*POV-???* Around the same time that Lily was getting cursed.
“Your Majesty, we felt the resurrection of the Devil, what should we do?”
“Contact the church, they are more knowledgeable about this kind of stuff.”
“Understood.” The dark person said and disappeared from the room.
The person who was called His Majesty sighed.
“What happened? I may not be able to help with formal duties but I am still here to listen, you know.” A woman sat up from the bed and spoke.
“Oh, nothing much, it’s just that they felt the Devil resurrect herself. If possible, I hope she will be reasonable, because of the great war fifty years ago no one has recovered enough to fight her.”
“Yes, The Great War sure was terrible, no one is ready to go for another one yet, the damage sustained from it is not so easily repaired. Even then we somehow held onto our position because the people love us.” The woman spoke again.
“Yes, that’s why I said to contact the church.”
“Who would have thought that because we changed back into a monarchy, we would be this successful in holding our land. Honestly, it’s a miracle.”
“Yeah, remember when we made the decision to revert back into a monarchy and people actually liked the idea, and now here we are as king and queen. It sounds a bit weird, but wonderful.” The woman said.
“Although with that said, I hope that being a prince and a princess doesn’t get to their heads.” The woman said with a worry in her voice.
“Remember when after our announcement to revert back into a monarchy, other countries followed in our footstep and became monarchies as well. Except for the great alliance of Humans who go against other race individuals, honestly if not for their firepower they would be long gone.”
“Yes, that’s the rule of this world. Either the strong or the smart rule others. Except for the Alliance which is our great neighbor, all of them are fools.”
“That’s enough, go to sleep, I have a meeting with the church to attend.”
“Yes, yes.”
*POV-Lily 2.0* (I couldn’t think of anything better, okay?)
(Also, this is a different character that only shares the same name as our MC, hence the name Lily 2.0)
“Father where are we going?” I asked, even if I’m adopted, he's still the one who took me in.
“We are going to the church, we have a meeting to attend there 2.0” He said.
“Father! I have a name which is Lily! Why do you call me 2.0 anyways?” I asked again.
“Because before you, I had another daughter. Her name was Liliana, just like yours but longer, I tried to make her strong like you, but she attacked me and ran away after taking my both legs and my left hand.” He told me.
“Wait, I have an older sister who was with you before?” I asked more about her.
“Yes, she was before you, and then ran away after attacking me. Anyways, we have a meeting to attend.” He said, not reminiscing about the past.
I was getting angrier by the second.
‘She attacked father Amentis and then ran away! I will make her pay for this!’ I was practically fuming by now.
As we finally arrived at the meeting place I stood at the side of my father.
“Finally, all of us are here, let us start, Your Majesty if you would.”
“Okay, today one of my personal vision bearers saw that the Devil has resurrected.”
Father Amentis immediately shot up. (He didn’t stand up because he has no legs.)
“Wait, maybe he saw a glimpse of how the Devil looked?” he asked.
“Yes, he told me that he saw a vision. She was tall, had black wings and white hair, more to the blonde side. He couldn’t make out anything else in the brief vision he got." He said.
“So she lived.” Father mumbled.
“Who lived?” the king asked.
“My real daughter, the one you told me to make the strongest. It seems that she lived, and now became both a Devil and a vampire… I suggest that we send out 2.0 here and a squad of the most elite to intercept her and bring her back.” He said.
“Why do you say that we need to get our strongest for her alone?” the king and the others asked.
“Because I know how strong she is firsthand, you shouldn’t underestimate her, because I trained her, don’t forget.”
“Okay then, Lily and the strongest squad of the church’s elites will go intercept the Devil at Lebruta, that’s it.” The king said.
“So she’s at Lebruta huh…”
“Father how strong is she?” I asked him.
“She is a lot stronger than the church’s elite squad, but that’s where you come in, you are the only one who can beat her with the squad. Remember that.” He told me.
“Okay father.” I answered.
Just like that the next day came and we had to move out towards Lebruta.
Almost immediately after arriving at Lebruta, we felt the Devil in the forest south of the city. We immediately told the city to evacuate and we went on the southern path towards the forest.
We saw her walking out of the forest, her wings seemed to have these dark purple veins that were beating like a heart, and she looks really scary. Just as described.
‘Is she really my older sister? She looks more like a person who has suffered, than angry.’ I thought.
“Stop demon! You are not to enter the city!” One of the squad members shouted.
“Wait? Isn’t this a city which lets demons enter?” the Devil answered. Her voice sounded really dangerous.
“No matter your argument, you can only die!” they shouted and went for her without my signal.
I have the urge to f*cking murder any mother f*cking living thing I see now. Atleast Lily 2.0 isn't a dumbass, or else I would have f*cking snapped.
Your English is...a bit better compared to the previous one.
Kinda not in the mood rn...hm....
no need to report the mistakes right now, you can do it if u want it, not because I can't type for shit
/ means it's up to you which you want to use.
"Your majesty, we felt the resurrection of the Devil, what should we do?"
Your Majesty,
Majesty should be capitalized, it's a title.
The person who was called the majesty sighed.
The person who was called His Majesty sighed.
"Yes, the great war sure was terrible, no one is ready to go for another one yet, the damage sustained is not so easily repairable, even then we somehow held onto our position because the people love us." The woman spoke again.
"Yes, The Great War sure was terrible, no one is ready to fight another one yet, the damage sustained from it is not so easily repaired. Even then, we somehow held onto our position because the people love us." The woman spoke again.
"Who would have thought that because we changed back into monarchy, we would be this successful in holding our own land. Honestly it's a miracle."
"Who would have thought that because we changed back into a monarchy, we would be this successful in holding our land. Honestly, it's a miracle."
"Yeah, remember when we made the decision to reverse back into monarchy and people actually liked the idea, and now here we are king and queen. It sounds kind of fun." The woman said.
"Yeah, remember when we made the decision to revert back into a monarchy and people actually liked the idea, and now here we are as king and queen. It sounds kind of fun." The woman said.
Note: 'It sounds kind of fun.' sounds out of place to me but ok. Maybe it's just bad wording. Actually, it probably is.
"Although with that said I hope that being a prince and a princess doesn't go to their minds." The woman said with a worry in her voice.
"Although with that said, I hope that being a prince and princess doesn't get to their minds/heads." The woman said with worry in her voice.
Note: if king, queen, prince and princess are used directly before a name, they should be capitalized.
"Remember when after our announcement that we are going back to monarchy, other countries followed our example and became like us. Except for the great alliance of Humans who go against other race individuals, honestly if not for their firepower they would be long gone."
"Remember when after our announcement to revert back to a monarchy, other countries followed in our footsteps and became monarchies as well/too.
"Yes, that's the rule of this world either the strong or smart rule others. Except for the alliance which is our great neighbor, all of them are fools."
"Yes, that's the rule of this world. Either the strong or the smart rule others. Except for The Alliance which is our great neighbor, all of them are fools."
Note: If "the alliance" isn't a title, then it doesn't need to be capitalized.
"Father where are we going?" I asked, even if I'm adopted, he still is the one who took me in.
"Father where are we going?" I asked, even if I'm adopted, he's/he is still the one who took me in.
"We are going to the church we have a meeting there 2.0" he said.
"We are going to the church, we have a meeting to attend there 2.0" he said.
"Father! I have a name which is Lily! Why do you call me 2.0 anyways?" I asked again.
"Father! I have a name which is Lily! Why do you call me 2.0 anyways/regardless?" I asked again.
"Because before you I had another daughter, her name was Liliana just like yours but longer, I tried to make her strong like you, but she attacked me and ran away after taking my both legs and left hand." He told her.
Because before you, I had another daughter. Her name was Liliana, just like yours but longer, I tried to make her strong like you, but she attacked me and ran away after taking both of my legs and my left hand." He told me.
Note: Since it's Lily 2.0's POV, it should be first person, not 3rd.
"Yes, she was before you and then ran away after attacking me. Anyways we have to go to the meeting." He said not reminiscing about the past.
"Yes, she was the one before you, and ran away after attacking me. Anyways, we have to go to the meeting/we have a meeting to attend." He said, not reminiscing about the past.
"Finally, all of us are here, let us start, your majesty if you would."
"Finally, all of us are here, let us start, Your Majesty, if you would."
"Yes, he told me that he got a vision, she was tall, had black wings and white hair, more to the blonde side, and he couldn't make anything else in the small vision that he got.' He said.
"Yes, he told me that he got/saw a vision. She was tall, had black wings and white hair, more to the blonde side. He couldn't make out anything else in the small/brief vision he got." He said.
Note: Why is the (") at the end a (') ? Also was the vision actually small or was it short? If it was actually small then use small If it was short, use brief.
"So, she lived." Father mumbled.
"So she lived." Father mumbled.
"My real daughter, the one you told me to make the strongest. Seems that after running away she lived, and now became a Devil and a vampire… I suggest that I send out 2.0 here and a squad of the most elites to intercept her and bring her back." He said.
"My real daughter, the one you told me to make the strongest. It seems that she lived after running away, and now became both a Devil and a Vampire... I suggest that we send out 2.0 here and a squad of the most elite to intercept her and bring her back." He said.
"So, she's at Lebruta huh…"
"So she's at Lebruta huh..."
Nick pick: What kind of name is Lebruta? Yes, I'm judging.
After arriving we almost instantly felt the Devil in the forest south of Lebruta, we immediately told the city to evacuate and we went the south path towards the forest.
Almost immediately after arriving at Lebruta, we felt the Devil in the forest south of the city. We immediately told the city to evacuate and went on the southern path towards the forest.
Note: I had a stroke trying to understand this. Did I get it right?
We saw her walking out of the forest, her wings seemed to have these dark purple veins that were beating like a heart and she was looking really scary. Just like she was described.
We saw her walking out of the forest, her wings seemed to have these dark purple veins that were beating like a heart, and she looks really scary. Just like/as she was described.
I had a few strokes doing this. Your English is fine but your wording is absolute shit.
The POVs were good
@green_ink Did it anyway, I would probably forget in the morning.
@Ambly Honestly, same stuff.
@green_ink Btw, if this "Great War" actually has any relevance to the story (ex: some events in the future), then you'll probably need to write how it went down and what happened or what not regarding it. Otherwise it will become a plot hole.
Forgot to mention this earlier so... Goodluck lmao.
@Ambly I knew what I was getting myself into, will figure it out somehow.
@Ambly Replying after update, the name for Lebruta was just a random thing that popped up into my head, after some corrections I had Lebruta.
@green_ink Oh ok.