to self-medicate, they didn't joke. Those guys? Depressing as f*ck. The guys who didn't take drugs or alcohol, but something BROKE THEM? Ugh. I mean... The guy who was the paramedic who had to treat the raped 2 year old who eventually killed herself? Just... FUNNY GUY. I mean it. Super funny. He snapped. Drank himself into the MH, then quit and got sober. But when he came by to talk... just... I still get nightmares. I still sometimes wake up screaming about the sh*t he told me.
He's not the only one, but he's the one that stuck with me. I don't do that anymore. Can't. I deal with clients who can't talk now. Much simpler. But here's the thing... I joke a lot. It took a long time to figure it out, but I have seen some sh*t and I never deal with it. I got a joke for everything.
How's it going?
Every day is a holiday, every night is the fourth of july and this is the best of all possible worlds, because life is a miraculous thing. (Then I stage whisper: My life is a lie) or (and if I say it enough times, I might believe it.)
And I'm great at my delivery. I can always get a chuckle out of someone.
I guess I can write Ryan this way, because he's an amalgamation of the suffering of about five men, plus I myself deal with pain in the same manner. Fake it til you make it. Just keep smiling. Just keep getting back up. Laugh it off. I didn't go through the same level of hell as the clients, but I got their stories. Ya ask to share the burden, you forget sometimes you can't get rid of that sh*t either.
Ah well. Just rambling now.
My point is, I don't think he's poorly written. I think he's a tribute to a whole lot of broken guys I knew. Unlike some of them, he'll bounce back, eventually.
@TheEldritchGod I never said people don’t use comedy to hide pain, I have seen it as I have several members of my family who have served. I just don’t think it’s to the extent you’re Writing. There are also just a lot of moments in your story that made me tempted to drop it, the main example I pointed out was when he told that bully his life story, I already said why I didn’t like that part in my last comment so I won’t write it again. There are a lot of scenes where it feels like you use cheap and overused clichés and story telling tactics to make the people around the mc fear him. Like he said he was going to be dark and broody when he gets to the school and then he is all “smiles” giving an apple to the teacher. It just doesn’t match. Another part was when he was a complete d*ck to the transfer student, expand on that. It kinda feels like you just brushed it under the rug.
In my opinion the mc has not had any moments that are actually meaningful. We just had a guy with a sad story shoved in our faces and we were told to feel bad for him.
@TheEldritchGod First of all, you're an articulate writer. That alone elevates the story above many others found on here, or similar sites. Personally I see your work ranging rather in the field of professionalism, as opposed to precocious, but ultimately unrefined exercises by others. It does feel like you have a map of the story you want to paint in mind, and there's an overarching structure to the chapters. Long story short, you knocked up enough of a glamor of competence -- to me -- to judge you as if you were a competent writer.
I like the story. I'll continue reading it. As far as I'm concerned anything I don't find fault in, is done flawlessly.
Now to the critique at hand, I think they have a point.
You interpreted loud-mouthedness as meaning rudeness, perhaps in the sense of not adhering to mannerism?
My first interpretation of the comment was to read it in the context of childishness, immaturity.
Now, not every 38 yo and over I've met in my life was remarkably mature compared to the average tween, but your MC comes off as overly youthful. Mostly in the way how he interacts with the teenagers. A 38 yo person socially interacting with teenagers like that, that is in fact off.
You claim that incongruity is on account of trauma, but it honestly just doesn't feel that way -- to me. It just feels like an adult who never really matured and treats kids the same as other adults, because they are in fact not overly conscious of the difference in developement.
The context matters alot in the perception, I think. When the MC reacts the same way with other (more mature) it doesn't feel off to me. And you capture the youthfulness of the students well enough.
I think -- I do get, hopefully -- that you're striving for a certain humoristic undertone, but a notion of immaturity is the necessary outcome in the context of the MC being inconsiderate when dealing with teenagers.
As I said, it doesn't bother me much, but I think you objectively rejected the criticism a bit too strongly instead of focusing on the points worth listening to.
And as to your classism allusion, a character unquestioningly oppressing their world view on everyone else, is a pretty textbook characterization of childishness. I'm not saying that's bad, in a way it's interesting to have a character with a stubborn sense of righteousness in that regard.
In my personal view the MC isn't overly self-conscious how extremist his own moral views and application of morals are in the environment that he lives in. And that lack of introspection, tbh, does seem a bit immature too.
You deal with a lot of hyperboles, both in the characters you created and how you set up expectations (love it or hate, was it?) and I think -- though I don't know nothing, I could never write a story as great as yours -- a bit more moderation would make your writing style even better.
For example, put more edges on the 'good' protagonists, show the reader that you are capable of nuanced characters.
An advisor that protects his son and favors nepotism, yet also is loyal to the country? Maybe give some of his bullies a genuine growth arch, give the MC a fiew outlooks where his not as fervent in his convictions.
I can't put it in words, I don't have your talent, but it feels like there are too many straight lines and not enough entanglements in terms of character in your story.
TL:DR Thanks so much for your great story! Your MC is some regards a bit of a manchild though. Don't agree on the poorly written part, I feel like the characterization is intentional. But more depth would be better, I think.
All the best to you
@yongomongo lots of edits. I know NOTHING ofc, not I don't know nothing lol), also I didn't even see there were further exchanges between the two of you. (commenting on c33).
Funnily the discussion went in a similar direction I had in mind.
I don't agree with the critique of the MC being overly clownish, I take it as a stylistic expression.
But if you consider us readers to be intelligent, you also have to acknowledge that a lack of situational awareness (while making the story funnier at times) also conjures the image of immaturity depending on context.
I can't speak for the other person, but it's strongly dependent on balance, as I see it. And you haven't perfected your balance yet, imho.
Anyway. Out of all the things I think you could do (even) better, characterization is the first thing that comes to mind.
There are plenty of deeply cynical, mature, yet relatable people and characters out there. I'm sure with a bit of tweaking your MC could be one, right now he personally doesn't feel like a real person.
You showcased with other characters that you can write believable characters though, so it's not a lack of skill.
@yongomongo - it is a bit of a spoiler so if you have not read to chapter 96 I want to say 96.
You know what? I'll put my reply in that chapter. That way I know you read it first. Please let me know if after reading that chapter if Ryan's actions here take on a different light.
@TheEldritchGod That’s another thing that could be improved in this story. In my opinion a story should not have to be read twice to fully understand it. Sure you can put some things in there that will make readers go “oh that’s why” when reading again, but when people critique the story and your response is “you haven’t read far enough to understand” it becomes annoying. It’s not a good writing strategy, hook readers at the begging instead of 96 chapters in
@Smash - You don't get it.
When you read a story a first time, you are discovering the answer to 'the question'. What is the question? Whatever they promised to answer when you started reading. But once you know the answer why would you EVER READ ThAT STORY AGAIN?
The Answer must change the story. It must make everything that happened before become NEW. It must change the context of the story. So now, when you read it again, you are not reading to learn the answer, you are reading to see everything you missed.
Oh My God, every time the author said his chin was smooth, what that meant was...
She said, "X" and at the time I thought she meant "Y", but now that I know the ending, she was actually PROTECTING HIM because what she meant was "Z".
Wait, SHE WAS THE ASSASSIN ALL ALONG? Now, in that context, everything she did up until that point that seemed so sweet is now so sinister!
You don't have to read the story twice to understand it. You have to read it twice to catch all the things you missed and understand WHY they did what they did.
Dear God, how BORING a story would be if the reader knew everything AS IT HAPPENED.
No. It is clear we will just have to agree to disagree.
There is no perfect story, just perfect stories.
EDIT: Ah. Allow me to explain. You are used to getting 500 piece puzzles with a picture that has many bright colors and distinctive shapes. The picture is chosen for the ease it is to reassemble, not for its beauty.This is a 500,000 piece puzzle and the colors blend together while being large sweeping shapes that form a beautiful vista. I don't care how easy it is to put back together, the final product is AMAZING.