Lilith And Queen Igraine stood next to one another, both facing in the same direction, yet talking to one another.

 

They obscured their conversation by covering their mouths with their fans and angling them to make sure to deflect their words to one another. They barely moved their lips, instead forever smiling and looking slightly amused, regardless of their actual emotions or reactions. They both could have been expert ventriloquists by how well they managed to speak without betraying to anyone watching that they were even speaking at all.

 

"He certainly cleans up well. Was this your doing?"

"No. I don't understand, to be honest. He clearly can put forth the effort, but for some reason rarely finds the motivation. I sometimes wonder if he has some sort of mental illness."

"I have met people like that. Shifting from depression to a manic state and back again, but no, that's not him. He is insane, of course, but not the way you think. This is what makes him so dangerous."

"I actually thought he was dangerous well, but the truth is he is very easy to control. I think we've both been over thinking him. If you want him to do something for you, you need only ask. A few kind words and he'll be happy to help."

"That might have been the case a long time ago, but he no longer loves you."

"He loved me? I never noticed. Still, as long as he is so eager to please-"

"He isn't."

"Well, we may have to agree to disagree."

"Do you see him over there? The way those four young nobles have cornered him. He made a mistake. When he wrote that song he created it to insult everyone here. He intended to be offensive. However, he didn't know the nation's current situation. We are on the verge of war with Eirin."

"I heard the rumor. There is validity to it? It struck me as... self-serving."

"You heard the rumor I released to make people disbelieve the real rumors of war. Regardless, nobles from every house is scared. They fear they will soon have to fight for their very lives. There are many second and third sons here, the very ones who will be the first to be sent to serve the crown. As for the young ladies in attendance, if they cannot secure their positions in their house's hierarchy, or find a man to be betrothed to, they will be sent to the front lines as mana support in the name of their house's honor. All so their parents will not have to sacrifice their more valuable children in the name of obligation and war tithes."

"The last war ended poorly for all concerned. I can understand why they wouldn't want to risk their lives. We captured no land and no one came home a hero. It will be hard to sell another war with Eirin when there is so little to gain."

"As if we will have a choice in the matter. My point is, they are afraid, but not allowed to say it. Reed's song was designed to mock everyone here by saying they are the Ministry. He didn't realize they would think of themselves as the infant in infantry. Far too young to be sent to war, yet powerless to stop it."

"Ah, so you are saying he gave voice to their fears and they wish to thank him for it? Understandable."

"But look at how he squirms under their complements. He is physically pained by their thanks."

"It isn't false humility. I have learned he is honestly humble."

"No. He is not. Have you learned to read lips?"

"I have worked on it, but I am not as skilled as you."

"He just insulted himself. A short joke I believe. Everyone laughed. He is always tearing himself down."

"His sense of humor is very strange."

"His sense of self is shattered."

"I'm sorry?"

"He hates himself. He has done something unforgivable. He sees himself as irrevocably tainted. He cannot be redeemed. And yet, he still has some hope. I suspect that is the deal the gods made him. He works for the All-father because the gods dangle redemption before him. This is why he is not humble. He is loud and proud of being such a terrible, wretched, unlovable thing. He wishes to be hated, for he hates himself. He recoils from praise. Being thanked runs contrary to how he views himself. That is not humility, but self-inflicted humiliation."

"I... don't see him that way."

"Which is why I am explaining this to you. His self-hatred is why he is so dangerous. When it comes right down to it,  there is no crime he cannot commit, there is no sin he cannot eat. In his mind, there is no act of evil that can taint his soul any worse than he already is. He simply has nothing to lose. He has no fear of death. He has no fear of society. There is only one carrot that guides him and he will do anything for the one who has it."

"You are implying I do not have such a reward."

"You both simply have concurrent goals at the moment. Beware. He will bite you before the end comes."

"I have contingencies."

"If he was rational, they might work. He doesn't think like us. He doesn't feel like us. He doesn't have values like us. He is insane and you cannot control madness."

"You can direct it."

"Only by becoming as mad as the madman."

"Do you know what I see?"

"Illuminate me."

"I see a scared little boy. I see someone who is bitter and angry and desperately wants the approval of everyone around him, but is too angry to accept it. He wants to make everyone pay. He wants them to know how much they hurt him, and then feel sorry for what they did. He wants them to beg for forgiveness. He wants to hurt them and forgive them at the same time. He is full of contradictions. He doesn't even know what he wants. He just knows the pain won't stop."

"Is that so?"

"Yes. He's not deep. He's not dangerous. He just wants to hurt everyone around him while being loved by everyone at the same time. He wants the impossible, but doesn't know how to let go. It only takes a few crumbs to get him to follow a trail. Everyone is just too scared of him to try the obvious."

"Perhaps."

 

The lull in the party was passing and people were approaching the pair once more. The momentary eye of the storm had passed, and as such so too had the window for them to have a private exchange. Lilith dropped her fan and smiled at the Queen. Bowing her head, Lilith headed off into the crowd.

 

The queen's face was as an impenetrable mask as ever.

 

---

 

Ryan had departed the stage and stumbled into the crowd.

 

He was totally unprepared to be so well received. He was used to being mocked or looked down upon. Many a guest was quite friendly. More than a few seemed to wish to pin him down for an extended conversation. At first he just thought it was the usual crowd of suck-ups whom he had no respect for.

 

It was the sincerity of the people that took him off guard. They seemed to genuinely want to know about how he did that that concert. They were impressed by his skill and stamina. Nobody else could have maintained that complete a manifestation for that long a time. Were those all original compositions? How did he get so talented? What was that amplification box? It was at this point Ryan discovered the existence of something he never considered could even exist.

 

He had fans.

 

Ryan had worked hard to be unlikable. He worked hard to avoid publicity or praise. He accepted thanks from those he helped while brushing aside adulations. He knew he was getting quite the following among the commoners, but that couldn't be helped. Besides, he asked them to respect his privacy and they did. Commoner fans were easy to deal with. Ryan was discovering that noble fans were not. Yes, being popular among the nobility might make his work easier, but it also carried with it the burden of expectation.

 

Ryan didn't trust the nobles.

 

He believed in meritocracy. Everyone was created equal and had equal opportunity to improve. That wasn't the case, but that was the goal. the very concept of Nobility and Commoners flew in the face of that. In his mind, every noble was born wrong and that was that. When a noble was nice to him, it was because they were greedy, manipulative bastards who would betray him at a moments notice.

 

So why the hell were these people so likable?

 

The majority of the party goers didn't look down on him. They treated him as 'one of them'. It was disconcerting because he didn't think himself as 'one of them'. The very thought turned his stomach into knots. Ironically, being treated as inferior made him feel superior. As he joked with the other guests, as he found himself interested in what they had to say. He occasionally found himself forgetting how much he loathed them.

 

He kept finding himself biting back his words. He had so many barbs planned. He intended so many different ways to mock them. There were so many things he wanted to bring up from his old world to show how inferior they were. He would find the perfect point to let loose with a zinger, or a jest, or a left handed comment, and then...

 

Nothing.

 

He couldn't work himself up to do it. His world view of how terrible every noble was had been shattered. He made the fatal flaw of talking with the enemy. He learned they had hopes, and dreams, and feelings, and fears, and that they were human. The monsters he was hoping to have fun making squirm weren't here. Instead there was just the usual group of people who stumbled about through life, just trying to survive while hoping to find someone else who would accept them for who they were.

 

He found himself taking over for the bartender at the wet bar and putting on a bit of a show. Between a little water magic and his extensive knowledge of booze from his previous life, he managed to become quite the hit as he prepared many a unique and tasty drinks, both alcoholic and mundane. He rather enjoyed himself, not that he wanted to admit it. As the afternoon dragged on, he eventually found himself talking to Lilith. When she moved to approach him, people seemed to instinctively understand she wanted a private conversation and so they wandered off to leave the two to converse alone.